


Not Nineteen Forever

by Ortega



Series: Not Nineteen Forever [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, Lesbian AU, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, group chats, look at me correctly using tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 129,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ortega/pseuds/Ortega
Summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Monét X Change/Nina West, Scarlet Envy/Yvie Oddly
Series: Not Nineteen Forever [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075178
Comments: 124
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tws for this chapter: mentions of alcohol, drug use, and vomit.  
> this fic is rated teen and up however the girls in this fic are in no way intended to be role models. please do not let this fic influence your real life choices. thank u!

Brooke wished her friends were the type of girls who all got up early, went for a run and then grabbed a granola-and-pastries brunch in a cute, kitchy cafe somewhere before their tutorials.

Instead, she found herself woken at 11am with a pounding headache, nausea swirling through her stomach, and a piercing buzz from her flat’s intercom system ringing through the hallways. Groaning, she lay back and squeezed her eyes shut, hoping and praying that one of the other girls would answer. To her anguish, the noise came again.

“Fuck,” she sighed, the sheer action of rolling over in bed making her want to throw up as she grabbed her dressing gown, trudged to her door and then into the hallway the size of a shoebox to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Delivery,” came the crackly voice on the other end of the phone. Brooke frowned.

“We didn’t order a-”

“Yes we did,” a voice hissed, as the loud click of a fire door echoed through the hallway and a guilty-looking face with last night’s makeup smudged all over it peered round the door.

Brooke’s speech caught in her throat. Shaking her head, she spoke again. “Yeah, send it up.”

Rolling her eyes as her flatmate slunk out of her room, Brooke fixed her with a stare. “Yvie, I’m going to fucking drown you in your large Fanta, you know that, right?”

“Ugh, what a beautiful way to die,” the other girl drawled, her vocal fry even more pronounced than usual as her dry, cracked vocal cords suffered under the effects of way too much alcohol (and what could have been a hit of the bong when they got home- Brooke couldn’t remember). Yvie was draped in a hoodie that was two sizes too big for her but still didn’t cover the fact that she’d neglected to put on any pyjama pants and was about to answer the door to the UberEats driver in her underwear. Shaking her head, Brooke pushed open the door to the kitchen and was immediately hit with a backdraught of eldritch fumes- the combination of her wine, Yvie’s rum and Nina’s gin from last night’s predrinks knocked her for six and immediately had her running to the bathroom and wrenching the lid of the toilet bowl open. As she fell to the ground and immediately started spewing up inexplicably orange foam, she could hear the delivery driver arriving and Yvie taking her food. Trying to control the nausea, Brooke took a deep, shuddery, fragile breath in through her nose.

“That is grim,” came Yvie’s voice from the doorframe. “Are you suffering, boo?”

Brooke narrowed her eyes, but didn’t turn round from her position on the floor. “No, not at all! I’m fresh as a fucking daisy, bitch! Ready for round two! Get pouring the Sauvignon-”

Unfortunately, she cut herself off with another round of bile that shot itself out of her mouth. Brooke could tell Yvie was rolling her eyes and she hadn’t even turned around.

“I bought two twenty nug boxes, but I won’t eat them all. I’ll be on the sofa with them when you’re ready.”

Brooke gasped and shuddered, wiping her mouth, standing up shakily and finally flushing all the evidence of her rough night of drinking away. She tottered to the sink and looked at herself in the mirror, horrified by the mess of a reflection staring back at her. She’d managed to get herself into her pyjamas when she’d got home but had piled all of her hair on top of her head like a blonde birds’ nest and secured it haphazardly with a single hairtie, making it stick out from all different angles. She’d got most of her makeup off but a good amount of her eyeliner and shadow still remained, and the dark pink liquid lipstick she’d been wearing had left a ring of colour around the outside of her lips. She frowned as she lifted one arm and saw a set of three scratches, like fingernails, going from her elbow down to her wrist. Brooke had less than zero recollection of how they’d got there.

Reaching for her toothbrush, she squeezed entirely too much toothpaste onto the head, ran it under the tap, then scrubbed harshly at her teeth like she was scrubbing barnacles off a big rock. There weren’t many positives to a hangover, but the feeling of brushing her teeth the morning after a night out was like heaven to Brooke. It got rid of a multitude of sins and left her one step closer to feeling like an actual human again.

Finally ready for social interaction, she went back into their kitchen-slash-living room, the stench of the alcohol not making her want to completely die this time around. There, she found Yvie curled up on the green couch under the not-quite-clean, not-quite-dirty blanket that had been there when they’d moved in and hadn’t been washed since. She was watching something that she’d stuck on TV and was munching at a cheeseburger with a grim determination. Brooke threw herself down onto the battered old armchair beside her and peered into the cavernous McDonalds’ bag.

“Nugs?”

Yvie reached into another bag beside her and produced a rectangular box. “Nugs.” 

As Brooke took the box from her and ripped it open, Yvie pulled a doe-eyed face and simpered. “Maybe nugs will be our always.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brooke laughed through a mouthful of chicken nugget. She cast a glance to the wall behind them and frowned. “Is Nina alive?”

Yvie shrugged. “Doubt it.”

Panic rose up in Brooke’s body, which Yvie clearly sensed. “Bitch. She got home fine, don’t worry. She got an Uber with me and Scarlet. I’m literally amazed she was still standing. She was drinking gin here, then had some of Akeria’s wine when we got to theirs and then she was drinking God knows what else in the club. Beer, vodka, I’m sure I saw her with tequila at some point. Always the quiet ones.”

“Nina, quiet?” Brooke laughed, Yvie joining in loudly. Brooke cast her flatmate a sideways glance. “So you and Scarlet took Nina back?”

Yvie kept her eyes trained firmly on the TV screen. “Yeah, well we ordered the Uber to here and dropped Scarlet off on the way. Just to make sure she got home safe.”

Brooke nodded noncommittally and watched with interest as Yvie continued to look at the screen, then lifted her phone from the arm of the sofa and checked the group chat. Brooke decided to say nothing. “What are we watching?”

“Coronation Street,” Yvie deadpanned, Brooke groaning as the other girl howled another laugh.

“Turn it off, Yvie, I’m serious. My brain can’t take much more. Why are you literally fuckin’ 40 years old?”

As Yvie continued to laugh, Brooke’s phone pinged loudly.

_Kim Kardashian-West: Is anyone alive????????????????_

Brooke snorted. Yvie was typing quickly, her long nails tapping against the screen.

_Dave the Laugh: we’re next door come thru_

Mere seconds later, there was a noise from out in the hallway, the bang of a fire door, and then the shuffling appearance of a hungover flatmate wrapped in her duvet and looking entirely too much like the Caterpillar from A Bug’s Life.

“Helloo,” Nina said quietly, in a voice that was eerily similar to Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire.

“When did you wake up? I had to answer the door for Yvie’s fucking McDonalds order,” Brooke frowned affectionately, then handed the box of nuggets to her other flatmate who had sank down on the sofa beside Yvie and had stretched her legs out over her lap.

“Nah, I woke up then too. I was just hoping someone else would get the door before me,” she shrugged, one hand reaching for a chicken nugget and the other hand pushing back her huge mane of wild blonde hair, her dark roots sticking up and suffering from serious bedhead.

Yvie pouted. “Ninaaa, you’re meant to be the responsible one.”

Nina snorted, sat up straight, folded her arms, and did her best Hell’s Kitchen contestant impersonation that Brooke and Yvie always loved. “Yeah, but I’m not no bitch!”

As the girls laughed, Brooke had to wonder how they got there- three friends, once all nervous, eager, bright-eyed first years now fully evolved into hardened, exhausted third years (or, as Yvie sometimes described them, war vets). Nothing much had changed in that time, she supposed. They still all lived together, except now they had moved into a flat instead of the student halls they’d all lived in back in first year- Brooke in the room opposite Nina, and Yvie in the block beside theirs. Miraculously, none of them had dropped out of their degrees and they were still all studying the same things. Nina had been glad of a night out as a break from her relentless teaching placement in a nearby primary school, Yvie was keen to celebrate a good mark on her criminology hand-in that she’d had back, and Brooke was just happy for a night out with her friends as her portfolio wasn’t due for another month. She was still in denial about how little time that actually was to get three prototypes ready, so she’d been glad of a break. Torn out of her own thoughts, Brooke’s phone went off again.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: I GOT A BOY FROM THE RUGBY TEAM IN MY BED HE WON’T LEAVE_

“Of course you do,” came Yvie’s unimpressed voice from the sofa. Brooke raised an eyebrow as Nina frowned and thumped Yvie with a couch cushion. The other girl flinched in surprise. “Ow! Bitch!”

“Play nice,” Nina scowled at her, judging.

“Do you use that as a behaviour management technique?” Brooke quipped dryly. Nina scrunched up her face and waved a hand dismissively.

“No. It’s Year 6 I teach, remember? I just hack their bodies to bits with a chainsaw I keep in the desk drawer,” she said sarcastically, Yvie barking out a laugh. Nina continued. “The class teacher’s very supportive.”

_Plastique Bague: He is definitely not in the rugby team_

_Plastique Bague: He definitely said that so you would sleep with him_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: I MEAN_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: she was gonna sleep with him either way let’s not lie!!!!!_

Brooke’s heart gave a small leap. Okay. Vanessa was up. She was on the chat. This was fine. Was it fine? Had Brooke said some horrendous, embarrassing thing to her last night that she shouldn’t have and she just couldn’t remember? No- it was fine. If she had, Nina or Yvie would have told her. Except, of course, if they couldn’t remember. Looking at the two girls deeply engrossed in the world of social media, she decided to find out. Tactfully of course.

“So…” Brooke began, Yvie’s head snapping up with intrigue. “Anyone do anything embarrassing last night?”

“That rugby player?” she said innocently, howling in pain as Nina’s ankle jolted up and kicked her thigh. “Ow, Jesus, Nina!”

“Aw, come on, give her that, Nina. Silk’s always doing cringey shit on a night out,” Brooke pouted sympathetically. She did love her friend, but the memory of Silky breaking her middle toe while trying to do a death drop in the middle of Levels still haunted her.

“I don’t think so. Everyone was pretty tame. At least, I think it was tame. I’m going to be blatantly honest- I can’t remember,” Nina continued, shrugging lightly.

“I think Vanjie went home with somebody,” Yvie said nonchalantly, her thumb flicking at her screen.

Brooke’s heart froze over in the space of a second. “Really?”

“No, I’m fucking with you,” Yvie chuckled an evil laugh, causing Brooke to break out in a scarlet blush and deflate with relief like a very red balloon.

Nina burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was mean. But it was funny. Funny sometimes outweighs mean.”

“I’m not speaking to either of you for the rest of my life,” Brooke sighed, wishing she could stop blushing.

“Bitch, you’d barely last a minute,” Yvie laughed, pouting as she looked at Brooke’s face. “Aww, don’t be embarrassed! It’s cute!”

“No, it’s idiotic. I’m behaving like a fucking teenager, it’s ridiculous.”

“Do you think you’ll tell her before we graduate?” Nina asked, batting her eyes. Brooke rolled hers.

“Of course I will! I’m just…I need to just know that she likes me back first.”

Brooke didn’t miss the look that passed between her other two flatmates. She didn’t know what it meant, and was too hungover to try to find out.

It wasn’t some dumb teenage crush, Brooke knew that, although at times she did sit in lectures and want to draw hearts and initials and _Mrs Vanessa Hytes_ and _Mrs Brooke Lynn Mateo_ all over her notebook. So what if the only thing stopping her from doing it was Plastique sitting beside her? They were adults, after all- although, being 21, Brooke hadn’t very much experience at the whole adulting thing- and Brooke would tell Vanessa everything eventually. It didn’t matter that she’d waited two years and three-and-a-bit months to do so. Brooke had had lots of practice of confessing her feelings to Vanessa because she did it most nights, just before she went to sleep. Every scenario was different- sometimes they were outside in the smoking area on a night out, sometimes she was round at Vanessa’s flat under a blanket and watching a film, sometimes they were drinking cider together in the park on a sunny evening. But every time, Brooke said the same thing- _Vanessa, I need to just get this out there, and I’m sorry if it makes things weird but I (pause) just (pause)…really fucking like you. And I know we’re friends and I don’t want to fuck anything up, but I still remember that time after Akeria’s 19th when we walked home together in the dark and we got chips and you threw them over those guys that yelled at us from across the street and took my hand all protective and I’ve just been in my feelings about you since then, and I know that if I didn’t say it today I would never get the chance. So…yeah. That’s it. Sorry. If it ruins anything._ Then Vanessa would reply back. Sometimes she’d launch into a big memory of exactly when she fell for Brooke. Sometimes there was no talking, just Vanessa’s hands on either side of her face and a fierce kiss that Brooke had imagined so much she’d almost dreamt it into reality. Sometimes, on some of Brooke’s not so great evenings, Vanessa would just wrinkle her nose up, furrow her brows, and just look at her, disgust seeping out of every pore and scaring Brooke so much she wouldn’t imagine the whole situation again for a couple of days. But she’d always come back to it, of course. Especially on days where Vanessa had given her a lot to work with- predrinks where she’d been extra giggly and flirty and touchy, dinners where she’d sat just the tiniest bit too close, huge sleepy pileups on Nina’s bed where she’s thrown herself over Brooke’s tummy and rested her head against her chest before gradually falling into a nap.

“Brooke! Would you put your damn phone on silent like a fucking normal person!”

Brooke jumped, Yvie’s frowning eyes trained on her and making her look at her phone, each new notification from the chat coming relentlessly. It had been moving at quite the pace since Brooke last checked it, and she had 21 unread messages.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: VANJIE IM GONNA KILL U_

_Plastique Bague: AHAHAHAH VANJIE_

_Dave the Laugh: shut up Vanjie omg ahahaha_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: IF I DON’T KILL THIS SIX FOOT TALL BIGFOOT ASS SPICEBOY FIRST_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: lmfao Vanjie_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: MOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Is he awake?_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: think the bitch fucked him to death_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ILL FUCK U TO DEATH!!!!!!_

_Plastique Bague: You guys are killing me ahahahaa stop_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: we’re out of teabags_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: kill me dead_

_Plastique Bague: Rip in peace_

_Dave the Laugh: I got Mcdonaldssssss_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: shut the absolute fuck up_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: i’m coming over_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: hey is BrookeLynn awake???????????_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’m coming over to eat ya fries_

_Kim Kardashian-West: nah she died_

_Kim Kardashian-West: death by £4.99 tesco white zinfandel_

“Let’s have the girls over,” Brooke said suddenly, her heart rising as she read the chat. Nina smiled.

“I’d be down!”

Yvie rolled her eyes. “Ugh, guys, we already have so much crap to clean up from last night, the living room smells like shit, and Brooke’s probably blocked the toilet from her radioactive fucking puke.”

Brooke pouted, already typing on the chat.

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: sorry guys, mum says no :(_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: BROOKLYNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!_

(Vanessa used no less than sixteen sparkly heart emojis to accompany the message- Brooke counted.)

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Nina wtf u bitch_

Nina audibly gasped. “Why is it that everyone thinks I’m the Mum of this friendship group?!”

“Because you are the Mum. You do Mum things. Like getting us to drink water in between drinks in the club,” Yvie said, shrugging.

_Kim Kardashian-West: EXCUSE ME, THAT WAS YVIE!!!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: YVIE SUCK A CAN OF DICKS_

_Plastique Bague: why is everyone shouting_

_Dave the Laugh: a can that’s inventive_

_Plastique Bague: i don’t like it when mum and dad fight_

_used Tampon: Guys!!!!! I just woke up! So many messages wtf!! Anyway are we all going round to Yvie’s or something???_

Brooke choked a laugh. Slowly, she turned to look at her flatmate, who appeared to be pressing her lips together to stifle a smile and had gone a rather fetching shade of pink. Brooke looked at Nina, who snorted and immediately read her mind.

_Kim Kardashian-West: sorry Scarlet, we’re not allowed to host :(_

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: yeah Yvie says no :(_

_Kim Kardashian-West: too much mess from last night :((((((_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: HE’S FINALLY GONE THANK JESUS CARTWHEELING CHRIST_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: NOBODY CARES_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: BrookeLynn just have a revolution!!! it’s ur flat too!!!_

_Kim Kardashian-West: and me, who also lives here_

“The fuck does she mean, it’s your flat too? Like I’m a fucking dictator? What the fuck is that?” Yvie snarled, typing angrily into the phone.

“Down, girl,” Nina joked, hitting her with her heel again.

Yvie slapped her calf in annoyance. “Bitch, you have the boniest foot ever!”

“It’s from all that extra cankle.”

“Guys, are we hosting or not?” Brooke yawned, bored. “We better decide soon because I think some people might be making other plans.”

Frowning, Yvie checked her phone and jumped, typing frantically when she saw the message that was there.

_used Tampon: Aww, that sucks :( I guess I’ll drag my hungover self into the lib then_

_Dave the Laugh: FINE_

_Dave the Laugh: FINE_

_Dave the Laugh: ur all the fucking worst and u better be here in at least half an hour or all the food will be gone_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: GOD IS GOOD_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: WE LOV U YVIE!!!!!!!1_

_used Tampon: Yay!!!!! Love u Yvie xxxxxxxxx_

Brooke stifled a laugh as she saw Yvie’s face break out in a small smile. Not willing to waste any more time, however, she decided she needed to get ready if Vanessa was going to be coming to the flat. She stood up, greatly misjudged how hungover she still was, then immediately sat back down again.

Twenty minutes later Brooke had showered, dressed, and even mustered the strength to put a small amount of makeup on. Her hair was still up in its nest and, tugging out the band that was holding it up, she ran her fingers through it and shook it out as she tried to tame it in some way. She growled as she couldn’t get her parting right, then frustratedly decided to leave it. Checking the clock, she strode through to the kitchen and opened the window up wide before she sank back down into her armchair. Yvie, who hadn’t moved, raised an eyebrow.

“Nice leggings,” she said, something coating her words that Brooke couldn’t quite decipher. She snapped her neck round to face her.

“What?”

Yvie snorted a little. “Nothing! I’m saying nothing.”

A pause.

“Were your hotpants in the wash?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Brooke laughed, grabbing the cushion off the back of the armchair and covering her face. Yvie’s evil laugh was back.

“Brooke, you do realise that Vanjie really fuckin’ likes you, right?” Yvie leaned forward, her voice loud and brash and not really making it much of a secret. Brooke blew a bit of hair out of her face.

“No, I didn’t realise! That’s only, what, the 36th time you’ve told me that?”

Yvie gave a long-suffering sigh. “I only keep saying it ‘cuz it’s true.”

Brooke pulled the collar of her cropped jumper over her mouth and sighed, hot air creeping over the skin underneath. “Just let me wear my running leggings that show my bum and my legs and will hopefully make the girl I’ve liked since first year fall in love with me in peace, okay?”

Just then, the buzzer went off loudly through the flat, Nina running from her room to get it and anticipation fluttering in the pit of Brooke’s stomach. Nina shouted through to the living room.

“It’s Scarlet!”

Brooke watched Yvie carefully as she lifted her phone and checked her reflection in the blank screen. It only took two minutes for Scarlet to arrive, panting and out of breath from climbing all the stairs to their top floor.

“Yvie!!” she exclaimed happily, falling forward to where Yvie sat and enveloping her in a huge hug. Scarlet was weighed down from her huge yellow raincoat, mittens and hat but Yvie didn’t seem to mind, pulling her onto the seat beside her and not yet letting go of her waist. Brooke watched the whole display, amused. She didn’t not like Scarlet, it was just the whole reason she was in their friendship group was all because of Yvie, so she hadn’t really had a chance to connect or bond with the girl on her own all that much. From what she did know of her, she found her ever so slightly grating- her constant picking and preening at her appearance, her dorky attitude, the way she typed- but Brooke didn’t dislike her. Besides, any friend of Yvie’s was a friend of hers and Yvie had met her last year when she’d gone to a pole dancing class for a grand total of three times before she rolled her ankle. She’d met Scarlet there who was trying the class out but realised if she couldn’t dance full stop then dancing whilst on a pole would be a little trickier, so they had both stopped at the same time but had never stopped bumping into each other around campus and had gradually become friends. Brooke knew that to Yvie, Scarlet was a little more than just a friend- in fact she’d liken it to her friendship with Vanjie- but she had a desire to keep all her limbs functioning and firmly attached to her body so she’d never brought it up with her. Watching them now, however, she supposed she didn’t really need to- Scarlet had rested her head on Yvie’s shoulder and her brown curls cascaded down the other girl’s chest as she talked about her plans for the day and laced their fingers together. Nina came to join them in the living room, the three girls laughing uproariously about something that had happened the night before which Brooke couldn’t remember being there for, so she stayed quiet. As the others spoke, Brooke heard the buzzer go off again, and she was up like a shot to get it. She, in the nicest way possible, prayed it wouldn’t be Plastique.

Her heart soared when she picked up the phone and heard the immediate loud voices of Silky and Vanjie bickering.

_“I SAID FLAT 3F1, BITCH, YOU PRESSED EVERY DAMN BUZZER ON THE DOOR!”_

_“YOU KNOW I AIN’T GOOD WITH NUMBERS!”_

_“…WHAT IS THERE TO GET, HOE? IT’S A THREE, AN F AND A ONE! A WHEEL OF CHEESE COULD FIGURE THAT OUT!”_

“Um. Guys?” Brooke spoke up, hoping that none of her neighbours were listening to the debacle. “It’s Brooke?”

There was a beat of silence and a crackle of laughter on the other end of the phone. Akeria’s voice followed. “Thanks, boo. Buzz us in.”

Obeying, Brooke pressed a nail to the buzzer and stood waiting at the door, her heartbeat growing faster as she heard the soft, displeased muttering coming from the three girls drift its way up the stairs. Akeria came into view first, flipping her long, straight blonde hair over her shoulders as she strutted up the stairs in her heeled boots. She could easily have been on her way to another night out, having complete disregard for any form of jeans, leggings or pant-like clothing and wore skirts or dresses at every opportunity. Today she wore a long t-shirt dress with a belt around the waist and a huge, fluffy pink fur coat to compliment the cold weather. She arrived at the doorframe and gave Brooke a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“How you doin’ girl, you feelin’ it?” she pouted sympathetically, Brooke only nodding in response. Akeria squeezed her arm. “That’s too bad. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m gonna die if I don’t eat chicken nuggets in the next five minutes so I’m gonna just head on through.”

Brooke nodded understandingly but hardly had time to look back into the stairwell when she was crushed in a huge bear hug by Silky, in jeans and a loose leopard print top which was a far cry from her glittering, bodycon dress she’d had on the night before. She barely had time to say hi to her when she was ambushed by the girl she’d been waiting for to arrive- Vanjie, all tiny and soft in her pink Ellesse tracksuit that Brooke knew she reserved for lazy, hungover mornings, her dark, wavy hair swept up in a neat bun.

“Brooky!” she squealed happily, kissing her mid-hug and instantly sending Brooke to cloud nine. She moved to pull away almost as quickly as she’d initiated it, and the moment was gone way too quickly. Pushing down her brief disappointment, Brooke smiled at the girls.

“How are we today, ladies?” she asked, laughing as Silky rolled her eyes.

“SO,” she started, Vanessa raising her eyebrows at Brooke longsufferingly. “Not only do I have to kick some foetus-ass, rugby impostor out of bed first thing after I wake up…I also don’t get a single moment to relax because Miss Vanjie’s runnin’ through to my room, yelling and screaming _we gotta go round to Brooke’s bitch, we gotta go round to Brooke’s, c'mon let’s go!_ like a fuckin’ CHILD for ten straight MINUTES!”

Brooke burst out laughing, wondering if she was imagining the blush that hit Vanjie’s cheeks and the slight push she gave her flatmate.

“It wasn’t ten minutes, Jesus, I was just excited for hungover fun with my girlfriends,” she muttered, rubbing at her forehead and slightly smudging last night’s makeup that was still firmly on her face. It didn’t matter though. She was still utterly fucking beautiful to Brooke.

Catching herself before she kept the dopey smile on her face any longer, Brooke shrugged. “Well, I’m glad you made it if only so you could stop Yvie descending into complete obesity with her forty nuggets.”

“Hm. Too late for some of us, bitch,” Silky deadpanned, causing Vanessa to double over laughing. They wandered through to the living room together, where Akeria had squashed herself beside Yvie and Scarlet on the sofa and Nina was busying herself washing glasses and chatting to them. Foregoing niceties, Silky ran and threw herself into the armchair, causing Vanjie to raise an unimpressed eyebrow at her and sit on the floor, her back against the arm of the sofa. Thinking, Brooke gestured to Yvie for a pillow and the other girl obliged. Brooke propped the pillow up against the sofa then sat down and rested her back on it, leaving enough room for Vanessa. The girl gave her a grateful smile as she relaxed against it, at once too close and not close enough. Brooke smiled back at her, feeling her recline against her side and sighing happily.

Silky was busy engaging all the girls in a conversation about all the gory details from her faux-rugby-player encounter, so Brooke looked at Vanjie and nudged her a little. “You have fun last night?”

Vanjie snorted. “Bitch. I always have fun when I’m out, ain’t no need to worry about that. Helps when you come out with us, though.”

Brooke hoped she was covering up her blushing with her smile, playing it off by shrugging. “Aww, you’re cute. No, well I’m just always so busy with portfolio shit. Nobody believes me when I say the design department work you hard.”

“I always believe you!” Vanjie exclaimed, affronted. Brooke couldn’t help but laugh.

“You once believed Akeria when she said pineapple was a vegetable, there’s no hope for you,” she teased, laughing as Vanjie pouted beside her. Christ, she was fucking adorable.

“You’re lucky you gave me so many compliments last night so I can’t be mad at you,” she said in passing, Brooke’s heart immediately standing still.

_What the fuck did I say?_

“Really? I don’t remember this. This doesn’t sound like me, I would never give you a compliment.”

Vanessa laughed and leaned in closer to her side, giggling. “Shut up, boo, you say nice things to me all the time! Think you were especially attached last night though. Kept talking about how cute I looked.”

This was bad. This was horrifically bad. Brooke momentarily looked up to Nina for help, but she was sitting on the arm of Silky’s chair, too engrossed in her story. Brooke gave a cough that was meant to be a laugh, and stumbled over her words. “When was I…when did I say all this?”

Vanessa was back to being nonchalant and was looking at the TV, still aggravatingly playing soap operas. “Aw, you know. When we were queuing at the bar, when we were out smoking, when we went to go pee. Quite a few times.”

Brooke gave a fake laugh which she hoped hid the absolute terror pulsing through her veins. Vanjie joined in, then poked her. “Part of me was like, does this bitch wanna make out with me or something? That would’ve been funny as shit. Can you imagine, Brooke?! Oh my God.” 

Brooke at once felt her laugh come way too loud and too harsh and too fake. Mercifully, thankfully, she was distracted by a cry from Yvie.

“Oh my GOD! We’re out of food.”

Nina shrugged, fingers already at her phone. “Plastique’s still to come, I could get her to stop by Greggs on the way?”

There was an ethereal moan of delight from each girl in the room, leading to a big bubble of laughter immediately after and calls for Nina to be anointed. Brooke smiled affectionately as Vanjie threaded her arm through Brooke’s own, cuddling in further to her side.

She hadn’t told her last night. She would soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlet gets a shock, someone gets a new groupchat nickname, and things are revealed during pres.

Scarlet stood in the street, silent, breathing heavily, and absolutely frozen to the spot. She had felt the coin drop from her hand and hit the pavement, but whether that had been seconds ago or minutes ago she couldn’t tell. All that was running through her mind was one single thought, one single number, and no matter how much her eyes darted across the small rectangle of paper it didn’t seem to change.

_Five thousand._

She looked again- top left hand corner, top middle, dead middle.

_Five thousand._

Scarlet took one deep breath in then held it tightly in her chest before releasing it. Selfishly, she reminded herself that it wasn’t that much money, in the grand scheme of things. Some people would get paid that a month eventually in life. But Scarlet was a student- a philosophy student at that, who wouldn’t get paid shit when she graduated and had absolutely zero job prospects.

Five thousand was big.

She never bought scratchcards. It was a whimsical purchase, along with a granola bar and a bottle of chocolate milk on her way to a lecture, but there was no fucking way that was happening now, not while she had a card in her hand that entitled her to be the proud owner of five thousand whole pounds.

Part of her panicked. Part of her didn’t know what the hell to do with all this money. She completely and utterly was not in any way used to it. She was still thinking and in a complete daze when she walked back into the shop and handed the shopkeeper the card wordlessly. Confused, the man looked at it for a moment then laughed.

“I can’t cash that here,” he chuckled, handing it back to Scarlet. “Can only give you up to one hundred. You need to phone them.”

“Oh,” she laughed, uncomfortable and embarrassed, thanking the man as she took the card and left. Once outside, she turned it over, found the phone number she needed to call, and in a matter of minutes, her NatWest banking app now read: £4985.55 (she had previously been in her overdraft).

So what the hell did she do now?

As if on cue, her phone hummed in her jacket pocket. Bringing it out to look at, she saw the group chat already exploding with messages.

_Dave the Laugh: anyone down for lunch near the lib in 5?_

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: Yes please. Can we go Liezen?_

_Kim Kardashian-West: i’m eating the most disappointing sandwich of my life in a staffroom where no other teacher is talking to me! i <3 placement!_

_Plastique Bague: Nina :(_

_Plastique Bague: I’d be down for Liezen in 5! Me n Brooke will be there after this lecture_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Biiiiiitch so sad i’m missing this!!!!!! don’t have too much fun without me xo_

Scarlet paused for a moment, her thumbs hovering over the phone screen. It would probably make her feel better, going to see the girls, and Yvie would be there too. Her heart gave a little jolt as she typed her own reply.

_used Tampon: Can I come too??_

There was a small pause in the chat, as if everybody was looking at each other with concern despite all being in separate places. Squeezing her eyes shut, Scarlet tried to push out the spiral of her thoughts to a secret, Scarlet-less group chat the girls had without her. It wasn’t that she felt insecure in her friendship group, it was just that sometimes she felt like the odd one out, that sometimes they were only friends with her for pity, that they secretly joked about her behind her back.

That was insecurity. She’d just defined insecurity.

Sighing, she looked down at her phone again and her heart soared.

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: No sorry it’s a No Scarlet Allowed event xo_

_Dave the Laugh: Brooke i’m evicting u_

_Dave the Laugh: ofc u can join, u don’t need to ask bitch!!_

Brooke’s comment completely ignored, Scarlet cheerfully made her way through the park that separated all the city’s student-land flats and the main campus, where the cafe they visited so often lay just on the outside of. She didn’t care even if the others hadn’t wanted her to join- Yvie had, and that was what mattered.

Scarlet had a weird relationship with Yvie, different to ones that she had with the rest of her friends. Whenever she saw her, she always felt like she needed to look her best or be acting nonchalant and cool, despite the fact Scarlet couldn’t be either of those things to save herself. If Yvie’s body was having a rough day and was being particularly unkind to her, Scarlet would worry and fuss, and ask Yvie if she needed anything to the point where the other girl sometimes got annoyed at her. She couldn’t help herself- the thought of Yvie being in pain was so horrible to her, cutting through her and making her fret. Sometimes Scarlet felt she couldn’t respond to or take part in any of the friendly shade or roastings that Yvie threw her way, because maybe Yvie would see that as flirting, and that would be weird. They were just friends, after all, Scarlet reminded herself with a nod. It was just…a different type of friendship than the ones she had with the others. But it was still a friendship.

Arriving at the cafe, she scanned the room and found Yvie, Plastique and Brooke Lynn sitting around a booth. Scarlet found her heart giving a jump when she saw the seat next to Yvie was free and she walked towards the table happily, sliding into the free seat and greeting everyone.

“Hey, boo,” Yvie smiled, scooting up so that Scarlet had more room.

“Oh she’s here, guys. We need to stop talking about her now,” Brooke said dryly and sipped her coffee, her tone of voice giving absolutely nothing away. Scarlet’s mouth fell open, confused.

Plastique burst out laughing as Brooke winced in pain, Scarlet feeling the motion of a leg kicking out from beside her.

“She’s fucking with you, Scarlet, don’t worry,” Plastique smiled sweetly, Scarlet grateful for the sympathy. Brooke and Yvie appeared to be locked in an aggressive staring contest, so Scarlet spoke in an effort to break it.

“How’ve your days all been?” she asked lightly, picking up the menu and giving it a flippant scan before deciding she’d order what she always did.

“Boring. I got up and went to the gym, we had a 9am-” Plastique gestured between herself and Brooke. “- and then a tutorial, and now we’re here. We made a really good effort to get some work done in the library though. We spent a whole…what was it, ten? Five minutes in there?”

“Um sorry, I would’ve happily stayed and done work but Miss I-Need-Food-Or-I’ll-Die dragged me out here,” Brooke cast an incredulous glance at her friend. Plastique shrugged.

“Guilty,” she said, before sipping at an orange juice she had in front of her.

“How’s your day been, Scarlet?” Yvie asked, her head leaning on her hand in an effort to face her.

Scarlet considered her options as quickly as she could in the two second time gap she had in which to answer. She could tell the girls about the scratchcard, or she could just…not. As mean as it sounded, she’d heard about people’s friends changing when they’d had a lottery win, and not necessarily for the better. Okay, it was only five thousand (only? ONLY?) but it was still probably more money than any of them had ever had at uni, and Scarlet still didn’t really know what she was going to do with it all. Looking in Yvie’s eyes, she was struck with a pang of guilt for what she was about to say.

“Uh, alright. I got up kinda late. I’m actually supposed to have a lecture just now, but I blew it off. Balsamic tomatoes were calling me,” she shrugged, pleased when both Yvie and Brooke laughed. As the waiter arrived to take their order, Scarlet let out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she’d been holding. She hadn’t known lying would come this easily to her. Well- technically she hadn’t lied. She hadn’t not told them about the scratchcard. She just…happened to omit it from the recount of her day.

As the waiter moved away from their table, the conversation turned to a night out that Vanessa’s flat was apparently hosting pres for this evening. Scarlet felt a pang of envy. She wished she had the sort of flatmates that were all so close and hosted things together, but instead she was stuck in a two bed with a girl she’d found on SpareRooms who inexplicably hated her. She longed to be the flat that everyone would come to for chilled times, like Brooke, Yvie and Nina, or the flat that hosted crazy parties like Vanessa, Silky and Akeria. At the very least, she wished she had Plastique’s excuse to not host anything- her incredibly rich and successful Mum had simply bought her a beautiful flat in the nicest part of town, which she shared with her friend from school. Scarlet’s mouse-infested two bed was a million miles away.

“I don’t know, Yvie, we’ve only got three weeks until showcase,” Brooke sighed, hands around her cup of coffee. Yvie waved a dismissive hand.

“Shut up with these excuses already. Plastique, you’ll come because you can’t stop yourself from drinking anything with an alcohol content higher than 3% and Brooke, you’ll come because it’s Vanjie.”

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Brooke asked pointedly, fixing her gaze on Yvie. The other girl laughed.

“It means you want to bone,” Yvie explained, scrunching up her face with a laugh as she made a snipping motion with her fingers.

“BOOOOOOONE?!” Plastique impersonated, causing Scarlet and Yvie to burst out laughing.

“Fuck you all. It’s not like that at all,” Brooke rolled her eyes, unamused. Scarlet felt for the girl. In the time she’d been part of the friendship group, she knew that Brooke pined for Vanessa but also that Vanessa crushed on Brooke with exactly the same intensity, Vanessa often confiding things to Scarlet in the Philosophy lectures they were in together. Scarlet had told Yvie all of this, and Yvie, naturally, told Brooke time and time again how much Vanessa liked her, but never told Brooke how she knew (a gesture, Scarlet always thought, that was sweet of her as it protected her from any fallout of Vanessa finding out that Scarlet had told Yvie).

“I think it’s sweet,” Scarlet chimed in, her stomach spasming as Brooke fixed her with an unimpressed gaze. “You know. That you’re waiting to tell her until you’re sure she likes you too. I feel like I would do the same.”

To Scarlet’s relief, Brooke pulled a smug smile and gestured across the table to Scarlet. “See? She knows.”

Yvie frowned at Scarlet, drumming her fingers against the table. “So you would wait as long as she has to tell someone you liked them?”

Scarlet found her words catching in her throat. For some reason, Brooke laughed.

“Girl. Shut up.”

“What?!” Yvie exclaimed. “It’s just interesting!”

“Interesting in what way?” Plastique asked, her face expressionless and a quick knowing look passing between her and Brooke before the waiter arrived with their food (scrambled eggs, avocado and tomatoes with balsamic on sourdough for Scarlet, bacon roll for Yvie, raisin granola with strawberry jam for Plastique and a chocolate and hazelnut croissant for Brooke) and the conversation was forgotten about. The chat then turned into uni moaning, deadline stressing and tutor bitching, something Scarlet was glad about. She’d just completed her first Philosophy essay of the year and she desperately wanted to impress her tutor after achieving good marks last year, so she vented to the girls about her worries.

“None of you will believe the conversation we had with Silky when we were at the pub the other night,” Yvie began, Scarlet already laughing as she’d heard this story before. “So she got this essay back and her tutor gave her like…52 or fifty something, it was a low mark at least. And Silk starts going off like ‘Well! I know it was a good essay! It don’t matter! I’ll just do another one!’. Like…! I had to be like ‘Well it kinda does matter, bitch, it’s your whole fucking degree!’”

The girls at the table howled with laughter, glad of a cautionary tale and a distraction from their own performance at uni.

“I worry about Silky sometimes,” Brooke frowned, peeling off a small bit of her croissant and eating it.

“Silky will be fine,” Plastique reassured her through her last mouthful of granola. “At the very least she’ll get a job for a local paper and she’ll get paid to write controversial opinion pieces all day.”

“Ugh, let’s not talk about grad jobs,” Scarlet sighed, the thought of having to find something to do once she finished uni making her heart palpitate. Yvie smiled, reaching out and taking Scarlet’s hand.

“You’ll be fine. It’s these two you’ve gotta worry about.”

“Oh, thanks so much,” Brooke Lynn folded her arms together and narrowed her eyes at her flatmate.

“Well. More Brooke than Plastique. She’s always got the option of living at home and getting spoiled for the rest of her life.”

“Getting suffocated, you mean,” Plastique pouted, leaning back in her seat.

“What are you going to do after you graduate?” Scarlet asked Yvie, at once interested. Yvie tilted her head and thought.

“Forensics. Or actually, I’d quite like to work at a mortuary. Something with dead bodies,” she shrugged, Plastique wrinkling her nose.

“You’re a spooky bitch,” she recoiled, Yvie laughing in that deep, Disney-Villan way that Scarlet secretly loved.

“And what, bitch? And what? Anyway,” she took a sip of her diet coke. “I don’t need to worry about jobs yet. That goes for all of us. We don’t need to think about that shit til January.”

“It’s already October!” Scarlet cried, her eyes wide and fearful. Yvie, she noted, had still not let go of her hand, as she gave it a squeeze and laughed.

“Guys, let’s not be dramatic, we will all be fine,” Brooke shook her head, finishing the last of her croissant. Her comment stung Scarlet a little and she shrank back in her chair, suddenly inhibited and self-conscious.

“Well, this was lovely but we’d better get to the lib,” Plastique shrugged, pulling out her purse. Scarlet had a sudden thought. Maybe the others would start to warm up to her if she took care of the financial aspect of friendship every now and then. A lunch here, a round of drinks there. If she started to show some generosity, then maybe the girls would start to like her more.

“Hey, I’ll treat us!” she smiled, causing all three girls to whip round and stare at Scarlet as if she had sprouted an extra head. She immediately regretted her decision. Was this too suspicious? She gave a fake laugh. “My Mum sent me some money earlier this week and said to treat me and some friends to dinner. It’s not dinner, but it’s close enough?”

To her relief, Brooke and Plastique raised their eyebrows and shrugged. Brooke sent her a warm smile from across the table. “Well lucky us! Thanks, Scarlet. That’s cute.”

Scarlet cast a glance to the girl beside her and saw Yvie looking at her with intrigue, her face deep in thought. Buoyed by Plastique and Brooke’s kindness, she stuck her tongue out at her.

“Well am I going halfers with you, then?”

Yvie relaxed, giving a laugh and pushing Scarlet a little. “Oh my God, no, I’ll take what I can get of course. Thanks, baby.”

Scarlet’s heart gave a little explosion. This was a pet name she hadn’t heard from Yvie before, and she would be lying if she said it didn’t make her skin prickle and her blood feel hot in her veins. She wished she could stop smiling, but found herself unable to.

Scarlet paid and the girls all filed out of the cafe, saying goodbye with tight hugs and cheek kisses and promises to see each other later at the pres that Vanjie was hosting. When Brooke and Plastique said goodbye to her, Scarlet could have sworn their smiles were wider than usual, and she was sure that Yvie had hugged her extra tight. Scarlet was so happy that she headed straight into town, treating herself to a new outfit for the night ahead from a shop she would never usually even set foot into. She was in the changing rooms trying it on when the group chat went off again.

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Mine tonight, who’s coming!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: EXCUSE ME_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: OURS_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Me!!!!!! #tgif_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: they know wtf i mean_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: sorry i have other plans with more important friends who i don’t live with_

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: My God your…so unfunny…it pains me physically_

_Kim Kardashian-West: *you’re_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: *you’re_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: *YOU’RE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: IM DYING_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: *you’re_

_Plastique Bague: i’m coming_

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: I’m not coming any mose_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: PLASTIQUE!!!!!! you ruined it lmao_

_Plastique Bague: fuck u too Brooke_

_Plastique Bague: oh lol sorry_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Who’s mose._

_Kim Kardashian-West: Tell me why I find mose so funny_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: MOSE ADDFGGHLL_

_Plastique Bague: oh my god mose_

_Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: guys oh my god a bitch makes a typo!!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: MOSE I CANT BREATHE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE set the nickname for Brooke Lynn Hytes to mose._

_mose: I hate you all so much_

_Plastique Bague: IM DYING_

_Kim Kardashian-West: VANJIE AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: actually fuck this has killed me off_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: VANJIE IM HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK!!!!!! MOSE!!!!!!_

_Dave the Laugh: mose lmao_

_Dave the Laugh: anyway i’m coming tonight_

_Dave the Laugh: Scarlet said she was coming at lunch_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Omg. does this mean we have a full squad?_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: this NEVER happens_

_mose: I’m still not coming_

_mose: I’m being cyberbullied_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: you are so coming bitchhhh_

Scarlet noted the plethora of heart emojis Vanessa tacked on to the end of her message to Brooke before sending hers, still confident from her lunch with the girls and the short, gold dress she was looking at herself in the mirror in.

_used Tampon: I’m coming so we OFFICIALLY have a full squad ladies!!_

_used Tampon: Well. If mose is coming xo_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: SCARLET HAHAHAHA_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Scarlet i swear that’s the funniest uv ever been_

_Plastique Bague: Ahahahaha WOOO!! Yaaaas to full squad!!_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Mose will be there if i have to drag her there!! Yay Scarlet!!!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Brooky if u come i’ll give you a big cuddle!_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Anna ou-_

_mose: I don’t like that threat_

_mose: See you all later, I’ll be their_

_Plastique Bague: *there_

_used Tampon: *there_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: *there_

_Kim Kardashian-West: *there_

_mose: FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: *THERE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: *there assddffghjkkl love u Brooke xoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

After a little shopping trip, a nap, a small, solo getting-ready party and absolutely no uni work, Scarlet found herself in a taxi on her way to Vanessa’s flat, fiddling with the hem of her new dress that popped out from under her parka and wondering to herself if it was too short. She had bought the biggest bottle of gin she could find in the supermarket, not thinking twice about dropping £40 on it, and a small half bottle of tequila. Tonight would be a big one if she had anything to do with it. Scarlet was excited- she hated always being that person that had to borrow money for the entry fee, the only person who couldn’t buy drinks for everyone in the club, the person that got bought pity shots because she couldn’t afford a drink. Tonight, things would be different.

She arrived at the girls’ flat and pressed the buzzer, the music from Akeria’s room pouring out of the second-floor window already. Scarlet wasn’t that late- Vanessa had said 9 and it was only half past, but already she could hear the girls upstairs drunkenly singing along to Pitbull. There was suddenly a loud buzz from the intercom and Scarlet found the front door swinging open. She jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time in her white trainers, and was greeted with a tight hug from Akeria, whose eyes were already considerably glassy. Scarlet was led through to Akeria’s huge, fairy-lights-and-mirrors covered room, where a huge cheer went up from the girls inside at her arrival. Plastique, Nina and Brooke Lynn were all sat on the edge of Akeria’s huge bed, and Silky and Vanessa were on the worn, purple carpet beside them, making a semicircle. Yvie was sat on the small sofa opposite the bed, dressed in a black lace jumpsuit that caused Scarlet’s pulse to race. Smiling and raising up the bottle of gin from her bag, Scarlet laughed as another cheer exploded in the room. She stepped carefully over the dwindling pack of cards that formed a circle around a pint glass full of a liquid that looked absolutely vile, and sat on the sofa beside Yvie, shrugging her jacket off.

“Hey,” Yvie smiled, flipping her septum piercing in and out of her nose absent-mindedly. “You look nice. I like this.”

Scarlet felt her cheeks heat up as Yvie momentarily touched her bare thigh, fiddling with the material at the hem of Scarlet’s dress. Scarlet rolled her shoulders back and flipped some of her hair over one. “Thanks! Just got it today. You look so good!”

“God, this old thing?” Yvie put a hand to her chest and laughed, Scarlet joining in until Akeria squashed herself down on the sofa beside her.

“Thanks for stealing my space,” she said unamused and giving Scarlet a quick once-over with her eyes. “Here, I got you a glass.”

Scarlet thanked her and poured herself out a measure of gin and lemonade which was approximately 40% gin and 60% mixer. She watched as Vanjie pulled out a card from the deck and a huge roar went up from the girls, a King staring back at the girl’s disappointed face.

“Aw, fuck my life!”

“Get it down, girl!” Yvie laughed, delighting in the other girl’s anguish.

“Vanjie, I’ll drink half if you really don’t want to,” came Brooke’s voice, the groans of objection from the other girls almost making Scarlet miss the grateful smile that Vanjie shot Brooke’s way.

“Um, no the fuck you won’t, bitch!” Yvie piped up again, outraged.

“Yeah this ain’t fuckin’ I’m A Celebrity, drink the damn thing!” Silky all but screamed, the girls chanting as Vanjie raised the glass to her lips and tilted it, some of whatever was in it dripping down her chin and spilling onto her black vinyl skirt. In under ten seconds, the glass was empty and the room was cheering, Vanjie giving a triumphant smile and wiping at her mouth with a somewhat flailing arm.

“Okay, next game!” Plastique demanded, thumping her knees. 

“Question game,” Nina said instantly in a monotone voice, some girls cheering and some girls groaning. Scarlet’s heart dropped.

“Noo, please! Last time we played this I got my chat nickname, and it’s fucking horrific.”

“What, when you had to tell everyone that you were the one who left the used tampon in our toilet?” Yvie laughed, and Scarlet felt herself blush to the roots of her hair.

“It wouldn’t flush!! And I wasn’t about to leave it lying at the top of your bin, was I?!” she cried, Yvie laughing and pulling her into her side for a hug. Scarlet supposed the embarrassment was worth it.

“Okay, no tampon-themed questions, guys,” Akeria laughed, the others muttering a laugh around her. “Remember, if you stumble, you answer and drink, if it’s a shit question, you answer and drink-”

“Akeria! We’re in third year! We know how the fuck the game works!” Brooke exclaimed, the other girl narrowing her eyes at her.

“I’m out to get you now, bitch,” she said forebodingly, Yvie “oooooh”-ing spookily beside Scarlet and making her laugh. “Who’s starting?”

“Me!” Silky yelled, and launched into her first question before anyone could object. “Akeria, who was the last person you fucked?”

“Nina, have you ever got with a stranger in the club?” she immediately fired across the room, the other girl’s face dropping in surprise.

“Vanjie, where’s the worst place you’ve had sex?”

“Plastique, would you ever go there with Ariel?” she yelled, her face relaxing in relief that the heat was off her. Plastique, who had been taking a drink at the time, choked, and a chorus of cheers went up as the girls realised she’d have to answer. Scarlet felt for Plastique as a red prickly heat began to spread across her chest and neck.

“I mean,” she began, her voice suddenly quiet. “I guess? Like maybe it would be weird but…whatever. Yes. It’d be fun, and we wouldn’t be awkward about it the next day. And I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame. I’d just go across the hall to my own room. So it’s convenient.“

“So the fact that she’s hot just doesn’t come into it?” Brooke deadpanned, a bomb of laughter exploding in the room and Brooke receiving an elbow in the ribs for her trouble. Scarlet could relax for the small amount of time the game wasn’t being played. She always lived in terrible fear that someone would bring up the weird sort of relationship that she and Yvie had, and she really didn’t want to have to address it. Finishing her drink, Plastique began again.

“Nina, what’s the biggest dick you’ve ever taken?”

“Brooke, anal: thoughts?”

Brooke laughed as she attempted to get her question out. “Scarlet, have you ever had inappropriate thoughts about someone in this room?”

 _FUCK_. “Akeria, what’s the youngest you’d ever go?”

“Plastique, have you ever done speed?”

“Yvie, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever masturbated with?”

“The hell?” Yvie scrunched up her face and laughed, before moving on quickly. “Brooke, if you could fuck anyone in this room, who would it be?”

Scarlet’s mouth dropped open as she watched Brooke’s face turn white. “Silky, um…uh…oh, fuck! I had one!”

The room descended into chaos as everyone realised Brooke would have to answer the question. Scarlet jumped as she suddenly felt Yvie lean in to her side and whisper in her ear.

“How many times do we have to play this game at pres before Brooke answers with Vanessa? She has to at some point, right?”

Scarlet laughed and sat forward eagerly to hear Brooke’s answer, noticing Vanjie looking at her intently out of the corner of her eye.

“Um…” Brooke began, then laughed and took Nina’s hand. “I’m going to say Nina. Because she would make you a cup of tea afterwards and breakfast in the morning, and really what more would you want?” 

Scarlet didn’t miss the way Vanjie’s smile turned into a fake one and something shut down behind her eyes. With a pang of empathy, she narrowed her eyes at Brooke and shook her head. “Shit answer!”

Brooke and Nina fixed their surprised gazes on Scarlet as the other girls laughed and some of them agreed. Nina raised her eyebrows in mock-offence. “Scarlet, I’m offended! Are you saying I would be a shit fuck!”

Scarlet felt panic rise in her chest. “No, I-”

Nina burst out laughing. “I’m only kidding, you’re right, it was a shit answer.”

Scarlet joined in with the laughter and shouts that filled the room, confidence spiking again. Brooke soon started the game once more. As things progressed, the girls got more and more drunk and more and more loud, and Scarlet’s gin and tequila got passed around the room, everyone appreciative of free alcohol. As they drank more, Scarlet felt herself and Yvie grow closer together on the sofa until she was practically in the other girl’s lap. The only problem was, as everyone drank more, they all became less on the ball with coming up with questions rapidly.

“Akeria, how do you really feel about Silky?”

“Plastique, what’s your net worth?”

“Scarlet, gaaah, have you ever had a sexy dream about someone in this room?”

“Silky, have you ever farted in bed?”

“Oh my God, y'all nasty! Yvie, have you ever fantasised about anyone in this room?”

“Nina, where was the last time that you…I mean, when was the last place…god damn it!” Yvie exclaimed, jeers filling the room as Yvie blushed uncharacteristically. Scarlet’s interest was piqued. With a small jab of annoyance, she’d wished that Silky had asked who Yvie had fantasised about, but then she’d maybe get an answer she didn’t want to hear.

“Um. Yeah. Obviously! I mean, haven’t we all?” Yvie shrugged, trying to play the question off casually. Scarlet felt her heart speed up in her chest. Akeria raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the arm of the sofa.

“Haven’t we all imagined ourselves in a sexual situation with one of our friends? I don’t think you’re gonna like the answer to that,” she chuckled, Plastique howling with laughter.

“Unless your name’s Brooke or Vanessa,” Yvie shrugged, the girls all descending into screeches of laughter, Silky’s being the loudest as she got up from the floor and started jumping on an unimpressed Akeria’s bed. Scarlet looked at Brooke, who was eyeing Yvie darkly with a tight smile on her face. Yvie cleared her throat beside Scarlet, her eyes expressing regret as if she’d gone too far. Changing the subject, she asked the next question. “Uh, Akeria, what’s your body count?”

“Nina, what’s going on with you and Monet from your course?”

“Ah, oh, um,” Nina began, flustered. She shut her eyes tightly. “Brooke, what’s the dirtiest text you’ve ever sent?”

“Plastique, how many nudes have you sent?”

“Vanjie, who’s the most fuckable person in this room?”

Vanjie screwed up her face and gestured in disbelief. “Shit question, bitch.”

Shouts of objection filled the room. Vanessa put her hands out in front of herself in protest.

“Now, now, now, wait a damn minute! It’s only shit because there’s an obvious answer,” she shrugged, taking a sip of Scarlet’s gin that she’d mixed with her Fanta. As everybody waited with baited breath, she rolled her eyes. “Brooke Lynn. Duh.”

As if it was Wembley Stadium at full time, the room exploded with cheers and roars, and Scarlet doubled over giggling. Brooke was laughing but her face had gone beetroot red, and Vanjie was smiling, pleased she’d elicited such a reaction. Scarlet felt herself fall into Yvie’s side as she laughed. This was great! She was having such a good time! 

There was a sudden three bangs on the front door out in the hall, silencing the room and making Scarlet jump. Many of the girls giggled anxiously as Akeria threw her hands up and shook her head.

“Nope! No, I got the last three, I am not getting this one as well.”

“Bitch! Lemme at ‘em,” Silky exclaimed, getting up from her position on the floor. There was silence in which some of the girls (mostly Plastique) made inappropriate comments to try and get everyone to laugh, while they listened through the door to Silky, Vanessa and Akeria’s upstairs neighbour rant and rave about how he had work in the morning, and how this was the fourth time in two weeks, and how next time it would be the police that would get called. As she giggled, Scarlet felt Yvie take her hand and squeeze it, the other girl laughing evilly under her breath and making her laugh even more.

 _Fuck_. Scarlet was beginning to realise her friendship with Yvie wasn’t strictly a friendship anymore.

The bang from the front door caused everyone to jump, and Silky was back in the room almost as quickly as she’d left.

“RIGHT bitches, c’mon, you heard the man, drink up, move, move, move!”

And with that, Scarlet tugged Yvie up from her position on the sofa, ready for the night that lay ahead and all the regrets and consequences that could accompany it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a group chat revelation, a disturbance in the library, and bonding over a Strongbow.

“Are you still mad at me?”

Brooke rolled her eyes and stared at Yvie. “I will be if you keep trying to talk to me while I’m in the middle of this.”

Yvie looked at her expectantly. There was a pause. “So is that a yes, or…?”

“So is that an apology, or…?” Brooke raised an eyebrow, then immediately cringed as Yvie exhaled loudly, causing several heads to turn their way.

“Oh my God, Brooke, I said sorry like the moment it happened,” she hissed in exasperation.

“You fell out with me in the smoking area because you said, oh…wasn’t it something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry for trying to speed up your relationship with Vanjie, you ungrateful bitch’?”

“It was ungrateful cunt, actually,” Yvie tapped away at her laptop and Brooke rolled her eyes. Stifling a smile, Yvie looked at her friend and then reached across to take her hand. “No, listen. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making that comment about you and Vanessa and I’m sorry for calling you an ungrateful cunt. They were both really out of line, uncool things to do. Can you please go back to normal with me before Nina goes into anaphylactic shock?”

Brooke laughed and squeezed Yvie’s hand. “Okay, fine. You’re forgiven. I’ll only bring it up like…seven more times to make you feel bad.”

Yvie chuckled. “Deal.”

Brooke turned back to her own laptop, her design in front of her but untouched for a solid forty minutes as her thoughts had swirled round her head. It was Monday, a new week, and the atmosphere in the flat had been tense over the weekend, as all three of the flatmates recovered from the aftermath of the scathing drunk row Brooke and Yvie had got into. Yvie hadn’t meant to make Brooke feel shit at pres on Friday, she was sure, but the comment still ran through her head and made her wince with cringe- _unless your name’s Brooke or Vanessa_. Okay, Yvie had almost definitely said it to take the heat off herself, but there had been absolutely no need. There was even less need to call Brooke a cunt, but Brooke knew Yvie had only done that because she felt bad and was covering up her own guilt with barbed attacks and a shit apology. 

She couldn’t stay mad at Yvie, and she couldn’t dwell too much on the comment, not least because Brooke’s head had been occupied by something else that had happened, another drunk revelation that had knocked her for six.

_“Brooke Lynn. Duh.”_

The most fuckable person in the room, Plastique had asked, and Vanjie hadn’t held back on the answer. Brooke had barely been able to stop thinking about that information since it had been revealed, and it was somehow made worse by Vanjie being completely normal with her for the whole night they’d been out. Okay, for Vanjie, normal still meant cheek kisses and dancing too close and enough compliments to sink a ship with, but part of Brooke wished she had had the confidence to ask her what she’d meant to achieve with her answer. Part of Brooke wished she’d had the confidence to say Vanjie’s name when she’d been asked who she’d most like to fuck in the room, but Nina was a safe answer that deflected the implication. Scarlet was right, it had been a shit one, but a shit answer in a stressful drinking game was far more bearable than dealing with the fallout of an honest one. Part of Brooke- actually, all of Brooke- wished she had more confidence, period.

A sigh from beside her tugged Brooke out of her own head. Yvie was looking at her laptop with incredulity, as if it had done something to offend her. Brooke stifled a laugh. The library really showed you every possible variant of raw human emotion, and if her eyes needed a break she liked to just scan the room and watch people’s faces. Across from her, a boy had his head in his hands and was exhaling deeply. _Just deleted the paragraph he’d spent six hours writing._ Diagonally opposite, a girl was biting her lip and frowning. _Just received an email from her tutor that provided absolutely zero help._ The boy beside Yvie swigged from his second energy drink of the day. _Right on the tailend of a brutal all-nighter for an essay he has to hand in at midday_. It was peak uni, and she loved it.

Giving herself a shake, she turned back to the laptop screen. She had to get this finished so she could get a prototype done by at least the end of the week, and that would be one less thing to do on her now-mountainous list of deadlines. The minutes ticked by and she began to make slow progress. The issue with Brooke studying Fashion and Design was that she was a complete perfectionist and an overthinker, which was both a blessing and a curse when it came to designing things. The essays she could do- they were just her opinions backed up with some articles, and she could fire them off easily enough. Designing was trickier, and that was a problem considering it was what Brooke wanted to do when she left uni.

She was distracted by a flailing beside her from Yvie and a completely speaking-volume pitched “Oh my God” which was deafening on the silent floor. Brooke cringed as the pair received another judgemental look and Yvie tapped her finger against Brooke’s phone rapidly.

“Check the chat. Now,” Yvie not-quite-whispered, Brooke immediately following her instruction. A sick feeling built in her stomach as she opened up her phone, not knowing what to expect or if it was good or bad. She needn’t have worried though, as she opened the chat and saw what was there.

_Plastique Bague: so um_

_Plastique Bague: this happened_

Brooke clamped a hand to her mouth as a selfie of Plastique and her flatmate Ariel, naked from at least the chest up with the duvet over their chests, filled the screen. Plastique was pulling a comical smile and throwing up the peace sign, and Ariel was doing the same, but mid-laugh. Brooke looked to Yvie, who burst out into a hushed laugh.

“Oh my God,” Brooke gasped. She was close with Plastique- they’d been on the same course since first year- but she’d had no idea that Plastique even liked girls, never mind having designs on the girl she lived with. Brooke expressed this to Yvie, who snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Bitch, really? I’m starting to think it’s a legal requirement of our friendship group to be at least 20% gay.”

Brooke thought about the most boy-crazy, thirsty bitch she knew. “Silky?”

“Oh come on, we all know Silky would go there with Akeria if she was drunk enough,” Yvie shook her head, Brooke rubbing her forehead and trying to stop the conversation going down a path she didn’t want it to take. She looked back at the chat. There had been fifty new messages in the space of about three minutes.

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: BITCH_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: WHAT_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: THE_

_used Tampon: Omg Plastique!!!!!!!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: ABSOLUTE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: ENORMOUS_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: oh my god Plastique_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: GIANT_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ASDDFGHHLLIUEW919191SJSJAAQUWE7FICKC_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: FUCK_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: ???????????_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AKXICOOEOEOWQI2B33 4BRR9SOSSKCNVV_

_Dave the Laugh: please explain_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ADDFKGLVLCOSAIQJAN_

_Dave the Laugh: please, please explain_

_used Tampon: Silky is your phone broken? xo_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Haaaahahahahaha Scarlet_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Plastique you can’t just drop this information on us and not elaborate_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’m sure that’s a human rights law_

_Plastique Bague: i’m waiting until everyone’s here_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: FUCK THAT I WANT DETAILS IMMEDIATELY_

_Dave the Laugh: Nina will be teaching_

_Dave the Laugh: she doesn’t finish til 3_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Am I FUCK waiting til 3!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Oh hell no_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: DONT MAKE ME FIND U_

_Plastique Bague: u won’t be able to find me_

_Plastique Bague: i’m under her duvet xo_

_Dave the Laugh: please don’t_

_Plastique Bague: about to start round five xo_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_used Tampon: Round five oh my GOD!!!!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: F_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: FIVE!!!!1111111_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: I_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: V_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Round FIVE what the hell have you been up to???_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: E_

_Plastique Bague: well_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Plastique Bague: came home from being out on Saturday morning_

_Dave the Laugh: oh shit here we go_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Strap in folks_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Omg I’m so ready!!!!_

_Plastique Bague: and she’d been out as well so we were talking in her room_

_Plastique Bague: u know just flatmatey things_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: #justflatmateythings_

_Plastique Bague: i was telling her about the question game_

Brooke joined in, completely amazed at the turn of events.

_mose: This is all amazing Plastique I’m so proud_

_Plastique Bague: thank u mose_

_Plastique Bague: so i was telling her about that question u guys had asked about fantasising about a friend_

_Dave the Laugh: mose ahahaha_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: hey mose xoxoxoxo_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Why do i still find mose so funny_

_Plastique Bague: and i was like to her have u ever thought about a friend like that_

_Plastique Bague: and she’s like_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: oh my god this is so intense i feel like i have to whisper_

_mose: WHISPER_

_mose: You're…typing_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: aasfgghjkl_

_Plastique Bague: i think it was because she was drunk_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: The only time Silk has ever typed in lowercase in her entire existence_

_Plastique Bague: but she was like yeah i’ve thought about you like that before!_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: !!!!!!!!!!_

_Plastique Bague: and i’m like…oh! have u now!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: THIS IS TOO MUCH IM BACK TO SHOUTING_

_Dave the Laugh: this is so hot omg_

_mose: Oh my god get it girl!_

_Plastique Bague: and she’s like have u not thought about being with a girl ever? i’m like yeah but not with u bc ur my friend_

_Plastique Bague: (this was….a lie)_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: That’s a damn lie Plastique and you know it!!!!_

_Plastique Bague: she’s like well are u thinking about it now?_

_used Tampon: I can’t deal with this in ANY WAY!!!!!_

_mose: Bitch this is hot wtf she’s good at seduction_

_Plastique Bague: and then i was like well…yeah bc we’re talking about it_

_Plastique Bague: so then she’s like well do u wanna see what it’s like? i’m like…OKAY THEN_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

_Dave the Laugh: you did not actually respond to that with okay then_

_Dave the Laugh: tell me you didn’t_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: Okay then ahahaha you’re adorable_

_mose changed the nickname for Plastique Tiara Edwards to Okay Then._

_Okay Then: no i just sort of started kissing her instead of replying_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: GET_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: IT_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: GIRL!!!_

_Okay Then: so four times over the weekend_

_Okay Then: i am…very bi_

_Okay Then: her mouth is amazing wtf_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Omg my pussy just exploded_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: we don’t need that much detail thanks_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: from either of u_

_mose: 2 kinds of people_

Brooke turned away from her phone and looked at Yvie who looked back at her and laughed. Brooke screamed silently, her mouth wide.

“I can’t believe that’s happened,” she said, her voice excited but controlled in the silence of the library.

“It’s like…the juiciest thing to happen to any of us in months,” Yvie bounced in her chair, her laughter getting ever so slightly louder and causing more heads to turn at the odd sound. Opposite them, a boy got up and left.

“I’m so proud of her. I didn’t think she had it in her.”

“What, Ariel’s fingers?”

“Oh my GOD-” Brooke suddenly burst out laughing, her face flushing red as she watched the people around her grow more and more irate. She dropped her volume. “So that’s why nobody heard from her all weekend? I just thought she was too hungover to move.”

“What do you think will happen? I mean, it is her flatmate, she’s kinda screwed if things get awkward.”

“I’m gonna ask her. No!” Brooke exclaimed, thumping her table lightly. “I’m going to mute the chat and actually do some work.”

Turning to her phone in preparation to be responsible, her heart gave a little leap.

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: hey anyone in the lib?? i gotta try n get this essay started sooner rather than later_

Yvie turned to Brooke, fluttered her lashes and raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna be the best wingwoman in the world because I’ve gotta leave for a lecture, so this seat is allll Vanessa’s.”

Brooke smiled, blushed, and mouthed a thank you at her, before hopping back onto the chat.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: HOW CAN U GO LIB AT A TIME LIKE THIS_

_mose: Seat free next to me on floor 4, i’ll put my bag on it if you want?_

Vanessa responded with six heart eye emojis. In the space of ten minutes, Yvie was gone and Vanessa was striding across the fourth floor of the library like Ariana Grande opening a concert, huge camouflage coat almost-but-not-quite covering her dark blue skin-tight ripped jeans and her oversized Rihanna jumper.

Her face lit up as Brooke leant back in her chair and gave her a wave as she stretched. “Hey Brooke Lynn!”

Brooke was relieved to find Vanjie using at least an attempt at a whisper, even though it still drew a couple of looks her way. She felt her heartbeat heavy in her chest as Vanessa leant forward and gave her a hug. “Hey girl. How are you?”

“Big time shook over the whole Plastique shit, can you believe it?!” she gasped, Brooke amused at how full of almost childlike amazement her expression was. “What do you think’s gonna happen there? I think Ariel’ll be down for it to happen again but maybe Plastique will start to panic and overthink once the high of her fifty fuckin’ orgasms wears off. I mean it is her flat so if things get really awkward she can always evict her. That’s a joke, by the way. Laugh.”

Brooke gave a quiet chuckle as Vanjie reached inside her bag and produced a tiny, lightweight Macbook with a purple galaxy cover. “I thought you were here to do work.”

“I was, then you started talkin’ to me and distractin’ me,” she raised her eyebrows disapprovingly. Brooke gave a cry of incredulity and Vanessa cracked up laughing. Opposite them, a girl got up and left. Brooke wondered just how long it would be until they evacuated the entire floor. “Kidding. Of course. Nah, I need to start my essay, it’s due Friday. It’s like two thousand words, though, I should be fine.”

“Two thousand, Jesus. I forgot it’s a fucking Mickey Mouse degree you do,” Brooke rolled her eyes, Vanessa slapping her on the arm. “Hey! I can joke too, see! Laugh, bitch.”

Brooke smiled as Vanessa pressed her lips together in a smirk, looking every inch the disgraced, told-off student. It made Brooke involuntarily squeeze her thighs together. Suddenly, she felt a pair of eyes on her and looked up to see a girl with huge lips full of filler, that had taken the chair that the boy opposite her had vacated. She was giving Brooke and Vanessa a dirty look, as if to convey the information that her degree was much more important than theirs, and could they kindly keep the noise down? Brooke cast a glance to Vanessa to see if she’d noticed. She had. An idea coming to her, Brooke ripped a page out her notebook and grabbed one of her coloured pens, scribbling down in her messy writing.

_We’d better shut up in case Katie Price shouts at us_

She then folded it and pushed it towards Vanessa, who eagerly pounced on it, opened it, and then grinned. Shuffling around in her bag for a pen, she typed her password into her laptop and then wrote back.

**that’s the face of a girl who needs to get laid x**

Brooke ran her tongue over her teeth as she looked back at the girl opposite her and snorted. She grabbed her pen again.

_That’s the face of a girl who’s constipated._

She slid the note across to Vanessa, who let out a stifled explosion of laughter into her hand, covering it up as a cough. She wrote back instantly.

**nah that’s the face of a girl who’s got cystitis x**

Brooke sneaked another look at the girl, instantly noticing the two litre bottle of water on her desk. She bit down hard on her lip to keep from laughing, looked at Vanessa who shrugged smugly, and gave a squeak. Something occurred to Brooke and she wrote again on the piece of paper.

_It’s not cranberry juice. Theory debunked._

She pushed the paper across the desk. Vanessa opened it, snorted, and wrote back.

**next time on Buzzfeed: Unsolved x**

Brooke couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled out of her mouth. It wasn’t even that funny yet here she was, her stomach muscles aching from trying to hold in laughter like she was back in GCSE Biology all over again. Her outburst had attracted the attention of the girl opposite and she was staring at them both again, nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. Looking back to Vanessa, Brooke was shocked to find her staring the girl down, her hackles clearly up.

“What are you looking at?” the girl hissed across to her in a posh, affected London accent.

“Not fuckin’ much, apparently,” Vanessa shrugged, Brooke unable to help herself and suddenly doubling over in her chair, laughing loudly and openly in the silence of the library, Vanessa soon joining her. Brooke could feel almost everyone’s eyes on her and, for possibly the first time in her life, she wasn’t a single bit bothered. Was it because she was with Vanessa? Potentially. She didn’t want to say for sure.

Dropping her voice again as she looked back at the furious face of the girl she’d just insulted, Vanessa laughed and grabbed Brooke’s arm for a moment before bundling her laptop back into her bag. “C'mon bitch, we gotta go before someone kills us.”

The girls packed their bags as quickly as they could and sped down the stairwell, howling with laughter and gasping for air as they went. They dashed out of the lobby and out into the square, where they stood recounting the situation to each other for several minutes. As their laughter died down, all that was left was Brooke staring at Vanessa with a big dumb smile on her face and Vanessa smiling back at her, and Brooke swore she’d never been closer to kissing her in her life.

“Uh, so work went well,” Vanessa chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment. “Sorry I distracted you. And very possibly got us both barred.”

“Barred from the library? Shut up. I’m not sure that’s even possible.”

“We could make history, bitch! You never know,” she laughed, starting to walk slowly down the cobbled road that led toward the union. Brooke followed beside her, matching her pace. “Anyway after all that lack of work, I think I earned a drink.”

“Oh, of course,” Brooke said sarcastically, cocking her head and making Vanjie laugh bashfully.

“You wanna grab something?” she smiled up at her, a hopeful shine to her eyes making it virtually impossible to say no.

So ten minutes later Brooke found herself sat upstairs at a table for two with Vanessa opposite her, both of them sipping away at pints of Strongbow Dark Fruits and talking easily, the conversation flowing and making Brooke happy as if she was sitting in the sun on a hot day. There was a lull in the chat where Vanjie looked down through the bannister at the bar below them.

“It’s so crazy to think that without Silky, we might not have met,” she said quietly, then sort of looked at Brooke shyly and corrected herself. “All of us, I mean. Our friendship group.”

Brooke smiled, remembering the moment they all met back in first year. It had been a couple of weeks after freshers’ week and Brooke, Yvie and Nina had sort of all latched on to each other. They had decided to go out to the union for a night out, the three of them preing together in Brooke’s tiny room and ignoring the big party going on in their floor’s kitchen. It was only after they’d paid entry, grabbed a couple of blue VKs, and were dancing to some sort of cheesy Noughties song (either Move Your Feet by Junior Senior or Boom Boom Boom Boom by The Vengaboys- Brooke couldn’t remember) that Brooke and Vanjie’s friendship groups literally collided. Nina had been suddenly bowled over by a big girl crashing into her, her long, wavy black hair flying into her face and the force of her bumping into her sending Nina to the ground. Yvie had immediately squared up to her, her hot temper rendering her prepared to fight, but was held back by Brooke as another girl with straight, blonde hair (at the time it had been cut into a short bob) and bright, perfect makeup had cut in and apologised to Nina, helping her up from the sticky floor and explaining the whole thing had been her other friend’s fault, who’d been excitedly trying to jump on the girl to get a piggyback. The girl had offered to buy Nina, Brooke and Yvie drinks and they’d sat at the bar and chatted for a considerable amount of the rest of the night- introducing themselves as Akeria, Silky and Vanjie. That was really where Brooke’s crush had began, although she hadn’t known it at the time, as the two girls had talked drunkenly and excitedly opposite each other at the end of their table and formed one of those deep connections that Brooke considered rare to come by. That was how they had all become friends, Vanessa and Brooke swapping numbers and the rest of the girls taking their cue from there. Admittedly, there had been teething problems getting Yvie and Silky to gel, but they both seemed to decide to mature a little in second year- Yvie becoming less blunt and Silky becoming less bitchy- and they’d got on almost perfectly ever since. Brooke knew Yvie couldn’t stop herself from making the odd catty comment every now and then, and Vanessa would probably tell her the same about Silky.

Brooke took a sip, not trusting herself to look at Vanessa. “I’m so glad we met.”

“I know, I love our fucking useless squad,” Vanessa laughed in reply, affectionate. Brooke risked turning her head to look down at the paper coaster under her glass.

“No, I mean like us. You know. I love hanging out with you. In a weird way, I feel closest to you out of everyone,” Brooke shrugged, trying to keep her tone level. Why did she feel the need to say all of this? Probably because she was drinking cider on a nearly-empty stomach in the middle of the fucking day. She risked looking up. Vanessa smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Aw, that’s cute. Really?”

“Well, yeah. Plastique and I obviously do the same course and we get on, but we don’t click as much as I do with you. Same with Nina and Yvie. Akeria and Silky I obviously love to death but they’re much closer with you than they are with me. Scarlet I-”

“- barely tolerate,” Vanessa cut in with a judgemental eyebrow, making Brooke cry out in protest.

“No! No, not at all, she’s sweet. Again though, she’s kind of Yvie’s friend first and all ours second. So…I don’t know. Yeah. I just feel closest to you, I guess,” she finished awkwardly, feeling her ears grow hot as Vanessa smiled back at her, happy.

“You’re adorable,” she cooed. She took a sip of her drink then shrugged. “I’d say I’m closest to Silk, though.”

Brooke yelled and thumped the table, causing it to wobble and both the drinks to slosh about in their glasses. Vanessa laughed, squeezing her hand quickly and then pulling it away. “Nah, I love us. I love our friendship, we’re so cute.”

Brooke felt something inside her fall. It was like toppling into bed after a long day and feeling the bounce of the mattress underneath her, the soft pillow against her cheek, the light scent of fabric softener. She tilted her head and looked at Vanessa warmly. The other girl gave a giggle and continued. “No, but like…it’s different to what I got with Silk and Akeria. It’s like we’re the same person, and we ain’t afraid to be open with each other, and sometimes we flirt but it’s like, you know, as friends? I think that’s why the girls always joke about us getting with each other and stuff. You know?”

Brooke suddenly felt as if there was a pane of glass forced between her and Vanessa. Christ, she’d been so stupid. She’d been worse than every sort of boy that girls complained about- building a friendship with a girl on the fact she had a crush on her, keeping everything going in the futile hope that maybe she liked her back. She was a total asshole. Brooke felt a bubble of panic rise in her throat, then pop as she saw the happiness in Vanjie’s eyes. And yet. Brooke, technically, didn’t know if Vanessa liked her back or not. And as much as her mind and common sense told her that she didn’t, Yvie’s constant insistence that she did gave her something to hang onto, a maybe, a what if.

Brooke realised she hadn’t reacted to what Vanessa had said. She nodded wordlessly. Vanessa suddenly frowned.

“Hey. You okay?” she asked her, laughing awkwardly. “Shit, I didn’t mean to put you in your feelings, boo, I’m sorry.”

“No, I uh,” Brooke shook her head, giving a laugh she hoped didn’t sound as fake as it felt. “I was just thinking about the whole Plastique and Ariel thing again.”

Vanessa smiled, then looked at Brooke with interest. “Would you?”

“Would I what, fuck a flatmate? No, never. Yvie and I would just bicker and laugh too much to ever take it seriously, and Nina would fucking tuck me in, bring me hot chocolate and read me a bedtime story.”

Vanessa burst out laughing, Brooke joining in and feeling a little better about things. Vanessa ran a finger around the rim of her pint glass. “Not fuck a flatmate, like…sleep with a friend. In general.”

Brooke narrowed her eyes. She wondered where this was going. Her eyes darted quickly to Vanessa’s glass. It wasn’t even three-quarters empty. “Well, it’d depend on the friend, obviously.”

Vanessa nodded, picking at her damp coaster and then flipping some hair over her shoulder. “I’ve thought about it with all of you bitches.”

Brooke choked on the sip of her drink she’d just taken. Vanessa quickly continued. “No, no, not like that! Just wondering what everyone would be like. Silky would terrify me. She says she’s a bottom but I think she’s really some sort of dominatrix that would physically torture you before fuckin’ you.”

Brooke held her stomach as she crumpled over with laughter. Vanessa continued.

“Yvie would be secretly bratty I think, that wouldn’t work.”

“How come? You’d end up slapping her?” Brooke laughed, choosing not to reveal the fact that she’d heard Yvie and the some of the girls she’d taken home through the walls of the flat and that she was just as intolerant of whining in the bedroom as she was in real life. 

“Nah, because it’d just be us pouting and whining at each other for an hour and nothing would get done about it,” Vanessa laughed, a lick of heat suddenly tingling between Brooke’s legs.

“You are so not bratty in the bedroom,” she objected, trying to inject as much platonic humour into her tone as possible. Vanessa seemed to consider this.

“I have my moments, girl. I’m either bossy or bratty, there ain’t no in between,” she concluded, Brooke trying to push all thoughts out of her head and simultaneously restrain herself from asking further. “Akeria would put some fuckin’ R&B playlist on that’d be weird and unsexy and kill the mood. She actually does this, I’ve heard it through the walls. Don’t tell her I told you that, she’d kill me.”

Brooke pressed her lips together to keep from laughing and nodded. Without knowing what possessed her, she raised an eyebrow and leaned back in her seat. “What do you think I’m like? I’m curious.”

Vanessa held her gaze and it made the hairs on the back of Brooke’s arms stand on end. She paused a minute before she smirked and took a sip of her drink. “I think you put up this Lil’ Miss Perfect front in the daytime and then at night you’re a mess. Like you got your hair all over your face all nasty and you talk dirty.”

Brooke held her gaze, not giving anything away. The heat between her legs was now impossible to ignore. Vanessa laughed and kept going, her voice low and quiet and almost as if she was playing with Brooke.

“You are…such a perfectionist in real life that I think you’d die if you weren’t in control so you’re definitely a top. I feel like you have your moments though. Like sometimes you like getting dommed the shit out of. I don’t know, girl, am I getting warm?”

Brooke gave a quick smile before taking a long drink of her cider. Vanessa was looking at her intently, as if she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Brooke wondered if she’d been looking at her like that this whole time or if something had changed within the past five minutes. Putting her glass down, she shrugged. “Not telling.”

“Damn, well I guess I’m gonna have to find out for myself one day,” Vanessa shrugged, making Brooke’s heart give a start almost like it had been crashed into. And then the moment was gone as Vanessa laughed loudly, reminding Brooke that this was all just a joke to her, just a hypothetical conversation.

A conversation between two friends about fucking each other. That was perfectly normal.

Brooke’s phone pinged and Vanessa’s buzzed against the table, both girls peering to look at it.

_Kim Kardashian-West: I HAD TO TEACH TEN YEAR OLDS ABOUT PARTICLES WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN FINDING OUT THAT PLASTIQUE SLEPT WITH ARIEL????????_

_Kim Kardashian-West: I!!! HATE!!! MY!!!!! DEGREE!!!!_

And all at once, Brooke and Vanessa were in hysterics, typing away on their phones, and the moment was gone almost as soon as it had been created.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlet finds it hard to believe that she isn't Victoria Beckham.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((tw: cocaine use))

Scarlet had to admit, she was enjoying the high life. As she sat up the back of the lecture theatre in the new fur coat she wasn’t planning on taking off anytime soon, blinking heavily with her £75 lash extensions, drumming her £50 acrylics against her notepad, she smiled to herself. This was definitely the kind of life she was suited to. Okay, she got a bit of a shock when the rent left her bank account, as well as her gas and electricity bills, but she still had a good amount there. Clenching her stomach, Scarlet thought about the number on her banking app. £3713.65. Slightly giddy, she pressed her lips together as she thought about it. How could she have spent over a thousand pounds in the space of two weeks? She thought through it in her mind. Rent, £550. Electricity, £30 split with Ra’Jah. Gas, £25, also split with Ra’Jah. But that only came to what…just under six hundred pounds? There was still so much unaccounted for. Scarlet thought about how much she’d paid for on nights out, the two shopping trips she’d been on since her scratchcard win, and the many, many Ubers she’d taken pretty much everywhere. It was time to reign the spending in.

It was crazy how much confidence it was giving her, though. Even on the group chat Scarlet felt self-assured enough to throw out barbs every so often, the girls all responding with keyboard smashes and capitalised laughter and giving her a boost of serotonin. It had even made her feel more confident around Yvie. Scarlet felt weird about the whole Yvie thing. Now that she’d realised she liked her, she didn’t really know what to do about it. She knew she would do something, she promised herself, as if she ended up in a situation like Vanjie’s she would scream. Scarlet cast a glance to the girl beside her, frantically typing notes into her laptop and listening intently. Bored, Scarlet took her fluffy-topped pen and wrote on her notepad, pushing it Vanjie’s way.

**Lunch after this?**

She watched as Vanjie looked down at her writing, looked back up, then nodded once. Scarlet smiled, glad that she had something to look forward to. It had been a while since she’d had a catchup with Vanjie, and part of her was excited to see if there had been any progress made between her and Brooke. Scarlet then realised it was a little selfish of her to think that way and, realising she hadn’t confided in anyone about her crush on Yvie yet, she decided she’d let Vanjie in on her secret.

When the lecture finished up they decided they would go for lunch at the Mexican place in town. It was a slightly longer walk than anywhere on campus but Vanjie was good company, chatting away happily about something funny her Mum had done back home and distracting Scarlet from the cold weather. They eventually reached the restaurant and got sat at a table, despite the fact Scarlet could have stood under the heaters that were blasting by the entrance forever. She watched as Vanjie shrugged her huge coat off then leant forward.

“So, how’s your lovely flatmate?” Vanjie asked, Scarlet letting out a snort and rolling her eyes.

“Our oven’s broken. She’s saying I broke it,” she explained, Vanessa tilting her head with intrigue.

“Why? What did you do?”

“I don’t know. Used it to cook food,” Scarlet said, her laugh giving away her monotone voice and causing Vanjie to giggle too. “It’s exhausting living with her! She just hates me for no reason! I swear she’s going to turn up by my bed in the middle of the night with a knife and her pillow to smother me with.”

“But then she’d have no-one to blame for the shit that goes wrong in the flat.”

“True. If I’m ever found murdered, though, you know who it was,” Scarlet raised her eyebrows knowingly, Vanessa having to stop herself from laughing as a waitress arrived at their table and took their drinks orders. Vanessa ordered a Corona and Scarlet almost joined her, then realised that beer on a lunch break when she still had a lecture in the afternoon was risky. She got a blood orange San Pellegrino instead. As the waitress walked away, Scarlet continued. “How’s Silky and Akeria? I’ve not seen them since last Saturday.”

“They’re good. Akeria’s stressing about Masters applications, even though I keep telling her every uni is gonna be fallin’ over themselves to accept her. Silk is fine. She’s always fine. I think she’s made peace with the fact she’s probably going to get a 2:2.”

“Nothing wrong with a 2:2,” Scarlet shrugged, even though she knew that if she was on course for a 2:2 she’d be crying as if her life was over.

“That’s true. Degree’s a degree. Still gon’ cry like a baby if I don’t get a 2:1 though,” Vanessa frowned, brightening up as the waitress returned and put their drinks in front of them.

“You will,” Scarlet said. It hadn’t been a lie- even though she only saw Vanessa working towards part of her PPE degree, she always seemed on the ball with lecture notes, got good grades in her essays, and you could never shut her up in tutorials. The other girl still narrowed her eyes at her as she took a drink.

“You have to say that, though. You’re my friend,” Vanessa said, Scarlet brightening up at the validation of her friendship. She’d never known if Vanessa had liked her at first, but over the years they’d eventually settled into being comfortable with each other. Vanessa sighed. “I worked out that if I want a 2:1 I need to get above 65% in everything until the end of the year.”

“That’s doable!” Scarlet insisted, pouring her can into the glass in front of her. She frowned and shook her head. “Anyway, let’s not worry any more about uni. How’s Brooke Lynn?”

Vanessa slid down in her seat and covered her face with the menu. “I don’t know, bitch, ask her.”

“You know what I mean! How are things going? Any progress?”

Vanessa screwed up her face. “I mean, I don’t know. Kind of? Maybe? It’s so hard to tell with that bitch.”

“What’s the maybe?”

“So last Monday we went for a drink after we went to the library. We were just talkin’ and somehow…I don’t even know how we got onto this topic…we started talkin’ about how we were…y'know, like in bed.”

Scarlet let out a screech. “OH my God. Amazing. How is that a maybe in any way?!”

“Nah, well, you know,” Vanessa smiled bashfully, fanning herself with the menu which neither of them had so much as glanced at. “It started to get deep and then I did my classic _ha ha ha what a big joke this is I’m definitely not takin’ this serious in any way_ thing I always do with her. I think I made it awkward, ‘cuz I’ve not seen her since then. I mean we’ve talked on the chat but…yeah.”

Scarlet pouted, feeling sorry for her friend. “Oh, Vanj, no. It won’t be that at all. You know her and Plastique have got their portfolios due next week, she’ll just be busy!”

Vanessa bit her lip, then smiled slowly. “How about if I organise a lil somethin’ to take her mind off her work, then?”

Scarlet took a sip of her drink. “You’re going to turn up to her flat wearing nothing but a massive bow playing The Stripper through your phone speaker.”

As Vanessa howled, Scarlet realised a little too late that someone had come to take their order. She asked for five more minutes, neither of them having looked at the menu yet and having only used it as a prop for embarrassment.

“No, bitch,” Vanessa wheezed, finally getting her breath back. “Let’s see if we can get her to come out tonight.”

Scarlet felt her brows pulling together involuntarily. “On a Wednesday? She’ll be too responsible.”

Vanessa sighed and gave the menu a cursory glance. “Couldn’t we at least try? I just need to know if I’ve made things awkward so I can go about trying to fix them. Although how the fuck I’d do that, I don’t know.”

“I guess you could put it on the chat?” Scarlet shrugged.

Gleefully, Vanessa bounced about in her chair and grabbed her phone decisively, immediately typing. She put it back face-down on the table almost as quickly as she’d picked it up. “It’s sent. Although now we’re running the risk of everyone being free apart from Brooke Lynn, and if I’m honest I really don’t have the energy to go out otherwise.”

“We’re getting old,” Scarlet shrugged, her eyes scanning over tostadas, taquitos and empanadas without really being able to focus on any of them. “Do you remember the days when you could manage two nights out back to back?”

“I remember the days I could manage two nights out in one night,” Vanessa laughed, running a hand through her hair and exhaling. “Scarlet, why am I nervous? Tell me why I’m nervous.”

“Because you’ve just orchestrated a night out with our whole friendship group just so you can see one member of it. Instead of, you know. Asking her on a date,” Scarlet smiled teasingly, Vanessa laughing in self-depreciation. It occured to Scarlet that she still hadn’t told Vanessa about Yvie. “That reminds me-”

Just then she was cut off as the waitress appeared again at their table. Scarlet couldn’t bear to send her away again so she quickly ordered some fish tacos and some sort of cheesy beany quesadilla she had no idea the other ingredients of. Vanessa rapidly fired off an order for a pulled chicken burrito and pork taquitos which, Scarlet could glean from a quick glance at the menu, seemed to be served with radioactive levels of spice. As the waitress walked away, Scarlet frowned.

“Are those taquitos not really spicy?”

“Meh. I don’t mind spice. Worst case scenario I’ll have to install scaffolding round my ass for the next three days after I eat ‘em,” Vanessa shrugged and then leaned forward, hardly giving time for Scarlet to laugh at what she’d just said. “You said ‘that reminds me’ after we were talkin’ about dates, what’s up with that?”

“Oh uh, nothing,” Scarlet smiled shyly as she picked at a bit of dripped candle wax on the tabletop. “Just that I’m joining you in the crushing-on-my-best-friend club for the foreseeable future.”

Vanessa’s face lit up. “What is this?!”

Scarlet felt cheeks flush red as she said it. “I…think I have a crush on Yvie.”

Vanessa let out a quick screech of delight, drawing the gaze of a dining couple sitting at the opposite side of the room. Hushing herself, she leant close to Scarlet and continued. “Oh my God! Bitch! I love this. This is amazing. Aw, you’d be so cute together! I knew you were touchy with each other but I always thought that was just how your friendship was.”

“It is how our friendship is!” Scarlet protested, then put her head in her hands to cover her cheeks as she smiled. “I just…realised I like being touchy with her a little too much to be friendly.”

“Oh, I got it. You wanna be touchy with her in a different way,” Vanessa winked suggestively, Scarlet squealing in mortification and both the girls ending up howling with laughter. As the laughter died down, Vanessa smiled. “Well, welcome to the world of crushing on a friend, boo. It’s amazing, electric, and largely horrific. And painful. I’m not selling this well.”

“It sounds slightly sadomasochistic.”

“That’s actually what you get if you Google it,” Vanessa nodded faux-seriously, then put on a funny, posh-sounding voice. “ _If you liked getting shocked by a disused electrical socket twenty-five times in a row, perhaps you’d like: crushing on your best friend_!”

Scarlet laughed, then shot a glance down at her phone as it sat face-down on the table. “I’m kinda hoping Yvie comes out tonight too now.”

“Ooh! We should check the chat,” Vanessa said, pouncing on her phone and her face dropping as she looked. Scarlet opened her own to see what had been said.

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: me n Scarlet wanna go out tonight who’s down_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH ARE U CRAZY WE AINT FRESHERS ANY MORE_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: I GOTTA DATE WITH BRADLEY WALSH AND WHOEVER THE CHASER IS TODAY_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Girl we all know The Chase starts at 5pm you gotta think of a better excuse_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Sorry boo I’m out_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH BACK TO BACK EPS ON CHALLENGE TV FROM 7 THANK U NEXT_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Need to be at the library early if I wanna get that 1st_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Placement :((((((( sorry babyyy_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’ll see yall at pres though_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’m guessing they’re gonna be at ours_

_Okay Then: Sorry girls our portfolios are due in like 9 days_

_Okay Then: big celebrations after though!!_

_Dave the Laugh: i’d actually be down_

Scarlet felt guilty as her heart gave a jump, Vanessa sitting dejectedly across from her. “Hey, chin up! She’s not replied yet.”

“If Plastique is sayin’ no, she’ll be a no too,” she jerked her mouth to the side in a pained attempt at a smile. “Your girl’s down though, that’s good!”

“Stop. She’s not my girl.”

“Yet,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of disappointment still present in her eyes. Just then, Scarlet’s phone lit up in her hand.

_mose: I’m going to follow the tradition of my entire university career making poor life choices and say yeah I’d be up for a night out_

Scarlet looked with anticipation across to Vanessa, whose eyes were wide with excitement. She didn’t seem to know that she had a beaming smile on her face, and Scarlet couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, happy for the girl opposite her. “See? Good news!”

“Oh my God. It’s gonna be me, you, Yvie and Brooke Lynn. Fuckin’ double date night out,” Vanessa’s eyes scrunched up as she laughed happily. Scarlet felt her pulse start racing, nerves taking hold of her already. She was excited, though, for some time with Yvie in a slightly smaller setting. She hadn’t grabbed a coffee or done anything with just her in a while, and even though this wasn’t the ideal setting, it was still an opportunity. Vanessa was back typing quickly into her phone, and Scarlet watched the group chat progress.

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: yall suck apart from Yvie and BrookeLynn_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: come to mine for 9 then bitches! Xoxoxoxo_

_Mose: See ya then boo_

Scarlet turned over her phone and raised an eyebrow at Vanessa. “You’re her _boo_.”

“Yeah fuck y’all bitches, I’m Brooke Lynn’s lil’ ghost,” she smiled and gave her hands a quick clap together in excitement, Scarlet spluttering a laugh at her friend’s adorable reaction. Just then, their food arrived and got placed down in front of them.

“Oh hey, can I grab another Corona?” Vanessa asked, holding up her empty one. The waitress took it and nodded, and Vanessa gave Scarlet a guilty look. “I should really head to the library after this but I’mma go back home and nap, then spend the next four hours gettin’ ready. Fuck, I don’t even know how I’m gonna afford goin’ out tonight.”

Scarlet took a bite of a taco, then thought. Lunch was only going to come to about forty-ish pounds altogether, and really, what was that out of her winnings? She swallowed, looked to Vanessa, and smiled. 

“Hey. I’ll get us lunch,” she shrugged, shifting a little in her seat as Vanessa blinked at her.

“Serious? No, Scarlet, I can’t let you do that.”

“Honestly! My loan came in early,” she said, looking down at her plate as she lied. “Think of it as a celebratory, double-date-crush-night-out-whatever-the-fuck-this-is treat. And you can buy me a drink or something when we go out, call it even.”

As a waiter came by and placed another bottle in front of Vanessa, she gave a smile and raised it. “To coming out on the other side of tonight with girlfriends?”

Scarlet smiled as she clinked her glass against Vanessa’s beer. “Let’s not push it.”

The rest of her lunch with Vanessa passed by comfortably, Scarlet paying the bill when they were finished without a second thought and the girls saying goodbye with a hug and an excited squeal in anticipation of later on. Part of Scarlet wanted to head straight to the shops to look for something new to wear but she stopped herself, instead getting in an Uber and going back to the flat, the prospect of her returning to campus for her 3pm lecture growing thin. Turning the keys in her front door, she sighed when she heard loud music coming from Ra’Jah’s room. Scarlet had hoped she’d be out by now. Walking through to the living room to dump her shoes, coat and bag, she paused when she saw something on the messy, cluttered coffee table that she was sure hadn’t been there before.

It was a tiny, clear, plastic ziploc bag filled full of a white powder. Scarlet frowned as she picked it up, transferring the bag between her fingers and watching as the powder inside crumbled and broke up, the same sort of consistency as flour although slightly looser and whiter. The realisation of what she was holding suddenly hit her like a bus, nearly making her drop the bag. She stood silent for a couple of minutes, completely unsure of what to do. Then she heard the music in Ra’Jah’s room get turned up and that seemed to make her decision for her.

Storming back through into the hallway, Scarlet banged on her flatmate’s door. “Ra’Jah!”

The music got cut off and there was an eerie buzz of silence in the flat. The door in front of Scarlet swung open to reveal her flatmate, her face unimpressed. “Yes?”

Scarlet held up the bag, hoping it would elicit some emotion out of the other girl. It did not. “Can you not leave that shit lying around our flat?”

Ra’Jah smiled in amusement, showing a set of slightly uneven teeth. Scarlet felt her top lip curl up in a sneer. Ra'Jah wasn’t able to pull them off, not like Yvie with the cute gap she had between her front teeth. Fuck, was she really thinking of Yvie right now? Ra’Jah leant on the doorframe cockily. “What, a girl ain’t never seen cocaine before?”

“Of course I’ve seen it,” Scarlet lied, gripping the bag tight between her fingers. “I just don’t want the flat looking like a fucking crack den. I mean it’s not a potted plant, Ra’Jah, it’s a fucking class A drug. It’s not decorative.”

“Class A, ooh,” Ra’Jah mimicked mockingly, irritation washing over Scarlet. “Don’t shit yourself, bitch, it’s fine. I only put it down for, like, two seconds anyway. Just give it and I’ll put it somewhere safe.”

Scarlet went to pass it back to her, but something held her back. She looked at the powder again and a flash of thoughts flew through her head, of skinny, glamorous models and nightclub toilets and champagne. It was an illegal drug, and everything Scarlet had been brought up to believe told her it was fucking disgusting, and dangerous, and led to a spiral of addiction and debt. But still part of her was so insatiably curious, like she was addicted without even having tried it yet. She watched Ra’Jah’s expression change as Scarlet curled her fingers back. “Where’d you get it?”

“What is this, twenty fuckin’ questions?” her flatmate snapped back, rolling her eyes. “Just give me my narcotics, bitch.”

“Can I, um. I’ll buy it off you?” Scarlet stumbled out, causing Ra’Jah to look at her in disbelief.

“You want to buy cocaine?” she raised an eyebrow at her, speaking through a slight laugh. Scarlet’s hackles were up.

“Or give me the number of your dealer.”

Ra’Jah let out a small snort, shrugging her shoulders. “Ain’t any need to involve anyone else. Alright, that’s a gram. Give me sixty and it’s a deal.”

Scarlet felt her eyes widen involuntarily, Ra’Jah chuckling in response. “Girl, what did you think it was gonna be? Naomi Campbell snorts this shit for a reason, people use rolled up hundred dollar bills to snort this shit for a reason. It ain’t fuckin’ Cabbage Patch kids weed we talkin’ ‘bout here.”

Scarlet frowned and took out her phone, opening up her banking app. Just before she transferred the money, she looked at her flatmate suspiciously. Ra’Jah rolled her eyes.

“Look, I’m not taking you for a ride. I got it for fifty, a bitch wants to make a profit. Sixty is standard in some places. Others you’d be talkin’ seventy. Google it if you don’t believe me.”

“No, I believe you,” Scarlet simply said, hitting a button and just like that, sixty pounds flew out of her account. A nervous heartbeat felt entirely too fast and too loud in her body. _Another hundred pounds gone._

“Thanks, bitch. This was great fun, maybe I’ll drop out and become a dealer,” Ra’Jah laughed, Scarlet saying nothing in reply as the door swung shut in her face. The bag seemed to make her right hand tingle, and a surge of nervous excitement shot through Scarlet like propane.

She got ready for the night ahead in a sort of daze, as the panic and the gravity of what she’d actually done began to sink in. She’d just bought a gram of cocaine for a night out. What the hell was she planning on doing with it? There was no way she’d be able to actually do any. Or was there? That was what Scarlet had always said about weed and now her and Yvie got high together all the time. Her pulse thrummed at her wrists when she thought about the other girl. Scarlet imagined bringing the small bag out in a toilet cubicle with her, watching her eyes grow wide, imagined her thinking _holy shit, I never knew Scarlet was this type of girl at all_. Imagined them both cutting it up with Scarlet’s bank card and snorting it, then hitting their high on the dancefloor, turning to her and letting Yvie lean in and kiss her in a haze of euphoria and lust.

Scarlet felt a throb of heat pulse between her legs, her doubts gone. This was a good decision.

Scarlet showed up to Vanessa’s flat only running a tiny bit late, ready with a bottle of vodka the size of her head and a couple of mixers in case any of the girls wanted to share. She got buzzed in quickly and was welcomed into the flat by Akeria who was looking a far cry from her usually-glamorous self, her hair piled on top of her head in a towel and a pair of pink flannel pyjamas on. Scarlet was shown through to their kitchen where she found Vanessa, Brooke and Yvie all sitting on the sofa or on chairs beside Silky who was also in her pyjamas and, just as she’d promised on the chat, was watching The Chase. The girls gave a small cry of delight as Scarlet walked in, Scarlet not missing the way Vanessa was sat on Brooke Lynn’s lap. Part of her prickled with jealousy, wishing that her and Yvie were in their place, but she didn’t mind too much. She was happy for Vanessa. Scarlet grabbed a glass, took a chair to sit in, and began pouring a drink as the girls continued to watch the TV.

_“Low offer of minus four thousand pounds, high offer, please?”_

_“Fifty-one thousand pounds.”_

“We’re watching The Chase,” Vanessa explained to Scarlet.

“I gathered.”

“If he takes the minus offer, I’m gonna reach through the TV and stab him,” Brooke said seriously, her face displeased.

“Nah, he’s gonna stick in the middle. I trust Nigel, 52, from Stockport,” Yvie drawled, taking a sip of her drink then smiling at Scarlet from her position on the chair beside her, reaching across and squeezing her hand. “Hey, girl, how are you?”

“I’m good, thanks,” she smiled shyly, giving Yvie’s hand a small squeeze back and admiring her crushed-velvet red dress. “You look good.”

Yvie momentarily looked as if she was about to say something cute in response when her eyes were suddenly ripped from Scarlet’s and back to the screen as the girls groaned loudly.

“He’s a fucking TRAITOR,” Silky yelled, launching a cushion at the TV. “Sheila brought back forty-five thousand for this asshole to take from it? NO MA’AM!”

“Well this is the most lit pres I’ve ever been to,” Scarlet deadpanned.

“I hate this motherfuckin’ game show. Silk, turn this shit off,” Vanessa rolled her eyes, her flatmate loudly complaining.

“It’s my fuckin’ flat too, hoe!”

“Yeah, some of us actually have to do work tomorrow,” Akeria piped up from her position at the oven, checking on whatever she’d put inside. “How come you’re out tonight anyway?”

Scarlet caught Vanessa’s eye and she just stopped herself from smiling. “Oh, you know. Sometimes you just fancy going out.”

“It’s called being spontaneous, Kiki. You should try it,” Brooke joined in as she brought both hands up around Vanessa’s waist, the other girl giving a happy sigh and Scarlet staring at them, jealousy burning under her skin. As the other girls bickered, Yvie turned to face her again.

“Hey. You alright?” she asked, concern etched on her face and making Scarlet’s heart swell up.

“No, yeah, I’m good!” she smiled, blinking and trying not to come out with the truth of _I’m insanely jealous of how close and cuddly Brooke and Vanessa are being right now and I wish Silky would get up off the sofa so we can join them_. Satisfied with her answer, Yvie smiled.

“That’s good. No sad allowed at pres,” she joked, then tapped her gently on the nose. “Also you’re not allowed to be upset, you’re, like, my favourite person. Don’t tell the others.”

Scarlet felt something akin to a tidal wave flood over her whole body. Boosted, she gave Yvie a small wink. “I won’t. I promise.”

Something behind Yvie’s eyes seemed taken-aback, but not in a negative way. Almost as if she hadn’t expected Scarlet to come back with something so flirty so quickly, and Scarlet had to hide her smile behind her hand when she saw Yvie’s cheeks turn slightly pink.

Two hours later, all of Scarlet’s vodka had been drank and the four girls had managed to navigate a drunk Uber ride and entry into one of the fanciest clubs in the city. Usually none of them would have been able to afford the entry fee, but Scarlet had paid the ten pounds for each of them without batting an eyelid. She probably should have cared, but Scarlet had hit that stage where the alcohol had her convinced that life was wonderful, she was invincible, and she would be young and rich forever. She laughed as she cast her eye around the small circle the girls had formed on the dancefloor. Vanessa was dancing, frankly, like a stripper, and Brooke seemed to be living for it, her hands on the other girl’s waist protectively. Yvie was bouncing and flailing about, completely intoxicated, and yelling along to whatever song was playing- Scarlet didn’t know it, but she didn’t really need to. Turning to Yvie, she grabbed her hands and laughed. Yvie looked at her curiously.

“You look like those things…those car lot things…they go like this in the wind,” Scarlet explained, suddenly demonstrating to Yvie and throwing her hands in the air. Yvie buckled over with laughter, her hands on her knees, and Scarlet was so pleased she’d made her laugh.

“Bitch you started doing the floss to Miami 2 Ibiza, shut the fuck up,” Yvie snorted, Scarlet howling beside her. Casting her eye again to Brooke and Vanjie, an idea planted itself in Scarlet’s head.

“Yvie, watch me dance like Vanessa,” she commanded, suddenly feeling emboldened enough to throw her arms around Yvie’s neck and push her body up against hers. She ran her hands through the other girl’s hair messily, Yvie’s eyes half-lidded as she laughed gently at her.

“Girl…messing up my hair,” she muttered, Scarlet smiling back brazenly.

“It was messed up when you did it,” she smiled cheekily, tapping Yvie on the nose like she’d done to her earlier. Without giving her a chance to respond, Scarlet dropped down onto the floor in a move she hoped would make her look irresistible. Instead, she toppled over and ended up flat on her back against the sticky floor, the crowd parting around her like the Red Sea. She looked up to see Yvie laughing hysterically, holding both her hands out to her. Scarlet took them gratefully and she was pulled up, beside Yvie again only this time with just a fraction of the confidence. Yvie must have seen her pouting as Scarlet felt her strong arms being wrapped around her in a hug.

“Aw baby, I like your dancing the way it is,” she slurred into her ear, a tingle shooting down Scarlet’s spine at the proximity of Yvie’s lips to her skin. Scarlet was about to do something, say something, when she suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Yvie and dancing beside Vanessa, who was gripping her arm. Scarlet was confused until Vanessa leaned in close to her and yelled above the music.

“I got an idea,” she said, her voice thick with alcohol. “Gonna make them both jealous.”

Scarlet’s eyes widened, an electric shock running through her veins as Vanessa pulled her close, then tilted her head up and kissed her. There was little to no hesitation and Scarlet felt herself kissing back, feeling the eyes of the other girls on them both. Vanessa kissed as if she’d known Scarlet’s lips her whole life, hot and passionate, and it briefly ran through Scarlet’s mind that Vanessa probably had a certain Canadian blonde on her mind as she was doing it. She desperately wanted to open her eyes, to look over to Yvie to see if she even cared. Show over, Vanessa pulled away, beaming and laughing, and Scarlet felt herself laugh back. In her drunk state, the situation was funny- the pair of them getting with each other to try to make their two other friends jealous. It appeared to have worked, certainly in Scarlet’s case, as Yvie took her hand and pulled her back, an odd sort of smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She shouted over the music at Scarlet, something that she couldn’t quite hear.

“What?”

Yvie raised her voice a little more. “I didn’t know you liked Vanessa like that!”

Scarlet laughed. “I don’t!”

Yvie gave her a funny look, a multitude of questions no doubt running around her head. Scarlet felt her confidence peak and she leaned in close to Yvie’s ear, Yvie’s arms snaking round her waist instinctively. “You jealous, girl?”

She felt Yvie’s body shake in a laugh Scarlet could tell was affected. “No…bitch.”

Scarlet leant her head on her shoulder and spoke against her neck. “Hey, ‘f you’re lucky it might be you next time.”

She pressed a tiny kiss against Yvie’s skin and pulled away laughing, Yvie looking momentarily shaken then joining in with Scarlet’s laughter. Scarlet ran her tongue over her teeth. _Fucking yes._ Suddenly, she remembered the tiny bag she had in her bra. She caught the attention of the other girls and shouted over the music again. “Guys. Come pee with me.”

She began to make her way through the crowd to the toilets, hearing Vanessa and Yvie laugh at Brooke singing a parody of Come Fly With Me but replacing the word “fly” with “pee”. They eventually all managed to cram into a cubicle together, Scarlet counting her blessings that there was no toilet attendant on duty who would almost definitely have bundled them all out. The girls looked shocked as Scarlet turned around from locking the door and produced the bag from her bra.

“Is anyone down?” she asked lightly, Brooke letting out a nervous laugh beside her. Vanessa flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“What the fuck is that,” Yvie asked, her face set in a hesitant, concerned smile. Scarlet shrugged.

“It’s exactly what it looks like.”

Vanessa spoke first with a blase shrug. “Yeah, bitch, let’s do it.”

Scarlet smiled happily, part of her quite surprised at how readily Vanessa agreed to the whole thing. Her eyes darted to Yvie, who was still looking at the bag cautiously. Obviously noticing her eyes on her, Yvie gave her a look that Scarlet couldn’t quite decipher, then screwed her face up. “So this is a thing we all do now?”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes at her. “Aw Jesus, Yvie, it’s one key in a club on a night out, we’re not all about to turn into fuckin’ junkies.”

Scarlet’s confidence had been given a knock. She hesitantly caught Yvie’s eye. “I mean, you don’t have to, I just thought-”

“No, girl, I’ll do some. ’M not a fucking pussy,” she frowned, taking a breath that seemed to be shaky and turning to Brooke, who was still looking with wide eyes at Scarlet. “Brooke, you doing this?”

It occurred to Scarlet that this was the first time she’d ever seen Brooke look anything other than completely sure of herself. She was laughing awkwardly, almost nervously. Scarlet watched as Vanessa put a gentle hand on her arm. “You don’t have to, baby.”

“No, well, y'know me. Try anything once,” she slurred, leaning into Vanessa’s touch. “Okay, fuck, let’s do this shit.”

Scarlet moved to empty the bag out onto the toilet cistern, but Vanessa put out a hand to stop her. “Woah, girl, the fuck you doin’? Just take a key, ain’t no need for all that fuckin’ credit card shit.”

Scarlet frowned at her, confused in her drunken state. “Keys?”

Vanessa seemed to shrink back into herself as she saw all three girls looking at her intently, wondering how she knew so much about the process. Wordlessly, she gestured for the baggie and produced her keys from her gold clutch bag. She calmly opened the small plastic bag and fished into it with a single key, balancing some of the powder on the length of it. With a short glance up at the girls, she pressed a finger to one nostril and gave a quick, harsh sniff with the other. As quickly as it had appeared, the cocaine was gone. Vanessa rubbed quickly at her nose, sniffing awkwardly.

“Alright, who’s next?” she questioned. Scarlet could feel Yvie’s eyes on her.

“Well since Scarlet brought it, she should go next,” she said, something off to her tone and her stare that Scarlet couldn’t quite pinpoint. Scarlet shrugged stiffly, Vanessa reaching back into the bag with the key and holding some out for her. The butterflies in her stomach almost overwhelming, Scarlet leaned forward and mimicked what Vanessa had done. The first thing that she felt was the all-encompassing smell of petrol, followed by a horrific stinging at the back of her nose and mouth, Scarlet briefly being reminded of jumping into swimming pools when she was little and water shooting up her nose. She gave a cough and a big, follow-up sniff, Vanessa chuckling lightly.

Well, that just happened.

Nervously thrilled, Scarlet felt the butterflies in her stomach dissipate as she watched Vanessa hold a key out to Yvie. Yvie frowned and shook her head.

“Nah. Changed my mind. I’m out,” she said darkly, shooting Scarlet a glare that made her feel like a reprimanded child.

“Come on, Yvie, it’s fine,” Scarlet offered, the other girl scrunching up her face.

“No. It’s not happening. You guys have fun.”

Scarlet felt dejected. She wished she knew what she’d done wrong. Trying to push her feelings aside, Scarlet watched as Vanessa turned the key to Brooke. Brooke was looking from the key to the lock of the toilet stall, nervous. Vanessa reached up and touched a lock of her hair.

“You don’t have to, Brooky.”

“No, I will, I will. I’m just nervous. And excited,” she stammered out, Scarlet thinking she couldn’t have judged the girls’ reaction to this entire situation less accurately if she’d tried.

“You can rub it on your gums if you don’t wanna snort it,” Vanessa explained, part of Scarlet wishing she’d told her that before her turn. Brooke tilted her head, considering, then wet her finger, reached into the bag and took some. Then she put her finger back in her mouth and maneuvered it around, her eyes on Vanessa.

“You tryna flirt, boo?” the other girl questioned, her eyes half-lidded as she locked eyes with her.

Brooke let out a laugh. “Bitch I’m trying to take fucking drugs!”

Vanessa, Brooke and Scarlet burst out laughing, Yvie shushing them.

“Right, let’s go, junkies,” she said irritably. Scarlet frowned, sad that she seemed to have upset Yvie in some way. An idea came to her as they left the cubicle and wandered past the judgemental line of waiting girls.

“I’m gonna get us a bottle of champagne,” Scarlet decided, sure for a second that she saw Yvie roll her eyes, but she wasn’t too sure.

“Vanjie, does it look obvious we’ve been doing drugs?” Scarlet heard Brooke yell over the music, Vanessa laughing gently.

“Everyone here is on drugs, baby. Just chill. It’ll kick in in a minute,” she winked, taking both of Brooke’s hands and jumping a little on the dancefloor.

Scarlet watched as Brooke’s eyes darted to a security camera on the ceiling. “Guys. They can see us. They know.”

“Brooke, relax, nobody gives a shit,” Yvie rolled her eyes. Brooke turned to Scarlet, panic filling her eyes.

“Scarlet, what was in that? Is it all okay, yeah? It’s not got anything through it?”

“Oh, good. Well done, bitch, are you seeing this?” Yvie glared at Scarlet before she had a chance to reply to Brooke. “Brooke! It’s fine! You’re okay!”

The music seemed as if it had been turned up louder. Scarlet scrunched her eyes closed. “Brooke, it’s fine, okay? I’m going to the bar, who wants something?”

“Ugh, of course you are,” she thought she heard Yvie mutter. Suddenly irritated, Scarlet whipped around to face her.

“And what is that meant to mean, huh?” she snapped, Yvie’s eyes widening a little at being challenged.

“You, bitch! What the fuck is up with you these days?”

“Nothing’s up with me? What is this?!” Scarlet cried, a couple of heads turning their way then slowly turning back. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest as if she’d just drank fifty Red Bulls back to back, although she was unable to tell if this was the effect of the drugs or just how annoyed she was.

“Something’s off with you. Fucking…cocaine, champagne, this constant…buying everything for everyone like we’re all charity cases, behaving like you’re a fucking extra off Gossip Girl? This isn’t you, Scarlet!” Yvie yelled back, suddenly grasping her by the wrists and giving her a shake. “The normal Scarlet would have shit herself at the thought of doing a key, the normal Scarlet would want to go to Levels and pay a pound for entry instead of going here to dance around with a bunch of fucking Love Island rejects!”

Yvie’s words stung harshly at Scarlet’s heart. She knew the other girl could sometimes grow argumentative when she was drunk, but Scarlet had never had it directed at her. It wasn’t nice. Scarlet felt her tone switch a little as she spoke. “Yvie, you’re being kind of a dick.”

Yvie gave a laugh of disbelief. “Well breaking fucking news, Scarlet! So are you! I mean do you have any idea how shitty it is to see your best friend grow into a total asshole over the space of two weeks?”

“Guys,” Vanessa suddenly interrupted out of nowhere, and Scarlet had no idea how long they’d been fighting or at what volume. “Me and Brooke are gonna go. She’s not doing well.”

Yvie looked at Vanessa, panicked. She cast Scarlet one last withering look before dashing through the crowd, presumably to pick up their jackets. Scarlet felt a bubble of upset prick at her throat. She turned to Vanessa instead. “What’s happened?”

“She thinks she’s having a heart attack. I mean, she’s not, it’s just the drugs, but I’m still worried about her,” she frowned, biting her lip. Vanessa jerked a thumb back to where Yvie had slinked off. “The fuck was that all about?”

Scarlet shook her head silently, not trusting herself to speak unless she began to cry. She didn’t understand how she’d managed to fuck everything up so badly. Vanessa saw her upset and pulled her in for a quick hug.

“Baby. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

The four of them got their coats and joined the taxi queue in a blur. Yvie wouldn’t even look her way, and Scarlet didn’t trust herself to try to speak to her in case she managed to make things even worse. She seemed more concerned about Brooke anyway, who was chattering away, her teeth clicking together in the cold night air.

“Is the taxi driver going to know? Will he just drive us to the police station and hand us in? Do you think he’ll phone the police? What if the police were to just come here right now and say they’re giving random drug tests to everyone in the line? What if-”

“Oh my God, what if you shut the fuck up?” Yvie snapped, Brooke looking taken-aback. Vanessa wrapped her arms around Brooke’s waist protectively.

“Brooky. It’s alright. The police aren’t coming, the taxi driver isn’t gonna turn us in. We’re going back to your flat and we’ll get you into bed safe. You’ve got us, nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

Brooke let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a sob. She buried her face in Vanessa’s hair. “I love you, V’nessa.”

Scarlet saw something shut down behind Vanessa’s eyes as she squeezed Brooke tightly. “I love you too, baby.”

Scarlet couldn’t stop herself from casting her eyes across to Yvie, selfishly longing. If she hadn’t fucked everything up, maybe something could have happened. Now, though, it looked as if she’d have to piece their friendship back together, never mind anything more.

The line moved up, and they found themselves at the front. Brooke and Vanessa spilled in, then Yvie. Scarlet went to join them when she found the door getting pulled across in her face. Yvie scowled at her. “No. You’re not getting in with us. I don’t even want to speak to you right now.”

Scarlet could hear Vanessa protesting. “Yvie, for fuck’s sake-”

“You’re not coming with us, bitch. Make your own damn way home,” she reiterated, slamming the door shut.

As the taxi sped away, Scarlet couldn’t fix the slack-jawed look of complete hurt she could feel on her face. As the reality of what had just happened sank in, she felt her face crumple like a paper bag as she began to cry, stood on her own at the taxi rank in the small hours of the morning, and all she could do was wait.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yvie is not nineteen forever, there’s an apology, and Vanessa has a bright career as a government spy ahead of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i had to change Yvie's birthday for plot reasons, apologies to Yvie purists xo)

Brooke woke up early, happy to see the sun gently peeking through her curtains as she stretched slowly and enjoyed the feeling of her duvet cosy around her. She usually loved waking up late on a Saturday, but today was different. Rolling over in bed, she grabbed her phone, typed a quick message to Nina and then got up, picking her dressing gown up off the floor and softly shuffling her way through to the kitchen. She rubbed her eyes blearily as she reached up above the kitchen cupboards and pulled down the box of cupcakes she’d bought the day before- salted caramel and carrot and walnut, two of Yvie’s favourites. She opened up the drawers, got two candles and lit them both before pushing them into the top of each cake. Brooke then made her way to her flatmate’s room, stopping to softly knock on Nina’s door on the way.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” came a hushed whisper from the other side, Nina appearing a second later with tired eyes and her huge mane of hair swept up into a messy bun. Brooke shot her a smile then knocked gently on Yvie’s door, not waiting for a response before slowly opening it.

“Hey Yvie, Yvie, Yvie,” she chirped softly, the other girl still a little moving bundle underneath her duvet. “Happy birthday!”

Brooke chuckled, throwing herself down on top of the duvet bundle and hearing it groan underneath. Nina began to sing the Happy Birthday song under her breath and sat down more gently on the edge of Yvie’s bed. There was a shuffling from under the duvet and Yvie’s head popped out, her hair all messy and strewn over her face. “Ugh, what time is it?”

“Nine. You don’t get a lie in on your birthday because you have to spend every second of it having fun,” Nina explained, gesturing to the cupcakes in the box Brooke was still holding in her hands. “Look, we got you cupcakes! You need to make a wish.”

Yvie rolled her eyes but she couldn’t suppress the smile on her face as she looked into the box and saw the cupcakes with the two glowing candles on top of them. As she blew them out, Brooke and Nina gave a cry of delight and clapped softly.

“She’s finally twenty. I thought you’d never get there,” Brooke teased, cuddling Yvie over her duvet. Yvie was the youngest of their friendship group, but Brooke didn’t think anyone would have been able to tell that from the way she looked and acted. She was finally joining the others in the club of twenty-somethings who made bad life decisions.

“Yeah well, sorry my parents chose to bang on Valentine’s Day,” she laughed, taking a cupcake with one hand and stroking Brooke’s hair with the other. Her smile was soft and warm on her face. It was a side to Yvie that people very rarely saw, and Brooke felt so lucky that she and Nina were two of the rare few who got to see it often. “Thanks, guys. This was super cute of you.”

“What did you wish for?” Brooke murmured against the duvet. Nina gave an annoyed tut.

“She can’t tell us or it won’t come true!”

“It won’t come true. But it’s nice to wish,” Yvie said hopefully, the wistful tone to her voice causing Brooke to lift her head and frown at her.

“Oh, I know what you mean, girl. I haven’t stopped wishing I was a mermaid since I was about five,” Nina shrugged, both Yvie and Brooke snorting a laugh. “I’ll make us all tea, will I? You’re gonna need something to go with those cupcakes.”

Nina made her way out of the room, Yvie and Brooke sitting in a comfortable silence as they heard the hissing sound of the kettle beginning to boil next door. Yvie wordlessly held the cupcake out to Brooke, offering her a bite. Brooke eyed it suspiciously.

“What one is it?”

“Carrot and walnut,” Yvie explained, a lick of white frosting staining the side of her mouth. Brooke scrunched up her face.

“Ew, no thanks. Fucking weirdo.”

“That’s me!” Yvie smiled happily, popping the last of the cupcake in her mouth and scooting down in bed so she could cuddle Brooke better.

“I’m so ready for lazerquest,” Brooke said excitedly, her heart giving a little thrum of anticipation. Yvie’s smile turned bigger.

“Oh my God, I know, bitch. I’m gonna dominate all you assholes.”

“Hey, don’t think we’ll let you win just because it’s your birthday,” Brooke frowned, Yvie raising her eyebrows.

“You won’t need to let me win, girl, I’ll do it all on my own.”

“That’s it. I’m gonna get all the girls to gang up on you secretly,” Brooke spoke through a yawn. Yvie let out a chuckle.

“Not much of a secret now is it? Idiot.”

Just then, Nina came back into the room with three cups of tea. Yvie sat up in bed, gesturing for Brooke to move as she threw back her duvet and let the girls in. Brooke cosied up on Yvie’s right side while Nina slotted in on the left, handing them across their teas. Brooke sighed happily. These were the moments she’d miss when they graduated and were all at different ends of the country or even the world- the fact she could be here, living with two of her best friends, waking up on a Saturday with tea and cupcakes. It made her skin all warm with happiness.

“I gave Yvie the Sports Direct mug since it’s her birthday,” Nina explained, the mug in question having come with the flat when the girls moved in and was chipped, cavernous, and able to hold about a gallon of tea. Brooke shrugged, acquiescing. Yvie reached across to her bedside table for her phone and Nina obliged, pulling the charger out gently and handing it to her. Brooke watched as Yvie checked it and frowned minutely.

“What is it?” Brooke asked, unable to help herself.

Yvie took a quick breath in. “Scarlet’s just saying happy birthday.”

Brooke and Nina frowned at each other as Yvie busied herself with typing back. It had been a rough week or so since Brooke and Yvie had been out with Scarlet and Vanjie, the night having turned into something really weird when Scarlet decided to produce cocaine from seemingly nowhere. Brooke shuddered, still remembering the panic she’d had and how paranoid she’d felt about everything once she’d taken it. Looking back, she wasn’t even sure that she’d been high at all, but the fact that she knew she’d taken some only caused her to fret and worry. But Vanessa, Brooke thought as her heart gave a throb. Vanessa had been so protective and caring and worried, taking her in a taxi home with Yvie, holding her hand and cuddling her and stroking her hair as Brooke panicked all the way home, looking out Brooke’s pyjamas for her and tucking her into bed and pressing a kiss to her forehead just before she left, a worried frown on her face the whole time. Yvie had been slightly over the whole situation, but Brooke couldn’t blame her. From what she’d gathered, her and Scarlet had had a furious row in the club, and she knew that Yvie had left her at the taxi rank on her own. That had been harsh, Brooke thought, but Yvie always ran the risk of making irrational decisions when she was a) drunk and b) angry, and she had been both. She’d gone back to her room as Vanessa had put Brooke to bed, and the next day Yvie had said nothing as she came through to Brooke’s room and wordlessly climbed under her duvet, Brooke immediately moving to hold her. She’d asked Yvie if she wanted to talk about last night, Yvie had said no, so they’d lain there together for a while in silence, Brooke’s thoughts running around her head and Yvie’s no doubt doing the same.

The week had passed by quickly, if only a little awkwardly. Brooke, admittedly, hadn’t had much time- her portfolio and final showcase had been on the Friday, so she and Plastique had basically holed themselves away in the library and the design department until it was done. Now, though, Brooke thought she should catch up with her friend.

“So you and her are fine now, then?” Brooke asked Yvie, the other girl sighing deeply.

“Technically yes. I messaged her on the Friday to say sorry, ‘cuz I felt like an ass not letting her in the taxi with us, and she apologised too, so I mean I guess we’re fine but…I don’t know. I’ve not seen her all week, she’s not asked to hang out.”

Nina patted Yvie’s arm sympathetically. “I wouldn’t take that to heart, girl, I mean we’re all busy people these days. A lot of deadlines coming up.”

“I know, you’re right. But I just don’t know if when I see her today she’ll be like…buying people stuff or she’ll have got me some fuckin’ expensive present or some shit. I mean, has she seemed off to you guys at all?” Yvie frowned, appealing to her flatmates. Brooke bit her lip as she thought about it.

“Yeah I mean…she’s been kind of throwing money around lately, but that’s about it. She’s still a complete idiot,” Brooke added on at the end, hoping it would elicit a response from Yvie. Brooke smiled as Yvie used her free hand to swat at Brooke.

“Hey. Don’t be a dick.”

“See! You have made up with her, because you’re still defending her,” Brooke smiled cheekily, a red blush hitting Yvie’s cheeks.

“Well yeah, she’s still my friend! But I don’t know. I hope she’ll be okay with me today,” Yvie muttered, biting her lip. Nina turned to the other girls, frowning.

“Can we also talk about…Scarlet and Vanjie? That happened, right? I’m sure one of you told me about that.”

“Oh yeah, I did,” Yvie said, then snorted a laugh and turned to Brooke. “Yeah that was fucking weird, right? When they got with each other?”

Brooke felt a stab to her heart and a flush fly to her face as she remembered the situation. Nina and Yvie’s faces grew curious and they instantly pressed her for more information, Brooke reluctantly telling them both what her response to the whole thing had been- how she’d pulled Vanjie back into her arms and muttered something about how she wasn’t allowed to do that with Scarlet, and if she was getting with anyone tonight it was going to be her. But Vanessa’s response had assuaged Brooke’s embarrassment, Brooke flexing her toes as she thought about Vanessa’s dark smile and the way she bit her lip and made some comment about how Brooke was so hot when she was jealous. Upon telling the girls the full story, Nina gave a cry, a flail, and spilt a big slosh of tea onto Yvie’s duvet.

“Nina! Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re gonna make me do laundry on my birthday,” Yvie laughed, annoyed but also not really.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I just…I’m trying to work it out,” Nina frowned, looking at Brooke intently. Brooke furrowed her brow.

“What?”

All of a sudden, Nina turned around and picked up a pillow, thumping Brooke with it as she spoke. “How you two haven’t FUCKING GOT WITH EACH OTHER YET! My GOD! It’s EXHAUSTING!”

“It is exhausting,” Yvie agreed, nodding. “It’s getting to the stage where there’s so much sexual tension between you that I get horny even just being in the same room as the pair of you.”

Brooke let out a laugh. “That’s fucking gross.”

“Well, it’s true. Can that be my birthday present? Can you finally get with Vanjie? Please?”

Brooke rolled her eyes and stared at Yvie. “No.”

Nina pulled a heartfelt face and put her hand to her chest. “What if a gay child with cancer had three weeks to live and their last wish to the Make a Wish foundation was to see Brooke and Vanessa kiss furiously in the middle of lazerquest. Are you telling me you wouldn’t kiss Vanjie in that instance?”

Brooke and Yvie let out a howl of laughter, Brooke reaching across and thumping Nina with her free hand. “Can the pair of you fucking stop? My God. I’ll get with her when I get with her, Jesus.”

“You’re an asshole,” Nina rolled her eyes, casting a glance to Yvie. “Hey, are both of those cupcakes gone or is there still one left?”

As the girls finished up their tea and the cupcakes and moved to get ready, Brooke thought about what they had both said and what had happened last Wednesday. Everything spun around her mind like a washing machine, and for the first time in three years, Brooke started to think that fuck, maybe Vanessa did like her back. It wasn’t that radical a notion. Brooke knew that Vanessa was flirty and touchy with all her friends, but there was something about her behaviour with Brooke that felt different. After all, Vanjie had said herself that she felt she and Brooke had something special. It still didn’t explain, however, why Vanjie was happy to get with so many people in their friend group (Akeria, Silky, Plastique and now Scarlet in the past year alone) but she’d never made a move on Brooke. Maybe there was something holding her back. Brooke didn’t know, and she couldn’t tell for sure.

In any event, Vanjie or no Vanjie, today was still going to be a good day, and she was looking forward to some time with her friends acting like an absolute child and running around laserquest for an afternoon. Yvie had decided she wanted to go there in lieu of a big piss-up night out and so she’d booked it at the big retail park on the outskirts of the city, the other girls transferring her money excitedly as none of their friendship group could even pretend to be too cool for lazerquest. Brooke felt her thoughts run through her mind as she opened her wardrobe, unable to help herself thinking about the possibility of something happening between her and Vanjie. She decided to wear her plain blue jeans with a black polo neck and trainers, running her tongue over her teeth happily as she’d once remembered Vanessa saying she loved girls in polo necks, “like a fuckin’ Kheira Knightly dream girl fantasy”, and she’d clung onto the information ever since, sporadically using it to her advantage. Today was one of those days. Brooke was about to sweep her hair up into a high ponytail when her door burst open, Nina on the other side. Her mane of wavy hair framed her face and she had opted for a pair of pink dungarees, a white t-shirt underneath.

“Hey. You look cute,” Brooke said through a mouthful of kirby grip, Nina smiling cheerfully in response as she lay down on Brooke’s unmade bed.

“Thanks, angel,” she said, looking in the direction of Yvie’s room across the hall and frowning, lowering her voice. “Hey, is Yvie okay, do you think?”

Brooke blew out a considerable amount of air from her lungs. “Honestly it’s hard to say. I don’t know. She doesn’t tell us anything.”

“True. I just think she’s overreacting about the whole Scarlet thing. Like okay, she’s being a bit careless with her money, and what? Scarlet’s a smart girl, she isn’t an idiot. Well. She is in some aspects of life, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, Nina, but you know what Yvie’s like,” Brooke frowned, pulling the band around her hair as she spoke. “She’s very proud and doesn’t like the thought of anyone pitying her or anything. Which is why I think the whole Scarlet throwing around money thing is getting to her. Also, I see where she’s coming from with the personality transplant thing. I mean Scarlet with cocaine? Come on.”

Nina shrugged, nodding. “No, you’re right, that one is weird. Aw, but you know what it’s like, Brooke, it’s uni. We all get to third year and know that our time’s running out and wish we’d all done so much more. Remember when the three of us made that bucket list in first year? How much of that did we actually do?”

Brooke sighed, finishing her hair and turning around to Nina. “I don’t want to grow up, Nina.”

“I know, baby. Me neither. Let’s go see if Yvie’s ready then get the bus.”

The three girls eventually gathered everything they needed and locked up their flat, walking around the corner and waiting for the bus that would take them to the retail park. It arrived only six minutes late, Yvie and Brooke having to rely on Nina to pay their fares as neither of them had any change. They all sat on the top deck, Yvie making them sit at the very front so she could pretend she was driving the bus, and they were off. Brooke shot a quick message to the group chat, which already had a few messages on it.

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: What day is it today._

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I know it’s a Saturday but I feel like there’s something else_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Could it be…International Talk Like a Pirate Day?_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: No……that’s not it_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: If only there was some way to remember_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: HAPPY FUCKIN BIRTHDAY YVIEEEEEEEEE_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Silky I cannot believe_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: You just ruined my entire setup_

_Okay Then: happy birthday Yvie!!!!! can’t wait for lazerquest_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Happy Birthday Yvie hope you have the best day (which u will because you’re seeing us)_

_used Tampon: Happy Birthday angel xxxxxxx_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: YAY Happy Birthday Yvelynn!!!! Can’t wait to shoot u multiple times with lazers xo_

_mose: We’re on the bus guys see u all soon!_

_Okay Then: fuck i need to get dressed i’m still in bed_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Yes Plastique i’m sure shagging your flatmate is exhausting work xxx_

Brooke howled as she read Nina’s reply. “NINA!”

The other girl gave a mischievous wink from across the aisle.

Eventually the girls got off the bus at the retail park and wandered across to the giant arcade, where they found Silky, Akeria and Vanjie sitting on the long benches just outside the entrance to the lazerquest arena, four identical blue and red slushies in front of them. Brooke noted that Vanessa had plaited her hair, something in the back of her mind reminding her of something she may or may not have once said about liking it when girls wore their hair in braids.

“Yvie!” Vanessa cried, spotting them all first and running over to the birthday girl, giving her a quick hug. “Happy birthday, girl!”

“Thanks, Vanjie,” she smiled bashfully, sitting down on the bench beside Silky and immediately being enveloped in a gigantic hug.

“We got you a slushie!” Akeria smiled, handing Yvie one of the crippling brain freeze-inducing drinks. Yvie raised her eyebrows appreciatively as she sipped it.

“The only birthday gift a girl could ask for.”

“Did these girls do anything cute for you?” Akeria asked, giving Nina and Brooke a stare. “Because you know if they didn’t, you can always come live with us. We’d swap you for Silky, at least maybe you’d clean up the kitchen once in a while.”

Silky went to let out an outraged, loud protest but Yvie spoke first. “They got me cupcakes from Birdie’s so I’m happy.”

“Aw, that’s so cute,” Vanessa smiled, beaming at Brooke from the other end of the table. “Brooke Lynn, when’re you gonna buy me cupcakes?”

“When you stop being insufferable,” Brooke deadpanned, the other girls bursting out into a laugh as Vanessa pouted like a kicked puppy. Just then, Plastique and Scarlet arrived, Plastique swinging her car keys around her finger. The girls said hi to everyone and Plastique explained that she’d given Scarlet a lift on her way here. Brooke watched as Scarlet handed Yvie a card, the other girls making up quick excuses as to where theirs were.

“Guys, it’s fine. I know that none of you broke ass bitches can afford three pounds for a card,” she laughed good-humouredly. As the other girls spoke about just when the hell their student loans were coming in, Brooke watched as Yvie opened the card, Scarlet standing nervously beside her. The front of the card had Winnie the Pooh on it and read “2 years old!”, Scarlet having Sharpie-d on a 0 next to the other digit. Yvie read what was inside, smiled shyly, then without saying anything else wrapped her arms around Scarlet’s waist in a wordless hug. If Brooke leant back a tiny bit, she could read what was inside-

**Dear Yvie,**

**Happy 20th Birthday!**

**I was trying to Tigger out what to say for so long but I’ll just say- sorry I’ve been acting like a Pooh. I would love nothing more than to make up with you if you’ll Pig-let me. Anyway, Owl stop Rabbit-ing on and say I hope you have the best day ever, you deserve it.**

**Lots of love,**

**Scarlet xxx**

Brooke pressed her lips together to suppress a laugh. Scarlet was a total dork, but she was a cute dork, and she made Yvie happy. Brooke was glad they’d made up, and she was looking forward to the day that one of them finally fucking admitted their feelings to the other so that Brooke and Vanessa didn’t need to be the targets of their friendship group any more.

The group were interrupted by a man who looked a little too old to be working at an arcade who showed them through to the lazerquest arena. They had paid for two games, and got told the first one was to be a team game. Silky immediately grabbed Akeria and Vanessa, Vanessa hooking an arm around Scarlet too.

“Are we really doing flat versus flat? Really?” Nina laughed, shaking her head. Yvie shrugged.

“Suits me. Let’s kill these bitches.”

They got their packs on and were let loose into the arena, Plastique, Nina, Yvie and Brooke instantly running to a far corner. Yvie immediately started talking an attack plan, maintaining that they shouldn’t run around like lunatics and instead pick four vantage points where they could pick off the girls as they moved. Brooke had to suppress a laugh at how seriously Yvie was taking the whole thing, as the mood she was in Yvie could have very likely killed her. Plastique and Nina ran off to get a position for the game, and Brooke stayed with Yvie. The girls knelt down behind two huge barrels, and the game began, a huge countdown blasting through the speakers and spooky music following immediately afterwards.

“Oh my God, I feel so alive,” Yvie gave an evil laugh as she immediately shot at Akeria, who ran across their line of sight. Brooke bit her tongue to keep from laughing as Silky’s voice echoed across the whole room, outraged at having been shot.

“I haven’t done this since I was about ten,” Brooke agreed, shooting at Scarlet three times and hearing the other girl whine. Brooke cast a glance at Yvie. “So you and Scarlet are fine now, yeah?”

Yvie gave a tiny smile as she scanned her line of sight. “Yeah.”

Brooke couldn’t help but take it another step further. “I have this theory that Scarlet has a crush on you, you know?”

Yvie frowned, shooting at Vanjie who was high up on a different level. “Well I hope not, because that would make things awkward between us.”

Brooke laughed, shooting at Vanjie again immediately as she came back to life and hearing the other girl curse. “You’re a good actor, girl, do you get paid?”

Yvie turned her head to scowl at Brooke. She was suddenly shot at, and turned her head quickly back. “Literally zip your mouth up and don’t open it again.”

“I’m just saying, you wouldn’t be the only ones. Everyone knows I like Vanessa. Apart from her. I think. I hope,” Brooke paused, frowning. Yvie shot once, twice, three times at Akeria.

“Do you know the meaning of zip your mouth?”

Brooke pressed her lips together, reprimanded, and she continued to shoot each time she saw one of the girls on the opposite team until finally, the game ended. They all trudged back to the meeting room, shrugged off their packs and dashed eagerly to the TV in the arcade that told them their scores. Brooke watched as Yvie’s face lit up, their team being declared the winners.

“Y'all cheated, that ain’t fair!” Vanessa complained, flipping one of her dark braids over her shoulder. Brooke felt a small electric shock between her legs as her conversation with Vanessa the other week shot back into her mind. _Definitely bratty._

“It’s called playing the game right, you should try it,” Yvie laughed mockingly. Looking back up at the scoreboard, she pointed. “Nina West, though, most valuable player. Well done, girl.”

Nina smiled modestly, framing her face with her hands. “We’ve got fifteen minutes until our next game, that’s time for a slushie, right?”

As Nina, Plastique, Akeria and Silky ran off to get another horrifically fluorescent drink filled with e-numbers and Scarlet and Yvie made their way to a claw machine no doubt about to make twenty futile attempts to win a bear, Brooke and Vanessa were left on their own guarding everyone’s bags at the table. Vanessa sat opposite Brooke, twirling a plait subconsciously and giving Brooke a little smile.

“I like your hair,” Brooke commented casually, Vanessa’s smile growing bigger at the compliment.

“Thanks. I like your outfit,” she beamed innocently, Brooke sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and biting it. _This was deliberate_. “I always wish I could pull off roll necks.”

Brooke very nearly came out with something akin to _y_ _ou can pull mine off if you want_ but even that ran the risk of being a bit much for Vanessa. Instead she flipped her ponytail back and shrugged. “It’s an innate gift. You’ve either got it or you don’t.”

Vanessa smirked as if she was holding something back, then dropped it as she looked at the girls all queueing for their slushies. Turning back to Brooke, she pouted again. “How do you win at that shit? I swear I shot people like twenty times and it did nothing.”

“Pick a place to shoot from and then stay there for the whole game. Don’t give away your hiding place. People just run past you. It’s the best way,” Brooke shrugged, Vanessa smiling and drumming her fingers on the table.

“Thanks for the tip, boo. Try not to get killed by me this next game.”

“Gosh, I’m so terrified,” Brooke shrugged, Vanessa scowling comically and kicking at Brooke under the table until she realised she was too short to reach her legs. As Brooke almost keeled over with laughter, the girls returned with their slushies. Just before they were all called back into the arena again, Scarlet and Yvie triumphantly returned with a soft toy Eeyore.

“Shitting Christ. How much did you have to put into the machine until you won that monstrosity,” Akeria rolled her eyes, Yvie all happy and ignoring her.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s the effort that counts,” Yvie smiled, Scarlet hiding a blush behind her hands.

Eeyore packed away in Yvie’s rucksack, game two began. It was a solo game so Brooke dashed off and found a small hiding place in the arena, secretly terrified of Yvie finding her and killing her three times in a row. The minutes of the game ticked by and Brooke stood where she was, shooting at people whenever she could. There was a small lull where nobody seemed to run past Brooke, and she could hear the footsteps of people on the level above her. Brooke looked over to a small vantage point across from her. If she could get to there, she’d be able to shoot at the girls on the upper level.

“God, I’m taking this way too seriously,” she whispered to herself as she ran, suddenly hearing Silky loudly threaten someone with murder and reconsidering.

As Brooke ran into the vantage point and up to the little window, she was shocked as she almost bumped into a dark figure that was hiding in the shadowed corner, who shot at her immediately. Brooke skidded to a halt, rolling her eyes as she realised who it was. Vanessa flicked a braid over her shoulder and laughed smugly, smiling naughtily with her tongue between her teeth.

“Thought you said don’t give away your hiding place?” she asked cheekily. Just then, something inside Brooke melted away, like the feeling of letting go of a balloon and watching it fly high into the air. She took a big step across to the shadowed corner and watched as Vanessa’s eyes grew wide and shimmery, excitement and anticipation twinkling in them. Brooke ran her tongue over her teeth.

“Truce?”

Brooke’s heart almost failed as Vanessa let her gun drop down by her side and slid her arms around Brooke’s waist. “Hmm, I don’t know, baby. What’s in it for me?”

Brooke had a sudden, overwhelming, life-affirming realisation that friends absolutely, categorically Did Not act like this. This wasn’t even friendly flirting, this was complete full-blown flirting, and it was only going to lead one place and Brooke had to hold back visible excitement as she pretended to think, tilting her head up to the sky. “Okay, well…I’m very good at shooting people-”

“Obviously,” Vanessa raised a sarcastic eyebrow, giving Brooke a small squeeze.

“- I came second in the last game…” Brooke paused, taking in the moment before she actually came out with the words that were in her head. “…and I also happen to be a very fucking good kisser.”

Brooke’s heart felt as if someone had turned a key in its ignition as she took in the sight of surprise smacked over every inch of Vanessa’s face, before the dust settled and a wicked glint appeared in the other girl’s eye as she looked down at Brooke’s lips then back up to her eyes. She bit her lip as she smiled at her and Jesus Christ if Vanessa wasn’t the most beautiful person Brooke had ever fucking seen. “Mm…I don’t know, boo, I might need to see that before I believe it.”

Unable to hold back and watch the smirk on Vanessa’s face grow any bigger, Brooke leant in, closed the gap between them and kissed Vanessa deeply, feeling the other girl seem to melt against Brooke’s body as she made a low, contented hum in her throat. It was exactly everything that Brooke had wanted over the past few years, Vanessa’s lips at once new and unfamiliar but also completely addictive, Brooke feeling herself push the other girl against the wall as she kissed her hard. Vanessa brought one of her hands up to her jaw and the other ran through Brooke’s hair, completely messing up her ponytail but Brooke not even being able to muster the energy to care about anything other than taking in every single second of the situation she’d currently found herself in. Brooke felt every nerve ending in her body feel as if it had been set alight as Vanessa trailed one hand down to rub at Brooke’s hipbone through her jeans, Brooke unable to help herself as she bucked her hips gently, Vanessa gasping as she pulled away slightly.

“Jesus, you’re so fuckin’ gorgeous,” she whispered against her lips, Brooke growing absolutely wild and suddenly wishing Vanessa’s hair was out of its plaits so she could grab fistfuls of it and make her cry out. Brooke felt Vanessa’s other hand trail itself down from her hair and Brooke wondered how her heart hadn’t given out by now as she felt Vanessa kiss back against her, wondering if it was in any way acceptable to beg her to finger her in the middle of a fucking lazerquest arena, but Brooke wasn’t in any position to think logically with one of Vanessa’s hands on her hips and the other on her-

Brooke nearly had a heart attack as she felt Vanessa push her off of her, her back bumping against the wall. Shocked, Brooke’s eyes grew wide like a deer in the headlights as she looked at Vanessa, the other girl’s face still completely full of lust as she aimed and fired three shots- one to each of Brooke’s shoulders and one to the huge green target on her chest.

Brooke found herself rendered completely incapable of speech as Vanessa gave a sultry laugh, taking two steps forward to meet her.

“Sorry, Ms. Hytes, but your services are no longer required,” she deadpanned, giving Brooke a quick kiss on the cheek before she walked away, just in time for the lights to come up and the klaxon to sound, signalling the end of the game.

Brooke stood completely slack-jawed as she heard Vanessa say proudly as she walked away, “Bitch! I would make such a fuckin’ amazing spy!”

As Brooke listened to the sound of Vanessa’s footsteps getting further and further away, she touched her cheek, then had to bite her lip to keep from smiling so much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlet has finally flown too close to the sun. But maybe something good can come of it.

Scarlet sat on her bed, swamped with clothes, coats, shoes, clutch bags and a whole host of other accessories.

She had absolutely fucked it.

Trying to keep her breathing steady, tears stung her eyes as she looked down and read her banking app again.

£346.59.

How could it have been possible to completely piss away nearly five thousand pounds in the space of a month? Scarlet had tried to work it out, torturing herself as she pored over her bank statement again and again, but she couldn’t come up with anything new. She was a dumb idiot airhead who didn’t know how to be financially responsible, who wasn’t ready for any form of adult life.

She’d tipped out all her new purchases onto her bed in a state of panic, although what she’d been hoping to achieve she wasn’t sure. Now she was surrounded by things. They’d all brought her so much happiness in the moment but now it seemed as if they were the cause of all her problems.

Actually, no, she harshly berated herself as she let out a sob. She was the cause of all her problems. She’d lost practically all her winnings, she’d damaged things with Yvie and was only just working on getting them back to how they were, and she knew she’d isolated herself from the girls. Well, more so than usual. She knew that all of them had been told about what happened on that night out with just the four of them and even though they all acted fine with her at Yvie’s birthday, Scarlet couldn’t bear to think about what they must have thought of her. If it hadn’t been for the fact it was Yvie’s birthday she probably wouldn’t even have been invited.

Scarlet’s heart wrenched when she thought about her and Yvie, how she’d gone from realising her crush on her to being optimistic enough to think something might happen between them, to seeing it all coming crashing down and having to rebuild it. Yvie had been so sweet on her birthday and Scarlet could tell she was making an effort with her to repair things, the other girl clearly regretting how she’d behaved too. They had arranged to meet for coffee at some point today to just catch up- to hang out like they used to, without alcohol or drugs or Scarlet paying for anything. Not that that was an option any more. Sniffing, Scarlet checked her phone and her heart dropped when she saw two messages from Yvie. Frozen, she looked at the time.

Shit.

Scarlet had lost herself in her panic and anxiety-fuelled breakdown that she hadn’t noticed how long she’d been lying on her bed for. Yvie had been waiting at the coffee shop for ten minutes already and it was a twenty minute walk from Scarlet’s flat. Reading the messages, Scarlet couldn’t even bring herself to reply. Now she’d made things even worse, Yvie probably hated her again for standing her up, and she’d probably be cut out of the friendship group. As Scarlet felt the tears run down her face, she caught a glimpse of herself in the huge mirror opposite her bed. Her lashes were all stuck together, the length of the extensions rendering them spidery and ridiculous-looking. Her cheeks were blotchy and her nose was bright red, embarrassing streams of mucus covering her upper lip. She’d been crying for so long that her eyelids were swollen up. The one thing Scarlet always thought she could rely on- her appearance- was lost in the moment, and it made her feel even worse.

Closing her eyes, she threw herself back on the bed, reaching under a huge leather jacket for her teddy and holding it close. Breathing in deeply and fighting a hiccup, she wished she was home. Her family cottage in the country, her Mum and Mam and her terrier, Yorkie. That feeling of freedom and complete peace she would get when she took him for walks through endless fields and windy country roads, feeling the wind whip at her hair and the cold thrash at her skin. Being able to pick berries and take them home and make jam with them like some ridiculous fucking Enid Blyton character. Scarlet had complained endlessly about country living when she’d been at school, clamouring to move to a big city of some sort for uni. It had all definitely been a culture shock but she’d loved every minute of it, the feeling of always having something to do or somewhere to go. Now, Scarlet found herself yearning to go home, maybe just even for the weekend. Home being at the other end of the country rather than the four walls around her never got any easier. Her Mum had texted her the other day, eager for an update and missing her in a message peppered with kisses and heart emojis. Scarlet hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell her anything, giving a generic, standard response in reply.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Scarlet felt herself fall into a tear-induced drowsy nap.

She woke however many minutes later- Scarlet hadn’t known what time she’d fallen asleep nor when she’d woken up- to the heavy click of her bedroom door opening and voices outside. Startled, Scarlet heard a familiar voice muttering a thanks and was mortified to see who appeared moments later.

Of course it was Yvie, and she looked fucking beautiful. Her hair was its usual tidy untidiness of black curls and waves sticking out all over the place, her makeup was pristine as usual, but her outfit was different. It was one Scarlet hadn’t seen before hiding under Yvie’s huge knee-length parka- a short leather skater skirt with ripped tights and a black ribbed tank top with a plaid shirt tied around her middle in a tight knot. Scarlet’s stomach dropped. This was a new outfit. Yvie had made an effort for their meeting. Oh no.

So much was going on in Scarlet’s mind that she barely registered Yvie’s face. She’d assumed that she would be the picture of complete rage, appearing at Scarlet’s flat to berate her about standing her up, but the other girl looked completely horrified. Scarlet didn’t trust herself to speak and it was Yvie who opened her mouth first.

“What…has happened here?” she asked slowly, her voice level. Scarlet couldn’t pinpoint what it was but suddenly her face was crumpling again, her heart not even able to react as Yvie’s face grew more concerned and she rushed forward to join her on her bed, wrapping her arms around her in a huge hug. Scarlet hadn’t felt so safe in a long time. She felt herself gulping for air as she babbled in the other girl’s arms.

“Yvie I’m so sorry…I totally lost track of time, I was doing stuff and I didn’t see the clock…please don’t hate me, fuck, I don’t want to lose you, please-”

“Hey, hey, bitch!” Yvie said gently, pulling away and resting her hands on Scarlet’s shoulders. Scarlet found herself being anchored to Yvie’s eyes and they were so calm and deep and dark that Scarlet felt this inexplicable feeling of falling wash over her. As she stared, Yvie continued to speak. “You’re not going to lose me, you’re never going to lose me. I could never hate you. Where is all this coming from?”

Scarlet frowned. “When we all went on that night out…you said-”

“Fuck, no, Scarlet, that was a load of shit. I was drunk and I was angry and I said things I didn’t mean. I said things I did, but I said things I didn’t too. You’re always going to be my friend, no matter what happens. I love you too much to lose that.”

Scarlet felt as if it was physically impossible for her to cry more. She was exhausted, and she gave a small laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Sighing, she blinked heavily. “I love you too.“

As Yvie smiled at her and opened her arms out again for a hug, Scarlet found herself wondering if they would ever say it to each other and have it mean more than what it meant now. She wanted to believe that they would. Her heart gave a small judder as she was sure she felt Yvie press a kiss to her hair.

"What is all this shit doing here, then?” came Yvie’s voice, and Scarlet gave a sigh that her whole body seemed to feel. She couldn’t keep this all bottled up forever.

“I won on a scratchcard just under a month ago. Just after Vanjie’s birthday night. I got five thousand from it and I’ve just completely pissed it away,” she said, her voice monotone and emotionless, trying to detach herself from the situation. Yvie stroked her back in circles supportively. Scarlet heard her give a laugh.

“Shit, girl,” she said calmly, Scarlet letting out a small, humourless laugh with her. “So this is why you’ve been acting like an own-brand Paris Hilton?”

“Pretty much. I had wanted to put some of it in my savings account but I just never got round to it…I liked treating everyone. I liked treating myself, you know? I never have anything, you know how hard I’ve been finding it to get a job…I just wanted everyone to like me.”

Scarlet felt her body fall forward as Yvie pulled away from her again and frowned. “Scarlet. Everyone does like you.”

Scarlet made a face. “No but…properly like me, you know? Everyone just puts up with me because I’m your friend and if it wasn’t for you they probably wouldn’t hang out with me.”

Yvie let out a laugh and threw her head back. “Scarlet, oh my God! Nobody thinks that! Vanjie loves you, she’s always saying how sweet you are to everyone. Plastique is always so happy when you come to things. Akeria thinks you’re hilarious- in a good way! Nina values you so much-”

“Nina could find the good in Piers Morgan, Yvie, come on,” Scarlet muttered, picking at her duvet cover.

“Well she still loves you! I know that Brooke can be mean sometimes but she’s like that to us all, speaks first, thinks later. I mean look at the shit she says to Vanjie sometimes and she practically wants to fuckin’ wife the girl,” Yvie rolled her eyes, the sight making Scarlet laugh. “And Silky is…Silky’s Silky. If you’re not Vanjie or Akeria you’re always going to be the inferior friend so you might as well suck it up and deal with it.”

Scarlet gave a small laugh, shrugging in agreement. Her skin gave a tingle as Yvie reached out for her hand, linking their fingers together without hesitation.

“Scarlet. We all love you. You don’t need to buy us shit for us to be your friend. We love that you’re cheerful, we love that you’re funny, we love that you’re sweet, we love that you’re thoughtful, that you listen, that you’re beautiful-” Yvie said, faltering a little as if she’d said something she shouldn’t. “I mean, yeah. You get the point. Just promise me you won’t do any fucking cocaine any more.”

Scarlet laughed. “Fuck, no.”

Yvie smiled shyly and gave her hand a squeeze. Fuck, she was still holding it. “Good. I just know what it can do to people. And I like having you alive.”

Scarlet returned her smile. She noticed they were sitting facing each other now, cross-legged with their knees touching. There wasn’t much distance between them. Looking back up at Yvie, she watched as the other girl looked away quickly as if she’d been caught.

“Uh, so…you never said why you have all these clothes out.”

“Oh, right,” Scarlet looked down, embarrassed and disappointed for no apparent reason. “This is all the shit I bought. Some of it still has the tags on. I was looking for receipts but I don’t think I got very far. I was just panicking and crying. I’ve cried so much, I definitely look like shit.”

When Scarlet looked up, Yvie’s cheeks were pink and she’d pressed her lips together tightly. She was looking at Scarlet with hesitation. “You never look like shit.”

“I have my moments,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, looking up to the ceiling then feeling her gaze being pulled back down as she felt Yvie reach out and take her other hand.

“No, you really don’t,” Yvie said quietly, with an intensity that shot up Scarlet’s spine. The room seemed to buzz, or maybe that was the blood roaring in Scarlet’s ears. It felt as if something was going to happen and Scarlet felt she was walking on a sheet of ice, so conscious of saying the wrong thing unless it cracked and she fell and froze.

She settled on a small smile. “You’re sweet.”

Yvie let out a breathy laugh, then looked down and then back up at Scarlet. She laughed quietly. “Fuck, what’s happening right now?”

“I don’t know,” Scarlet whispered through her own laughter, sure that Yvie could hear how loud her heart was beating.

“I really want to kiss you,” Yvie said almost inaudibly and fuck, shit, that was out in the open and Scarlet felt as if she was plummeting through the ice sheet even though nothing had gone wrong. She only left a second between Yvie’s words and her response, a hopeful but afraid little whisper in the silence of her room.

“Do it.”

Quickly, Yvie leant forward, swept a hand up to Scarlet’s cheek and met her lips with her own, Scarlet feeling herself melting into them. She felt her heart beating at the rate of a hummingbird’s wings and she was hardly able to breathe. She couldn’t believe this was happening at all and she hadn’t been the one to instigate it. Neither of them were drunk or high or on something. Fuck, Yvie liked her back.

Scarlet felt Yvie’s other hand come to rest on her knee as she pulled away, the other girl blushing more than Scarlet had ever seen her blush as long as she’d known her, and Scarlet couldn’t help but giggle. Yvie smiled back at her, the tips of her ears bright red. For a moment, neither of them spoke, Scarlet feeling simultaneously like a rabbit in the headlights and the car that was coming towards it. Yvie spoke first.

“So…that’s happened.”

Scarlet swallowed. Her mouth felt absolutely bone dry. She made a noise of agreement. Yvie let out a small, awkward laugh.

“What do we do now?”

Scarlet shrugged slowly, her face scrunching up as she was unable to tell if Yvie completely regretted everything or not. Yvie bit her lip and thought for a moment, then spoke slowly.

“Okay, I’m going to give us three options. Option one…we never talk about it again and pretend like it didn’t happen. Option two, we cut our losses and never see each other ever again. Or option three…” Yvie looked up at the ceiling and sighed. If Scarlet looked at Yvie’s wrist she could see her pulse racing. Without meeting Scarlet’s eyes, Yvie continued. “…I tell you about how I’ve fucking…liked you since I met you and how I’ve been too scared to ask you on a date for a year so we just ended up becoming friends.”

“Oh my God,” Scarlet’s mouth dropped open, complete shock drenching her. She couldn’t help but laugh, Yvie cringing and putting her head in her hands. “This is a dream. I’m dreaming, right? You’re not telling me this.”

“Fuck, Scarlet, I’m sorry-”

“Yvie, no, shut up!” Scarlet cried, pulling Yvie’s hands away from her face as she realised she’d got the wrong idea. “I’m saying that because I fucking like you as well!”

Scarlet had never seen Yvie look this level of surprised. Suddenly, a smile crept onto her face and she was laughing, complete belly-laughing with that ridiculous evil chuckle that Scarlet loved so much. Scarlet was soon joining in, lacing their fingers together and before she knew it, she had leant in and was kissing Yvie again. It felt equally as electric and terrifying and amazing the second time as it had the first.

“We could’ve been doing this for a year? Fuck, I wish I wasn’t such a fucking idiot,” Yvie hissed as she pulled away, Scarlet laughing.

“You’ve really liked me for that long?” she asked quietly, flattered and blushing.

“Well, yeah,” Yvie shrugged, embarrassed. “For someone who looks in the mirror so much you’re completely fucking oblivious to how stunning you are.”

“Shut up,” Scarlet ran a hand through her hair and laughed, unable to deal with any of this. “Jesus. I only figured out I liked you like, a month ago. I don’t think you’re the idiot here.”

“Yeah, that is pretty dumb. I’m fuckin’ great.”

The two girls laughed again, still not having let go of each others’ hands. As the laughter died down, Yvie frowned and looked down.

“What is it?”

Yvie sighed. “I want to say something else but…nah, it’s fine.”

“Oh, you have to tell me now,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, Yvie making a face.

“No, it’s embarrassing! It’s going to make me seem like I’m still in school, fuck. It’s just…” Yvie paused for a long time, seemingly struggling to find the words. “Look, okay, this is what it is. I don’t want to do the whole…kiss each other sporadically, fuck each other, go on dates- no, that came out wrong, of course I want to take you on dates, of course I want to do all of that- what I mean is…I don’t want the whole uncertainty, not knowing how we feel about each other, not knowing where we are.”

Scarlet nodded once Yvie was finished. “I get that. I guess I don’t really want any of that either.”

“So what I’m basically saying is- and I know this is fucking ridiculous and feel free to say no-”

“Yvie, fucking out with it!”

Scarlet watched Yvie take a breath and hold it before she spoke. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Scarlet couldn’t stop from breaking out into what she could swear was the biggest smile she’d ever had on her face. “Yes I want to be your girlfriend. So much.”

And before Yvie had a chance to smile back at her, Scarlet leant forward and pulled her into their third kiss of the day, just because she could.

From there, Yvie devised a plan of action for her. She helped Scarlet organise her clothes, punctuating the whole process with kisses. Then Yvie took her into town to take most of them back, Scarlet feeling completely weightless. Everything that had seemed to be going wrong was all a million miles away, and she was happy. When they were done, Yvie took her to a nice fancy bar in the posh part of town and ordered them two glasses of prosecco, clinking their glasses together. Scarlet laughed as Yvie made up ridiculous and increasingly cheesy things to cheers to, feeling drunk before she’d even taken a sip of the bubbles. As there was a lull in the silence, Scarlet suddenly had a thought.

“How are we going to tell the girls?”

Yvie rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, don’t. They’re going to be fucking insufferable.”

Scarlet pouted. “Aw, Yvie! They’ll be sweet!”

“No they fucking won’t, I will never hear the end of this from Brooke.”

“Vanjie is gonna be so pissed that we got together before she and Brooke did.”

Yvie narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think we did.”

Scarlet frowned. “What?”

“I don’t think we did get together before them. I think something’s happened between them already.”

Scarlet was intrigued. “How come?”

“Because,” Yvie cut herself off as she took a sip. “Do you not remember how she was at my birthday? Like she was fine all day then we had the last game and she came out acting like she’d been fucking tranquilised? Remember she walked straight into that little boy and knocked him to the ground and Nina had to run and hide because he goes to the school she’s teaching at?”

“Of course I remember that, Jesus.”

“And we were all talking when we went out for lunch and she hardly said a word and when she did talk it was like she was sleepwalking? Well, she’s been like that ever since. Totally tuned to the moon, I’ve not had a single peep out of her all week.”

“How does that indicate something good, though? It sounds like something bad’s happened,” Scarlet furrowed her brow, Yvie’s eyes lighting up and leaning across the table to her in response.

“Well, that’s what I first thought too, and then I started noticing it. She is never off her damn phone. Like, markedly more than usual. And it’s not when the chat is active. Her thumbs are fucking flying across the screen and she’s smiling like the Cheshire cat. I asked her what she was smiling at the other day, you know what she told me? Twitter. Brooke doesn’t have Twitter. You do the maths, something’s happened,” Yvie grinned, taking a sip. Scarlet smiled gleefully, then pulled a face.

“Weird that she hasn’t told you, though.”

“Well yeah, I am kinda pissed about it. But I mean I guess she’ll tell us when she’s ready,” Yvie shrugged, Scarlet thinking it was the most calm response to something like that she’d ever seen Yvie give. “So how are we telling the girls?”

“Put it on the chat?”

Yvie screwed up her face. “Please. This is too good for the chat. I mean we could just tell them when we see them tonight?”

“What’s tonight?” Scarlet frowned, Yvie laughing in response.

“Girl. Did you just forget that it’s Halloween?” she chuckled. Scarlet genuinely had forgotten. She’d had so much going on in her own head.

“Fuck. I guess I did. What are we even doing?”

“Our flat was gonna host a movie night since Nina’s got placement and can’t go out. If you want you could come straight back after this,” Yvie pushed a cardboard coaster around the table with her finger and ran her tongue over her teeth. “And we could, I don’t know. Make out some more?”

Scarlet felt herself blush. It was still the most surreal of feelings. She’d liked Yvie for so long, although she hadn’t really figured it out til recently, and now she could actually kiss her and talk about how amazing in every way Scarlet though she was without having to keep it a secret. She smiled at Yvie from across the table and reached over to take her hand. “That sounds good. I like that plan. And maybe you can tell me more about this crush you’ve had on me for a year.”

Yvie burst out into a laugh, and Scarlet felt her smile hurt her cheeks. “Bitch, stop! Stop roasting me for liking you. Jesus.”

“No, but it’s just funny! Not funny ha ha, but just so cool that you must have been pining for me at the same time I was pining for you. Isn’t that crazy?” Scarlet mused, looking at Yvie with interest. Yvie chucked and squeezed her hand.

“Jeez, Scarlet, do you study philosophy at all?” she asked sarcastically, Scarlet wrenching her hand away and slapping at Yvie’s playfully. Yvie descended into giggles, Scarlet unsure if she’d ever seen the other girl smile so much and for such a sustained period of time. “Okay, okay, how about I tell you one and you tell me one? A time where we’ve…what was that word? Pined for each other.”

Scarlet tried to stop the smile that spread across her face. “Okay, yeah. You start.”

“Okaay…” Yvie dragged out the word, thinking. “Um, I think I first realised I liked you at Vanjie’s birthday last year. You were wearing a red sparkly, glittery dress and your hair was all in chopstick curls and it hit me like a ton of bricks how fucking beautiful you were and I spent the whole night trying to work out how to flirt with you because at that point we were too far into the deep end as friends to even be anything else.”

Scarlet felt her face hot. It was so amazing to her, the concept of somebody seeing her and falling for her, thinking she looked amazing enough to develop a crush on. Maybe she did think too deeply about all this stuff. She sipped her drink and watched as Yvie burst out laughing. “Oh, man, this was a great idea. You’re so adorable when you blush.”

“Shut up,” Scarlet shook her head, her smile still not off her face. “Okay, here’s mine. I think I properly realised that I liked you, like when it really sank in, was that night we had pres at Silky’s.”

Yvie laughed. “Bitch, which one?!”

“The one recently! We were all there, we were playing the question game. And we were sat really close and I just felt my mind having these really crazy thoughts like hoping you were gonna put your arm around me and kiss me on the cheek and get with me when we were out and things like that. And when we were all silent and giggly when Silky was talking to their neighbour, I just remember wanting you to kiss me so bad.”

Yvie blushed and grew all quiet. “I remember that night. I wanted to kiss you at pres too.”

Something suddenly occurred to Scarlet. Her mouth fell open in surprise. “Oh my God. The question game. That question you got asked. It was me, wasn’t it? The answer.”

Yvie covered her face with her hands as Scarlet howled with laughter. “Oh my GOD! I’m right, aren’t I? Have you fantasised about anyone in this room, and you said yes because it must have been me. Oh Jesus. I can’t. This is amazing.”

“Hey, it wasn’t just you, okay? It was Brooke as well. Fuck, no, that came out wrong,” Yvie immediately corrected herself as Scarlet’s heart dropped. “It was back in first year, we’d like, just met. Before I realised we would work better as friends. I don’t think about her like that anymore. It would be like fucking my sister.”

“Yvie, it’s fine!” Scarlet let out a laugh, although secretly relieved at having her initial fears assuaged. Back to topic, Scarlet fluttered her eyes at her flirtily. “Yvelynn Jessica Oddly, what have you been thinking about me?”

“Oh, come on, girl, as if you haven’t ever entertained the idea yourself,” Yvie raised her eyebrows as Scarlet felt her heart go fast as she remembered one day she’d been playfighting with Yvie while they were studying, Yvie defensively grabbing both of Scarlet’s wrists and pinning her against the wall. The initial shock had rendered them both speechless, until they both started laughing and the moment was forgotten- until that night, anyway, where Scarlet had let her hands drift between her legs as she thought about getting pinned down and restrained by Yvie against the bed, letting her do anything she wanted with her. Seeing Scarlet’s red face, Yvie laughed. “Exactly, bitch! Exactly!”

Dropping the conversation, the girls finished up their drinks and made their way back to Yvie’s flat. By the time they got there, it was almost time for the movie night to start anyway, Nina preparing a huge bowl of popcorn in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, Scarlet! I didn’t know you were coming early, this is a nice surprise!” Nina smiled easily, still in her work clothes and with her council lanyard and P.E. whistle draped around her neck. Scarlet watched as Nina cast an eye down to her and Yvie’s hands which were intertwined. She and Yvie held hands all the time, but Nina didn’t know that today was slightly different. It made her want to giggle.

“Yeah, I was across your side of town anyway so I thought I’d just dump my stuff. Me and Yvie just went for a drink before we came. How was placement?” she asked politely, Nina sighed and smiled.

“Placement was another day over, leaving me with another week to go, so I’m ecstatic,” she beamed, Yvie giving a small cheer from beside her. Suddenly, all three of their phones went off in their pockets. Scarlet checked hers first, saw the group chat name and who had been added to it, and looked up at the other two girls as she burst out laughing.

“Silky, oh my God,” she cried, as she read the chat.

**Very Secret Branjie Sweepstake**

_Silky Ganache added Akeria C Davenport._

_Silky Ganache added Plastique Tiara Edwards._

_Silky Ganache added Nina Kaitlyn._

_Silky Ganache added Yvie Oddly._

_Silky Ganache added Scarlet Envy._

_Silky: RIGHT HOES ME N AKERIA WERE DISCUSSING THIS_

_Silky: LETS HAVE SOME FUN_

_Silky: EVERYONE PUTS MONEY IN AND THE PERSON WHO GETS THE DATE THESE TWO FINALLY GET WITH EACH OTHER CORRECT OR CLOSEST WINS THE POT_

_Plastique: this is so cruel you guys_

_Plastique: this is their private business_

_Plastique: their personal life_

_Plastique: i’ll take New Years’ Eve_

_Silky: SHOTGUN BEFORE WE GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, LIKE OUR CHRISTMAS NIGHT OUT_

_Akeria: we’re going to need a date, Ms Ganache_

_Silky: HNGGG DECEMBER 10TH_

_Akeria: i’ll take January 15th_

Nina cried. “This is ridiculous. And hilarious. I can’t decide whether it’s mean or the best thing ever.”

“Definitely both,” Yvie shrugged, her fingers flying across the screen as she typed.

_Yvie: i’m gonna be controversial and say i think it already happened and they’re keeping it from us_

_Yvie: so i’m gonna say 25th October_

_Silky: WHAT???? WHAT ARE U NOT TELLING US_

_Yvie: i just told u! i think they got with each other on my bday_

_Yvie: does Vanj seem off to either of u?_

_Akeria: No she’s been normal?_

_Nina: i want 25th October too_

_Nina: me and Yvie will split the money_

_Scarlet: i’ll take 25th as well_

_Silky: OH THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT_

_Plastique: no come on guys_

_Plastique: okay at least give us times_

_Yvie: 11 oclock_

_Scarlet: 11.30_

_Nina: i’m gonna say 10.45_

_Akeria: I can’t wait to see how this turns out_

As if on cue, Brooke wandered through to the kitchen. She was dressed in a pair of figure-hugging black pyjama leggings and a huge baggy top, but her hair was expertly curled and she had a full face of makeup on that looked fresh. She had her head in her phone and was smiling.

“Hey, Brooke,” Scarlet said, casting a glance to Yvie who had raised her eyebrows. Brooke suddenly looked up.

“Oh. Hey Scarlet, I didn’t know you were already here.”

“Nice makeup,” Yvie deadpanned. Brooke’s head was back in her phone.

“Thanks. I was just practising, you know? Good to do that sometimes.”

“Your hair looks good as well,” Nina winked at Yvie and Scarlet as she took the bowl and sat down beside Brooke deliberately. Brooke typed away, turning her phone ever so slightly so that Nina couldn’t see.

“Thanks, babe. Got lunch with Plastique tomorrow and we’re going somewhere nice so I wanted to curl it for tomorrow,” Brooke said nonchalantly, as Yvie dragged Scarlet to the armchair and pulled her onto her lap. Scarlet smiled happily as Yvie squeezed her waist. Just then, the flat buzzer sounded.

“I’ll get it,” Nina jumped up from the sofa. Scarlet watched as Brooke continued to message and didn’t even notice Yvie kiss Scarlet softly. Eventually, Silky, Akeria, Plastique and Vanjie all entered, the once-quiet room now full of noise as the girls all greeted each other. Scarlet watched Vanjie and Brooke interact with interest. Brooke got up from her place on the sofa and gave Vanjie a squeeze, the other girl smiling up at her cheekily and murmuring something that caused Brooke to flush red. Brooke then hurried Vanessa over to the sofa so they could sit next to each other, Brooke throwing the blanket over both their knees and Scarlet seeing their hands lock together just before they disappeared underneath it. As the girls all settled down, Scarlet looked at Yvie excitedly, ready to put the plan they had spoken about on the walk back to Yvie’s flat into action.

“Hey, girls,” Scarlet said, making sure her voice cut through every separate conversation and that all the girls were now looking at her. “Have you noticed anything different about me and Yvie today?”

There was a small pause. Scarlet saw Vanessa looking at her curiously. Akeria rolled her eyes.

“Aw, lord Jesus. You got matching tattoos, ain’t you.”

“No,” Yvie shook her head, beckoning them closer. “It’s like quite a small thing…you’ll see it if you look a bit closer.”

At once, Silky and Akeria were up close to the armchair, narrowing their eyes and studying them both. Vanessa and Brooke were craning their necks from the sofa and Plastique and Nina hovered over them, their eyes peering and narrowed. As the others all looked with baited breath, Scarlet tried to stop smiling as she turned suddenly to Yvie, took her face in her hands and kissed her, the whole room erupting in screeches and cries and the pair of them almost bowled over by the others all piling on top of them in a hug.

“Oh my GOD! Yvie!!” Nina cried, close to actual tears. “I knew it!! I fucking knew it!”

“Yeah, well,” Yvie began, then dropped it when she realised she didn’t have anything to say. She laughed.

“Scarlet! Oh my God, BITCH, so it happened? Since when was this a thing!” Vanessa cried, a huge smile on her face.

“Since today! It just happened. Yvie kissed me, she asked me to be her girlfriend, I said yes.”

Silky, who hadn’t stopped yelling since the two of them had kissed, finally formed a nearly-coherent sentence. “But I didn’t even know you two were even…that you two even liked each other!”

“Oh come on, Silk, use your eyes,” Brooke quipped, her smile affectionate as she reached over to Yvie and squeezed her hand. “I’m happy for you, girl. I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks, bitch,” Yvie smiled, immediately getting cut off by Plastique.

“Okay, but we need details. Now! Like how and when and for how long and what and why!”

As Yvie began to tell the girls the story of their day, Scarlet sighed and melted into her side. She knew that Brooke and Vanjie didn’t think anyone was watching them, as Brooke whispered something into Vanessa’s ear and the other girl smiled flirtatiously up at her, kissing her quickly once, twice, three times.

Whatever was going on between them, Scarlet fancied her chances in the sweepstake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter everyone’s running around a party and the sexual tension is through the roof. Standard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some tipsy sex in this chapter so if that bothers u or makes u uncomfy pls don't read!

Brooke, overall, was good at keeping secrets.

When Akeria had drunkenly got with the guy Silky had had a crush on for ages in second year, Brooke hadn’t ever brought it up to anyone. When Nina had tearfully come out to her around Christmas time of first year, Brooke had obviously kept her mouth shut until Nina felt ready to be open about it with everyone. But this current secret was a little trickier, because as much as she wanted to keep it quiet, part of her wanted to scream it from the fifth floor of the library until her lungs popped and her vocal cords snapped.

_She and Vanessa had kissed._

Not just once, although the first time had been Brooke’s favourite, and she’d spent the rest of her time with the girls after laserquest in a sort of dreamlike state, wondering if it had actually happened. This was exacerbated by Vanessa laughing and smiling and chatting to everyone as if nothing had ever happened, and when they all said goodbye she gave Brooke her usual hug and a kiss on the cheek and went on her way.

In bed that night, Brooke had made an executive decision- she’d spent two and a half years waiting for Vanessa to notice her, really properly notice her, and she wasn’t about to let what had happened between them that afternoon go unacknowledged. So the next day, she had shot Vanessa a message.

_Brooke: Hey. Can we do coffee or something today? Are you free?_

She’d had to wait an hour for a reply, during which Brooke practically bit her nails down to stumps.

_Vanessa: hey sorry i had a tutorial!! xxx_

_Vanessa: um today ain’t a good time i got an essay due that i need to finish xxxx_

_Vanessa: could do tomorrow? xxx_

_Brooke: Tomorrow’s fine yeah, Liezen at 12?_

_Vanessa: yeah sounds good xxxxx_

_Vanessa: i take it you want to talk about Saturday xx_

Brooke very nearly almost threw up.

_Brooke: Yeah_

_Vanessa: cool xxxx_

_Vanessa: tomorrow at Liezen at 12 it is then xxxx_

All of that day Brooke had hardly retreated from her bedroom, her heart pounding so much she felt sure she’d somehow had some form of caffeine overdose. She tried everything to distract herself- binge-watching Come Dine With Me, napping, attempting to do uni work- but nothing was successful. She had no idea how she was going to approach it, and she had no idea how Vanessa was either.

The next day, Brooke made sure she was sat at a small, quiet booth a few minutes before they were scheduled to meet. She immediately regretted her decision about thirty seconds in when her stomach began churning like a KitchenAid, the overthinking already beginning in her mind. So by the time Vanessa walked in, her hair and makeup perfectly done and dressed in a cute black button-up coat, Brooke was practically on the verge of a panic attack.

“Hey!” Vanessa greeted her warmly, leaning over to hug her before she sat down. “How are ya, girl?”

“Uh, yeah, fine,” Brooke coughed out. Her mouth was so fucking dry. “How has, uh. How has your day been?”

“Oh, baby, come on,” Vanessa purred, Brooke feeling either as if she was about to melt or as if she’d already melted. Vanessa regarding her under a sultry, cat-eyed glare wasn’t helping. “Let’s skip the pleasantries, huh? You told me why you wanted to meet, so let’s do it.”

Brooke felt herself seize up. She physically couldn’t speak. Vanessa laughed, concerned, then took Brooke’s hand from across the table.

“Hey. Brooke Lynn,” she said softly, her eyes suddenly warm and caring. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come on so strong like that, that was my bad. I really want you to know that…whatever happens, we’re friends always, okay? I don’t want you to ever feel awkward with me because you know…we’re us. Alright?“

Vanessa’s words were like ointment on the wound that was Brooke Lynn’s mind. She took a deep breath, looked Vanessa in the eyes, and breathed out a laugh.

"Well obviously…we kissed.”

“You kissed me,” Vanessa corrected her with a wink, Brooke wanting to die.

“Well…yes. So I just…wanted to know what we were doing. About…that,” Brooke stuttered, Vanessa raising an eyebrow at her from across the table.

“Is there anything to do?” she shrugged, and Brooke couldn’t believe how calm she was about all this. “It’s happened. We just carry on as normal.”

Brooke frowned deeply. “No, but…no. What if I don’t want to carry on as normal? What if I want that to happen again?”

Vanessa smiled, running a hand through her hair cockily. “Aww, was that lil’ session in the laserquest arena not enough for you, baby?”

Brooke felt a sudden heat sting between her legs. _Jesus._ She could feel how much she was blushing. “Christ Vanessa, don’t-”

“Don’t what! I’m just sayin’,” she grinned flirtatiously, then faltered. “Sorry. Am I bein’ too much?”

“No, no, fuck. You’re never too much.”

“In the words of Luther Vandross,” Vanessa deadpanned, the two girls suddenly jumping as a waitress appeared at their table. Brooke ordered a lemonade, all her appetite gone, and Vanessa followed suit. There was a silence as both girls regarded each other.

“I meant what I said, girl. You are fuckin’ gorgeous,” Vanessa muttered, her voice low and making Brooke cross her legs.

“Fuck. So are you. That’s why I wanted to kiss you.”

“So you don’t want us to ignore what happened, then?” Vanessa offered, briefly thanking the waitress as their drinks got put down. Brooke shook her head.

“I just don’t want anything to change between us. I don’t want anything to be awkward. But I do…” Brooke paused and bit her lip, looking down at the table. “…want it to happen again. Because it was hot.”

She looked up at Vanessa, whose attempt at a smirk was turning into a full-blown smile. “It was. I’m glad you messaged me, girl, I was thinkin’ about it all weekend.”

Brooke blushed and bit her lip. “Me too. So you feel the same then?”

Vanessa raised her glass. “To changing nothing. Except from kissing. Because that shit was good.”

Brooke laughed as they clinked their glasses together, all tension suddenly gone. They didn’t talk about it any more, but at the end of their date (meetup, Brooke chastised herself- they were still just friends, after all) Vanessa leaned in for a hug then raised her chin up to Brooke hopefully, and Brooke couldn’t stop herself from leaning down and meeting their lips, the second time feeling just as perfect as the first.

It had been difficult to find time to meet up that week, Vanessa getting hit with deadline after deadline, but they’d hardly ceased messaging each other. Most times it was standard conversation- how was your day, what have you been up to, things like that. Other times it was random observations.

_Vanessa: i just saw a dog that was like 90% fluff i’m convinced it was a walking cloud how CUTE xxxx_

or

_Brooke: someone just walked into the library with an apple bong Vanj i wish i was making this up_

or

_Vanessa: Silky’s been blasting Lewis Capaldi for a solid twenty minutes because she burned her chicken dippers send help xxxx_

But sometimes they were naughty and flirty and made Brooke scrunch her toes up and flail around in her bed in anticipation, part of her wishing she’d had the balls to discuss with Vanessa if their arrangement should include activities outside of kissing, a level up, she might say. It would usually be Vanessa that instigated them.

_Vanessa: i keep thinking about the way you reacted when i grabbed your hips and i wish i’d been brave enough to do it outside Liezen xx_

or

_Vanessa: next time i’m gonna have my hair loose so you can tug it when you kiss me xxxx_

Sometimes Brooke would be brave enough to send them herself, which would always get a rise out of Vanjie.

_Brooke: You definitely had your hair in plaits that day on purpose didn’t you because you knew I like it when you do that_

_Vanessa: wait you like it when “i” do it or you like it when girls do it in general?? xxxx_

_Brooke: Don’t make me inflate your ego by deigning that with an answer_

_Vanessa: well don’t come for me when i know you wore that roll neck for the exact same reason xx_

_Brooke: Worked, didn’t it? Don’t think I didn’t notice you practically choke when you saw me_

_Vanessa: xxxxxxxx_

The thing was, Brooke didn’t know how it had become a secret. She wanted to tell Yvie and Nina, but she couldn’t find the words, and she really didn’t want to make a big deal of it in case Vanjie got scared, particularly after she told her that she hadn’t told Silky and Akeria either. Brooke felt she was going to burst after the movie night, where Vanessa had stayed for one film longer than her flatmates and Brooke had “walked her home”, a.k.a. Vanessa had ordered an Uber and they’d kissed furiously against the wall of the stairwell as she waited for it, Brooke practically drifting back upstairs to her flat. She wondered a lot that night about how Vanessa would react if Brooke told her she wanted her to rail her so hard that her gynecologist would think she’d been in a car accident.

The time didn’t come until just over a week later- Brooke’s flat held a party for Nina finishing placement. It was a big one because as well as the usual gang there was lots of people that Nina knew from her various clubs and societies, not to mention most of her course friends- one of whom Brooke and Yvie knew Nina had been after for about six months solid. It had been hard for Brooke to get Vanessa on her own at first, but she wanted to so badly, the girl having turned up in a see-through pink plastic skirt and a white lace bodysuit that veered ever so close to indecent exposure territory, not that Brooke was complaining. As Silky was gathering a large crowd to prove to the masses that she could, in fact, down seven Jaegerbombs in a row without breaking a sweat, Brooke had taken Vanessa’s hand and led her to her bedroom. They came crashing through the door, Brooke slamming her against the wall and kissing her, the other girl smiling against her lips and Brooke being unable to stop herself from smiling back.

“W'should go back through,” Brooke muttered against Vanessa’s lips, the other girl whining needily. They were both that pleasantly tipsy stage just before the evening descended into drunkenness, and Brooke felt slightly liquidised as Vanessa pawed at her waist, exposed as a result of the black bralet Brooke was wearing.

“Mmh…want you so bad, Brooke,” Vanessa murmured against her neck, Brooke almost having a heart attack and doubting if she heard Vanessa correctly.

“What’s…that mean?” Brooke stumbled out, her words falling over each other. Vanessa laughed and pulled away, heading towards the door.

“Y'know what the fuck it means, baby,” she smiled playfully, before hitching the top of her bodysuit up and leaving.

Brooke wanted to pour a large glass of icy water over herself. Okay. This was fine. Vanessa was just basically making it explicitly clear she wanted Brooke to fuck her, or she wanted to fuck Brooke, or most likely a combination of both one after the other multiple times. That wasn’t a big deal. At all. Brooke whined to herself in her empty room. The problem was that they were both at a party, with all of their friends, none of whom knew that her and Vanessa had even so much as kissed, and if they both slunk off together in the middle of the evening Brooke might as well have messaged the group chat with a big gif of “WE’RE ABOUT TO FUCK” in flashing neon lights. But Brooke didn’t really know what to do with that information now.

Dazed, she did the only thing she could really do- head back to the party and drink more. She weaved her way through the crowd and found Yvie and Scarlet. Brooke couldn’t decide if she found them adorable or vomit-worthy, and as they were both still very much in the honeymoon stage of their relationship, Brooke decided it was the latter. Yvie had weaved a protective arm around Scarlet’s waist and the other girl was kissing her cheek after pretty much every sentence she spoke. _Well_ _,_ Brooke decided as she stumbled over to them, _if I’m not getting to kiss the girl I like at the party, then neither are you, assholes._

“Hey,” Brooke slurred, faltering as she leaned against their kitchen counter. “How’re you both.”

Scarlet looked at her with concern. “We’re good. How are you? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, you disappeared for a while,” Yvie said, her tone light but her eyes intense and questioning. Brooke didn’t like it.

“Well, I had to go vomit. Tactical, you know,” she lied easily, Scarlet wincing beside her.

“Classy,” Yvie said simply, shrugging. “Hey, Plastique’s just said she can thrash Nina at Mario Kart so they’re gonna play drunk driving. You wanna come watch?”

Brooke nodded, thinking that a seat would probably be good about now.

The rest of the party passed easily enough, Brooke hardly getting up for the rest of the evening and practically melting into the armchair, Yvie getting her cups of water to drink sporadically throughout the night. The volume of people dissipated until Brooke became aware it was just her, Yvie, Scarlet, Nina and Nina’s friend Monet, the one she’d been crushing on. It occurred to Brooke that she hadn’t seen Vanessa since they’d been in her bedroom, her heart hammering as she wondered if maybe she’d fucked the whole thing up between them.

She didn’t need to worry as at around one in the morning, Silky, Vanessa and Akeria wandered through to the living room to join the others.

“Heyy ladies!” Vanessa announced happily, still a little tipsy and landing on top of Brooke with a thud. “Are we going out or what? What’s the plan?”

“If we go out I’ll die of alcohol poisoning,” Nina deadpanned, her speech slurred.

“We were gonna head home, Nina,” Akeria explained, eyeing Vanessa suspiciously. “Well. Me and Silk were. This bitch is three sheets to the wind, I don’t know what she’s doing.”

“I wanna stay here,” Vanessa pouted. “Can we play games?”

“On that note, bye bitch,” Silky rolled her eyes, her tone tired and weary and very un-Silky. “Get a taxi back. Or sleep on the couch here, I don’t know.”

“Stayin’ over sounds nice,” Vanessa murmured into Brooke’s hair, a jolt shooting up Brooke’s spine. “Okay, girl, see you later. Love you.”

“Love you, ‘Nessa. Bye all. Congratulations, Nina. And Monet too,” Akeria shrugged, Nina smiling easily up at her and Nina’s friend following suit as the other two girls left.

“Let’s play games,” Vanessa insisted, Monet chuckling.

“Oh my God, I’m really properly at an afters, aren’t I?” she laughed, rising from her seat. “I’m down, but I’m playing with water. Anyone else?”

Scared that Vanessa might up and leave if there were no games, Brooke raised her hand. “Okay, yeah. Yvie, Scarlet?”

Yvie raised a weary head up from its position on Scarlet’s shoulder. “Depends what we’re playing.”

“Never have I ever,” Vanessa said instantly.

“Oh, Vanjie, come on. We’ve played that shit to death,” Nina laughed, shaking her head. “We know all there is to know about each other at this point.”

“Hey, I don’t! Could be fun,” Monet piped up, a little sparkle in her eye as she flicked her dark curls over her shoulder and sat down beside Nina much closer than she’d been before. “Find out all the nasty shit you get up to in your spare time, Miss West.”

Nina gave Monet a shove as she laughed, her face resembling a Dulux colour chart of pinks. “Fine, ugh. Start the god damn game, Vanjie.”

Brooke took a second and looked around. Nina and Monet were dangerously close to getting with each other at the very least. Scarlet and Yvie were obviously together. And Vanessa was only one more drink away from detailing exactly what she wanted Brooke to do to her once they were alone. This could get messy.

“Okay, never have I ever…” Vanessa strung out the sentence, wiggling a little in Brooke’s lap and making her want to die. “…sent a sexy video.”

Monet, Scarlet and Yvie drank. Brooke saw Nina swallow hard and try to avoid looking at Monet.

“Oh, you two up to that shit already?” Vanessa swiped her finger in the air from Scarlet to Yvie, Scarlet rolling her eyes and laughing.

“No, Yvie’s still got that to look forward to,” Scarlet raised an eyebrow suggestively, Yvie spluttering a laugh and pulling her girlfriend closer.

“How ‘bout you, Monet, who was yours for?” Vanessa asked insistantly, Monet leaning back casually so that she was resting her head against Nina’s chest. Nina looked as if she was about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Send them to whoever wants them,” she explained flirtatiously, running her tongue over her teeth. Nina broke her silence.

“Are you not super scared that someone could leak them to the teaching council one day and you’d lose your job?” she asked anxiously, Monet laughing softly as she reached up to Nina’s hair and wrapped a small lock around her finger.

“Aww, baby. You’re such a goody two shoes, it’s adorable,” Monet muttered, Brooke wondering if it was possible for Nina to turn any redder. Offended on Nina’s behalf and wanting to raise Monet’s opinion of her, Brooke opened her mouth.

“Okay, I got one,” Brooke said, her voice seeming all too loud in the silence of the room. “Never have I ever skinny dipped and then have it lead to sex.”

Brooke nearly choked when Vanessa drank as well as Nina, the room erupting in cries.

“Nina, oh my God!” Scarlet laughed, her mouth hanging open. “How did I not know this about you?”

“Always the quiet ones,” Brooke shrugged, laughing as Nina shot her a glare. Monet had turned back around and was looking at her with blown pupils.

“When the fuck did this happen, bitch?” she asked softly, Nina shyly telling the story she’d once told Brooke back in second year- when she’d befriended a tall, dark brunette who went only by Shuga on her family holiday to Spain, how Nina sneaked off nearly every day to go meet her, and how on the very last night Shuga had taken her to the beach, stripped off, dove into the sea and asked Nina to join her.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Scarlet gasped once Nina was done, shifting around in Yvie’s lap. Monet had moved to cross her legs and was blinking slowly at Nina. Brooke almost wanted to laugh at the levels of estrogen and lust in the room. She’d wanted to subtly ask Vanessa about her experience but the game seemed to have moved on. There were a few tamer questions, during which all three sets of girls seemed to merge closer and closer towards each other, and then eventually the game ramped up again.

“Never have I ever bought anything from a sex shop,” Scarlet said. Brooke tried not to flush red as she drank, Yvie, Vanessa and Monet all following suit. Scarlet seemed shocked. “What the fuck? What did you guys all buy?”

There was a small silence. Brooke rolled her eyes and was the first to speak. “I mean, just my vibrator. Do we not all own vibrators in this room?”

“Well I ordered mine online so technically I didn’t get it from a shop,” Nina shrugged lightly, Scarlet’s face growing red. Yvie looked at her and laughed, squeezing her side.

“Aww, baby! Do you actually not have one?” she asked gently, Scarlet shaking her head and groaning.

“This is so fucking awkward, don’t roast me.”

“Scarlet, honey, it will change your life,” Monet insisted, crossing her legs the other way and shooting a playful side glance to Nina. “Best thing is when you use it on someone else and you just get to watch their eyes fuckin’ roll back into their skull.”

Brooke could’ve sworn she heard Nina curse under her breath, but she wasn’t sure. Yvie muttered something into Scarlet’s ear and she grew even more red. At this rate Brooke didn’t know how the room hadn’t combusted with all the tension. Looking up at Vanessa, she decided that if blatant flirting was good enough for the rest of them, it was good enough for her.

“What about you, bitch, what’ve you bought?”

Brooke bit her lip as Vanessa smiled slowly, stretching in Brooke’s lap and giving Brooke the perfect view of her chest straining against her bodysuit. “Hmm. Maybe you’ll get to find out one day.”

“Yvie, what did you buy?” Nina asked incredulously, the other girl shrugging.

“Just bondage stuff,” she said nonchalantly, most of the room jumping as Scarlet suddenly choked on her drink.

“Do you wanna know what I bought, Nina?” Monet suddenly asked, the girls all looking at Nina who was looking at Monet with intrigue. She hummed an inquisitive response. Monet uncrossed her legs then crossed them again. “I’ll tell you if you let me stay over.”

Brooke watched as Nina practically choked on her own tongue in her effort to give a reply. “Oh, uh, sure you can stay! There’s um, there’s that blanket and I can give you a pillow from my room and, uh…”

Brooke couldn’t watch Nina self-sabotage any longer. She looked to Yvie, both flatmates knowing exactly how many months Nina had been unable to take Monet’s name out of her mouth for. Yvie frowned and turned to Nina.

“Bitch, your bed is huge and it’s November. Monet’s gonna freeze to death in here,” she said simply, Nina’s mouth clamping shut in response. Brooke smirked at her.

“Yeah, and it’ll be way warmer if Monet just shares with you. Right, girl?” Brooke tilted her head to Monet inquisitively, the other girl’s eyes laughing.

“Oh well, uh. If you want to, you can share with me, but only if that’s not going to make you feel-” Nina began, cutting herself off as Monet wordlessly stood up, held out a hand to Nina and gently pulled her up off the sofa.

“Come and show me where I’m sleeping, then,” she said, her voice low and husky as she led Nina out the room. Brooke stared at them both in awe, snorting a laugh as Nina poked her head out at the girls just before she left, making a face as if she was screeching. As the door to the living room shut, Yvie turned to Brooke and they both began flailing, happy for their lovesick flatmate. As they calmed down, Yvie sighed heavily.

“Well, we better hit the hay too,” she shrugged, giving Scarlet a squeeze. Scarlet gave her a look of surprise as if she hadn’t been expecting Yvie to say that. Yvie seemed to clock it. “If you want to stay over, that is. You’re welcome to.”

Scarlet nodded without saying anything. There was a shift in atmosphere in the room- everyone was heading to bed and there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between Brooke and Vanessa that Vanessa was staying over in her bed. They got ready for bed in a sort of uncharacteristically awkward silence, Brooke trying not to look as Vanessa changed into the oversized t shirt that Brooke lent her to sleep in. As they both climbed into bed in the darkness, Brooke thought about saying something or doing something, but she felt as if the moment was gone. She was annoyed at herself. Just hours ago, Vanessa had practically begged her to fuck her, and now she’d clammed up all because Brooke hadn’t done anything about it. She lay frustrated in the darkness. As she stared up unblinkingly at the ceiling, there came a sudden sound through the walls coming from Nina’s room.

_“Oh, fuck-”_

Brooke froze. She’d definitely imagined that. This was definitely not happening.

_“M'net, ah shit-”_

Jesus Christ. If it had been any other situation, any other time, Brooke would have thumped on the walls to try and shut her up, but this was different in two ways. One, she knew how much Nina liked Monet and just how long she’d wanted this, so Brooke would be a bad friend if she told her to quiet down. Two, Vanessa was in bed beside her.

Brooke cast a glance to the girl lying next to her. She had her back turned but Brooke could see her breathing gently and steadily. She was probably asleep already. Brooke was suddenly jealous that she didn’t have to listen to this. A loud hybrid of a cry and moan came suddenly through the wall, and Brooke rolled her eyes. Suddenly, she heard a loud slap come from Yvie’s room.

No. This could not be happening.

Another slap, then a cry. 

_“Ah, like that-”_ came through the walls.

Brooke squeezed her eyes shut tightly, as if that would do anything to affect her ears. Down the hall, there came a loud, breathy cry of _“_ _Yves, fuck!”_ , a loud shushing sound, then a giggle.

Brooke could hear the various moans, whines and gasps from her flatmates’ rooms like surround sound, and something inside her snapped. Oh, fuck this.

She laid a light finger on the small stretch of exposed skin at Vanessa’s spine and lightly stroked it. “V'nessa. You awake?”

The other girl stretched and slowly turned over in bed. “How can I not be when all this shit’s going on outside? It’s like tryin’ to sleep in a TV store but every TV is playing porn at full volume.”

Brooke laughed softly. She hadn’t taken her hand off Vanessa yet and was now stroking the next place that had become available as she’d turned around- her side, dangerously close to the top of her underwear that Brooke could just see peeking out from under the duvet. She had to say something now. She would explode otherwise. “Um, you said something earlier that I’ve been thinking about.”

There was a sudden glint in Vanessa’s eyes that made Brooke squeeze her thighs together. “About me wanting you?”

Brooke felt every single bit of moisture evacuate her mouth rendering it completely bone dry. “Uh, yeah. You did mean…you want us to fuck, right?”

Vanessa laughed softly, looking down momentarily then flicking her gaze back up to Brooke. “Pretty much, yeah.”

Brooke hadn’t stopped stroking Vanessa’s skin. She watched as the girl opposite her reached up a hand, took Brooke by the wrist, and lightly moved her fingers to the waistband of her lace underwear, then slowly moved them further. Brooke felt as if she could actually hear her heart. Another loud cry came through the wall.

Vanessa shuffled closer to Brooke and kept talking, her tone low and dark and making Brooke wonder how she was able to keep her hands (well, one of her hands) off her.

“This…” Vanessa whispered, Brooke swallowing and letting out a hiss as her fingers came into contact with her slick wetness. “…is how bad I want you.”

Brooke crooked one of her fingers and found her clit, feeling the heat pulse between her own legs as Vanessa let out a small, content sigh. “Mmh, baby, please…”

Brooke lazily flicked her fingers against her, part of her completely convinced she was dreaming. “Please what, Vanessa?”

“Oh my God, say my name like that again,” the other girl threw herself back against the pillow. Brooke took her chance, throwing a leg over her waist and moving to straddle her. Vanessa’s eyes grew wide, and Brooke wondered why the fuck this had taken three years to happen when it was already the best sex she’d had in her life and they’d barely done anything yet. Brooke leaned in and kissed Vanessa hard, murmuring her name against her lips and then against her neck as she worked her clit and Vanessa writhed and moaned underneath her.

“Tell me what you want,” Brooke whispered, running her free hand up Vanessa’s stomach and underneath her t shirt, grazing a nipple with her fingers. Vanessa was panting, gasping for breath, with her hair all over her face and her juice shiny against her thighs, and it was the hottest thing that Brooke had ever seen in her life.

“Mmh…want you to fuck me…” Vanessa sighed, Brooke narrowing her eyes as she could tell she was holding something back. She watched as Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut and a pink blush became apparent on her face even through the only light in the room came from the streetlamps outside. Vanessa suddenly spoke again, her voice quiet but still audible. “…Mami.”

There was a small pause as Brooke registered exactly what had been said, then everything seemed to happen all at once. Her brain short-circuited, she clamped a hand over Vanessa’s mouth, and she slammed two fingers into her hard, causing Vanessa to cry out and rendering Brooke’s hand on her mouth effectively useless. At the same time, she heard a moan of Monet’s name from one wall and the hum of a vibrator from the other.

_Let’s give these bitches a show._

Brooke woke up eight hours later, completely naked and entangled in the girl beside her. Her heart thumped as the events of last night flooded back into her mind, finally understanding how Plastique had gone at it with Ariel four times without tiring as Brooke had ripped one, two, three orgasms out of Vanessa in between Vanessa eating her out once, then later again because it had been so good the first time.

_Jesus Christ._

Brooke only realised she’d said it out loud when Vanessa lazily turned around in her arms, fixing her with a look that was both cheeky and guilty.

“Good morning,” Vanessa spoke, her voice dry and cracked from its first use of the day. “Am I interrupting your morning prayers or…?”

“No, the goddess I worship is in bed with me completely naked and definitely thinking about last night,” Brooke deadpanned, quickly wondering if it had been a cheesy line but relaxing as Vanessa giggled softly.

“Last night…happened,” she replied, her eyebrows raised. Brooke immediately found herself being plunged into panic. Fuck. The whole thing had been a terrible mistake that had ruined everything between them and- “Brooke. I can _hear_ you overthinking.”

“Sorry,” Brooke sighed, throwing a hand over her eyes and rubbing at her face, embarrassed. “Why change the habit of a lifetime.”

“How was last night for you?” Vanessa asked lightly, her voice seeming entirely too loud in the quiet of the morning.

“Uh. Fucking amazing, to be honest. How was-”

“Yeah, so good,” Vanessa nodded and instantly agreed, Brooke’s heart soaring but still hesitant just in case there was a _but_ to come. Instead, Vanessa brought the covers up over her chest and squirmed. “I knew it, by the way. Told you you talk dirty.”

Brooke sat up on her elbows and fixed her with a glare. “Oh yeah? From the girl who was calling me _Mami_? I’m not letting you away with that, bitch.”

Vanessa threw her head back and laughed, her cheeks turning pink and making Brooke’s heart swell. How could she manage to be both completely adorable and the hottest person alive? “I mean, you liked it, so…”

“Shut up.”

Vanessa laughed, Brooke’s heart giving a jump as she rested her head on Brooke’s tummy and wrapped her arms around her waist. There was a small lull, a comfortable silence where Brooke was almost convinced Vanessa might have fallen asleep again. She reached for her phone on the bedside table. There were a number of messages on the “Flat Chat”- the group chat she shared with Yvie and Nina.

_Nina: Guys please wake up!!!!_

_Nina: Please!!!_

_Nina: I think I’m having a heart attack!!!_

_Yvie: no i think you’ve just been fucked to death girl_

_Yvie: how was your night sister sister xo_

_Yvie: sounded as if it was good xo_

_Nina: Yvie please we all know I don’t give details_

_Nina: But it was soooooooo gooooooood_

_Nina: I’m a mess_

_Nina: I thought she was flirty with me normally I was not prepared for what she would be like in bed_

_Yvie: get it girrrrrrrrl_

_Nina: The best thing though_

_Nina: After we were done she asked me if I wanted to go on a date with her today_

_Nina: And she made me a cup of tea before she left this morning like ughhhhh she’s so sexy and adorable and sweet and hot help me i have way too many feelings_

_Yvie: how many of those feelings are in ur pussay xo_

_Nina: You’re gross_

_Yvie: i’m so happy for u angel_

_Nina: Thank you baby!!!!_

_Nina: Is Scarlet still here?_

_Yvie: yeah she stayed over xo_

_Nina: Omg_

_Yvie: yes xo_

_Yvie: u know who else stayed over xo_

_Yvie: and who is not on the sofa xo_

_Yvie: Brooke I can see ur reading all these messages xo_

Brooke felt the tiniest bit sick. She could feel her stomach churning. These girls were her friends- her best friends, she told them everything. She had kept this from them for longer than she’d kept anything from them before, really. But looking down at Vanessa with her hair splayed across her stomach, Brooke’s heart gave a throb. She didn’t want her friends to try and make some big deal out of what was happening, to make fun of them both and try and make Vanessa staying over some big gross thing. Brooke frowned as she typed back.

_Brooke: Yeah Vanessa stayed with me because she’d be cold otherwise_

_Brooke: Why do you guys always try to make shit like this all gross when it’s really not_

_Nina: Brooke nobody’s doing that honey_

_Yvie: um because we heard you fucking through the walls u dumbass?_

_Brooke: You definitely heard wrong because nothing happened_

_Yvie: so Nina and Monet were the ones yelling your name, yeah?????_

_Nina: Brooke it’s okay to admit it it’s cute!!!_

_Brooke: Oh my God nothing fucking happened_

_Brooke: What is wrong with you guys_

_Yvie: ahahahahahahaha fuck you bitch_

_Nina: Guys_

_Yvie: i fucking know you got with Vanjie at my birthday_

Brooke froze. Deny, deny, deny.

_Brooke: That’s bullshit_

_Brooke: Just because you’re happy with Scarlet and you get to be disgusting with her doesn’t mean everyone around you is suddenly together Yvie_

_Yvie: DISGUSTING?????_

_Nina: She didn’t mean that Yvie_

_Brooke: That’s not what I meant_

_Yvie: actual do not speak to me today Brooke i’m serious_

_Yvie: glad you feel like you can tell your friends stuff when it happens though thanks for making us feel special xo_

_Yvie: we didn’t want to know that you finally got with the girl you’ve been behaving like a total fucking drip around for two point five fucking years why would we we’re just your friends xo_

Brooke blinked at her phone, her stomach tight and clenched. Yvie was overreacting. She would be fine by the evening. Had Brooke been a dick to not tell her friends about her and Vanessa? She tried to think about if Yvie didn’t tell her about Scarlet or Nina didn’t tell her about Monet. No- she wouldn’t be upset, she would respect their privacy and their feelings and their right to tell her whenever they wanted to. Yvie was being selfish. Brooke let out a frustrated hiss, anger building in her veins. Vanessa suddenly looked up at her, her eyes dark and inquisitive and her gorgeous face setting into a frown. It made Brooke’s anger dissipate by about a half.

“You okay?” she asked her, Brooke simply nodding in response. Vanessa brought her arms up and folded them on top of Brooke’s stomach, propping her head up. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want this to happen again?”

Brooke looked at Vanessa’s face. It didn’t seem to be a loaded question. Come to think of it, Vanessa always seemed to be very upfront about her feelings. It made Brooke feel comfortable giving an honest answer.

Making her best attempt to fuck Vanessa into the mattress seemed like it might be a good outlet for her frustration. Brooke made sure to look Vanessa in the eyes as she blinked slowly and replied to her. “I want it to happen…right now, actually.”

Brooke ran her tongue over her bottom lip as she watched Vanessa smile and slowly slide down to straddle Brooke, kissing her stomach and then her hipbone. Brooke shivered and parted her legs slightly.

“Well,” Vanessa murmured, running two fingers down Brooke’s chest, then her stomach, and then stopping them between Brooke’s legs. “That can definitely be arranged.”

And as Brooke tipped her head back against the pillows and sighed, she decided to be deliberately loud.

If nothing else, it would piss Yvie off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlet and Yvie settle into coupled-up life, there’s a chaotic trip to The Big ASDA, and Yvie and Brooke look like they might be about to patch things up (but of course, nothing is ever simple).

“Disgusting?! Who the fuck does she think she is, Scarlet, honestly?!“

Scarlet didn’t look up from her laptop. Yvie had been pacing around her room for the past five minutes now and had been ranting and raving since the day before, although Scarlet had seen Yvie when she was angry and the best thing was just to let her simmer. It was difficult, though, as Scarlet was afraid she’d wear her carpet out.

"Yves, come on. Come sit,” she sighed, patting the space beside her on her bed. Yvie dramatically flung herself down beside her, resting her head on Scarlet’s chest and letting her stroke her hair. Scarlet hated seeing Yvie like this, and knew she was only angry because deep down, she was upset. She’d heard the details of her and Brooke’s fight hundreds of times now and no matter how she responded, Scarlet hadn’t succeeded in making Yvie feel any better.

It was mildly annoying, though, as since this had been the only thing Yvie had wanted to talk about for the past day, it had taken priority over other big important conversations. For example, the fact that they’d slept with each other two nights ago and Yvie had still barely even acknowledged it. Scarlet didn’t want to make Yvie feel as if she wasn’t interested in her feelings, but if Scarlet didn’t get to know how she’d found their night together she would spontaneously combust. Scarlet felt herself melt a little as she thought about it- Yvie had been as dominant and highkey freaky as Scarlet had been expecting but there was also a really gentle and tender side to her that made her heart feel as if it was about to burst.

“I’m sorry,” Yvie murmured in the quiet, causing Scarlet to look down at her in surprise. “I’m just sad because my best friend didn’t tell me about arguably one of the most important things to ever happen to her, so…yeah. And when I’m sad it comes out as angry. And you’re getting the brunt of it. Fuck, remind me why you like me again?”

“Because you’re beautiful, funny, kind, loyal, ambitious, fierce, hot as shit…and I’m a tiny bit insane,” Scarlet rhymed off, Yvie snorting a laugh from her position against Scarlet’s chest. She suddenly drew her head back and cocked it inquisitively.

“Hot as shit, mm?”

“Yes,” Scarlet began, looking down at her laptop screen as she spoke. “Especially the other night.”

Yvie laughed softly, reaching up and tucking a lock of hair behind Scarlet’s ear. “Yeah the other night was…very good.”

Scarlet held her breath. “Do you want to…talk? About…that night?”

Yvie screwed up her face at her. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“No! I mean no, not specifically, I just thought…that was something that people did after they had sex with someone new.”

“Oh, okay. I just operate on a no news is good news policy,” Yvie shrugged, laying down next to Scarlet and propping her head up with a pillow. “But no, I mean, don’t stress. It was amazing. You were amazing.”

Scarlet blushed. “I’m not that good.”

“Hmm, no, you really were,” Yvie smirked, the look she was giving her making Scarlet squeeze her thighs together. She leaned in and gave her girlfriend a gentle kiss, happy as she felt Yvie smile against her lips. Fuck, she cared so much about this dumbass.

Suddenly, both of their phones vibrated at the same time. Yvie rolled her eyes as she pounced on hers. “If this is Brooke I’m going to scream. I actually don’t even want to read anything she sends.”

Scarlet sighed. “I don’t know why she’s behaved in the way she has. It’s kinda shitty of her.”

“It’s big shitty,” Yvie muttered, her face then suddenly lighting up as she looked at the group chat. Scarlet followed suit.

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Guess who got their car back from the garage and needs to do a big shop_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Who wants to join_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ME HOE_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Yea obviously you’re sitting right beside me_

_Okay Then: when????_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Half an hour_

_Okay Then: just got to the gym boooo :(_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Ooh yes please!!_

“Do you want to go? I need stuff from the shop,” Scarlet shrugged, Yvie screwing up her face.

“If Brooke or Vanjie are going then I won’t.”

“Akeria can only fit so many in her car, if we say now then we get the last two spaces,” Scarlet thought instantly, her nails tapping at the screen. Yvie gave her a kiss against her hair, muttering something about how smart she was.

_Yvie’s bitch: can me n Yvie have the last two spaces?_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Of course bitch_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Beep beep motherfuckers Asda here we come_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Are you guys at Yvie’s or Scarlet’s_

_Scarlet’s bitch: Scarlet’s_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Cool don’t start shagging we’ll see you in 30 x_

“Is this going to count as our fourth date?” Scarlet deadpanned. So far, Yvie had taken her on their first date (prosecco on Halloween), Scarlet had taken Yvie on their second (a surprise trip to the movies where Scarlet picked the film and didn’t let Yvie find out what it was until they were in the cinema- turned out Yvie was uncharacteristically terrified of scary movies) and they had both gone for a nice dinner the night before Nina’s flat party, making that their third. It was funny how easy being Yvie’s girlfriend seemed to be. It turned out it was basically the same as being her friend, only with a lot more kissing and cuddling and flirting and reminiscing about times from when they’d liked each other but been too afraid to say.

Yvie raised a single eyebrow. “I hope that’s a joke.”

“Damn, you saw through my incredibly subtle humour,” Scarlet deadpanned, putting her laptop down and patting Yvie gently on the cheek. “Come on. Let’s get ready to rumble.”

Half an hour later, she and Yvie were piling into the back of Akeria’s Corsa, squashing themselves up next to Nina and waving a hi to Silky in the passenger seat.

“Hey, hoes!” Silky practically yelled over the tunes that were blasting out of the speaker. “You ready to get some fuckin’ 24 packs of toilet roll?”

“So ready,” Scarlet rolled her eyes and laughed. “How’ve your days been?”

“Had to finish some bullshit essay, then had to drop two hundred on new break pads for this piece of shit,” Akeria hissed, ramming the gearstick and making Scarlet jump a little.

“I had to clean the flat on my own,” Silky rolled her eyes, Yvie sitting up in her seat.

“Oh, Vanjie not help you?” she asked nonchalantly. It occurred to Scarlet that she didn’t really know what Akeria and Silky knew and what they didn’t know.

“Nah. She’s barely been back at the flat since that party at yours. Some shit’s been goin’ on, I bet this scrapheap piece of junk on it,” Akeria gritted her teeth. Yvie opened her mouth as if she was about to tell the girls exactly what she knew, but Nina spoke first.

“Yeah she helped us clean up yesterday and then we got a takeaway, she got back pretty late,” she bluffed, Scarlet not missing the way Yvie scowled at her flatmate. She reached across and took her hand, squeezing gently. Nina was a good friend.

“Did she sleep on the sofa?” Silky asked inquisitively.

Scarlet was intrigued. “Didn’t she tell you about her night?”

“No, a bitch said she slept on the sofa. But we don’t believe her,” Scarlet watched as Akeria narrowed her eyes in the rear view mirror.

“She slept in Brooke’s bed,” Yvie said simply. Nina hissed at her, Silky screamed and Akeria almost crashed the car.

“WHAT?!” Silky turned around in her chair, volume instantly at one hundred. “And when the fuck were you planning on telling us that, your fuckin’ deathbed?! Were you gonna leave it in your will to us or somethin’?”

“Well the groupchat was just so quiet yesterday! Everyone was just hungover,” Yvie explained. Scarlet’s stomach tensed as she wondered how much more information she was going to give, and from a quick glance at Nina’s face it seemed as if she was wondering the same. “They said that nothing happened, so. I think they literally just slept.”

“Hmm. Well I’m still grillin’ her about it when she gets home. Why would she not say anything about it to us, though?” Akeria sighed, her voice showing an uncharacteristic amount of sadness. Scarlet suddenly felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and clocked Yvie with her phone in her hands.

**_Yvie Oddly created a new chat._ **

_Yvie Oddly added Nina Kaitlyn_

_Yvie Oddly added Scarlet Envy_

_Yvie: i just wanted to get Brooke in enough hot water so that the girls would be suspicious, i’m not that mean_

_Yvie: so don’t let on that we know_

Scarlet smiled at her, Nina reaching over and squeezing Yvie’s hand, obviously having seen the message.

“Maybe she’s embarrassed that nothing happened?” Scarlet offered weakly, Silky side-eyeing her from the front seat.

“Vanjie tells us literally any tiny bit of progress with Brooke. As in, _today I sat beside her._ There’s something not right.”

“Can I ask you three a question?” Akeria pondered, Scarlet trying not to make her face look panicked. “Why do you think they got together on Yvie’s birthday?”

“Well…” Nina spoke first. “Brooke just seemed…different afterwards. Like she was drugged or something. Like, markedly different. So…I don’t know, that’s just what I think.”

“Hmm,” Akeria pursed her lips as she turned off a sliproad at breakneck speed. “Well I’m gonna interrogate her when she gets back.”

“What are you all needing from here anyway?” Scarlet cut in and asked as the supermarket came into view in a desperate attempt to change the subject. She wanted to take the heat off Brooke and Vanjie as, even though they hadn’t acted in the best of ways, she would’ve hated if all this speculation had been happening about her and Yvie.

“I’m gonna get food for the week and look at cushions. We need one because Silk spilt a bunch of red wine on the sofa and the stain’s right in the corner bit so we can’t turn the couch cushions over. And Lord knows I’ll need that deposit when we move out,” Akeria tutted, swinging the car into a bay park that came dangerously close to taking the wing mirror off a Mini.

“I’m just getting a shop in,” Nina shrugged. Yvie laughed and rolled her eyes.

“I hope you bitches have blocked out ten straight hours for this shop, because that’s how long she’ll take.”

“Hey! No I won’t!” Nina cried, thumping Yvie on the leg. “I just like to make sure I’m buying the stuff with the furthest away expiry dates, that’s all. Better value for money!”

The five of them spilled out of Akeria’s car and Silky grabbed a big trolley, Nina doing the same as they all headed for the entrance.

“Right, I’m needing stir fry stuff,” Nina said, heading for the vegetables. Akeria shrugged.

“I’ll come with. I need to buy some form of vitamins I guess otherwise Silk will get scurvy.”

“Do you guys cook flat meals? That’s cute,” Scarlet smiled, the thought of even attempting to do that with Ra'Jah making her want to laugh.

“Sometimes. Usually I manage to make stuff that Silk and Vanjie don’t like though. You know, because they have disgusting ingredients,” Akeria raised her eyebrows. “Such as vegetables and meat that isn’t breadcrumbed.”

“Hey, I like some vegetables!” Silky protested, throwing a net of limes into her trolley.

“As I _keep_ trying to tell you, potatoes aren’t a vegetable,” Akeria rolled her eyes, causing Scarlet to snort a laugh. Just then, there was a big crash. The four girls whipped their heads around to find Nina, growing increasingly red in the face as she squatted down beside a crate of red onions, half of which were rolling out onto the floor.

“What in the fuck are you doing?!” Yvie hissed, embarrassed. Nina cringed as she put the onions within her reach back into the crate.

“Well, all the stuff on top will have been there for days, right, it’s the least fresh! So the ones below this crate are going to be more fresh. So I just lifted the crate up and tried to put it down…” Nina explained, the girls being unable to stop laughing.

“Nina, Christ, it’s an onion! The ones on top aren’t even going to go out of date until about March. Come on, let’s bounce. We can come back to veg later,” Yvie held out an arm for Nina to get up, the five of them beating a hasty retreat to chilled meats. Akeria swept a bunch of chicken and steaks into Silky’s trolley, Scarlet popping a few bits and bobs for herself into Nina’s.

“Where’s the chicken nuggets?” Silky asked innocently, Scarlet spluttering a laugh. Akeria turned around and fixed the girls with a look of incredulity.

“Do you see? Do you see what I have to put up with?”

“They’re frozen, bitch, they won’t be in this bit,” Yvie managed to communicate through her laughter, Scarlet’s own stomach muscles aching.

“Silky, have you ever done a shop before? You know, like…in your life?” Nina asked in amazement, the other girl frowning.

“Hey, stop roastin’ me, bitch! I do all my shopping online, I ain’t know where it all comes from,” she shrugged.

Scarlet laughed, slipping her hand into Yvie’s and basking in how easily the action came to her. They went back to the vegetable section, the other shoppers luckily having forgotten about the red onion crisis, then picked up what they needed.

“Hey guys, guys,” Nina laughed, cradling a butternut squash in her arms. “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again.”

“Oh my God,” Akeria exhaled, Silky and Scarlet doubling over laughing. It suddenly occurred to Scarlet that Yvie had disappeared for a short time, but, as if on cue, she reappeared with a Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake.

“What…why do you have that?” Nina asked in disbelief, Scarlet now clutching the side of the trolley in laughter at how chaotic this entire shopping trip had become.

“It’s reduced. 5p. I want a cake,” Yvie shrugged, chucking it into the trolley with little to no ceremony.

“Ooh, there any more over there?” Silky asked, her ears pricking up at the mention of cake.

“Yeah, loads. Take your pick.”

“Choo motherfucking choo,” Silky smiled happily, wandering off to the bakery section. Akeria put her head in her hands.

Scarlet turned to Nina. “I guess it’s kind of like you’re still on placement.”

Nina laughed. “Oh no! I worked with ten year olds. This is far worse. This is like herding cats.”

They wandered the aisles, various pasta sauces and fajita kits coming into view. Scarlet hung back with Yvie, neither of them having let go of the others’ hands yet.

“Hey. Do you want to stay over again tonight?” Yvie asked suddenly, her face inquisitive and hopeful and waiting for Scarlet to answer. Scarlet’s heart gave a big thump. She didn’t know why she was nervous or apprehensive- she was Yvie’s girlfriend, after all, and Yvie was hers. Perhaps it was still a lingering feeling of uncertainty from before they were together. She wondered if it would ever go away.

“Yeah, sure. I’d love that,” Scarlet smiled shyly. Yvie seemed to relax and her smile got wider. Scarlet was unsure if she’d ever get used to the fact she had the power to do that to someone.

“Sweet. And I can make dinner for us!” Yvie smiled, squeezing Scarlet’s hand in excitement. “What should I make?”

“I like most things,” Scarlet shrugged. “My favourite’s a roast, but that’s an effort.”

“True. Noted, though,” Yvie winked at her, making Scarlet laugh and blush. “What about bolognaise? I’m decent at that.”

“Sounds good,” Scarlet smiled, dropping Yvie’s hand and bringing her arm around her waist instead. She allowed herself to daydream about one day in the future. Perhaps she and Yvie would still be together with their own flat that they’d get to decorate themselves, with a meal plan on the fridge and maybe a cat or a dog to feed. Or both. She knew Yvie preferred cats.

“Hey! Lesbians!” Nina yelled, jolting Scarlet out of her daydream. “Keep up. I don’t want to have to put out an announcement over the tannoy because we’ve lost you in the rice aisle.”

Yvie blushed red and threw her flatmate a glare, the pair of them quickening their step to catch up with the others. As they rounded the corner they almost bumped into Silky, who seemed to be building up quite some speed by riding her trolley like a scooter. She was stopped abruptly as she crashed into a cage full of spacehoppers positioned at the end of an aisle. Akeria quickly ran up and commandeered the trolley.

“Right, from now on you’re not to be trusted with this,” she sighed, pushing the trolley up to the snack aisle. Scarlet laughed as Yvie’s face lit up like a child with every new packet of biscuits they passed.

“Nina, let’s get these,” she insisted, holding up a packet of cookies. Nina frowned as she peered at the description.

“ _Extra special quadruple chocolate nutfest cookies_ , fuck, Yvie, why don’t they just say _diabetes_ and be done with it?” she said in disapproval, chucking the cookies back on the shelf. Yvie pouted like a small child. Scarlet sneaked them back into the trolley, delighting in the way Yvie’s face perked back up. They both watched in awe as Silky and Akeria piled packet after packet of crisps, biscuits and chocolate into their trolley. Sensing their judgement, Akeria gave them some side-eye.

“Look, we’ll be graduated in less than a year and then it’ll be time to shop like normal adults. We literally have the power to buy whatever we want,” she shrugged, flinging a packet of Magic Stars into the cart.

“It’s like when you were a kid and you asked your Mum for sweets and she said no. Like, now…there’s nobody to say no. The only thing stopping you is yourself,” Silky said philosophically.

“That’s quite deep,” Scarlet shrugged. “Yeah, and who the fuck can afford a gym membership at uni anyway?”

“Plastique,” all four girls replied to her.

As the girls made their way round to the frozen section, Scarlet found herself talking to Nina about the date she’d been on with her friend Monet, although Scarlet supposed they were really more than friends now if what she’d heard coming from her room the other night was anything to go by. Nina was bright red and babbling as she spoke to Scarlet about it, the other girl wondering if she looked like that when she spoke about Yvie.

“We just went for drinks, like we’d done it loads before but it was different this time, you know? I kept tripping over my words and sounding like a complete idiot, but then she took my hand and told me to stop worrying so much and I kind of calmed down a bit. I didn’t realise I could make her laugh so much! It was so perfect. And she was wearing this gold dress and she looked so pretty…sorry. I’m probably boring you half to death,” Nina finally concluded, shutting herself up. Scarlet gave a surprised laugh.

“Oh God, no, no! I mean I probably sound the exact same when I talk about Yvie.”

“She sounds the exact same when she talks about you,” Nina said nonchalantly, something inside Scarlet swelling up and popping. The validation was nice. “How is it going, anyway? You and her.”

Scarlet gave a small, happy sigh. “It’s nice. It’s weird…you know, going from friends to together. But in a way, nothing really changes.”

“I know what you mean. It must be nice that you’ve decided to go official so early on. Like with Monet everything’s so raw and weird and different and we’re both trying to navigate it,” Nina said quietly, her face changing as realisation dawned on her. “Maybe that’s how Brooke and Vanjie feel.”

“Probably. It’s definitely a weird one, but you adapt. I wouldn’t worry about you and Monet,” Scarlet reassured Nina, the other girl’s face lighting up. “You’ll be fine. You both like each other enough to go on a date together, you’ll make something from it.”

Nina gave her a small smile and a hand squeeze. “You’re a good friend, Scarlet.”

Scarlet found herself smiling back at her, Yvie suddenly catching up with them and throwing some ice cream in their trolley. “You stealing my girl, Ms. West?”

Nina smiled at her flatmate wryly. “Scarlet was actually talking about how good things were between you two, so any grand plans I had to swoop in have been well and truĺy thwarted.”

“Was she?” Yvie turned to smile at Scarlet affectionately, Scarlet finding herself blushing under her gaze.

“She was,” she replied playfully, kissing Yvie on the cheek. The gesture was interrupted by Silky who jumped momentarily onto both their backs.

“Boke! You two are gross. Let’s go, hoes, we got all we need.”

Scarlet and the other girls navigated the checkout process without much incident, even if the nervous-looking teenage boy doing the scanning almost passed out when he saw how many items were getting loaded onto the conveyor belt. Before long, Akeria had dropped Yvie and Nina back at their flat, Scarlet hopping out with them. The three girls chatted happily about uni, memories and what they thought was going to happen with Brexit while Nina put away the shopping and Yvie got started on the dinner. Eventually, Nina very unsubtly decided to give the two of them some alone time and the pair of them were left alone in the kitchen-slash-living room. Scarlet found herself wearing a small smile as she watched Yvie potter about happily. She began to think about their flat, how Yvie and Nina were so comfortable with each other and how Brooke must have been feeling now she’d fallen out with Yvie. Scarlet had a shit relationship with her own flatmate, so the idea of giving up the special relationship that Brooke, Yvie and Nina had over a falling-out seemed such a waste to her. Standing up from her position perched on the kitchen table, Scarlet wrapped her arms around Yvie from behind in a gentle hug.

“Yves,” Scarlet muttered into her hair, giving her neck a small kiss. “You should patch things up with Brooke. At least talk to her. Get her side of the story.”

Yvie sighed in a way that let Scarlet know she knew she was right. She turned around from the pot, put her hands on Scarlet’s hips and kissed her gently, pulling away and then kissing her nose. “You’re so kind and sweet and forgiving and I’m so bitter and mean and rude.”

There was an unspoken question that Yvie didn’t ask, and Scarlet didn’t have to ask what it was. Her heart gave a little ache as she thought about the concept of Yvie feeling insecure. Scarlet was the one that fretted about Yvie liking her, Scarlet was the one that wondered why Yvie liked her, Scarlet was the one that panicked and overthought. Right?

Scarlet brought a hand up to Yvie’s jaw and stroked her cheek. “You know how they have those bags of sweet and salty popcorn?”

Yvie frowned at her, confused, then laughed and nodded. Scarlet smiled back at her. “Well. We’re that. Two different kinds of the same thing, but people still like us. You’re not horrible, you’re just protective and cautious and don’t like when people break your trust. I mean yeah, you could call me forgiving, but other people could call it naive. For everything about yourself that you think is a negative, I just see it as a wonderful part of Yvie, a part that I care about and like just as much as all the others. And hey, could you not call my girlfriend nasty names please? It’s really offensive.”

Yvie smiled down at the floor, blushing. Scarlet felt her stomach flip over. Fuck, how did she get so lucky?

“I…” Yvie started, her facial expression suddenly freezing as if she’d caught herself about to say something, then she relaxed. “…am so lucky to have you.”

Scarlet could have overthought what Yvie was going to say but instead she simply kissed her gently, jumping slightly as the kitchen door suddenly opened. Brooke came in and shrugged off her jacket and bag, putting them on the dining table. Scarlet watched as Yvie prickled, then gave a tight smile.

“Hey,” she greeted Brooke, the other girl looking up in surprise.

“Hey.”

“I’m uh. I’ve got bolognaise on for me and Scarlet, if you want some. There’ll be loads left,” Scarlet watched as Yvie shrugged lightly. She knew how much of an effort this must have been for her.

“I’m good,” Brooke said shortly, then followed it quickly up. “But thanks.”

Brooke buzzed about the kitchen in silence. The tension was palpable.

“Hey, Brooke?” Yvie said, not looking up from stirring the pot. “Once me and Scarlet are done eating, I think we should have a chat.”

Brooke froze a little. She faltered in her speech. “Uh, okay. Cool.”

“A chill chat, though.”

Brooke relaxed a little more. “Sure. That sounds nice.”

Scarlet felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She took it out as Brooke tidied up the kitchen-slash-living room and Yvie continued cooking in companionable silence. Scrolling the chat and seeing what had been posted in the space of just two minutes, Scarlet’s heart slowly began to sink. It was as if she was watching a car crash in slow motion, and there was nothing she could do to prevent it.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: OKAY SO WE KNOW SHE STAYED IN BROOKE’S BED TWO NIGHTS AGO SO WHO WAS CLOSEST TO NOVEMBER 6TH BC THAT’S LIKELY THE DATE_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: SHIT_

_Okay Then: wrong chat, Silk_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: WRONG CHAT OOP_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: What the fuck_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AHAHAHA SORRY VANJIE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: What the fuck is this_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Vanj it’s nothing honestly_

_Okay Then: it’s a sweepstake_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Vanjie it was just a joke don’t worry_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Plastique don’t_

_Okay Then: on when you and Brooke are gonna finally get ur shit together xo_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: OHHOHOHO SHE MAD_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Are you fucking serious_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: Yeah I’m fucking mad?? What the actual fuck guys??_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH IT’S A JOKE CALM DOWN_

_Kim Kardashian-West: We didn’t mean to upset you Vanj sorry :(((_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: WE??? You were all fucking in on this???_

_Okay Then: fuck Vanj we didn’t know u would go off like this sorry_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: You were all fucking betting on me and Brooke like we’re not fucking adults actually trying to navigate really difficult fucking feelings??_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: OH MY GOD TAKE A JOKE_

_FORD TRANSIT VANJIE left the chat._

“Fuck,” Scarlet whispered under her breath. She knew Yvie was looking at her with concern but Scarlet was already craning her neck to look at Brooke. It was too late. She was sitting on the sofa with her phone in her hand, her face chalk white. Scarlet felt her own face blanche as Brooke’s hand suddenly flew to her mouth, then tore through her hair. Yvie was still looking at Scarlet.

“Hey, what’s wr-”

“A _sweepstake_?!” Brooke suddenly yelled, Yvie jumping a little in fright. “You were fucking betting on me and Vanessa like we were some cosmic fucking human roulette wheel? Yvie, what the _fuck_?!”

Yvie opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Scarlet watched as she cast her eyes down to the floor, guilty. Brooke was still yelling.

“Have you any idea, have you any fucking idea, how weird it’s been trying to get my head around what’s even going on with me and her? Did any of you ever stop for one second and think shit, if Brooke can’t even tell us what the fuck’s going on between them then maybe she doesn’t even know? And you had the fucking audacity to sit there on Saturday morning on your high horse and message me about _how do you not feel like you can tell us stuff like this, we’re your friends_! Well here’s the fucking reason!”

Yvie swallowed hard, her gaze still fixed on the floor. Scarlet’s head felt as if it was buzzing. Brooke was still looking at her flatmate, outraged.

“Anything to say? Come on, bitch, you’re always saying something!”

Scarlet looked to Yvie, then at Brooke. “Brooke, honestly, it was all just meant as a-”

“Do not even fucking speak to me,” Brooke spat, grabbing her jacket and wrenching the door open before slamming it behind her, the sound ricocheting off Scarlet’s heart and no doubt doing the same to Yvie’s.

They had fucked up. Big time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa talk things out, and there’s apologies to be made.

It had started to rain. Brooke was beginning to regret her choice of jacket- a leather one without a hood- but she had been going to wash her hair that evening anyway, and she supposed that was the least of her worries at the moment. As the rain began to batter down, Brooke realised that half the reason why her face was wet was because she was crying. It didn’t make any sense for that to be the case- Brooke was angry, fucking fuming to be specific, but she wasn’t necessarily sad. Perhaps embarrassed was the correct word, she thought, as she swiped at her face with her sleeve. The thought of her entire friendship group having a good laugh at her and Vanessa’s expense made her cheeks burn and the blood in her veins do the same.

Brooke didn’t really know where she was walking to, but she knew where she was walking from, and she was damned if she was going back to the flat anytime soon. Sniffing harshly, she removed her phone from her pocket and called Vanessa, the other girl picking up in about one and a half rings.

“Hey.”

 _“Hey, baby,”_ Vanessa’s voice was defeated. Brooke decided it was the worst thing she’d ever heard in her entire life.

“Sorry for phoning. I just had to talk to you after all that shit on the group chat, I mean…how could they fucking do that, Ness, our own fucking friends? I just-”

_“I’m fuckin’ raging at them, Brooke, honestly. I went out for shopping then I got those messages through and I’ve not been able to concentrate since. I’ve just been pacin’ and pacin’ around Sainsbury’s like a fuckin’ bear in a zoo. Look, where are you just now?”_

“Um,” Brooke began, scanning her surroundings. She’d been walking so fast that she’d barely been taking them in. “In the middle of the park. I’m about five minutes from Sainsbury’s, actually.”

_“I’ll meet you halfway, okay? See you soon.“_

With that, Vanessa abruptly hung up. Brooke took it more as a comment on her friends and not herself. As she began walking with some purpose at last, Brooke found herself wondering what she was actually going to say to Vanessa when they saw each other. Rant, probably. But there was something that instantly calmed Brooke down knowing she would be seeing Vanessa soon and get to hold her, having her reassure her and placate her.

It ended up being about three-quarters due to Vanessa’s shorter legs rendering her slower and Brooke’s long ones ensuring she took big strides. Brooke saw her coming towards her from a distance just at the park’s edge and as they both reached out for a hug, they crashed into each other with a force that accurately conveyed both their anger and just how much they seemed to have missed each other in the 24 hour period they’d been apart.

“Fuck them,” Vanessa muttered into Brooke’s jacket. She was wearing her massive parka, the one with the fluffy pink hood. To Brooke, it made her all the more cuddly. She gave her a squeeze around her middle and tilted her chin up to press a quick kiss to her lips, coming back again for a second, then a third.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Brooke decided, slipping her arm through Vanessa’s and instantly feeling about 80% calmer. “There’s that new bar that opened up round the corner. Could try there?”

They walked towards it wordlessly, a journey that only took about three minutes but in that time hundreds of unsavoury thoughts had begun to swirl around in Brooke’s head like floating bits of food waste down a plughole. She waited until they had found a booth through the back in relative quiet and until Vanessa had shrugged her damp jacket off before she let rip.

“I just can’t fucking believe it, Ness. Like, I know we kept stuff from everyone but a fucking sweepstake. Jesus Christ. The thought of everyone sitting and putting bets and watching our every move…like how long has it been going on for?! How long have we just been like performing monkeys to them?! I mean Christ, we only just found out we liked each other less than a month ago!” Brooke hissed, Vanessa sitting and nodding rapidly in affirmation as she spoke.

“I’m just hurt,” she sighed heavily, breaking Brooke’s heart in the process. “I mean I don’t know why I didn’t tell Silk and Kiki, but I just…didn’t. Everything was so new and weird between us. Hell, I guess it still is.“

Brooke smiled back at Vanessa across the table, who was shooting a shy one her way. "I guess that was why I never told Yvie and Nina either. I didn’t want them making fun of us. Guess that turned out well.”

Vanessa gave a quick laugh that lit up Brooke’s insides. She fumbled around in her jacket pocket for her purse. “What do you want to drink? I’ll get them in.”

Too exhausted to argue over who was paying, Brooke conceded. “Gin and lemonade.”

Vanessa gave a wordless nod as she strutted up to the bar. Self-conscious of being left on her own, Brooke took out her phone and flipped it over in her hands. There weren’t any new messages to the chat- it was likely that the girls were using whatever one they had for the sweepstake to talk about what had happened in private- but Brooke had a string of missed calls from Yvie and Nina, and a few from Scarlet. There was a sole voicemail from Nina, which Brooke listened to.

_“Brooke, hey, it’s me. Call me when you get this, or Yvie, or any of us really. We’re all really sorry and we’re worried about you.”_

At that moment, Brooke could hear Yvie’s voice in the background, panicked and harsh, yelling at Nina about how nobody left voicemails in this day and fucking age and how Brooke was unlikely to even listen to it.

_“Uh, yeah, so to sum up- we’re sorry, we love you, call us. Bye.”_

Brooke couldn’t help but quirk a smile at that. She loved Nina so much, the girl was so kind-hearted and loving and caring. Which was why it made her betrayal all the more hurtful and so damn fucking confusing. Why would Nina do something like that to Brooke? Unless of course, Nina didn’t see it that way at all. Unless she really genuinely thought Brooke and Vanessa would have found it funny.

Brooke was deep in thought as Vanessa returned with one gin and lemonade, one pink gin and lemonade, and a packet of salt and vinegar kettle chips.

“Fifteen forty-five for all of that. You better buy me some diamonds or some shit and then we’re even,” she quipped, raising her eyebrows as she sat down opposite Brooke. She smiled indulgently at her.

“Can I ask you something?” Brooke began hesitantly, her mind still working overtime. “If I had wanted to set up a sweepstake about like…Scarlet and Yvie. Or Nina and Monet. Would you have gone along with it?”

Vanessa shrugged and sipped her drink. “Yeah, because that shit’s funny. And cute, because it’s them. It’s different with us. We ain’t…you know. We ain’t like them.”

Brooke frowned a little and tried not to dwell on Vanessa’s justification, focusing more on her current train of thought. “But maybe that’s what the others thought when they made that sweepstake for us. Maybe they genuinely thought it was funny.”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes. “Nina _thinks_ that Michael MacIntyre is a funny comedian, it don’t make her correct.”

Brooke pulled a face and sipped her own drink. She’d been so angry and quick to judge, but now that she was with Vanessa and she’d had time to calm down, maybe the others were right. Maybe they’d both gone about this whole thing in the wrong way. Brooke hadn’t realised she’d been staring into space until she heard Vanessa drum on the table with her nails.

“So, uh,” she bit her lip and smiled up at Brooke. “You like me, huh?”

Brooke’s blood suddenly turned to ice. “What?”

Vanessa had gone a little bit red. It was out of character for her, and it made Brooke blush as well. “Earlier. You basically said you liked me.”

Brooke felt her speech catch in her throat. “Well I meant…we had that conversation in Liezen-”

“About how we liked kissing each other, yeah. And then we had a conversation about how we liked fuckin’ each other. But we’ve never had a conversation about actually liking each other. You were the one that said that,” Vanessa finished Brooke’s sentence mischievously. Brooke suddenly found herself wishing she was directly above a trapdoor that would plummet her into the Earth’s core and burn her to a crisp. She simply stared at Vanessa with her mouth open slightly, wondering what the correct thing to say was. Vanessa only laughed in response, growing more red as she spoke again. “So you like me?”

Brooke forced herself to look at the table top. If she looked at Vanessa she’d die. This was the moment she’d been waiting basically her entire university career for, the speech she’d been rehearsing for about three years, so why couldn’t she physically speak? She took a sip of her drink and grew a set of balls and locked eyes with Vanessa. “Yeah, I do.”

Vanessa’s face broke out into an uncontrollable smile as she tipped her head back to the ceiling, and Brooke found her heart going into cardiac arrest. “Do you, uh. Do you…feel…the same about me?”

Vanessa burst out laughing, Brooke wondering how what felt like her life hanging in the balance could be so funny to her. “Take a fuckin’ guess.”

Brooke spluttered an awkward, nervous laugh. It seemed like a yes? She felt like Vanessa wouldn’t have taken things as far as they’d gone if it wasn’t. “Yes?”

Vanessa tucked her hair behind her ears, tried to suppress her smile, and failed. In a quiet voice, she confirmed. “Fuck, Brooke…I’m crazy about you.”

Brooke felt her heart explode and her eyes transform into love hearts and all of her insides get churned around like a cement mixer. She laughed and reached for Vanessa’s hand across the table. “Jesus. Well. Good. Okay. I really want to kiss you.”

Vanessa rapidly bounced into the seat beside Brooke like an excitable bunny and met her lips with her own. They kissed hard and passionately, and Vanessa had her hands tangled in Brooke’s damp hair and fuck, Brooke would need to pull away before things escalated and they were barred from the pub for doing something indecent. So Brooke pulled back, Vanessa tilting her head up needily, pouting and letting out a small whine.

“Whining,” Brooke simply said, a warning tone to her voice which made Vanessa’s pout get bigger and her eyes flash a little with lust. It shot Brooke back to when Vanessa was writhing underneath her with her face buried in the pillow and her hips squirming and bucking, as Brooke made her beg for what she wanted and the other girl kept up a litany of moans and whines and sighs. Fuck, no wonder Yvie and Nina had called bullshit when Brooke had denied everything. “Bratty behaviour.”

“Yeah well, I like getting my way,” Vanessa shrugged, smiling deliciously and flicking her eyes down to Brooke’s lips. Lowering her voice, she whispered. “And I’m touching myself under the table.”

Brooke almost choked. Rapidly, she craned her neck to find Vanessa’s hands sat against the leather covers of the seat, absolutely nowhere near her crotch. As Brooke sighed in relief and only about 60% disappointment, Vanessa howled a laugh. “Oh my God! Bitch! You are so fucking easy to wind up! It’s too fucking easy!”

“You’re too fucking easy, you big slut,” Brooke deadpanned, pushing Vanessa’s shoulder and letting out a laugh in spite of herself. Sighing, she picked at the crisps. “Speaking of big sluts. Our friends.”

“Yes.”

Brooke exhaled. “You know, now that I actually know you like me, the sweepstake does seem kind of funny.”

Vanessa smiled guiltily. “Yeah. Kinda does.”

Brooke frowned. “I mean they’re still absolute dicks for doing it in the first place, but our friends are dicks. What’s new.”

“True. I’m still mad at them though.”

“Ness. We didn’t tell them a single thing about what’s happening between us. The least they’re going to do is speculate. We did kind of make our beds a little bit here,” Brooke sighed, taking another handful of crisps. Vanessa exhaled and rolled her eyes.

“Can we at least make them feel real shit about it?”

“Yes. Although I don’t know if you’ll succeed with Silky.”

“That bitch could bomb half the Southern hemisphere and she’d still maintain it was the funniest joke she’d ever played,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, Brooke snorting a laugh beside her. As they both grew quiet, Brooke found herself laying a protective arm over Vanessa’s shoulders.

“Hey. You okay?”

Vanessa looked up at her, her dark eyes and blown pupils making them seem so huge and deep, and Brooke knew they weren’t girlfriends yet but she felt so lucky to even be with her, beside her, knowing that she liked her and Vanessa liked her back. That was enough for now.

“I’m good. I just don’t want to go back to the flat. It’s gonna be awkward,” Vanessa pouted, Brooke pulling a face as she agreed.

“It will. But you’ll be fine. You’ll all talk it out and we’ll all go back to normal. That’s all I want to do at the moment.“

"You want to…oh,” Vanessa’s face looked downcast, and Brooke instantly registered that she’d got the wrong end of the stick.

“No, no, no, not with us! I’m happy for us to still be doing…all this,” Brooke gave Vanessa’s shoulder a squeeze and the other girl relaxed. “This is good. I like it. It’s like an upgraded version of friendship.”

“Right,” Vanessa smiled cheekily, Brooke now able to fully relax.

They finished up their drinks and the rest of the crisps and made their way outside, where it had stopped raining and was now just replaced with cold dampness, puddles on the pavement shining despite the clouds. Brooke’s arm had moved to rest around Vanessa’s waist at her hip, and she didn’t really want to let go. Knowing they were about to leave each other, Vanessa turned and kissed Brooke gently, something almost fragile to it as if she was afraid she’d fracture or break.

Unable to believe it, Brooke asked Vanessa to confirm. “So, uh. You actually like me?”

Vanessa burst out laughing, Brooke feeling as if she was blushing all the way up to her scalp. “Of course I do, you fuckin’ idiot.”

Brooke couldn’t help the dumb smile that spread across her face. The novelty of knowing that would never wear off.

They squeezed each other a goodbye, and Brooke started back to her flat. She suddenly felt the trepidation overtake her, wondering what would happen when she arrived back. Would Yvie be furious at her? She seemed pretty apologetic when Brooke had been shouting at her. Fuck, why did she shout at her? Yvie was her best friend, for fuck’s sake, and things had already been so fragile between them. She’d wanted to make amends, Brooke had known that, and then she’d overreacted and ruined it all. Brooke felt the tears sting at her eyes as she quickened her pace. What if Nina hated her now too? Kind, sweet Nina who had never done anything malicious to anyone in her life. Scarlet had been at the flat too. She probably thought Brooke was a complete and utter dick for the way she’d acted. Jesus Christ, everyone probably hated her. What was the point of going home? Everyone was talking about her on that separate group chat, probably wondering how they could avoid her for the rest of the year. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

By the time Brooke got home and climbed the numerous stairs up to her flat she was hyperventilating so badly that her chest felt tight and constricted, as if a snake had wrapped itself around her ribcage. She immediately stumbled through to the kitchen, filled up the nearest glass (she didn’t care if it was clean or dirty), reached up to her shelf on the cupboard and ripped into the little packet of beta blockers she kept there. She took one every morning but sometimes life called for two per day, even though the packet urged her not to and her anxiety often spiked after the second one anyway as she panicked and worried about heart failure.

Brooke took deep breaths and steadied herself against the kitchen counter. The small living room was empty and Brooke knew exactly where Yvie and Nina would be. She wondered if Scarlet was still here, embarrassment overtaking her and threatening to ruin the tiny, fragile, tissue-paper level of calm she’d managed to return herself to. She took two more deep breaths, pressing her feet deeply into the soles of her shoes and trying to ground herself as much as she could. She had to face the girls at some stage. They were her flatmates, for fuck’s sake.

So Brooke tentatively slipped off her trainers, still absolutely soaked from the rain and the various puddles she’d stepped in on the way home. She knocked on Yvie’s door and waited for the shouts of “come in”- two, not three, she noted. Opening the door, she saw Yvie and Nina tucked up in Yvie’s bed together, both on their phones. They put them down as Brooke came in and smiled- Nina’s was warm and Yvie’s more nervous.

“Hey,” Yvie was the first to speak, Nina opening her arms and Brooke feeling herself flopping down on top of the duvet in the small space between her two flatmates.

“ ’M sorry,” she muttered, the proud side of her hoping that the duvet would conceal most of her apology. Brooke heard Nina tut and felt a body lean over to hug her.

“No, baby, we’re sorry. We’ve been shit friends and shouldn’t have put that pressure on you and Vanessa to do anything. We thought it was just a joke, but it’s your damn potential relationship. We should have thought,” Nina sighed, Brooke immediately consumed with guilt at having ever been angry with her friends.

“I mean, you did still behave like an asshole,” Brooke heard Yvie’s voice, causing her to let out a laugh. _Funny cuz it’s true._ “But so did we. And we’re sorry.”

Brooke sat up on her elbows and finally faced her friends, her best fucking friends in the world. She realised she was crying again and got annoyed at herself. “Stupid fucking tears.”

“Tears are valid! Crying is valid! Don’t you dare bottle shit up!” Nina chastised her, coming across as more of a mum than ever. Brooke let out a half-sob, half-laugh.

“I should’ve let you guys in, I should’ve talked to you about it. About everything. Maybe you would’ve helped me make sense of the fucking mincemeat that Vanessa’s turned my brain into. I’m so sorry,” Brooke sighed, Yvie opening her arms for a cuddle which she accepted gratefully.

“We’re sorry. You’re sorry. We’re all sorry. Let’s be friends again, bitch, I hate falling out with you,” Yvie pleaded, Brooke squeezing her tight and feeling a soft weight against her as Nina joined in the hug.

“I love you guys so much,” Brooke whispered, Nina and Yvie returning the sentiment and Brooke finally feeling as if something in her life was settled. They stayed cuddled up as Brooke frowned.

“Where’s Scarlet?”

“Went home. She thought we’d need some flat time when you got back.”

“Fuck, Yvie-”

“If you apologise again I’m going to smack you. We’re fine. I also have a fuckton of bolognaise that can’t all fit into the freezer so if you’re really sorry you’ll eat it all,” Yvie deadpanned, then noticed the look of acceptance on Brooke’s face. “Brooke it’s a fucking joke, right, it’s a fucking joke, please don’t gorge yourself on bolognaise trying to prove something.”

Brooke felt a small bubble of laughter escape her mouth, and Nina began chuckling beside her until all three of the friends were laughing in a heap on Yvie’s bed.

“I feel like I’ve missed so much. How is Scarlet? How are you two going?” Brooke asked, staring up at Yvie’s ceiling.

“We’re good. She’s…amazing. She’s funny and dorky and cute and a complete dumbass whilst simultaneously being the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. She’s a fucking kinky bitch though, complete definition of a dark horse,” Yvie let out a small laugh, Nina gasping theatrically.

“Oh my Christ! A match made in heaven if ever there was one.”

“Excuse me, Miss, don’t think you get off easy,” Brooke sat up on her elbow and turned to her. “You and Monet? What’s that all about, you actually got your shit together and told her that you like her?”

“Not exactly,” Nina began to explain, her face already strawberry-red as she spoke about her crush (or maybe girlfriend. Fuck, Brooke had missed a lot). “She took the lead on everything. Told me she’d liked me since we started taking the same modules together this year. Told me I was the most beautiful girl she’d ever met. Basically filling my head with lies.”

“Shut up, you insecure son of a bitch, and accept the love,” Yvie thumped her, Nina giving an exaggerated cry.

“We went for a date the other day. It was so nice, Brooke, she’s a total sweetheart. I can’t believe she actually likes me, of all people,” Nina’s voice grew small, and Brooke felt guilt stab at her stomach. Nina hadn’t had any relationships for as long as Brooke had known her, so of course as she was about to enter into a potential one she’d be doubting herself and wondering and worrying too much. Brooke needed to be there for her.

“Of course she likes you. You’re legitimately the best person I know,” Brooke pouted. “Yvie’s right. Don’t you dare overthink this, bitch. Monet likes you, it’s that simple.”

Nina raised her eyebrows and fixed Brooke with a look of disbelief. “ _Brooke Lynn Hytes_ is telling me not to overthink things? Jesus, someone call Trevor McDonald. I want to put this on the News at 10.”

As the girls laughed and Brooke rolled her eyes, Yvie’s phone began to ring. Brooke and Nina listened with interest as she answered, the smile that appeared when she saw who was calling dictating it could only be Scarlet.

“Hey, boo…no, she’s back now…about ten minutes ago. Okay,” a laugh and then Yvie’s face grew red. “Okay…okay, I’ll see you. Okay. Lov- Okay. Bye!”

Brooke and Nina exchanged a look. Brooke knew what she’d heard. Or, almost heard. Nina spoke before her.

“Was that an, um…an L-word that almost got dropped there, Yvelynn Oddly?” she said schemingly, Yvie’s face suddenly appearing as pink as if she’d been smacked.

“What? No? You guys,” Yvie muttered, rolling her eyes and throwing her phone down on the bed. Brooke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Excuse me, I just learned my lesson here. Share shit with your friends. Come on, spill the fucking beans or we’ll start a sweepstake about you.”

“It’s honestly nothing.”

“We want to hear anything! However mediocre,” Nina cried, sitting bolt upright excitedly. Yvie rolled her eyes.

“Fine. I’ll spill the mediocrity and beans,” she sighed, shrugging and pausing before she spoke. “You guys know I love you, because I tell you all the time. I tell all my friends all the time. And I used to tell Scarlet all the time too but now, of course…it means a hell of a lot more.”

“Oh, babe,” Brooke sighed sympathetically. It had never occurred to her before, but she used to do the same with Vanessa, and Vanessa used to tell her all the time too. It was one of the things that used to stab at her heart, a small twist of a knife in her stomach. Since Yvie’s birthday, neither of them had said it to the other. Brooke missed it.

“I keep going to say it when I usually would…at the end of phonecalls…when we say goodbye to each other…when she does something nice for me. And I know all of our other areas of the whole relationship are going fast, like we were already girlfriends and I barely even took her on a date. I’m just cautious, but even though I’m trying hard not to say it, it still threatens to come out at times.”

“There’s a difference between being in love with someone and just loving them,” Nina chimed in thoughtfully.

“No, I know,” Yvie reassured her. “But at the same time, I don’t know what the fuck it feels like to be in love with someone either! It’s never happened to me before. So how the fuck am I supposed to know? Shit, I could be in love with Scarlet and I might not even know.”

Brooke bit her lip, completely understanding where Yvie was coming from. She cast a glance to Nina and felt her stomach tighten. Out of the three of them, none were particularly well-versed in relationships. Yvie had seen a couple of girls over the years and was the queen of one night stands, but nothing had ever come of them. Brooke had dated a couple of guys back in her first year back when she still thought she was bi and then had realised she was 100% lesbian when she’d taken her first girl back from the gay club in town, then after that she’d spent most of her time pining over Vanjie. And Nina was Nina. The girl would have to be waterboarded before she actively made a move on someone. She let out a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Nina asked, already smiling. Brooke’s laugh got louder and she let out a faux-scream.

“Bitch! Look at us. We’ve all finally got the girls we like to like us back and none of us knows what the fuck to do about it!”

Yvie and Nina joined in with her laughter, soon growing hysterical as the girls screeched beside her. They were soon interrupted by all three of their phones going off at the same time.

“Vanjie’s been reinstated. Shit, I need to change her nickname,” Yvie smiled, pouncing on her phone. Smiling, Brooke checked her phone.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline added Vanessa Vanjie Mateo._

_Vanessa Vanjie Mateo: Alright hoes_

_Vanessa Vanjie Mateo: Two things_

_Yvie Oddly set the nickname for Vanessa Vanjie Mateo to Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie._

_Okay Then: (shrek voice) OH HELLO THERE_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Who’s down for film night at ours tonight_

_Kim Kardashian-West: ALL OF US!!!_

_Yvie’s bitch: MEEEEE xxxxxxxxxxxx_

_Okay Then: Okay then_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Second thing_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Who had Yvie’s birthday in the sweepstake_

“Bitch!! Knew it!!” Yvie laughed, thumping Brooke on the arm, the other girl laughing good-humouredly. She shot a message off to Vanessa.

_Brooke: Things went well with Silk and Akeria then? xxx_

_Vanessa: Silk actually apologised wtf_

_Vanessa: but yeah they were cute and it went well xxx_

_Brooke: Good. I’ll come over with the girls later xxx_

_Vanessa: Staying over?_

Brooke’s heart gave a jump.

_Brooke: Yes! If you want me to_

_Vanessa: Always want you to boo xxx_

Brooke turned her phone over and listened to Yvie, now stressed and talking about their upcoming exams. In contrast, Brooke hadn’t felt this calm in a long while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s the annual big festive gathering before everyone goes home for the holidays. will Secret Santa gifts be a hit or a miss? will the Christmas dinner be edible? will Nina ever stop singing songs from Nativity?

Scarlet was woken up from her nap by a voice in the hall loudly singing a Christmas song. As she came to from her sleep-induced stupor she realised it was Nina that was singing, and that the song was Five More Days til Christmas by The Cheetah Girls. It was actually fifteen sleeps, but these kinds of semantics didn’t seem to matter to Nina, as her voice got muffled and she presumably went into a different room. Scarlet stirred and tapped Yvie on her back, marvelling at how skinny she seemed to be.

“Yvie,” she muttered, then louder as she woke up a little more and Yvie didn’t stir at all. “Yves. We gotta get ready, c’mon.”

“Mnmhh,” came Yvie’s voice from the pillow, as she turned around to bat her girlfriend away. Scarlet gave a soft laugh. They’d been working themselves practically to exhaustion for the past couple of weeks for their exams which they’d just finished the day before, and they were both so tired from constant library days and cramming nights that they’d decided on a 2pm nap. Scarlet looked at the giant Sweeney Todd-themed clock on Yvie’s wall, the razor blade hands showing her it was now five o’clock.

“Oh fuck, we really slept,” she chuckled, as Yvie pushed her curls out of her face and rubbed her eyes, scattering mascara clumps over her cheeks like squid-ink snow.

“The worst part about naps is waking up from them,” Yvie mumbled grumpily, Scarlet letting out a hoot of a laugh.

“Babe. That’s really fucking dark,” she rolled her eyes, leaning over and planting a kiss on her cheek. “Come on, get up and get that Christmas jumper on. I want my girlfriend to be the most festive bitch at the dinner!”

Yvie tried to roll her eyes at Scarlet but a big goofy smile stopped her from doing so. Scarlet smiled back and the pair of them pressed their foreheads together, grinning like idiotic Cheshire cats. Scarlet thought that it would never get boring to call Yvie her girlfriend. It was so crazy to believe that they’d been together for over a month, and it had been a whirlwind. She’d lost count of the amount of dates they’d been on (and the amount of times they’d slept with each other), but it hadn’t all been easy. Scarlet had had to hand in three essays as well as sit one exam, and Yvie had had four exams, all of which had been spread out over the past week. So as much as the first month of their relationship had been about great sex, adorable dates and enjoying their time together, much of it had been sharing stressful cramming sessions in the library, Yvie proofreading Scarlet’s essays, and Scarlet testing Yvie on her revision knowledge. There had been countless times where they’d wiped each others’ tears and cheered each other up when the other had thought they would absolutely fail or that they couldn’t do it anymore (and they’d both been through many of those moments, Scarlet noted). She would be the first to admit it had been stressful at times, but Scarlet wouldn’t have had it any other way. She’d revised alongside Yvie over exam periods previously, but this time was different because whenever Scarlet had hugged Yvie and reassured her or brought her an iced coffee back from Starbucks, Yvie had looked into her eyes with more gratitude and appreciation that Scarlet had ever been looked at with before.

But their exams and essays (and portfolios, in Brooke and Plastique’s case) were all done, and so there had been talk on the groupchat about some form of Christmas gathering before they all went home for the holidays. They all usually did something, at least to Scarlet’s knowledge- last year they had gone out for “festive drinks” (which was really just drinks- but Akeria had insisted that it was inherently festive because it was December), and apparently the year before they had all gone sledging at the big hill behind their student halls because it had been snowing. But this year they had decided that, in preparation for graduate life, they would host a classy and civilised potluck dinner. Everyone had picked one component of a classic Christmas dinner to cook, and Scarlet, who was far more confident baking than cooking, had made a lemon and strawberry meringue roulade for their pudding. It had been sitting in Yvie’s flat’s fridge overnight, taking up a substantial amount of room, and Scarlet was very proud of it. She desperately hoped everyone would like it. Scarlet knew that her friends were her friends and that they loved her, but sometimes her anxiety would convince her otherwise and exam season hadn’t helped her mental state. She was looking forward to what would hopefully be a good night, where the only drama would ideally be who had the last pig in blanket.

Yvie had finally got up off the bed and had grabbed her towel. “I’m going for a shower. Do you want one?”

Scarlet self-consciously sniffed herself. Smelling nothing, she frowned and turned to Yvie. “I don’t know. Do I stink?”

Yvie rolled her eyes theatrically. “Honestly, woman, the plots you hatch just so that you can get me to hug you.”

Scarlet stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend as Yvie moved across the room, wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in her neck, taking a big, over-exaggerated, disgustingly loud sniff. Scarlet squirmed away. “Ugh, Yvie! You’re fucking gross.”

“Well luckily, you’re not. You smell fine. But you can use any of my deodorant if you want to make sure. I’ll be five minutes,” Yvie said as she pulled away, muttering something under her breath. Recently Yvie had started mumbling incoherently, or beginning sentences and then cutting herself off, as if she was about to say something and she’d forgotten what it was. Scarlet couldn’t help herself wondering what the something could be. She hoped it was something nice. She’d tried asking Yvie to clarify what she’d said, but Yvie always just explained it away as talking to herself. Scarlet somehow knew that wasn’t the truth.

Scarlet pulled on the Christmas jumper she’d brought with her to Yvie’s flat; bright red with three dogs on it wearing Christmas headgear, and writing in sequins that read “Bark the Herald Angels Sing”. It was suitably the right mix of campy and classy and matched what Scarlet usually wore relatively well. Pausing before leaving Yvie’s room, Scarlet scrutinised her Secret Santa present. She’d drawn Brooke’s name, which her heart had sank at as she was arguably the girl she felt the least close to out of their whole group. She had so badly wanted to ask Yvie or Nina for advice on what to get her but they both were taking the whole thing deadly seriously so that plan had been out the window. Scarlet had settled on a gift bag full of Canadian snacks that she’d ordered from various online stockists, as she knew Brooke was getting homesick and had spoken about how much she’d missed Coffee Crisps. She had spent so long choosing everything and was really hoping Brooke would like it, and that it would bring them closer together.

Optimistically, Scarlet took her makeup through to the kitchen and hoped that Brooke or Nina would be there. Recently Scarlet had been spending more and more time at their flat. This was for three reasons- one, she loved spending as much time with Yvie as possible, two, she loved seeing her other two friends (and Monet and Vanjie, who also popped by quite often), and three, she would rather fling herself into the Eurotunnel and make a cosy bed out of the railway tracks than go back to her own shitty, leaky, breaky, messy flat where Ra’Jah was.

Sure enough, as Scarlet padded out into the hallway there was a variety of sounds behind the kitchen door. One was the tinny racket of Nina’s phone speakers blasting a different Christmas song. Another was Nina singing along. The third was a clatter of cooking utensils and the fourth, lots of swearing. Scarlet was almost afraid to go in.

The sight that met her was only the tiniest bit chaotic. Nina was dancing along to the song in a unique sort of way that seemed to include a lot of bouncing and ignoring Brooke, who was in front of the oven and facing three different pans of sauce, each a different colour. She seemed moments away from a stress-induced meltdown and had her hands in her hair, clutching at big fistfuls of it with frustration. Scarlet was barely given a chance to speak before Nina noticed her, jumped in front of her and pointed in her face, half-singing, half-shouting the song.

_“Cause she’s blinding me with love, she’s my saviour from above!”_

“Nina, I swear to God I will kill you,” Brooke snapped, before Nina beamed a smile and turned her attention to her flatmate.

_“She’s the brightest star I’ve ever seen- brightest star!- It’s like we’re living in some kind of dream- like some kind of dream!”_ she continued, beginning to dab obnoxiously and making Brooke put her head in her hands. Scarlet burst out laughing as she saw Nina’s Christmas jumper- a riot of white snowflakes surrounding a dancing Santa, with “FLOSSING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE” written in bright green.

“Oh my God, Nina. That’s quite the jumper,” Scarlet finally got a word in as the song reached an instrumental break. Nina’s happiness was slightly dented as she looked down at the horrific design and rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, don’t. I bought it for placement because the school did a Christmas jumper day- yes, in November, I know- and it was only really for the consumption of my class, but all my other Christmas jumpers are at home so looks like this is what I’m wearing. I love yours though!” Nina’s smile was back, reaching out and touching Scarlet’s sleeve as she sat down at the kitchen table. Scarlet thanked her, then cast a glance to Brooke.

“How’s cooking going?” she asked, nervous about the answer.

Brooke twirled round from the hob and mustered up a smile that Scarlet could tell was more for her benefit rather than it being in any way genuine. “Put it this way, I’m half expecting Gordon Ramsay to pop his head through the door and start screaming about sauce. I mean how did I fuck up gravy?!”

“It smells amazing! I don’t think it’ll be fucked up at all,” Scarlet said confidently. She wasn’t lying- the smells in the kitchen were delicious- but she knew Brooke was a giant perfectionist and if she’d messed up even the tiniest part of the recipe she would see it as a total failure.

“It would help if my flatmate didn’t insist on giving me the one-woman version of Nativity as I’m making them, like a fucking expert level of Ready Steady Cook,” Brooke side-eyed Nina, who somehow heard her comment over the music and her own singing. Nina budged Brooke out of the way of the oven, grabbed a teaspoon and dipped it into the gravy. Tasting it, she laughed.

“Christ, Brooke, it just needs more salt. And wine. If in doubt, always add salt and wine.”

Appeased, Brooke continued cooking. Scarlet gave a sideways glance at Nina from her position at the kitchen table and paused her contouring. “Nina, what were you cooking again?”

“Carrots. They’re cooking away. I do them in garlic and honey and they’re just amazing,” Nina explained, grabbing a half-empty glass of wine from the kitchen counter and sitting down opposite Scarlet to keep her company. It was only then that it occurred to Scarlet that Nina was very clearly already on her way to being drunk.

“If you do say so yourself,” Brooke piped up.

“If I do say so myself,” Nina gave a wink, downing the rest of her glass. She turned excitedly to Scarlet. “Also girl, Jesus. That roulade’s been calling my name all damn day. You’re lucky you’ve got something to bring tonight, because you almost didn’t.”

Scarlet gave a shy shrug and suddenly thought she might not need any blusher if she got any more compliments from her friends. “I hope it’ll taste alright. I’m relatively confident that it will, though, so don’t worry about going hungry!”

“If it doesn’t, I still have so much Christmas chocolate that the kids got me for finishing up. We can crack that open. Are you staying tonight, Scarlet?”

Scarlet cast a quick, nervous glance to Brooke, who was busy with her pans. She was always conscious of imposing on Nina and Brooke, hyper-aware that it wasn’t her flat and she didn’t pay rent and she never wanted to stay too often. In this case, however, the answer was a yes, and Scarlet nodded carefully to Nina as she did her eyebrows. Nina gave an excited clap.

“Aah! Exciting! I won’t be in this evening but I’ll see you tomorrow I’m sure.”

“You got to see a girl about her cat?” Brooke piped up, turning around from the stove and quirking an eyebrow. Nina glared up at her, unimpressed.

“If you’re insinuating that I have a pussy appointment…” she curled her lip up in distaste. “…then yes. But come on, it’s not like that. At least, it isn’t to me, I still don’t know what the fuck she’s thinking.”

Scarlet smiled as Nina grew a little quieter. Nina always got a little more shy, a little more reserved, a little more flustered at the mere hint of a mention of Monet. It was just cute enough to be adorable and not vomit-worthy.

“You should just do what me and Vanjie are doing. We know we like each other and we know we like having sex with each other. It’s a good place to be in,” Brooke shrugged, evidently satisfied with her sauces and pouring each of the contents of the pans into three different tupperware boxes. Scarlet snorted a laugh.

“You missed out the part where you pined after each other for two years,” she explained, Nina hooting a laugh and thumping the table. Brooke folded her arms, trying to look exasperated but being unable to hide her smile.

“Okay, I don’t think any of us get a say in how to conduct a relationship.”

“Well all I’ll say, Brooke, is that Vanjie won’t be happy with that arrangement forever. Sooner or later you’ll have to upgrade her to girlfriend status, because she sure as hell does not strike me as the type of girl who’ll ask you first,” Nina said matter-of-factly. Brooke exhaled deeply.

“Christ, this is like that nightmare I had about being on Loose Women. Look, just leave us to it, okay? We’re happy! It’s working,” Brooke shrugged lightly, clicking the lids onto her tupperware boxes.

“What’s working?” came a voice, as Yvie entered the kitchen. Her curls were still a little damp but her makeup was perfect- though admittedly, everything about her was perfect in Scarlet’s eyes.

“Your Mum’s prostitution company,” Brooke retorted, Yvie ignoring her and giving Scarlet a kiss on top of her head.

“You look nice, baby,” she murmured against her hair, Scarlet lighting up at the compliment.

“You know whenever you say nice things about me, my heart grows ten times in size?” Scarlet said matter-of-factly. Nina raised an eyebrow as she moved to the oven and removed a large baking tray with foil over the top of it.

“That sounds like you should see a doctor. Are we almost ready to go?”

“I just need to change into my jumper, two seconds,” Brooke said as she left the room. Scarlet turned around in her seat to see Yvie’s outfit. She had on the black ripped jeans that Scarlet loved so much, her usual Docs, and a navy blue jumper with “MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA FILTHY ANIMAL” on it in white writing.

“Of course your favourite Christmas movie is Home Alone,” Scarlet smiled affectionately. Yvie frowned at her.

“I’ve never seen it?”

Scarlet screwed up your face. “Your jumper has a quote from it?”

Yvie looked down at the design. “Oh, does it? I just liked the sentiment, to be honest.”

Scarlet snorted and then began packing up all her makeup. Soon enough, all four of the girls had their potluck items (and their Secret Santa gifts) and were ready to leave, but not before Brooke had proudly shown them all her amazingly tacky jumper which was green and patterned like a Christmas tree, covered in knitted baubles, sparkly silver tinsel-like material, and a full set of in-built battery-operated fairy lights. All the way to Silky’s flat, the girls had many questions for Brooke (“Does the tinsel not itch?” “How do you wash it?” “Is there a possibility that you could go on fire mid-dinner?”) and the endless chatter tided them over until they reached the girls’ stairwell. They had to buzz twice before they were let in, but eventually they reached the front door which was flung open by Plastique, wearing a very on-brand white jumper with “Dear Santa…I can explain!” on the front in sequins.

“Hey guys! Merry Christmaaas!” she cried, hugging them all happily and letting them in. “I’ve been put on door duty. The girls are all having a meltdown in there, it’s like Cutthroat Kitchen and Hell’s Kitchen and Masterchef all rolled into one, if the object of these shows was to kill all the contestants instead of making anything relatively edible.”

“You could say it’s…” Brooke began, pausing dramatically. “…a Kitchen Nightmare.”

Plastique immediately began pushing her back out the door. “Get the fuck out, you’re uninvited.“

“God, imagine having to make an effort for the potluck. Can’t relate,” Yvie shrugged peacefully, holding her offering up in the air smugly. The girls all groaned.

“Frozen fucking peas,” Nina shook her head. “You are the luckiest bitch, I swear to God.”

“Not fast, you’re last, bitch,” Yvie smiled, clearly happy that she had shotgunned the item that took the least amount of effort to make.

The five girls tentatively opened the door to the kitchen, where the air seemed to be slightly cloudy with smoke. The window was wide open and there was so much sound that Scarlet felt she needed ear defenders. From the speakers, the hum of the extractor fan, and the three girls that were working away, there was an impressive wall of noise being created.

_“And this Christmaaaaaas will be, a very merry Christmaaaaaas, for me!”_

“Silk, can you shut the fuck up for a second? I need to check my veg!”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, sorry Vanj, I forgot you need to be able to hear to check on a fuckin’ roasting tray!”

“Somethin’s burning, I’m tellin’ y’all.”

“If it’s my stuff you know I’ll kill you all, right?” Plastique piped up, the three girls turning around and instantly lighting up when they saw their friends. Vanessa immediately rushed forward to Brooke, the taller girl greeting her with a “Hey, gorgeous” and a kiss. Scarlet and Yvie were both hugged at once by Akeria, and Silky and Nina seemed to be making a good effort to crush each other to death. Scarlet noticed each of their Christmas jumpers and thought they were all very fitting: Vanessa’s was red and had two gold baubles on its front which were very strategically placed, Akeria’s was almost identical to Nina’s except hers said “TWERKING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE”, and Silky’s was blue with “Hoe Hoe Hoe” written in cursive silver glitter.

“Ladies, welcome to the Michelin-starred Antigua Road kitchen,” Akeria said with a flourish, Scarlet having to hold back a laugh at her optimism.

“Y’know, I never understood why they named that after an Eastenders character,” Silky pondered aloud, Nina instantly howling with laughter and swatting at her.

“You dumb bitch! Phil fucking Mitchell?!”

The kitchen promptly erupted with laughter, Scarlet having to cling to Akeria she was giggling so much.

“Nah, bitch, they named it after that tyre man. You know, Michelin?” Vanessa piped up, everyone promptly losing their shit again. The girl looked put out and pouted up at Brooke. “What the fuck you hoes laughing for?! That’s what it is!”

“I don’t think they named a restaurant rating system after a tyre company, Vanj,” Brooke smiled down at her affectionately. Clearly seeing she was looking dejected, Brooke gave her waist a squeeze and kissed her on the cheek. Vanessa seemed to cheer up after that and began enthusiastically beckoning them all through to Akeria’s room. Scarlet was impressed by what was there. The girls had moved their dining table through to the biggest room in the flat and had managed to combine enough kitchen chairs, stools and wheely desk chairs to create a table that could fit all seven of them. Each place had been set with plates, cutlery and wine glasses with a small paper napkin propped up on each plate and a cracker at one side, and there was a huge space in the middle of the table to hold all the food.

“I spent way too long on this, but I’m proud of it,” Vanessa smiled happily, the girls all congratulating her.

“This looks amazing! Well done, boo,” Brooke smiled, kissing her on the cheek again. Scarlet watched as Vanjie’s face lit up. With a small dip to her heart, she remembered Nina’s words from earlier. She really hoped that Vanessa and Brooke were on the same page about their relationship.

Everyone began to put their food out on the table, except Scarlet who decided to save her roulade for later on. Brooke set out her sauces and Nina took the foil off her carrots with a flourish, the smell of roast garlic instantly wafting through the room. It took Yvie mere minutes to get her peas ready and she carried them through from the kitchen in a jug, Plastique following her with some delicious-looking pigs in blankets and stuffing balls, each with a shiny, sticky glaze.

“Oh my Christ, Plastique, they look incredible,” Nina practically drooled. “Did you make them?”

Plastique snorted. “Jesus, no. M&S.”

“God, Plastique, I know you’re fucking rich but there was no need to bankrupt yourself,” Brooke rolled her eyes. Yvie smirked and joined in.

“How much did that cost you? Eighty pounds?”

“Is that stuffing made from gold leaf?” Nina quipped.

“I’ll stuff you in a second! Do you want to eat them or not?” Plastique bit back, a warning glare in her eyes that made the girls pipe down. In the silence, Scarlet found herself sniffing the air.

“Something’s definitely burning in there,” she frowned, as Akeria came through with a bowl of Brussels sprouts and set them on the table.

“I keep trying to tell those two, but they won’t listen to me,” she nodded, looking happily at the food in front of her.

“Why did you even bother with sprouts?” Yvie screwed up her nose. Scarlet swatted at her.

“Hey! I’ll eat them! I like sprouts.”

“Ugh, don’t. I have to share a bed with you tonight. Has anyone got a fucking gas mask?”

The girls burst out laughing as Scarlet rolled her eyes and thumped Yvie, before the other girl pulled her in for a hug. They were interrupted by Nina’s surprised voice, the girl looking at her phone intently.

“Oh shit. Vanjie, you were right. It is named after the tyre company.”

“Suck my ENTIRE dick, hoes!” she yelled excitedly before running through to the kitchen to continue gloating, Brooke groaning at having been proved wrong. Akeria rolled her eyes and motioned at the chairs.

“Ladies, sit! It won’t be long.”

Sure enough, as everyone had taken their seats, Vanjie and Silky brought their food through from the kitchen. Vanjie looked pleased as she put two bottles of wine and a tray of roast potatoes and parsnips on the table, then sat down. Brooke whispered something into her ear, presumably more praise by the way Vanessa smiled. Silky didn’t look as pleased.

“So…the bad news is…”

“The turkey looks like a fuckin’ dementor?” Akeria piped up, laughter exploding around the table. Silky narrowed her eyes at her flatmate.

“…the turkey is burnt…” Silky finished. “The good news is I ordered a fourteen piece bargain bucket and it’ll be here soon.”

“That’s chicken?” Plastique screwed up her face, confused. Silky rolled her eyes as she sat down.

“It’s a fuckin’ bird, alright!”

“Well, I ain’t had cranberry sauce and fried chicken before, but there’s always a first for everything,” Vanessa shrugged, casting a hand across the table. “Okay, ladies, start!”

Even though there wasn’t any turkey, it was still an amazing meal. Everyone’s food tasted delicious and when the KFC arrived, most of the girls were open to trying it as part of their Christmas dinner (except Plastique, who put hers on a sideplate and ate it separately). They pulled their crackers and got Brooke to read out all the shit jokes (“She’s queen of shit jokes!”) and all ended up with flimsy paper crowns on their heads. In between eating they all talked about how their exams had gone. Nina seemed the most nervous about her essays as she, out of everyone in their group, was the one who was the most desperate for a first, with Akeria a close second. Silky was her classic blasé self, confident she would get the marks she wanted, although as Scarlet watched the worried look that passed between Akeria and Vanjie she wasn’t so sure. Eventually everyone’s plates were empty and Yvie, Brooke and Plastique took them through to the kitchen and washed up as Scarlet set out her dessert. Soon enough, everyone was munching away and Scarlet felt she was about to burst with everyone’s compliments about how incredible and tasty it was.

“Okay, guys,” Plastique said through a mouthful of roulade. “Can we please do the Secret Santa now? Please please please?”

“Oh my God YES!” Vanjie grinned, thumping the table and sending her fork flying. “Let’s go, I want my present!”

“Alright, bitches, calm down! Okay, I’ll start,” Yvie said, reaching behind her and into her bag and pulling out a small gift bag. “I had…Miss Akeria.”

Akeria gave a yelp of delight and reached her hands across the table for her present, mouthing a thanks to Yvie. Peering inside the bag, she abruptly closed it and doubled over laughing, tears squeezing out the corners of her eyes.

“What is it?!” Scarlet asked, looking from Yvie to Akeria expectantly. Yvie attempted to explain, but she was too busy killing herself laughing like the other girl. Still howling, Akeria pulled out three things from the bag- a white ashtray with “BUTTS” written in the centre, a small plush donkey, and a pink silk eye mask which said “Booty Sleep”. As the room began to register the link, everyone began hooting with laughter at the ass-themed gifts.

“Jesus Christ, Yves, that is so perfect,” Scarlet shook her head as she clutched at her stomach.

“Oh my God, thank you, Yvie. It’s amazing,” Akeria wiped the final tears of laughter from her eyes and took a big deep breath. “Okay, mine isn’t nearly as good as that. But I got my good old flatmate…Vanessa Vanjie Mateo.”

Vanessa showed more excitement than an infant on Christmas Day as she opened her present and found a huge stack of DVDs tied with a red bow. As she leafed through it, her smile grew.

“I know that we got Netflix and that,” Akeria explained to her, looking the closest to shy that Scarlet had ever seen her look as long as she’d known her. “But I thought it might be cute.”

“Kiki…” Vanessa smiled up at her then trailed off, as she explained to the others. “These are all my favourite movies that we all watch together all the time…She’s The Man…The Proposal…10 Things I Hate About You-”

“Yeah, they’re pretty much all rom-coms,” Akeria cut in, getting another laugh from the girls. Vanessa got up and hugged her flatmate, thanking her and fussing over her until Plastique started clamouring for more present-giving.

“Alright, ya filthy whores!” Vanessa exclaimed, producing a haphazardly-wrapped present from under her seat. “I got Yvie’s bitch a.k.a…Scarlet!”

Scarlet found her face lighting up in surprise. She’d had no idea as to who had got her, but she was glad it was Vanjie. Thanking her, she reached over to take the present and opened it excitedly. Inside was a shiny silver photo frame with crystals outlining its edge, and in the frame was a selfie that featured all seven of them from a night out they’d had months ago. Scarlet recognised it because it was her cover photo on Facebook. She loved it because they all looked so happy together, and it had been taken on one of those nights out where everything just went right, and so many hilarious things seemed to happen, and there was no drama at all. Scarlet looked up at Vanessa who was smiling happily. She knew Scarlet loved it.

“Vanjie this is so cute, what the hell!” Scarlet exclaimed, turning the frame around to show the girls. The room was filled with “aaw”s, until Brooke frowned and squinted at the frame.

“What does it say?” she asked, Scarlet turning the picture over, confused until she spotted the small engraved quote at the bottom. Scarlet felt as if she would cry as she read it out.

“Best friends forever, never apart, maybe in distance but never at heart,” she smiled, getting up and squeezing Vanessa in a hug. “Vanjie, it’s adorable. Thank you so much.”

Vanessa blushed as Scarlet pulled away. “Stop bein’ all mushy, bitch, and tell us who you had!”

“Oh, right,” Scarlet said, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ears and reaching down to the gift bag at the floor. “Brooke, this is for you.”

Brooke’s eyebrows shot up as she smiled in surprise and took the bag from Scarlet. Scarlet’s heart thrummed with nerves as Brooke looked in, her eyes widened, and she let out a scream.

“Oh my GOD! Scarlet!!” Brooke cried, Scarlet jumping as Brooke hopped out of her seat and immediately sprinted round to Scarlet’s side of the table to give her a hug. She began explaining to the others as she retreated back to her seat to have a proper look in the bag. “She got me all my favourite things from back home…there’s actual maple syrup…oh my God, Swiss Chalet sauce! There’s fucking Ruffles All Dressed in here…oh my Jesus. There’s so many fucking Coffee Crisps! Scarlet, fuck, thank you so much.”

Scarlet could barely stop herself from smiling, happy her gift had had the desired effect. The present-swapping continued. Brooke had Silky and gave her a huge holographic makeup bag with “LESS GUYS, MORE FRIES” on the side, which Silky insisted she would use as a clutch bag when going out. Silky gave her present to Plastique- a set of expensive nail varnishes and a keyring with the entire lyrics to Vroom Vroom by Charli XCX on it in tiny font.

“My fucking anthem, bitch, yaas!” Plastique cried, clearly happy with her gift.

Plastique gave Nina a hand-stitched hessian carrier bag with “Miss West” on the side in red sequins, which Nina was very excited to use for all her marking. The final present to be gifted was from Nina to Yvie, who got given a little alarm clock in the shape of a headstone which played “Spooky Scary Skeletons” as its alarm sound.

“I was just fucking sick of hearing that iPhone alarm going off for minutes on end every morning, so this’ll be a nice change,” Nina explained, as Yvie laughed and thanked her.

Soon enough, all the wine bottles became empty and the night soon drew to an end. Plastique offered to give Nina a lift to Monet’s flat and the two of them left first, leaving the three hosts, Brooke, Yvie and Scarlet. Brooke was slightly slumped in her seat from the effort it was taking her to tuck her head into the crook of Vanjie’s neck, who turned and kissed her on the forehead.

“You sleepy, baby?” she muttered, Brooke nodding lethargically. The two of them concluded that Brooke would stay the night with Vanessa and so Scarlet gathered her things, thanked the girls for a lovely evening, and left arm-in-arm with Yvie.

It was a cold night, but Scarlet couldn’t really feel it as much after the few glasses of wine she’d drank. They both, however, had to watch for the small patches of black ice that had formed after the drizzle of the day had frozen up on the ground, and Scarlet’s heart gave a swell every time she gave a small skid and Yvie clung to her protectively. The night was pitch black and magic, and each yellow streetlamp cast a spotlight on the pavement for the love story that she and Yvie seemed to be living out. It was deeply surreal.

Scarlet looked up to the sky, smiling as she saw a few stars despite the endless amount of light the city produced. Looking at Yvie and watching her concentrating deeply as she navigated the icy pavement, Scarlet found herself smiling in spite of herself.

_“She’s the brightest star I’ve ever seen…it’s like I’m living in some kind of dream…”_

Yvie gave a chuckle as she turned to face Scarlet. “Oh, Jesus, not you too. We’ve only just managed to free ourselves of Nina and she’s basically a Michael Buble in training.”

Scarlet gave a soft laugh and slipped her hand down from the crook of Yvie’s elbow and into her hand. She gave a sigh, suddenly sad.

“I’m going to miss you when I go home, you know.”

There was a small, melancholy pause in the silence that followed. Yvie eventually gave a matching sigh and squeezed Scarlet’s hand. “I’m going to miss you too, baby.”

“It’s only a month or something, though. We can still skype,” Scarlet added optimistically, trying not to worry about how the distance between their family homes would affect their still very new relationship. There was another small silence where Scarlet tipped her head back up to the sky. “ _Why do I feel overcome with hope and joy_ \- shit!”

Scarlet suddenly found herself hitting the ground, pulling Yvie down with her onto the ice. She gave a splutter, Yvie sitting up on the ground and beginning to let out her deep, Disney-villan chuckle that Scarlet loved so much. Scarlet laughed so hard her stomach muscles could barely support her endeavour to sit up but eventually she managed it, sitting on the icy pavement and laughing with her girlfriend like a lunatic. Suddenly, Yvie said something, her face growing instantly serious.

“What?” Scarlet asked, her smile dropping off her face.

Yvie swept the hair back from her face with a nervous hand. “Fuck…remember how we used to say I love you to each other?”

Scarlet’s stomach gave a plummet, almost as if she was hurtling down a rollercoaster with ten consecutive loops in front of her. “Yeah?”

“Well…can we start doing that again? I know it’s different now we’re properly together, and I’m not saying I’m falling for you yet or anything intense like that, but I could see that happening. I do love you though, so fucking much. And sometimes…fuck, I don’t know. I just want to tell you.”

Scarlet could barely wipe the smile off her face. She wasn’t going to let Yvie in on what she was really thinking- that she’d begun to fall for Yvie a small while ago and it wouldn’t be long before she would be able to admit to herself that she was completely in love with her- because it could wait for now. For now, she had her beautiful girlfriend with her curls framing her ridiculously gorgeous face and her eyes full of hope, and a sky full of stars.

“Well I love you too,” Scarlet smiled back, her pulse giving a jolt as Yvie’s smile grew wider. “Not much has changed on that front.”

Scarlet leaned in and gave Yvie a soft kiss, her lips warm even though the air was freezing. It wasn’t _the_ I-love-you moment, but it was pretty perfect. As Yvie pulled away, she stood up, dusted herself off, and offered Scarlet her hands.

“Come on, dumbass,” she smiled bashfully, Scarlet allowing herself to be pulled up. “Let’s get back before our tits turn into snowballs.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone is back at uni after the holidays but somebody’s got cold feet, and not because the flat heating isn’t switched on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: weed use

Brooke wondered if it was possible to sweat herself to death as she dragged her huge suitcase up the final step to her flat and scrambled around in her backpack. She had never been so excited to take off a jacket in her adult life, but as she fumbled around for her keys she began to wonder if she would ever actually get into her flat. Thankfully, somebody had evidently heard her struggling and the door was suddenly thrown open to reveal Nina, just as smiley, happy and excited to see her as she’d been before Brooke had gone home for the holidays.

“Brookey Brooke Brooke!! Happy New Year!” Nina cried, lurching forward to give her a hug.

“Oh my God, Happy New Year baby. I probably stink of sweat,” Brooke concluded, her puffer jacket feeling more like a portable prison of heat with each passing second. Nina patted her on the back as she pulled away, dragging her suitcase inside in a suitably Mum-like manner.

“Nonsense, come in. I only just boiled the kettle, you’ve got scarily good timing. Yvie’s here with Scarlet. I think they may be banging.”

As Brooke walked past Yvie’s room she heard something that sounded suspiciously like a hiss through a set of teeth, and concluded that Nina was probably right.

“I’ll forgive them. How was New Years’?” Brooke asked, finally peeling her jacket off and throwing herself down on the couch. Nina raised her eyebrows as she poured the kettle out into two mugs.

“Really good,” she said, drawing out the “really” for emphasis. “I mean, it was just me, Silky, Akeria and Vanjie but it was such a great night. Kiki went home with a guy that looked like Thor. It was very bizarre.”

Brooke let out a laugh. She hadn’t felt too much fomo at having missed any New Year’s celebrations, as it was really only the girls whose family homes were closest to the city that were able to meet up and party together. Canada was probably a bit too much of a commute. Brooke self-consciously remembered the texts from Vanessa that came through that night, her stomach flipping over.

“Nobody overdid it, did they?” she found herself asking, keen for an outsider’s perspective on the evening. Nina tutted as she handed Brooke her mug and sat down.

“I mean Silky did, but it was basically her birthday party so nobody would begrudge her it. Vanjie was cute, though, it was a shame you never had any signal,” Nina smiled at Brooke, Brooke feeling a knot in her stomach tighten at her words. She plastered on her best fake smile.

“Aw yeah, she’s a cutie.”

“You must be looking forward to seeing her again? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that,” Nina encouraged her, sipping her tea.

“Yeah, of course! But I want to see my girls as well, you know? I mean I haven’t seen you for like, a month. Tell me about you and Monet!” Brooke smiled enthusiastically, jumping at the chance to divert the conversation from the topic of her and Vanessa. She took a big gulp of her tea, hoping it would encourage Nina to talk for as long as she could.

“We’re good! We’re good. I saw her just after Christmas, we met up in town. I’m still absolutely convinced the whole thing’s a massive practical joke and she’ll completely ghost me soon, but I’m trying not to think too much about it otherwise I’ll get too wrapped up in it and end up ruining things,” Nina reeled off, ending her sentence with an awkward shrug and a laugh to match, Brooke unsure if she felt good that the heat was off her and Vanessa or bad that it seemed Nina was a hair’s breadth away from self-sabotaging her potential relationship.

“Well you’ve been seeing each other for what, two months now? That’s getting into girlfriend territory, babe.“

"Oh, don’t,” Nina laughed, shaking her head so violently that her tea threatened to splash. “As fucking if. No, I’m just enjoying it while it lasts and whatever happens happens. I mean, I’m hardly going to be the one to end it, am I?”

Brooke raised both eyebrows at her but didn’t push for any more. Brooke always worried about Nina ever so slightly, like the sister she never had. Nina was the best hypewoman around, always preaching self-esteem, confidence and body positivity, but when push came to shove she could only sporadically take that advice herself. Brooke knew that Nina had overcome a lot since her time at high school- she’d always remember when Nina broke down to Brooke in her first year halls room and had told her everything she’d struggled with in the past after a set of girls had laughed at Nina in a kebab shop after a night out. So Brooke could understand that sort of self-love was hard for Nina to maintain. Brooke had noticed it seemed to come to her in ebbs and flows like waves; the crashing-against-rocks happy presence of a Nina who danced about the flat singing to Lizzo in a new outfit she loved deeply contrasting with times where the tide would pull her back out into a sea of shame, unhappy and upset because she’d eaten a share pack of Minstrels quicker than she’d thought possible and was disgusted at herself.

“Anyway. What about you, you going to ask Vanjie to be your girlfriend yet? It’s been longer than two months for you both and in your own words, Ms Hytes, that’s girlfriend territory,” Nina asked eagerly, Brooke almost spilling her tea all over herself in shock. Before she could answer, the kitchen door opened and in walked Yvie and Scarlet one after the other in a set of slightly crumpled clothes. Yvie’s face broke out into a smile as she saw her flatmate and she immediately ran forward toward the sofa Brooke was sat on, crushing her in a half-straddle, half-hug.

“Oh my God, bitch, it’s been forever!! Happy New Year!” she cried, muffled against Brooke’s shoulder.

Happy to see Yvie because she hadn’t seen her in ages and also because her arrival meant she didn’t have to answer Nina’s question, Brooke squeezed back hard. “Happy New Year baby!! How were your holidays? Scarlet, c’mere!”

Scarlet shuffled forward as Yvie ungracefully peeled herself off of Brooke, hugging her slightly more gently which Brooke was grateful for as Yvie spoke. “They were good. Made better by this one coming to see me.”

“Oh, did you go up to Yvie’s?” Brooke asked Scarlet as she pulled away, Scarlet rolling her eyes in mock-exasperation.

“Yeah, well. Someone decided to develop separation anxiety by the time we’d been apart for a fortnight so had me looking up train times before the bells had even rung at midnight,” Scarlet smiled, Yvie giving her a playful shove before pulling her down onto the armchair and into her lap, Scarlet giggling and batting her away.

“Well, you’re still both as gross as you were together the last time I saw you, so I’m glad nothing’s changed,” Brooke snorted, Yvie flipping her middle finger up at her.

“Oh, and you and Vanjie are gonna be _totally_ different when you see each other again,” she rolled her eyes, Brooke clenching her teeth together momentarily. Why did everybody seem to want to bring Vanessa up every two minutes?

“Well yeah, we probably will be. It’s not like we’re together or anything,” Brooke gave an awkward laugh. Suddenly the mood in the room seemed to change. She saw Scarlet stiffen tensely in Yvie’s lap and Yvie look across to Nina, something in her widened eyes that Brooke couldn’t quite make out. As Brooke turned to look at Nina, the other girl seemed to be impervious to the sudden tension and was smiling brightly at her phone.

“Hey, Monet’s wondering if she can come round. We could get pizza, play Mario Kart, maybe get high? We’ve not done that in a while. Sound good?”

Before Brooke could address the shift in atmosphere, Yvie was replying to Nina. “I’d be so down. I’m actually starving.”

“Sounds fun,” Brooke responded, still not quite able to have her smile meet her eyes. “I’ll go unpack my shit and then come back through. Won’t be long!”

Brooke couldn’t have been more glad of a moment to herself as she flung open her bedroom door and crashed down onto her bed, a feeling of seasickness churning in her stomach. Laying on her back, she stared up at the cracks in the ceiling until her eyes began to burn. She took one heavy, deep breath and opened up her phone. Her gut plummeted all over again when she saw the name in her notifications.

_V: You get back to flat okay? Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Brooke tapped out a message as quickly as she could, desperate for the interaction to be over.

_B: Yep! Just there with the girls just now xxx_

A reply came through before Brooke had even had the chance to replace the phone on her bed.

_V: Yay!! You gonna come round and cuddle me and play with my hair? lol xxxxxxxxxx_

Every single kiss that Vanessa had left at the end of her text felt like a stab in Brooke’s gut. Her entire stomach feeling like a ton of bricks, she replied.

_B: Sorry boo we’re just having flat girl time just now! Just the three of us. I’ll see you soon though? Xxx_

This pause was longer.

_V: Aww damn well I already waited a month I guess I can wait another day :) have fun Brooky xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Brooke dropped her phone on the bed, brought her hands up to her face and gave a huge, massive exhale. She didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her. She didn’t know what had changed. Vanessa was the girl she’d been chasing for essentially her entire university career, the literal girl of her dreams. She had wanted her, and now she had her. And everything was fine. Except everything was far from fine, Brooke thought as she sucked her tense stomach in and willed that horrible sinking feeling to go away. Maybe it was the month-long gap from when they’d last seen each other. Maybe it was the way Vanessa’s texts seemed to shift from fun and flirty and lighthearted to saccharine sweet and intense. Brooke didn’t know, but all she did know was that any time she thought about her and Vanessa as anything more than what they were now or if anyone else brought that idea up, her heart started doing somersaults, and not in a good way.

Guiltily, she took her phone and scrolled up on her and Vanessa’s text history, looking back at their texts from New Years’.

_V: Babyyyy xxxx_

_V: Keep trying to phone u n it’s going to voicemail :((( xxxxxxx_

_V: it’s so near midnight!!!!! xx_

_B: Sorry boo my signal is shit! I’m barely able to text :( xxx_

_B: But Happy New Year for when it comes!!!! Hope you are having a great night, get home safe xxx_

_V: Aww man that’s shit lmao dw dw xxxxxxxx_

_V: Happy New Year my baby, you’re the best thing to come out of this whole year and I’m so so glad we got our shit together, I really really really like you and I can’t wait to see where this year takes us xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_B: Awwww baby you’re sweet xxx_

_B: You never heard of playing hard to get lol (kidding) xxx_

_V: Ahahahahaha shut up whore xxxxxxxxx_

_V: Aint gotta play hard to get when you already got me xxxxxxxxxx_

But Brooke hadn’t been kidding, and her signal had been fine, and Vanessa’s messages had made her feel worse instead of better. She preferred the old Vanessa, the sexy and suggestive Vanessa who only wanted to fuck all the time and who wasn’t bothered about cuddling or hair-playing or anything like that. All of that scared Brooke. To her, that was what people in committed relationships did, and she wasn’t at the age where she wanted one of those. Or at least, she’d never had anything properly serious before and the prospect of it completely terrified her. Brooke squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing deeply. There was no way any unpacking was getting done now, as the top priority was to stop herself spiralling.

Brooke could have lain there for five minutes or forty-five minutes (she had no idea), but soon enough she was jolted out of her reverie as the buzzer went off. She got up and went out into the hall to get it.

“Hello?”

_“Brooke, that you? It’s Monet, Neens said I could come round?”_

Brooke wanted to repeatedly bash her head against the doorframe. Why did she have to be surrounded by cuddling couples and adorable pet names at a time like this?

“Yeah, no worries! Come up.”

As Brooke held her finger down against the switch to let Monet in, Nina ran out from her bedroom. She’d obviously spent the time making an effort, and her huge mane of wavy blonde hair was half-up half-down in a topknot on her head, her face painted with just enough makeup to look a touch more glam than everyday. She was still in her sweatpants but had changed into a fresh pyjama top. It had Lady from Lady and The Tramp on it, and the slogan “BED HAIR”.

“Is it her? Is she here?” Nina breathed heavily, nudging past Brooke to look through the peephole. Brooke couldn’t help but laugh.

“You sound like the fucking Grim Reaper’s about to come up the stairs, not your girlfriend! Fucking chill,” Brooke spluttered, squeezing Nina round her middle. “It’ll be fine.”

“She’s not my girlfriend! Stop saying that! Oh Jesus, you can’t say that in front of her,” Nina turned to Brooke, mortified. “Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous, as always. Interesting outfit choice, though.”

“Well, I want her to think that I always look this good when I’m being a lazy slob around the flat,” Nina shrugged, suddenly tearing her gaze back to the peephole and leaping back from the door as if she’d been scalded. “Fuck! Shit! That’s her, go!”

“Go? Bitch, where?” Brooke burst out laughing, trying to sober up in the hallway as Nina opened the door to Monet, who threw her arms around the other girl and covered both her cheeks in kisses.

“Hey baby! Ugh, I missed you so much,” Monet smiled, Nina growing shy and red as the other girl tapped her on the nose. “Thanks for having me over. I got you flowers!”

Brooke only just noticed the bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers in Monet’s left hand, Nina’s eyes lighting up as they were thrust into her arms.

“Oh, wow! They’re so beautiful, thank you, honey!” Nina smiled, pulling the girl in for another hug.

“Sunflowers for my sunflower. Oh, hey Brooke!” Monet cried as she noticed Brooke, immediately striding towards her and flinging her arms around her in a friendly hug. “How were your holidays? How’s Vanjie?”

Brooke tried her very best to keep from letting her discomfort at the topic of conversation show on her face as she pulled away. “They were…are…both amazing, thanks girl! How were yours?”

“They were great. Glad to be away from my crazy family though. You know you get to a stage when you just can’t live with them a second longer or you’ll commit a mass murder?” Monet chatted away, turning to Nina for validation. Nina screwed up her face and laughed.

“Nah, I think you’re just a psychopath.”

“Mm, you love it though,” Monet smiled, shooting a wink at Nina that instantly rendered her speechless. Monet burst out into a laugh and Brooke tried not to roll her eyes. Why did everyone else seem to fall into their couples so easily? Why did nobody else seem to have doubts or fears? “Come on, let’s get these pizzas ordered. I think my stomach’s eating itself.”

Brooke followed the two girls through to the living room, as Nina let Monet know that Scarlet and Yvie were round. Monet turned to Brooke as if she was about to say something, but Brooke watched as Nina grabbed Monet’s wrist and whispered something to her urgently, Monet nodding understandingly. Brooke got the feeling that she had been the subject of the comment.

“Hey Monet!” Yvie called, Monet going over to give Yvie and Scarlet a hug in turn as Nina put the flowers in water.

“Hey ladies! You part of the WaGs of Belford Road too, Scarlet?” Monet asked her, Scarlet laughing and smiling up at her.

“The fuck does WaGs mean, you calling my girlfriend a bitch?” Yvie asked jokingly, Monet sitting down on the sofa and stretching out her legs as if she was one of the flat’s tenants.

“Wives and girlfriends. Mainly used for footballers back in the day but we’re just ballers, I guess.”

“We’d have the full set if Vanj was here,” Scarlet smiled at Brooke, and suddenly yelped, Brooke not missing the dig in the ribs that Yvie gave her. She started to become concerned. Was she making it really obvious that something was wrong?

“Okay, pizza!” Nina suddenly clapped her hands together, making Brooke jump. She scrolled her phone after she sat next to Monet, who threw an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. “We could get this deal? Cookies, wedges, chicken strippers and two pizzas for £25.99?”

“I’m not sure I’ll want cookies,” Scarlet mused, Brooke deciding she could really do with hitting the bong if only to fucking relax, and that now was as good a time as ever.

“You sure? Not even after this?” Brooke spoke up, holding out the bong and watching Scarlet reconsider.

“What pizzas are we getting?” Monet asked, Yvie instantly sighing the world-weary sigh of a put-upon flatmate. Monet raised a questioning eyebrow Nina’s way.

“Ugh, don’t. It’s a point of contention in this whole flat,” she began explaining. “Yvie likes pepperoni, but not any other meats. I only really like margherita or something chicken-y or vegetable-y. Brooke likes pineapple and olives-”

“Hold the fuck up,” Monet stopped Nina, whipping her head round to cast Brooke a judgemental glare that she almost missed, too busy tipping the weed out onto the gauze.

“That’s disgusting, Brooke,” Scarlet wrinkled her nose up, Brooke rolling her eyes as she searched for a lighter.

“Fucking hell, guys, it’s not a raw fucking sausage! It’s a bit of fruit and a bit of vegetable!” she sighed. Seeing her obvious distress, Monet produced a pink Bic from the pocket of her black jeans and held it out to her, Brooke taking it gratefully and striking up.

“…So you see the issue we have whenever we want a pizza in this flat,” Nina finished as the smoke hit the back of Brooke’s throat and she exhaled quicker than she would have liked, punctuating the whole thing with a cough and a splutter.

“Do you ever just get a half and half?” Scarlet asked innocently. Yvie squeezed her shoulder and laughed good-naturedly.

“Babe, I know you weren’t any good at Maths in high school, but there’s only two parts to a half.”

“You like…pepperoni, right?” Nina narrowed her eyes as she tried to remember Monet’s favourite. The other girl responded by leaning in and kissing her cheek, smiling.

“Aww, Neens! You remembered,” Monet smiled, delighted. Yvie turned to Scarlet and frowned.

“Yours is…Hawaiian?”

Scarlet laughed. “Barbecue chicken. Monet, can we swap girlfriends?”

Brooke’s eyebrows flew up her forehead involuntarily as Nina completely froze, but Monet simply laughed back. “Sorry sweetie, this one’s mine. I can rent her out though. Five pounds an hour?”

“Eh, excuse me! I am actually here, you know?” Nina cried, seemingly much more relaxed now that Monet hadn’t freaked out at the label Scarlet had given them.

“Right, what fucking pizzas are we getting? The munchies are going to kick in in about twenty minutes so let’s go,” Brooke asked decisively, squeezing herself down beside Monet and Nina.

“Well, half and half both of them so that there’s four,” Monet suggested, gesturing to Yvie. “Me and Yvie like pepperoni, so let’s do half pepperoni, Neens if you like chickeny things then let’s have you sharing a barbecue chicken with Scarlet…we can make another half pineapple and olives for Brooke’s Satanic tastebuds and…that means we’ve got another half to play with.”

“Oh my God. Monet, can we keep you?” Yvie asked incredulously. “I think that’s the quickest we’ve ever decided on an order.”

“Let’s just make the last half margherita, then we can all have a bit,” Scarlet shrugged, Nina nodding and quickly ordering. Soon enough, the bong was getting passed round and the girls all settled into their respective seats lazily, the Wii soon getting fired up and many rounds of Mario Kart getting played. Eventually, it ended in a fierce battle between Yvie and Brooke.

“Oh, Christ!” Yvie groaned, Scarlet, Nina and Monet howling with laughter at Yvie’s dismay as she flew off the course. “I got a fucking mushroom and I used it…on a corner…like a squandering fucking toddler!”

“Eat shell dick, King Boo,” Brooke muttered, sending a blue shell with her right trigger as the buzzer to the flat went off.

“I’ll get it!” Monet cried excitedly, Nina getting slightly dislodged as she leapt off the sofa and ran through to the hall. As Monet returned with numerous boxes piled high on top of each other, Brooke sped across the finish line and cheered.

“You’re a fucking cheat,” Yvie scowled at her, pointing an accusatory finger her way. Brooke snorted a laugh.

“Hey! No fighting!” Nina chastised, ripping a box open to reveal a pizza with a curious variety of toppings.

“You’re my winner, boo,” Scarlet smiled at her girlfriend, Yvie instantly softening and kissing her on the cheek. Suddenly, four sets of phones went off and Scarlet checked hers first. 

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Alright hoes are we all back from home?_

_Okay Then: i’m still in Dubai sorry xoxo_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Oo00oooh alright for some xoxo_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Jeez Plastique that must be so hard for you, thoughts and prayers up xo_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: The reason I ask is because we at Antigua Road want a night outtt_

_Scarlet’s bitch: sorry guys we could not be further from a night out mood_

_mose: Yeah sorry ladies I am jetlagged as fuck_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Sorry girls :( Monet and Scarlet are round at ours though if anyone wants to join!!_

Brooke’s stomach dropped as she remembered her lie to Vanjie. _Shit._

“Nina, fuck,” Brooke said involuntarily, the other girls turning to her curiously.

“What did I do?”

The churning in Brooke’s stomach was back as if it had never left. She paused, looking back down at her phone. The chat had gone strangely quiet. Brooke bit at the skin on her thumb. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Yvie, ever the anti-bullshit merchant, narrowed her eyes at Brooke. “Are you okay, girl? You don’t seem so good today.”

Brooke was on the defense before she knew it. “I’m fine! I’m good!”

Before anyone else could say a thing, Brooke’s phone lit up. She was being phoned, and she didn’t have to look to see who it was.

_Fuck._

Ignoring the rest of the girls, she walked out of the living room and into the hall, only answering her phone when she was safely in her own room. She took a deep breath before she spoke, keeping her tone deliberately, painfully, light.

“Hey boo!”

“ _Hey Brooke Lynn_ ,” Vanessa’s voice was a similarly forced upbeat, but Brooke’s heart sank at the upset behind it. “ _Um, I’m just…I’m a little confused._ ”

“Okay, what’s up?” Brooke asked lightly, growing more convinced by the second that she was developing a stomach ulcer.

“ _So, uh…I thought you guys were having a girls’ night, and then Nina said that Monet and Scarlet were over…you know, it just seems a bit like the others have their girls round?_ ” Vanessa questioned, her voice measured and calm and small and making Brooke feel like a massive dick.

“Yeah, no, uh…” she began, not really knowing how she was going to excuse herself. “I mean, no, I thought that too until I realised Yvie had Scarlet round and then Nina told me Monet was coming…just one of those things, you know? I mean I’d thought it was just a flat night too.”

“ _Right, sure_ ,” Vanessa’s voice was understanding, and Brooke’s heart felt sore. She suddenly remembered something Vanessa had said.

“Besides, Monet and Nina aren’t together. It’s only Yvie and Scarlet that are girlfriends.”

Brooke heard the hiss of a sigh come from the other end of the line. ” _Brooke, can I ask you a question?_ “

“Sure.”

“ _Are we okay? You know, what we’ve got goin’ on. Are you still happy?_ ”

Brooke’s stomach dropped to the floor. She had the smallest possible time gap to confront all the feelings she’d been trying to push to the back of her mind, and it was an impossible task. All day her stomach had been in knots at the thought of seeing Vanessa, but now that she was faced with the prospect of losing her she found herself panicking. She still liked Vanessa. Everything was just so new and different. She had to articulate that to her.

“Yeah, of course, definitely,” Brooke began, the audible sigh of relief on the other end of the line making guilt stab at her heart. “It’s just…everything’s so fresh, you know? I just want to take things as slow as we can. I like how we are, and I don’t want anything to change anytime soon.”

“ _Okay. No, don’t worry, I get it. I get it, and I don’t want to mess up either. So I’m happy to do whatever you want_ ,” Vanessa said, her tone more cheerful now.

“I’m sorry if I freaked you out. Do you, uh. Do you still want to come round?”

“ _Nah, don’t worry, baby. I think us three are still gonna go out, so sorry in advance if I phone you at three in the morning_.”

Maybe it was because she hadn’t seen Vanessa in a while, Brooke comforted herself, her heart swelling at the smile she could hear in her voice. Once they were together again and Vanessa would wind her up and they would kiss all rough and hot the way Brooke liked, then things would be better.

Enthused by her new-found optimism, Brooke found herself smiling. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll make sure my phone’s turned off.”

“ _Bitch. Cut that attitude or you won’t get any cute photos of my outfit_.”

Brooke felt a heat curl in her stomach. “I’m more interested in what’s under the outfit, to be honest.”

“ _You’re a nasty fuckin’ whore. You might get somethin’ if you’re lucky. Okay, I gotta go, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?_ ”

“Yeah, soon. Have a good night, stay safe,” Brooke signed off, relaxing slightly on her bed.

“ _I will. Bye, boo._ ”

“Bye.”

Brooke hung up, laying her head against the pillow and breathing out gently. Things were okay. She’d just had a wobble. She still liked Vanjie. They would be fine.

Before she could contemplate any more, her bedroom door burst open to reveal Yvie who marched in and perched herself on the end of the bed.

“Would a knock kill you?” Brooke rolled her eyes, too drained to be properly annoyed.

“Okay, talk to me,” Yvie demanded, her eyes full of concern. “You’re not fine. What’s up?”

Brooke knew she couldn’t lie to either of her flatmates, least of all Yvie. She groaned, unwilling to think any more about the situation but being forced to anyway. “Okay, it’s honestly nothing.”

Yvie said nothing, instead continuing to look at her, worry covering her face.

“When you began seeing Scarlet,” Brooke began unsteadily. “Did you ever…you know. Have second thoughts? Or any doubts or anything?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” Yvie said instantly, frowning. “But I know where this is going.”

Brooke’s stomach gave a spasm, instantly feeling the guilt seep through her again. “I feel so shit…and I’m sure it’s just a blip because I’ve not seen her in ages. But everything’s just getting too intense too quickly, you know? I’m happy just chilling with Vanessa, but I feel like she wants a girlfriend and I’m not ready for all that just yet. I thought I would be, but I’m not. Actually I don’t know if I thought I would be or not. The whole thing’s fucking with my head.”

Yvie sat and listened to her ramble on, then when she was sure she was finished she reached forward and took her hand. “Okay. First thing is, you’re completely valid. Everyone gets second thoughts about a potential relationship at one stage or another.”

“You’ve literally just said you haven’t.”

“Ignore that. Do as I say, not as I do, or..whatever. It’s a big commitment, and it’s easy to freak out. But I would just remember…” Yvie began, her face becoming pained as she looked right in Brooke’s eyes. “…how long you liked Vanjie for. How many times you were so close to telling her you liked her, and how many times you shat out. How fuckin’ happy you must have been when you kissed for the first time or when you told each other you liked each other. Fuck knows when Scarlet told me she felt the same way as I did, my brain produced the most serotonin that’s ever been in my body in my entire life. Like, if you think you want to end things with Vanj, that’s fine. But you need to be honest with her, girl.”

Brooke remembered the day she’d finally been brave enough to kiss Vanessa and how her mind had completely short-circuited as their lips made contact. She remembered how wanted Vanessa had made her feel the first time they’d slept with each other, and the complete euphoria Brooke had felt when Vanessa told her she liked her back. All of those memories just made her feel more guilty at the fact that she felt more worried about the prospect of seeing Vanessa than excited. Remembering her internal pep-talk from earlier, Brooke shrugged.

“I know. I’m being an idiot. And I don’t want to end things with her, that’s stupid. It’s probably all the time we spent apart, right? Like I’ll probably see her and it’ll all fall back into place and I’ll feel just like I felt before the holidays again.”

“Absolutely,” Yvie smiled a little as she reassured her. Letting go of her hand, she patted Brooke’s leg. “You good?”

Brooke didn’t allow herself to think too much about it. “Yeah. Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Come on, then. There’s pizza that needs eating.”

As Brooke rose from the bed and followed Yvie to the door, she felt struck by a sudden dread. “Yvie?”

The other girl turned around and looked at her expectantly.

“Would you mind if we just kept this conversation between ourselves?”

Yvie nodded reassuringly and held the door open for Brooke, Brooke walking through it quickly and reassuring herself with exactly the same words as she’d done before. Things were okay. She’d just had a wobble. She still liked Vanjie. They would be fine.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> library woes, a flat party, a lilac-haired, tattooed bombshell, and Yvie confides in Scarlet.

Scarlet let a long puff of air out of her cheeks and blinked at her laptop, bored. She’d been so eager for Uni to start back again, so excited to get back to the city and see her friends that she slightly forgot about the whole academic aspect of everything. Lectures had started that week and in between trying to force four different modules’ worth of information into her head she had caught up with Vanjie, chatting before, after and in between lectures when they could. It was interesting, Scarlet thought. Before Christmas she could never get her to shut up about Brooke and how things were going with her but ever since the holidays it seemed as if Brooke was a subject to be avoided. Scarlet knew something must have changed but she didn’t want to push Vanjie for information if she wasn’t ready to share it. They still seemed to be together, anyway, even if things seemed a little strained.

At least she could say that wasn’t the case for her and Yvie. After many long evening Skype sessions during the holidays, the pair of them had decided that they couldn’t bear to be apart a moment longer and so Scarlet had taken the six hour train to go and stay with her girlfriend at her family home for a few days. She had been a bag of nerves at the thought of meeting Yvie’s family, but her Mum had been lovely (and seemingly just relieved that her daughter had settled down), her Dad had been welcoming, if a little quiet (“He’s under strict instructions not to speak because every time he opens his mouth he embarrasses me”), and the brothers and sisters that were still at home and not out somewhere or back to uni themselves were kind and friendly. In the three days they spent together, Scarlet and Yvie went for cold, crisp walks along the beach, curled up on Yvie’s old battered leather sofa the family had had since she was small and watched Disney films, gone ice skating, and looked out over Yvie’s city on a rickety ferris wheel that had looked as if it would take one good sneeze to knock it down.

But all that movie-screen romance was behind her now, as the most romantic Scarlet had been with Yvie in the week since they’d been back at uni was a Tesco Finest £10 meal deal cooked in Yvie’s flat and then watched in front of the TV as a perfect accompaniment to Coronation Street. They were both busy and waiting for their academic life to slow down a little again. The same could be said for their whole friendship group, really. The whole gang hadn’t done anything all together since their Christmas dinner, and Scarlet was itching for a night out where she could get absolutely off her face and forget that she was working towards the degree that would define the rest of her life. Sighing again and feeling the words on her laptop merge into a big blur, Scarlet looked up at the big clock on the wall. Five o'clock. She turned to Akeria who was sat at the desk beside her. She and Silky had come to join her mid-study, the latter having been dragged into the library by her flatmate because she still hadn’t handed in an essay that had been due since before Christmas and Akeria was quite frankly concerned.

“Akeria,” Scarlet whispered, the other girl quickly finishing a sentence she was working on, turning away from her laptop towards Scarlet and pushing her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I want a night out. This is shit.”

“This is what we signed up for, baby,” Akeria gave a small laugh and shrugged, turning back to her laptop. Akeria’s dissertation wasn’t due until May but she had already started writing it, which struck the fear of God into the majority of their friendship group and made them all feel like slackers. “This is uni. This is our fuckin’ degree, girl.”

“You’re really making me feel better,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, Akeria giving another laugh under her breath.

“Hey,” Silky said from her position at the desk across from them, her voice entirely at speaking-pitch and causing a few heads to turn their way. “What’re you hoes talkin’ about? I want in.”

“We’re bitching about you,” Akeria deadpanned, tapping away at her keyboard.

“Fuck off, Kiki.”

“I want a night out,” Scarlet hissed over to her as quietly as she could. “But Little Miss Law Degree wants to stay in the library from dusk til dawn every evening until she graduates.”

Scarlet’s face lit up as Silky bellowed a laugh so loud it caused the girl beside her to put a set of earphones in. Looking at Akeria and hoping she hadn’t been offended, she was relieved to see the other girl giving her a wry smile.

“This bitch can be so savage when she wants to be, Jesus. Ouch. No, I’m just sayin’! This was what we chose to do, so quit complaining,” Akeria rolled her eyes, leaned back in her chair and stretched. “That being said…I do think I’ve earned a night out.”

“Well me fuckin’ too, bitch!” Silky exclaimed incredulously, Scarlet laughing in spite of herself.

“How much have you written, Silk?” she asked, the girl opposite looking down at her laptop, clicking a few times, then looking back up to the girls in front of her.

“You know what…it don’t matter how many words I’ve done, it’s the level of mental energy I have needed to use in order to-”

“Silky, how many words,” Akeria demanded, fixing her with a stare that looked as if it could slice her in half.

“Ninety-four.”

“Jesus Christ on a crystal meth binge,” Akeria sighed, Scarlet letting out a splutter beside her. Silky looked at them both pleadingly.

“Hey, now don’t make me feel bad! We only been in here-”

“An hour and a quarter,” Akeria stared at her.

Silky threw her hands up. “Well I been doing readings an’ shit! Do you know how hard it is to get any articles that have the exact quote ‘Boris Johnston is a piece of dog shit’? Fuckin’ hard!”

“Why the hell are you looking for that?” Akeria blurted out, unable to keep herself from laughing. Scarlet was laughing so hard she thought she would pass out.

“Because, bitch! I want to use that exact wording in my essay but I need some academic shit to back me up.”

“Fuck me.”

“To be fair, that is the worst,” Scarlet shrugged, not wanting Silky to feel too demoralised. “Searching for three hours to find one reference that can back up one of your points. Like, why can’t you just make the point because you want to? You know? Why is your opinion only valid if it’s been previously thought up by a white man in a suit?“

"Very profound,” Silky nodded emphatically. “Anyway, this bitch needs to get her drink on. I’m going to ask the girls.”

As she watched Silky pick up her phone, Scarlet was reminded to check her own. She’d deliberately sat on it and put it on flight mode in an attempt to force herself to do work. Now, she felt as if she could excuse a small break. Turning off flight mode, she watched as a small flood of notifications came through. There had been fifteen new group chat messages, Nina had tagged them all in a meme, and she had two messages from Yvie. She checked the latter first, wondering if she would ever get tired of the feeling of her heart soaring like a balloon every time she saw, heard or spoke Yvie’s name.

_Y: if i told u i was considering buying a set of faux-leather underwear would that be weird or a turn-on_

_Y: also that lasagne is even better on the second day u need to have some of it when ur round_

_S: Sorry this took me so long!!!!!! I turned my phone on flight mode in an attempt to get some work done_

_S: No such luck_

_S: Leather look underwear is a yes from me but i’m inclined to ask for pics first xoxoxoxoxo_

_S: Also yes i want lasagne_

_S: That’s not a euphemism btw i actually really do want some lasagne_

_Y:_ 😈

As Scarlet gave a soft laugh to herself, she checked what had been going on on the group chat since she’d been studying. She wondered what exciting plans could have been made, or what drama could have happened, or if anyone had any exciting or interesting news.

_Okay Then: oh my god_

_Kim Kardashian-West: ??????_

_Okay Then: has anyone seen the state of Simon Cowell’s face_

Scarlet gave a colossal roll of her eyes. She should have known that, at times, the groupchat could become one massive shitpost.

_Kim Kardashian-West: No??? What’s he done to it?? Has he been in a crash?_

_Okay Then: he might as fucking well have been_

What followed was a picture of what seemed to be a man whose face had been partially melted with a blowtorch, until Scarlet looked closer and realised that it was indeed the TV talent show judge.

_mose: Jesus Fucking Christ what’s he done to himself_

_Scarlet’s bitch: that’s frightening_

_Okay Then: RIGHT???_

_Scarlet’s bitch: that’s what i see in the corner of my room when i have sleep paralysis_

_Kim Kardashian-West: That is TRULY the stuff of nightmares!!!!_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Fucking hell Plastique don’t fucking frighten us like that!!!_

_mose: He must surely see that he looks like shit? Like how could you not?_

_Okay Then: how can he see anything when his eyebrows are now entirely obscuring his eyes_

_Kim Kardashian-West: I am actually quite frightened guys_

At this point, Scarlet caught up to the current conversation.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AS TERRIFYING AS SIMON COWELL’S FACE IS_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: CAN WE TALK BUSINESS FOR A SECOND?_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Of course!_

_mose: I’m all business_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Sure you are baby xxxxxxx_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: that is fucking vile keep that shit off the groupchat u big gays_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YA FAV BITCHES ARE IN THE LIBRARY AND WE ARE GAGGING FOR A NIGHT OUT_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: WE AIN’T HAD ONE IN AGES_

_Okay Then: yaaaaaaaaaas bitches let’s do it_

_Okay Then: thursday night fever_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Well Monet invited me to this flat party she’s hosting tonight_

_Kim Kardashian-West: I could ask her if you guys could come too?_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Omg yes I’m down!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YES BITCH FLAT PARTY!!!!_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AND IF SHE SAYS NO JUST SAY SHE AIN’T GETTIN ANY PUSS FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE_

_Kim Kardashian-West: SILKY!!!!!!!! THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!_

_Yvie’s Bitch: We were all thinking it xoxo_

_Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: AHAHAHAHAHA SILK_

_Okay Then: YES Scarlet_

_Kim Kardashian-West: You’re all horrible. And uninvited._

_mose: Ninaaaaaa_

_Okay Then: Nina pls_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: fuck i’m not even sure i can do tonight ladies_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YVIE DONT YOU DARE_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: i’ve got a 9am tomorrow and i want to get that first u know_

_mose: Yvieeee the last time we were all together was literally over a month ago_

Scarlet pouted to herself, disappointed at the thought of Yvie being the only one not out. Suddenly, an idea began to form in her head. Biting back a smile, she took to her chat with Yvie.

_S: Yvieeeee_

_Y: Scarleeeeet_

_S: Please come to the flat party :(((((((_

_S: I’ll do anything you want_

_Y: anything i want?_

_S: Yesssss_

_Y: that sounds like a challenge princess_

Scarlet crossed her legs and felt herself squeezing her thighs together. Looking around at the rows of silent people, she turned her phone brightness down to make extra sure nobody could see her messages, just in case the conversation turned the way Scarlet thought it was about to.

_S: Well it depends on what you want me to do x_

_Y: wellllll_

_Y: i’ve been wondering if u can take a strap like a good girl_

Scarlet felt briefly as if she’d been shocked by a defibrillator. Yvie always seemed to go from 0 to 100 real fucking quick, and Scarlet couldn’t help but love it.

_S: You know I could baby_

_Y: i know you could, you’re such a good girl_

_Y: so how about if i come to this party i get to watch u bounce on my dick until u cum all over it_

Scarlet could feel her face growing red. She and Yvie had messaged like this before, when they had been at home and miles away from each other and alone and very much not-in-a-public-place, but this was so fucking different.

_S: Christ Yves I’m in the library!!!!_

_Y: shut up u started all this!!_

_S: Yeah I kinda did_

_Y: deliberately getting me to tell u what i want to do to u later when ur sitting in public in a fucking silent building_

_Y: jesus fucking christ Scarlet that’s so hot_

Scarlet felt an urgent pulse of heat between her legs and she squirmed in her seat.

_S: Where are you just now?_

_Y: i’m in bed_

_Y: touching myself at the thought of u sitting absolutely soaking wet and being able to do fuck all about it_

_S: So you’re coming to the party baby?_

_Y: how about_

_Y: if u can get to the flat before i cum i’ll fuck u into the mattress and i’ll come to this party or whatever_

Scarlet nearly jammed her fingers in her laptop in her haste to get it shut, wrenched her charger out of its socket so hard it almost broke, and muttered a near-breathless goodbye to a confused Akeria and Silky all in the space of about twenty seconds as she struggled into her coat and sped out into the stairwell.

Five hours later Scarlet had managed to fit a lot in. She’d hurried round to Yvie’s to find her in bed in the black lace underwear she knew drove Scarlet crazy, and they’d fucked twice (fast, rough and passionate then sweet, tender and gentle) before Scarlet had reluctantly dragged herself out of Yvie’s bed to head back to her own flat and get ready for the party. Nobody seemed to know what the dress code was, least of all Nina who had sent about nine different outfit options to the group chat for opinions, so Scarlet settled on a tight black bandage dress that stopped at her calves, with trainers to dress it down a bit. She’d hurriedly munched down a bowl of pasta a la whatever-was-left-in-the-fridge, then set off across town to meet the girls at the edge of the park, where they had decided they would all meet then walk together to Monet’s flat.

Scarlet heard her friends before she saw them, Vanjie’s distinctive laugh ricocheting off trees and mixing with Yvie’s Bond-villan one letting Scarlet know she was heading in the right direction. Finally reaching the group, Scarlet gave them all a hug in turn and took in each of their outfits. It was still icy and cold, so most of them had opted for trainers over heels- save for Plastique, who always wore them for any night out and Vanjie, who was wearing chunky heeled boots. Much of their clothes clashed with the weather, though. Plastique and Akeria were in tight dresses, Brooke and Silky were in short skirts and tops. Vanjie had chosen some loose-fitting ripped denim jeans and a tiny bodysuit which left little to the imagination. Nina had gone for a light blue t-shirt dress and a chunky pair of trainers, her nerves palpable even in the group dynamic. Scarlet thought Yvie looked the best though in her burnt orange velvet skirt and tight black long-sleeved bodysuit, her unruly hair tamed and brushed into two huge bunches.

“You look nice, Nina!” Scarlet complimented her in an attempt to calm her down.

“Aww, Scarlet! Do I actually?” Nina smiled brightly, then cringed at herself. “Fuck! Why can’t I just take a fucking compliment like a goddamn normal person? I do this with Monet all the time!”

“Because you got a big-ass crush,” Silky shrugged. “It’s almost as big as Akeria’s ass. Not quite, though.”

“Shut up,” Akeria rolled her eyes and shoved her friend.

“Does it even count as a crush if you’re seeing the person in question?” Scarlet wondered out loud. Plastique shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“Don’t know. Ask Brooke or Vanjie.”

The group exploded into laughter, something about it not quite meeting Brooke or Vanessa’s eyes. They were both standing close together, hands entwined, but Scarlet didn’t know. There seemed as if there was something off. Forced, even.

“Okay, let’s go, motherfuckers. I’m freezing my vagina off,” Vanjie said decisively, Nina moving first and making to lead the way.

“Right, a few things before we arrive,” Nina began speaking at a mile a minute before Scarlet could even compliment Yvie on her outfit. “Monet has somehow got it into her head that you guys are cool enough to be invited to this party. She doesn’t know the truth yet, so just try to act like a group of normal fucking human beings?”

“The truth? What the hell is that meant to mean?!” Brooke let out a laugh.

“That you’re all fucking weirdos! And she, for some reason, still likes me, so I am not having you all put that in jeopardy, capiche?” Nina snapped back, only half-joking.

“Jeez, thanks,” Akeria rolled her eyes, Nina instantly protesting.

“I’m joking! I’m joking. But not really. Like Silk, please try not to overdo it tonight?”

Silky raised her eyebrows and sucked her cheeks in. “I’m making no promises, girl.”

“Akeria, please don’t accidentally make out with anyone’s boyfriends?”

“Oh my God Nina! That happened ONCE!” Akeria cried out incredulously.

“And Vanjie, don’t-”

“Nina. We’re not going to embarrass you. Chill the fuck out,” Yvie rolled her eyes and squeezed the shoulder of the girl in front of her.

The girls all finally reached Monet’s old, red-brick building and her front door, and Nina pressed the buzzer nervously. There came a crackly screech of mayhem through the intercom which contained unintelligible speech, and then the girls were all quickly buzzed in. Scarlet looked to Yvie questioningly as she wondered if she’d heard any words, but she also appeared to be as clueless as she was. It didn’t seem to faze any of the other girls though, as Vanjie was already bounding up the stairs with Akeria as fast as her chunky heels could carry her. They didn’t have to walk far, as Monet’s flat was on the first floor. Vanjie moved to open the door first when it was suddenly wrenched open from the other side to reveal a tiny, skinny blonde girl with her hair curled and loose on her shoulders. Her pink dress was as tiny as she was, but regardless of her size she looked ready to fight.

“Who the fuck are you?” she addressed Akeria, barely acknowledging the others. “You here to sell us girl scout cookies, or an Avon catalogue, check our meter readings maybe?”

Just as Akeria looked as if she would instigate a full-scale fight, Nina poked her head out from behind Brooke’s tall frame. “Cracker, don’t be a dick!”

The girl’s face immediately relaxed into a wide, shameless smile. “Nina! Oh my God, you bitch, I never saw you! Come in, God!”

Akeria still bristling and Vanjie not too dissimilar, the girls all trooped into the flat which immediately struck Scarlet as something out of an American teen Netflix special. The hall was dark with the occasional string of fairy lights, and was packed full of people. Scarlet instinctively reached for Yvie’s hand in the crowd and got a squeeze back without even having to look at her. Nina and the girl, Cracker apparently, led them through to a huge bedroom which had obviously once been a living room but had been repurposed by a money-hungry landlord. The room was quieter but still had its fair share of people dotted about in amongst the Morrocan market wall-coverings, tiny elephant incense stick holders, and swathes of printed photos and posters that covered the walls like tiles. A huge bed sat to one side where Monet sat sprawled out with her shoes kicked off, chatting to a black girl with a huge afro that otherwise looked so identical to her Scarlet assumed they must be sisters. Cracker flung herself down on top of the mattress and joined them, gesturing vaguely to the girls.

“Neens!!” Monet suddenly squealed as she looked up, throwing her arms out as Nina launched herself half on the bed and half on top of her. Monet continued, muffled, as the rest of the girls awkwardly lingered. “I’m so happy you came, oh my God, this is so amazing!”

“I brought everyone too. Is that still okay? They can leave if not,” Nina instantly reeled off, Brooke bellowing out a laugh. Monet’s face lit up.

“Oh my God of course not! Brooke! Scarlet! Yvie!! Oh my God, come and hug me,” Monet beamed, her intoxication showing ever so slightly as Brooke graciously leaned down and hugged the other girl them got instantly pulled onto the bed. Monet gestured for everyone to come closer. “Guys! It’s so good to see you all, thanks so much for coming! There’s, like. Endless booze in the kitchen. Feel free to just drink us out of house and home.”

Silky’s face lit up and she immediately grabbed Akeria and Plastique, making to drag them through. “Vanj, you comin’?”

“Get me something? I'mma stay here with my girl,” Vanessa shouted back, giving a smile back to Brooke but finding the other girl looking down at her phone instead. Scarlet frowned involuntarily and then was suddenly distracted by a squeeze of her hand from Yvie (who still hadn’t let go).

“I’m going to go make sure Silky doesn’t give herself alcohol poisoning. You want me to bring you back a drink?” she offered, Scarlet unable to help the smile that spread across her face.

“You’re a sweetheart. Surprise me.”

“A pint glass of tequila it is,” Yvie deadpanned as she walked away, too quick for Scarlet’s hand that swatted at her in response. Scarlet tuned into the conversation that the girls were all having on the bed. It was big, but it was still a bed in a student flat, and so Brooke had her elbows resting on the mattress and her lower body on the floor and Scarlet had had to squeeze up to make room for Vanjie to sit beside her.

“She was guarding the place like fort fuckin’ knox,” Vanessa was saying, a playful side eye being cast to the blonde girl, who let out a laugh.

“You’re an animal,” Monet’s potential sister rolled her eyes. “A living guard dog. We should put a collar on you. One of those ones with spikes.”

“Nah. That’s only reserved for people who want to fuck me. Do you want to fuck me, Bob?” the girl asked easily, before taking a swig of the cider bottle she was holding. Monet hooted a laugh and the other girl didn’t even break her expression.

“I wouldn’t eat your pussy if it was made of chocolate fuckin’ fudge cake. Get the fuck out,” she retorted, Nina looking up at them all from her position on Monet’s tummy.

“Is that not that Lana Del Ray lyric? _My pussy tastes like chocolate fudge cake…_ ”

Scarlet let out a laugh that was more like a scream, the others on the bed doing much the same thing. Monet wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath.

“Oh my God, okay. For those of you that haven’t met before- this is Cracker and Bob. Two out of the three girls I have the blessing or curse of living with, I haven’t figured out yet,” she gestured to the two girls in turn and then turned to Scarlet. “And this is Scarlet, Vanjie and Brooke Lynn. They’re Nina’s friends, so they’re obviously amazing.”

“Nina could throw up on your bed and you’d say it was amazing,” Cracker looked pointedly at Monet. Monet shrugged and threw her arms around Nina.

“And what?”

“Nice to meet you guys. Are you two sisters?” Scarlet asked, curiosity getting the better of her as she pointed between Bob and Monet. Monet laughed and Bob rolled her eyes.

“Are you saying that all black people look the same?” Bob asked her with a piercing stare, Scarlet’s entire stomach dropping at the thought of having offended her.

“Oh my God, no! No no no, I just thought-”

“She’s kidding, Scarlet. Being a dick, as usual,” Monet cut off Scarlet’s frantic protests and immediately calming her down. “No, we’re not related. We just look spookily alike.”

“You fuckin’ wish you looked even a tenth as good as me. Hey, where the fuck is Monique?” Bob asked suddenly, both Cracker and Monet shrugging.

“Flatmate number four,” Monet quickly cut in to explain.

“Away making some chaotic cocktail, probably,” Cracker shrugged. Bob gave another roll of her eyes, then turned and smiled at Brooke, Scarlet and Vanessa.

“Nice to meet you anyway. Are you all flatmates too?” Bob asked politely, ignoring the position of the slit on her long skirt as she crossed her legs.

“Not us three exactly. Brooke lives with Nina and Yvie, that’s my girlfriend,” Scarlet explained, her stomach full of fizzy fireworks at being able to say that for real. “Vanj lives with Silky and Akeria over on Antigua Road.”

“They’re the best hoes in the world. They’re through in the other room getting drunk, but you’d love them,” Vanjie cut in. Cracker let out a laugh.

“Oh yeah, shit. Sorry I was so mean to you.”

Vanessa smiled easily, the free alcohol that the flatmates were providing clearly making up for any perceived slight. “Don’ worry about it, girl. We’d probably do the same if some hoes we didn’t know turned up at our party.”

“What about you, Scarlet?” Bob asked politely, instantly seeming far less intimidating.

“I’m over on the South Side. Kinda far out. I found this girl on SpareRooms to live with, but she’s a bit of a dick,” Scarlet explained awkwardly. Cracker leaned in, her eyes shining excitedly.

“What’s her name?”

“Fuck, I don’t want to say in case any of you are friends with her!” Scarlet laughed, but no protestations came. She lowered her voice as she continued. “It’s Ra'Jah? Ra'Jah O'Hara?”

“Oh, FUCK!” Bob cried out, holding onto Cracker for support as she almost fell off the bed. “I know who that is! She’s in my Econ tutorials! Oh my God, she’s an actual fucking moron. I had a group project with her once and she did literally nothing but talk about drugs and bitch about people on our course.”

As Scarlet was about to launch into how horrifically messy a flatmate she was, Yvie came back from the kitchen with two bottles of beer and a tall black girl with a shock of lilac hair swept up into a ponytail and a matching straight fringe. She was wearing a black pair of jeans and a tiny black cropped t shirt which showed off her many tattoos, and in her hand looked to be an elaborate mojito-style concoction.

“I made a friend!” she cried, before slumping herself down beside Vanjie, Scarlet growing ever more squashed up against the bedpost.

“Oh, the wanderer returns,” Cracker deadpanned. “What did you make?”

“Margarita mojito,” the girl shrugged, sipping her drink to punctuate her sentence. “It’s basically a mojito with a big-ass shot of tequila in it. Guys, this is Yvie! She’s Nina’s friend!”

“Oh, you’re Scarlet’s girlfriend!” Bob smiled at her in recognition, Yvie clambering into a tiny space on the middle of the bed, handing one of the beers to Scarlet, and casting her a look through narrowed eyes.

“What have you been saying about me, bitch?” Yvie smiled playfully, the look she was fixing her causing a sudden flash of heat to strike between Scarlet’s legs.

“All good things, baby,” Scarlet smiled innocently, Yvie relaxing and leaning back against Scarlet’s chest.

“This is Bob and Cracker. They’re my other flatmates. You’ve already met Monique, then?” Monet introduced the girls to Yvie.

“Yeah, we bonded over watching Akeria flirt with people. The bitch is a fucking mastermind. She walked into the kitchen and had a guy talking to her within, like, one minute.”

“Introduce me, introduce me!” Monique bounced on the mattress excitedly. Vanjie came dangerously close to falling off the bed and Monique quickly noticed, reaching a hand out to her and pulling her up with it. “Shit, sorry girl!”

Scarlet watched as Vanessa swept some hair out of her face and cast a quick appreciative glance to Monique’s toned arm. “Holy mother of Jesus, I gotta start goin’ to the gym.”

Monique let out a bark of a laugh. Cracker caught her other arm and held it steady, the tequila/rum combo threatening to fly out of its glass.

“Brooke, Scarlet and Vanjie, meet Monique. Monique, this is Brooke, Scarlet and Vanjie,” Cracker pointed to each of them in turn, finishing with Vanjie who still seemed to be casting her eyes over Monique.

“Well, Vanessa. But these girls call me Vanjie. Or Vanj. You choose, really,” Vanjie explained to Monique, the girl’s ponytail swishing as she cocked her head.

“You ever get called baby?” she asked, feigning innocence. Scarlet couldn’t help her eyes shooting wide and her brain almost went into meltdown trying to register everyone’s expressions at once. Vanjie was laughing, but her face had flushed pink, clearly flattered. Cracker was screeching a laugh, Bob looked long-suffering. Nina and Monet were looking at each other urgently, and Brooke was properly looking at Vanessa with interest for the first time since they all sat down on the bed. Scarlet couldn’t see Yvie’s face, but she’d felt her tense up, and she couldn’t blame her.

“Yeah. By Brooke Lynn over there,” Vanessa finally said through her laughter, Monique not seeming fazed as she cast a glance to Brooke, who was smiling patiently but inwardly seething if the red tips of her ears were anything to go by.

“Oh, sorry girl! I didn’t know she was taken,” Monique laughed pleasantly.

“Yeah, we’re a thing,” Brooke opened her mouth, breaking her silence. Vanessa was smiling at her from across the bed, and Brooke met her eyes and smiled back.

“A thing?” Monique let out a short laugh, spilling a little of her drink. “A thing is, like, a noun. Not a relationship.”

“Technically a girlfriend is a noun too. Thing, place, person,” Nina piped up, presumably in an attempt to diffuse the increasingly awkward vibe.

“Are you a primary teacher, Nina?!” Cracker asked, clutching her chest in faux-surprise. Nina sighed.

“If I could reach a pillow, I’d thump you.”

“Monet, you hearing this? Your girlfriend is practically chatting me up,” Cracker laughed, then stopped suddenly as her face became a mix of horrified and regretful, Bob giving her a not-so-subtle thump on the arm. In lieu of gauging Monet and Nina’s facial expressions, Scarlet whispered her thoughts to Yvie.

“When the hell are they actually going to become official? It’s been ages!” she hissed into her ear, Yvie craning her head round to reply.

“Nina would have to be on a cocktail mixer of cocaine, Es and alcohol to gain even half the confidence it would take her to ask Monet, so she’s waiting on Monet to do it for her. The thing is, I think Monet’s not as confident as we all like to think either. Maybe sometimes Nina’s panic can present itself as disinterest.”

“So Monet’s maybe waiting until she knows where she stands with her?” Scarlet nodded in realisation.

Yvie sipped her drink and took Scarlet’s hand, tracing round her fingers absent-mindedly. “I think so. I mean, we all know Nina’s absolutely ass-over-tit in love with her because we’re her friends, but she’s not going to let that show to Monet until she’s ready.”

Scarlet watched as Yvie played with a large turquoise ring on her finger. Her brow was furrowed as she thought about the situation, and Scarlet’s heart felt like an enormous water balloon- incredibly fragile and full and feeling as if it was about to burst. She thought back to Yvie’s words on Christmas dinner night, the ones she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since she’d said them.

Suddenly, she was pulled out of her thoughts by a screech from Vanjie, who was looking at Monique with enrapture as she told a story. Admittedly, most of the other girls were looking at her too, but Scarlet didn’t miss the sparkle in Vanjie’s eyes as she listened.

“And there it was, I swear by almighty God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…a whole baggie of weed, in the bin, covered in Cracker’s vomit.”

It was an odd moment for Scarlet to tune into the story but judging by the roar the girls on the bed gave, it seemed to be over. Vanjie had doubled over laughing and was clinging to Monique’s arm for support, the girl in question smiling down at her as if her reaction was the only one that mattered. Scarlet frowned and leaned into Yvie once more.

“Hey. What the hell is the deal with Brooke and Vanjie?” she whispered, making sure to keep her voice extra low. She instantly felt Yvie tense up in her lap.

“What do you mean? They seem fine to me?” Yvie murmured back. Luckily for Scarlet, she knew that Yvie lied so rarely that it was easy to spot when she was telling one.

“You know something. What is it?” Scarlet hissed urgently in Yvie’s ear. Hearing her give a big sigh, Yvie shifted and then rose on the bed.

“Me and Scarlet are just getting another drink, save our seats,” Yvie announced to the circle, receiving a cheer from Nina.

“Enjoy your sex!” she cried after them, and Scarlet, confused, simply followed Yvie to another room. The hall was quieter now, but the same could not be said of the kitchen, where as they walked in they saw Silky, Akeriaand Plastique ringleading a game of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Ignoring their friends, Yvie turned to Scarlet urgently, concern covering her face.

“Okay, Brooke told me this in confidence but you’re my girlfriend so I kind of can’t really keep anything from you, right?” she began, Scarlet nodding quickly and desperate to hear what Yvie knew. “But you CAN’T tell anyone about this, babe. Honestly, it needs to stay between us. Do you promise?”

“I promise,” Scarlet said instantly, her mind in overdrive. Yvie pulled a pained face for a moment, seemingly incredibly conflicted, and then looked to the floor.

“Brooke is having second thoughts about being with Vanjie.”

Scarlet’s face dropped. “What?!”

“Brooke told me that she felt everything was getting too intense, and that Vanj wanted more than Brooke felt she could give her. She’s sticking it out to see if it’s just a blip, but…yeah. Now you know why they’ve both been so weird,” Yvie explained, biting her lip and looking at Scarlet with concern.

Scarlet didn’t know what to think. It all made so much sense, the oddly distant vibes between them both, the strained atmosphere, Vanjie flirting with Monique. Suddenly, a thought occurred to Scarlet. “Does Vanessa know?”

Yvie rolled her eyes. “Yes absolutely, Scarlet, Vanjie is very happy staying with someone who isn’t even sure if she wants things to go further with her, Brooke’s told her everything!”

Scarlet’s mind seemed to fuse. “She needs to know.”

Yvie’s expression dropped. “Oh my fucking Christ, you literally just promised not to tell anyone.”

“Well I didn’t know what it was you were going to tell me! I mean shit, Yvie, imagine that was me and you and I was having second thoughts! Would you want to be kept in the dark?”

Yvie bit her lip and looked to the floor. Scarlet gave a snort. “Exactly, bitch. I’m going to go find her right now-”

“Scarlet, please,” Yvie stopped her quickly, reaching out and grabbing her hand. “Brooke would be fuckin’ raging at me. I told you this shit in confidence. I know it’s hard because you’re close with Vanjie, but can you please…I mean hold off at least. If she asks you about it then, fine. You can tell her. But don’t run through there just now.”

Scarlet’s head felt as if it was a mess. She tapped her foot against the linoleum floor. “Who’s she told?”

“Just me,” Yvie said sincerely, looking into Scarlet’s eyes. “Nina doesn’t know. It’s just us.”

Scarlet rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I’m pinning all the fucking blame on you if she finds out I know, you know that?”

Yvie nodded understandingly. Scarlet let out a big sigh. The silence between them hung heavy in the air, at odds with the party happening around them. Suddenly, Plastique tottered into their line of vision, her eyes glazed and drunk.

“Oh my God guys! I haven’t seen you like all night! Selfie!!” she cried, sticking her phone in the air. Scarlet felt herself smile weakly but luckily the photo seemed to be too blurry for anyone to notice. Plastique immediately walked off again.

“Okay bye, nice seeing you,” Yvie deadpanned after her. Scarlet pressed her lips together to stop a laugh escaping them. Yvie caught her eye and snorted, and Scarlet couldn’t help but let out the laugh she’d been holding in. The tension had been diffused by a drunk Plastique, and Scarlet was relieved. She ran her hand down Yvie’s arm and squeezed her hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should’ve just kept the fucking secret,” Yvie sighed, lacing her fingers through Scarlet’s own. She smiled at Scarlet, showing the little gap in her teeth, and Scarlet felt her heart jump. “Hey, I kind of want to go get chips, cheese and gravy and then head back to the flat and watch the Scooby Doo movie. You down?”

Scarlet smiled. She was kind of over the party. She’d been so eager for a night out, but all she wanted right now was a night in with her girlfriend. “Sounds amazing. Let’s go.”

The two headed back through to the bedroom to grab their jackets and say goodbye to the rest of the girls. Notably absent from the room were Brooke and Vanessa, and Scarlet was about to mention this to Yvie when they walked back out into the hall and spotted a tall, blonde girl and a small brunette kissing furiously in a darker, quieter corner. As Yvie opened the front door, she turned to Scarlet.

“I feel like they won’t be far behind us. Brooke must have sorted her shit out, then.”

As Scarlet grabbed one last look at the two girls against the wall, she desperately hoped Yvie was right.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 13 is unlucky for one of the girls, as Brooke makes a decision.

Brooke woke up and had one blissful, quiet moment of peace inside her head before she blinked, saw who was beside her and had every single feeling wash over her again like a huge tidal wave.

The sex had been incredible. It was always incredible, perhaps even more so since Brooke began having doubts as she grew annoyed at herself and tried to fuck away her frustrations, taking it out on Vanessa. Vanessa never had any complaints, she loved it as much as Brooke did, but this always presented a problem in the form of the intimacy afterwards- Vanessa curling up close to her and planting kisses on every possible inch of skin she could reach, bringing her cups of tea, basically treating Brooke as if she was Aphrodite incarnate. The more Vanessa clung to Brooke, the more Brooke’s brain fought to get away- and Brooke always said it was her brain and not her, because really her life would be so much easier if she could just commit to Vanessa the way she wanted to be committed to and settle the fuck down. Could she do that? Maybe one day, but certainly not now, and certainly not if she was thinking about other girls the way she was thinking about them- like when she saw Monet’s flatmate Cracker at that flat party they went to the other week and was completely taken in by her quick wit and tiny dress and the fact she was Vanessa’s physical opposite in every way (except maybe size). Still, Brooke supposed Vanessa gave as good as she got by flirting with that Monique girl, and Brooke’s skin prickled even as she thought about the girl’s dark, tattooed skin and perfect muscles and dazzling smile.

Come to think of it, she was the exact physical opposite of Brooke in every way too.

There was no feeling like the feeling of being suddenly second-best in the eyes of someone who Brooke had thought only had eyes for her, and when Brooke had taken Vanessa home they had fucked relentlessly, essentially not stopping until the sun came up. The irony of wanting Vanessa to know she was Brooke’s and only Brooke’s combined with the feeling of not wanting to make things official with her was not lost on Brooke. It was as if her internal chemistry was laughing at her.

The girl beside her stirred, and Brooke tried her best, as hard as she could, to stop the sinking feeling in her gut. Vanessa rolled over and pressed herself against Brooke, the skin on skin contact which she’d so desperately craved last night now so far away from what she wanted.

“G‘mornin’, baby,” Vanessa growled in her half-asleep voice Brooke used to find adorable. Or did she ever? Brooke couldn’t remember.

“Hey. How’d you sleep?” Brooke asked amicably, Vanessa’s arms tightening around her much like the squeezing that she was currently feeling in her stomach.

“Not too good. I kinda had a shitty dream an’ I woke up in the night. But then you were with me, so it was all good,” Vanessa explained, lifting up Brooke’s arm and then resting it over her back.

“What was it about?”

Vanessa grew animated as she sat up. “So I dreamt that I owned this glassblowing shop with Scarlet.”

Brooke couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s weird.”

“I know, right? But I guess dreams never really make sense. Hey, there’s more, hoe!” Vanessa swatted her, a tiny bubble of affection rising through Brooke’s heart then popping. “So we had this order to make for this client, fuck knows who it was, and Scarlet’s making all hers, perfect an’ beautiful an’ flawless. And I keep tryin’ to make mine, but somethin’ ain’t working, they’re all comin’ out wrong or deformed- shit was scary, Brooke Lynn, like really spooky, terrifying shit- anyway, I finally get my order all ready and there’s seconds to go on the clock, bitch, like we have to get this order off to this client, and I’m rushin’ towards the van, but then-“

Vanessa paused and visibly shivered. Brooke couldn’t help but urge her for more, on tenterhooks in spite of herself.

"Somebody trips me up. And it ain’t Scarlet, I can see her at the van in front of me. All I know is all this glass crashes to the ground, and I fall flat on my face, and there’s bits of glass all in my skin and in my face and under my eyes. Shit was like Saw, it was fuckin’ scary.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Vanj. How did you not wake up screaming?” Brooke frowned, visibly concerned.

The other girl grew bashful. “I mean I did the whole big intake of breath thing when I woke up. I grabbed onto your arm somethin’ crazy, but you could sleep through the rapture, boo, you weren’t for waking up.”

“Damn. I’m sorry, girl, that’s terrifying,” Brooke sighed, unable to stop the furrow of her brow as she pulled Vanessa close in spite of all she was feeling.

“The strange thing was though,” Vanessa continued, Brooke unable to see her face as she rested her head against her chest. “When all the glass shattered into me, I felt it. It was like some weird physical pain. Even though it was a dream. Spooky, huh?”

“That is spooky,” Brooke nodded, intrigued by the whole thing. “All over?”

“No,” Vanessa pondered, realisation tingeing her voice. “Come to think of it, it felt like my chest. My ribcage breaking…or my heart.”

Something hollow and heavy sat itself inside Brooke’s stomach with a thump.

Vanessa slowly pulled herself away from Brooke and reached for the soft grey dressing gown on the floor at the side of her bed. “Anyway, I was glad when I woke up! You want coffee?”

Brooke stretched out, something cracking as she rolled her foot. “Please. I’d come help you, although I’m not sure what I can wear.”

“I would offer you my stuff but I doubt it’d fit,” Vanessa mused, leaning against the doorframe.

“Mm. Because you’re so tiny.”

“Nah, because you’re obese,” Vanessa smiled lightly, Brooke not able to help herself bursting out into a laugh. She needed this Vanessa to be present more often. The Vanessa that told silly jokes and poked fun at her all the time. That was the Vanessa she’d spent the past two years pining for, but now that she finally had her she’d morphed into somebody else, a clingy, cringey memory of her former self.

“Dick. I’ll shove on my clothes from yesterday,” Brooke slid out of bed, reaching for her sweatpants and jumper. She’d only been at the library, it wasn’t as if she’d been out anywhere, but Vanessa had simply texted her three emojis- peach, devil and that ever-so-slightly-expectant-looking pair of eyes. Brooke shouldn’t have gone round, shouldn’t have encouraged her, but her body had betrayed her and she was in Vanessa’s bed within the hour because as much as her feelings towards Vanessa had shifted she still had the body of a goddess and it would have been rude for Brooke to refuse when it was basically being offered to her on a plate. Or through WhatsApp.

Brooke pulled on yesterday’s clothes as Vanessa made coffee in her kitchen. She knew she wouldn’t be staying long at Vanessa’s flat, as she had a lecture she had to get ready for and she wasn’t the kind of person to go to a lecture in last night’s clothing (that was First Year Brooke’s job) so would need to go back to her flat for clean clothes. Once Brooke was dressed she padded through to the kitchen, where she found Vanessa and Akeria talking quietly on the small sofa that had been shoved into a corner in lieu of a living room. They didn’t exactly stop abruptly when Brooke came in, but Brooke somehow knew they had been talking about her. Akeria was smiling up at her pleasantly, though, so it couldn’t have been anything too bad.

“Hey girl,” she greeted her, shuffling up on the sofa and tucking her legs up under herself to make room.

“Hey Kiki, how’re you?” Brooke asked as she sat down, Vanessa momentarily breaking up the conversation to let Brooke know her coffee was the one in the blue mug.

“Alright. I’ve got a tutorial in twenty minutes but I’m not sure I can be fucked goin’. Have to get that degree, though, you know how it is. Did you, uh…” Akeria stopped, flicked her eyes between Brooke and Vanessa and attempted to hold back a giggle. “…did you have a good night?”

“ _Keeks_ ,” Vanessa rolled her eyes, hitting her on the leg with a couch cushion as Brooke almost choked on her coffee. Akeria laughed shamelessly beside her.

“Aw c'mon, I’m just fuckin’ with you! Although not in the way you two were fuckin’ with each other last night.”

“Great,” Brooke rolled her eyes, placing her cup back on the table. Still too hot.

“Is Silk up?” Vanessa asked, playing with a strand of her hair. Brooke winced, unsure if she could take the inevitable ear-splitting noise levels at this hour of the morning.

“Nah. She stayed over at some Tinder boys’ flat last night. Bitch is a riot.”

“Oh sweet, so the shower’s free?” Vanessa shifted off the kitchen counter, making for the door but stopping to give Brooke a kiss on the top of her head first. “I’ll be five minutes, baby.”

The door shut behind her leaving Brooke, Akeria, and the low hum of the refrigerator as the only things capable of making a sound. There was a pause of almost-silence, and then Akeria turned her body around to face Brooke, legs crossed, cradling her bowl of cereal and tilting her head with curiosity.

“So,” she began, but Brooke held out a hand to stop her.

“No,” she said. “No, no, no, no, no.”

Akeria let out a laugh. It made her seem sweet and trustworthy, and Brooke knew that she was both of those things when she wanted to be but she also knew that in this context, what this conversation was about to turn into, her trust lay with Vanjie. This conversation was a fact-finding mission, and Brooke wasn’t playing along.

“B, come on. You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

“Okay,” Brooke raised both eyebrows at her from across the sofa, running her tongue across her teeth suspiciously. Deliberately articulating her words, she replied. “Shoot.”

“When are you gonna ask Vanjie to be your girlfriend.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Akeria,” Brooke cried, leaning back against the headboard and bringing both her hands up to her head, dragging them down slowly as if to peel the skin off her face. It would have probably been less painful than this conversation.

“What? Am I not allowed to ask?” Akeria frowned.

“No, that wasn’t an ask. That was a threat,” Brooke gave an uneasy laugh. Akeria did not reciprocate.

“Look, you been fuckin’ around for what, three months now? And it’s very cute and we all love to see it, but bitch, have you both even been on a proper date?”

Brooke felt her stomach clench. “Oh so what, she couldn’t be the one to ask me on a date? Because I’ve not been asked out anywhere either!”

Akeria rolled her eyes so hard Brooke momentarily worried for her optic nerve. “I mean come on, Brooke, this ain’t about you second guessin’ how much the girl absolutely fuckin’ adores you. Don’t tell me you don’t know how devoted she is.”

Brooke’s heart twisted as she remembered Vanessa’s words to her in the new bar the day they’d found out about the sweepstake. The softness to her voice, the rare quieting of her speech. The raw honesty her words had been thick with.

_“Fuck, Brooke…I’m crazy about you.”_

Akeria placed her bowl down on top of the table as if it were a judge’s gavel, taking Brooke’s silence as an answer. “Exactly, bitch. So what’s stopping you?”

Brooke avoided the question. “What’s she said to you?”

“Oh, Brooke, please,” Akeria let out a small sympathetic laugh. “We both know she’s told me and Silk every little fuckin’ detail of what’s goin’ on in that head of hers. I mean I know I could ask Nina and Yvie about what’s happening in yours, right?”

Brooke was silent, thinking about how little Yvie knew of the situation and how Nina knew even less. “I don’t really tell them much, to be honest. I feel like what happens in a relationship is between two people, not their whole fucking friendship group.”

“Well, we’re all very happy for you and your bottled-up emotions. But luckily for us, Vanjie is a normal, functioning human that expresses her feelings. And the very fact you’re having to ask me what she’s said says more about you than it does about her.”

Brooke was stung. “Jeez, Akeria, thanks for being a friend!”

Akeria looked at Brooke, unimpressed. “Bitch, you know it comes from a place of love! You know I love you to death, girl, but I know you won’t get upset when I say I love Vanjie more. I just don’t want you to fuck with her, Brooke, same as I wouldn’t want anyone fuckin’ with her. I gotta go to class.”

There was a small silence as Brooke cupped her hands around her mug and Akeria moved off the couch, the sting of heat around Brooke’s hands doing little to numb the emotions that swirled around her brain. “So what was the point of this conversation, Kiki? To make me feel like a human shit?”

“No,” Akeria sighed, pausing to lean against the doorframe and look up at the cracked paint on the ceiling. “I’m just sayin’…be honest with her. Tell her how you’re feeling.”

Brooke mirrored her sigh, shaking her head as she looked down at the floor. Akeria lingered, and when Brooke looked up she had a troubled frown on her face. “Even if it might not be what she wants to hear.”

With that, Akeria grabbed her bag and left, Brooke hearing the front door slamming shut behind her. She took a few minutes to sit in the silence, rubbing her temples and taking a few deep breaths.

This was bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad. What the fuck was Brooke doing? She couldn’t end things with Vanjie, of course she couldn’t. It would probably tear apart the entire friendship group, forcing everyone to pick a side and making their last few months of uni horrifically awkward. She would ruin everything.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed.

_V: Heard Kiki leave_

_V: You wanna come join me in here_ 👀😈

Brooke flinched. Something about Vanessa’s texts had triggered her fight or flight impulse, and she found herself moving from the kitchen to the hallway, leaning on the bathroom door.

“Hey, V? I’m gonna have to go get ready for my lecture, I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

“Oh, okay,” Vanessa’s voice called out from the shower. “Yeah, no, of course! See you later, boo.”

Brooke dashed back into Vanessa’s room, scooped up her bag and didn’t even bother to zip it shut the full way before she was tearing out the door and into the bright, cold daylight. She began walking, but she didn’t really know where to. She was headed in the direction of her flat, but she didn’t really want to go back there. She had to fix this entire mess somehow, but there seemed to be too many thoughts filling her mind for anything to become clear.

Brooke felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She cursed herself for the one sentence that seemed to repeat itself over and over again as she opened her phone.

_Please don’t be Vanessa Please don’t be Vanessa Pleasedon'tbeVanessa_

She looked at the notification.

_P: hey girrrrrl!! i just finished at the gym do u want to grab brunch before the lecture??_

In that moment, Brooke knew instantly that Plastique was just going to have to be the one she vented to; she was in the right place at the right time and she was going to hear all of Brooke’s trials and tribulations whether she liked it or not.

_B: Absolutely yes but can I get a favour_

_B: Can we not go to Liezen_

_B: Like can we go somewhere that absolutely fucking nobody goes_

_P: girl what is this totally spies_

_P: we could go Himalaya but it’s not very cute xo_

_B: That’s perfect. Say 10 minutes?_

_P: see ya there James Bond_

Brooke began to hurry towards town. She was grateful for the guaranteed anonymity of the totally random café that they’d picked, as she couldn’t risk running into one of their friends in their favourite place. She was in yesterday’s clothes, she no doubt smelt horrendous, and she hadn’t so much as sprayed herself with deodorant that morning, but Brooke couldn’t even think about any of that. All she wanted was for everything to go back to normal, and Plastique would help her do that.

Brooke eventually reached the cafe and spotted Plastique instantly. She was glad she’d chosen a far away table at the back and not a window seat, and she all but threw herself into the seat opposite her. Plastique gave her a little glance up and down.

“Jesus, Brooke, you look like shit.”

Brooke glanced at her friend decked out in her Gymshark patterned leggings, an impossibly tiny gym top to warrant being worn in late January, and her perfect, sleek ponytail. Everyone would look like shit compared to Plastique. “Yeah, well I feel like shit too.”

“Huh. Were you out last night?” Plastique frowned, pouring a little from the teapot to the cup that sat in front of her.

“I want to break up with Vanessa,” Brooke found herself blurting out, unable to make small talk any longer. Plastique paused, blinked at her a moment, and reached for her jug of milk.

“Well you were never together in the first place, so breaking up’s going to be a bit of a challenge,” she deadpanned, causing Brooke to roll her eyes.

“Plastique, I’m serious! The whole thing is a fucking nightmare, I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, okay, okay, wait. Pause. Stop. Take a deep breath, go order a coffee and some fucking…eggs royale or something, and then come back and we can talk it all out,” Plastique ordered her. Brooke obeyed, heading up to the till and ordering some food and a drink. It was helpful to hear Plastique giving her instructions and telling her what to do, considering that Brooke felt she had very little direction in any area of her life. She wandered back to the table in a daze.

“I have no idea what the fuck I just ordered.”

Plastique took a sip of her tea. “You straight-up look like a rabbit in headlights, ma. What the hell happened? Last time I looked I thought you and Vanj were fine.”

“We were fine! We were. And then…fuck, I don’t even know what happened. Nothing happened. We went home for the holidays and it was fine for a while- endless fucking phone sex and dirty pictures but then when it came to the stuff like "I miss you”, “I can’t wait to see you again”, I started to freak out and I don’t know why,“ Brooke sighed, jumping a little as she got an orange juice placed down in front of her.

"Okay, first off- get it girl,” Plastique began, Brooke rolling her eyes at her. “Second of all…so you’ve been feeling like this about her for like. A month?”

“Well basically, yeah.”

Plastique scrunched up her face and sucked a lot of air in between her teeth. “Ooh, honey. That’s not good.”

“Oh well thanks Plastique, that’s fucking news to me,” Brooke spat out, annoyed.

“Well, you know it’s bad. So why haven’t you said anything to her?” Plastique asked, Brooke not missing the way she drummed her fingers against her cup.

“Because telling someone you’ve changed your mind about how you feel is scary and it’ll hurt them?”

“Well newsflash, baby. That’s life. Vanessa’s out there expecting you to ask her to be her girlfriend, probably, and the longer you drag this out, the more hurt she’ll get. And what’re you gonna say to her if she asks how long you’ve been feeling like this? O _h, I’ve only been wasting your time for a month_.”

Brooke scowled at her friend. “You know, you’re really making me feel worse instead of better.”

“Well what do you want me to say! You want me to say _aww, no Brooke, don’t worry! Vanessa will be fine, she’ll be totally chill about the fact you don’t want to be with her. You can go back to normal with her within the space of two to three working days_. You want me to say that to you?”

Brooke rubbed at her temples, resting her elbows on top of the table. “This is a fucking shitshow.”

“Hey, girl, I’m sorry,” Plastique softened, reaching for her arm and rubbing it gently with her thumb. “It’s not your fault. Feelings change, and I get that it’s hard to be honest with someone about them. You ever heard of the ick?”

Brooke paused from her mini-massage. “The what?”

“The ick. It’s like, a really common thing. Loads of people get it. When you’re in the early stages of dating somebody, and everything seems to be going well and it’s all good and then suddenly out of nowhere you find yourself cringing at stuff you used to find cute, or being repulsed by shit you used to like.”

“Oh my God. That’s exactly it. That’s exactly what it’s like,” Brooke gasped, realisation dawning on her. Reflecting on Plastique’s words, she furrowed her brows a little. “Although I’m not repulsed. That’s mean. I don’t find Vanessa repulsive, it’s just…I don’t want to be all cute and coupley with her.”

There was a lull of silence as the girls’ food was placed in front of them. It turned out Brooke had ordered pancakes with berries and yogurt. She already knew she’d manage about two bites out of them.

“So wait,” Plastique frowned a little as she cut into one of her poached eggs. “You don’t want to be coupley with her. What does that mean?”

“Well, you know…” Brooke blushed a little. “She’s still totally fucking gorgeous, and the sex is amazing-”

“Brooke, no. Stop. I forbid you to finish this sentence,” Plastique cut in, horrified.

“What?!”

“You’re really going to break Vanessa’s heart and then ask if you can be friends with benefits all in the same breath? Girl. You’re fucking trash if you do that.”

Brooke sighed, cutting a slice out of her pancake and feeling somehow as if she was slicing into Vanessa’s heart.

“You want things all your own way, which, fine. I get that, we all do. It’s natural. But you have to accept that Vanessa is going to be severely fucking cut up about this whole thing. I mean it’s been what, two months?”

“Three,” Brooke sighed despairingly.

“Three months,” Plastique shook her head slightly. “You can get pretty fucking attached to someone in three months.”

“Okay fine. No more sex with Vanessa,” Brooke tore a hand through her hair. “God, I’m a living shit, aren’t I? I am a fucking living shit. I’ve got her hopes up, I’m about to shatter them, and I’m still trying to be selfish about the whole thing. I am the fucking worst person alive.”

“You’re not,” Plastique smiled sympathetically. “You’re a human. We’re all shit. We’re killing the planet. That’s worse than wanting to fuck but not wanting to date.”

Brooke appreciated Plastique’s words but she still felt as if she was a rotting piece of fruit, her insides collapsing in on themselves, her body failing at just how horrific a person she was being. “So what do I do?”

“You need to tell her today.”

Brooke exhaled loudly. “You’re right. If I ask her to meet up now, will you help me with what to write?”

Plastique chewed on her food and looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought. “Just keep it short and inconspicuous. _Can we talk_ is too telling and it’s unfair, she’ll be fretting about it until you arrive. But then you can’t give away too much because then you’ve basically told her it all by text.”

“What about just _Can we meet_? Then there’s not really much to say,” Brooke suggested, her hands shaking as she brought out her phone. Plastique nodded in agreement, and Brooke was typing out the text before she knew it.

_B: Hey can I meet you at your flat soon?_

_B: Like within the hour_

_V: Sure baby! Come round whenever! All ok??_

“Shit. She’s asked if everything’s okay. What do I say?” Brooke asked, panicking. Plastique frowned.

“How about just saying everything’s fine but you just want a chat? Chat sounds better than talk,” she reasoned, Brooke inhaling shakily and typing out a response.

_B: I’ll be there in 20 mins or so_

_B: Just want to chat_

“It’s done. I’ve sent it. Fuck fuck fuck, what have I done?”

“You’ve done what’s best for you. And what’s best for Vanessa, too. If you weren’t right, you weren’t right. She won’t be able to see that just now, but it’s for the best in the long run.”

Brooke cut off another bit of her pancake, then neglected to eat it. She sighed and anxiously felt herself tap her foot against the floor. “What’s going to happen to the friendship group, Plastique?”

“Absolutely shit all will happen to the friendship group, and if it does then these girls are not the bitches I know and love. Silky will be raging at you for about a week and then get over it. Akeria will just drag Vanessa on about a million nights out and will probably rub a couple of rebounds in your face. You know that Nina and Yvie will back you up if it comes down to it. Scarlet will be understanding and sweet because she’s an angel that fell to earth,” Plastique sipped from her tea and made a face, her drink clearly having gone cold. “And I’ll hate you until I die, but you knew that anyway.”

Brooke gave a half-hearted laugh. “It’s going to be so fucking awkward for ages.”

“It won’t. Well, maybe a little. But we’re still all friends. And you and Vanjie will eventually go back to normal too, you just have to stick it out.”

Feeling the tiniest bit of optimism amongst the sheer blackness of her heart, Brooke took a bite of her food. The immediate churning of her stomach rendered this a bad idea. Brooke was hit with the overwhelming need to change the subject. “I feel like this lecture is not happening for me. I’ll go and see Vanessa and then stew in my own self-hatred at home for a bit. How’s your essay going?”

“Like someone poured a bucket of shit directly into Microsoft Word, put it on my USB stick and named it "Textiles 4- Final Essay”,“ Plastique grumbled, finishing her food. "I’ll sign you in if there’s a register.”

“Thanks,” Brooke said gratefully. “How’re you and Ariel?”

“We’re chill. I think I might ask her on a date this week,” Plastique said casually, Brooke almost choking on air.

“When the hell did you come to this decision, bitch, and why wasn’t I told?!”

“I mean it’s just chill! But I don’t know. We’ve been fucking for a while and I really like her. She’s not brought anyone else back to the flat in months so I think it’s like a hint,” Plastique laughed bashfully. It was amusing to see her normally so self-assured, poised friend even the slightest hint of shy.

“God, look at you about to start a budding relationship as mine’s about to die,” Brooke quipped dryly. Plastique shrugged.

“One in, one out.”

“What?”

“That rule about babies being born and old people dying. One in, one out. I think it must be the same for relationships,” Plastique pondered. She looked at Brooke intently, then her face softened into a smile. “Listen, I can see you’re absolutely shit scared. Go and talk to Vanjie and just do it. I’ll get your lunch.”

“Are you sure?” Brooke asked weakly, not really meaning it as she was dying to get away and get the whole thing over with. “I’ll transfer you.”

“I’m not some broke bitch, ma, I don’t need your money! Just go. Good luck. Text me and let me know how it goes. I love you,” Plastique reeled off, as Brooke scrambled with her coat and bag.

“Thanks. Love you too,” she muttered, giving her friend a quick hug and already breaking into a sweat as she left the cafe and made her way over to Vanessa’s flat. Her chest was tight and she could feel her heart beating inside it, faster than it had ever gone before. With a pang she remembered how quickly it had thrummed when she’d kissed Vanessa for the first time, when everything had seemed as simple as kissing a beautiful girl and telling her how she felt and becoming girlfriends and settling down and getting married, probably. Brooke’s legs seemed to be moving quicker than she’d thought possible, and before she knew it she was at the bottom of Antigua Road. Her palms were slick with sweat and Brooke was convinced she was about to vomit. She willed herself to slow down as she approached Vanessa’s door, but somehow her body knew it was best to get things over with. Plastique was right. She needed to tell her today, rip the plaster off. As Brooke reached Vanessa’s door and pressed one finger on the buzzer, her heart gave an almighty jolt as one singular thought blinded her mind like a flash.

_Jesus Christ this is actually about to happen._

There were a few moments between the buzzer being pressed and the front door clicking open where Brooke thought everything would be better if she just fled, but she seemed to be frozen to the spot. Nevertheless, Vanessa’s voice came crackling through the intercom and Brooke was buzzed in. She took the steps one at a time instead of her usual two, and her heart dropped as she saw Vanessa standing at her front door waiting, all clean and pretty in black leggings and a huge oversized orange jumper with the sleeves pulled over her hands.

“Hey, boo,” she greeted her, Brooke smiling weakly and giving her a hug, attempting to make things look normal. “Come through, I was just doing some work.”

Brooke followed Vanessa through to her bedroom, the bed all tidy and made and showing no evidence of the fact they’d both lain in it just hours previously, everything seeming so different then and yet not really. Brooke perched on the side of the bed and Vanessa sat at the top. She moved her laptop down to the end of her bed, crossed her legs, and fixed Brooke with a bright smile.

“So,” she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What did you want to talk about?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the girls deal with the aftermath, Monet and her flatmates provide a distraction, and Scarlet has a revelation.

Scarlet looked at the door to the lecture theatre once, twice, three times, the biting of her nails an awkward accompaniment to her worrying. The clock seemed to tick in time with her heart, although she supposed it wouldn’t compare a bit to how Vanjie would be feeling.

Sighing deeply and drawing a little star on the edge of her notebook, Scarlet reflected on the events of the past few days. She and Yvie had been sitting watching some dumb Netflix show and procrastinating and had been contemplating what to have for dinner when a message came through on the old Branjie Sweepstake chat from Silky, Scarlet unable to believe it was her from the way she was typing.

_Silky: Hey ladies so some of you prolly already know but Brooke ended shit with Vanjie earlier today. She’s pretty cut up about it understandably so just making you all aware so that none of you put your foot in it. Also just keep things on the chat as normal although V will prolly not be out at any nights out any time soon xxxxx_

“Holy shit, Yves,” Scarlet had gasped, looking at her girlfriend who was also staring at her phone in shock.

“Well, fuck. She did it,” Yvie blinked at her phone, sighing heavily. There was a small pause of guilty silence, as if the pair of them were contemplating the knowledge they had withheld from Vanessa. Yvie gave a curt shrug. “Guess we can kiss goodbye to ending uni on a high, then.”

“Oh, Yvie, don’t be so selfish! We’ll all be fine, Silk’s trying to keep things as normal as she can for V’s sake!” Scarlet rolled her eyes at Yvie, her girlfriend ever the pessimist.

“Yeah, but you can’t deny things are gonna be a little bit awkward, babe. I’m not here for all that shit, we’re meant to be fully-functioning adults in, like, five months’ time. Not babies with drama issues.”

“The only baby with drama issues in our friendship group is me,” Scarlet raised an eyebrow, Yvie laughing and pulling her close. “We’ll all still be friends, Jesus. I’m just worried about V. God, I’m a shit friend, aren’t I? I knew this was coming and I sat by and let her think everything was fine-”

“You are not a shit friend,” Yvie insisted, squeezing Scarlet’s side so hard she felt her ribs might break. “I did the exact same. Besides, Vanessa’s an idiot if she didn’t see it coming. You can always tell when people are being off with you.”

“Hey, that’s unfair. You can tell that, but whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not is a different story,” Scarlet added thoughtfully. “Like if you started giving vibes that you wanted to break up with me. I feel like I would just lie to myself about it because I’d so desperately want it not to be true.”

“Aww, baby,” Yvie smiled, kissing the top of her head. “You’re adorable. You’re also dumped, by the way. Ha ha ha, dipshit. I broke up with you and you didn’t even know I was going to.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Scarlet thumped her girlfriend with a pillow.

After that, the pair of them had gone to Yvie’s living room in search of Nina, where they got two for the price of one- Nina and Brooke, sitting on the sofa, Nina talking gently to Brooke and the other girl staring so hard at the wall Scarlet was convinced she was going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum. They’d both sat down and spoken about the entire situation, but not in too much depth- Brooke explaining that her feelings towards Vanessa had changed, and she wasn’t sure she was what she wanted anymore.

“Wait, you weren’t sure? Do you not have to be pretty sure about something like that before you break up with someone?” Yvie had asked, her eyes narrowing. Nina had cast Yvie a glare and Brooke had tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I’m not really sure about any area of my life, Yves, so why should this be any different?”

Scarlet was jolted out of her daydream by the door to the lecture theatre swinging open, her heart rate rising only to find it plummeting again when two random girls from the course came through. A shot of adrenaline gripped Scarlet, however, when a girl traipsed in behind them that at first she didn’t recognise. Then swallowing a small bubble of horror as she approached Scarlet’s bench, she realised that the girl was Vanjie. Her dark hair hung like a witch’s over her face- matted and tangled with the frizz a telltale sign of Vanessa having slept in it and not bothered to brush it either. Her face was a pale, makeup-less mask with a decidedly grim, almost mournful expression. The outfit she was wearing was shapeless, a far cry from the ever-fashionable girl Scarlet knew she was, and the black joggers and huge navy jumper Vanessa had on could well have been the outfit she’d slept in. As Vanessa slid in beside Scarlet, she barely gave her eye contact.

“Hey babe,” Scarlet greeted her supportively, the other girl still not looking at her as she took her notebook out of her bag. “How’re you holding up?”

Vanessa gave a completely mirthless laugh as she scrambled at the bottom of her bag for a pen. “Aha. Not great, to be honest.”

Scarlet was hit by a wave of emotion. She reached out and squeezed Vanjie’s free hand. “Oh, Vanj, I’m so sorry.”

“Please-” Vanessa said, her voice choked and warped, two tears hitting the blank pad in front of her. “Please don’t be nice to me, it’s gonna set me off again.”

Scarlet could’ve cried herself at the state Vanjie was in. She watched their lecturer enter the hall and begin setting up. “Babe, we don’t have to stay here if you’re like this.”

Vanessa straightened herself up, tilted her head towards the sky and wiped two fingers under her lashes. “No, bitch. It’s been four days, I said I was coming to uni today and that’s what the fuck I’m going to do. The bitch might have broken my heart but I’ll be fucked if she’s taking a 2:1 from me either.”

Scarlet’s heart hurt a little hearing Vanessa talk about Brooke that way, but then reason kicked in and she supposed Vanessa wasn’t going to be down to shower Brooke with platitudes for the time being. She watched as Vanjie tilted her head back down, gravity doing little to stop more tears from rolling down her face. She gave a sniff and, in lieu of a tissue, wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jumper. Then, she used the other sleeve to mop up her tears.

“Stupid fucking cryin’, goddamnit,” Vanessa muttered angrily, growing frustrated with herself. Scarlet hurriedly reached into her own bag and brought out a small packet of tissues, wordlessly handing one to Vanjie. With gratitude, she blew her nose on it, the sudden noise causing a girl in the row in front of them both to turn around, her gaze lingering just a second too long on the crying Vanessa.

“What the fuck are you looking at, hoe? You want your face rearranged? You could fuckin’ do with it,” Vanessa snapped angrily, the girl quickly turning back around. Scarlet had had enough. In one movement she swept all of her and Vanjie’s things into her cavernous Hermes bag and shoved at her gently.

“C’mon. We can get the lecture notes later. You need a coffee and a talk,” she insisted, clamping a hand over Vanjie’s mouth as she opened it to protest. Scarlet rotated Vanessa’s shoulders towards the direction of the door and practically frog-marched her down the stairs and out of the door seconds before the lecture began.

“I need a fuckin’ wine and a talk,” Vanessa quipped, before the floodgates suddenly opened and the girl’s face crumbled like a ruin. Scarlet immediately crushed her in a hug. She rubbed her friend’s back and sushed her quietly as Vanessa’s chest heaved with sobs, her crying eerily quiet as if she had nothing left to give. Scarlet felt a wave of guilt crash against her, the thought of what she’d known and kept from Vanessa perhaps having been able to help the situation in some way being almost too much to handle. Just as she was about to let it out and confess it all to Vanessa she felt the girl take a huge deep breath and pull out of the hug. Her face was blotchy with red tear marks, but a small, albeit unhappy smile was plastered across her face.

“Sorry. It’s out now, no more cryin’. I promise,” Vanessa sighed, looking to the floor sheepishly.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Come on,” Scarlet slipped her arm through Vanessa’s, holding the girl up as if she was about to fall down. “Let’s go to the union. Then I can get a coffee and you can get a wine.“

They walked in somber silence, Scarlet giving Vanessa’s arm a supportive squeeze every now and then. She wondered what it would be like to feel how Vanessa was feeling in this moment. Like utter shit, obviously, Scarlet thought as she had to stop Vanessa from stepping into the path of a cyclist, so wrapped up was she in her own world. Somehow they reached the pub in the union without Vanessa suffering any fatal accidents. As Scarlet looked around and noted how quiet the place was, she felt relieved. At least they wouldn’t have any awkward run-ins with anyone they didn’t want to. 

“I’m not even that in my feelings about it. Or no- I didn’t expect to be as in my feelings as I am,” Vanessa began, sitting down at a small table for two and shrinking into herself on the chair. “Like, we weren’t nothin’ serious or anything. So she technically didn’t even break up with me.”

“Yeah, but you still had a connection. That’s still shit to break off with someone,” Scarlet offered, shrugging her jacket off before she could give Vanjie her full attention.

“I know, but…ugh, I’m annoyed at myself, really. Like I shouldn’t have got so attached…but I thought maybe she…maybe we’d…whatever, I’m not makin’ sense,” Vanjie continued, shaking her head and running her hands through her hair to punctuate the end of her sentence.

“No, you are making sense! You’re totally valid. Of course you’re going to get your hopes up if you’re seeing someone that often and sleeping with someone that often,” Scarlet nodded, hoping she was reassuring her friend. There was a small silence where Scarlet wondered whether or not she should ask what she wanted to ask. “‘Ness, how did Brooke actually-”

“Dump me?” Vanessa gave another humourless laugh and shrugged, pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands. “In the nicest possible way, obviously. Fuckin’ bitch, can’t even give me anythin’ to be mad at her for. She came to my flat. Sat me down and was just like… _yeah, this isn’t working. I feel like we want different things, and I can’t give you what you want right now_. Did the whole _you’re an amazing person_ schtick but by then I’d stopped listenin’ cuz ya girl was tryna focus on not cryin’ in front of her. Succeeded, though. Until the second after she left, obviously.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I’m so, so sorry,” Scarlet sighed, guilt consuming her.

“No, bitch, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault-”

“But, fuck, it might have been,” Scarlet began, Vanessa’s face growing alert and curious. She sighed, wondering if she’d regret her decision. “At Monet’s party…Yvie told me that Brooke had said to her she was having second thoughts about the pair of you.”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes slightly. Scarlet held her breath. She could see the cogs turning in her head. “But that was weeks ago.”

Scarlet clenched her stomach muscles. “Yes.”

Vanessa’s face grew into a snarl, and she gave a bark of a laugh. “Oh fuckin’ Jesus, it gets better. So not only has she sat on this for about a month, but she’s also told the whole friendship group about it. Fuck, Scarlet, do you not think I would’ve wanted to know somethin’ like that?”

“I know, I know, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to know! I didn’t even want to get involved, but Yvie told me and then I just had the information in my head and I didn’t know whether I should tell you or mind my own business, and I’d promised Yvie-”

“Oh, you promised Yvie, that’s alright then. Fuck your friend ‘cuz you made a promise to your precious lil’ girlfriend, that’s fine. Good to know how much I mean to you, Scarlet,” Vanessa spat out bitterly.

Scarlet’s stomach was now tighter than she’d ever felt it in her life. She thought back to what Yvie had said, about the friendship group and about how it would all start falling apart. She thought about if she’d told Vanjie sooner, if her and Brooke could have talked it all out and stayed together. Unexpected tears started welling in Scarlet’s eyes. Trying to calm herself she took a long, deep breath through her nose, which turned into a sniff. The noise made Vanjie look up from staring down at the floor, and her hard expression softened into one of regret.

“Fuck, Scar, I’m sorry. Shit. Please don’t cry,” Vanessa murmured, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand. “It’s not your fault. Okay I’m mad at you, but even if you’d told me what the fuck good would it’ve done?” 

As Scarlet wiped at her eyes with her free hand, Vanessa gave a heavy sigh. “She still wouldn’t have wanted me.”

Scarlet drew her last tissue from her pocket and wiped her nose with it. “But I should’ve told you. Maybe you’d have been less attached three weeks ago-”

“Scarlet, three weeks ago I liked her just as much then as I do now. It was never a gradual increase with that bitch. Liked her just as much the day we met as I did the day she broke up with me,” Vanessa said the last portion of her sentence quietly, breaking Scarlet’s heart in the process. She gave a world-weary shrug as she spoke again. “S’just hard trying to un-like her. Well, in that way, anyway.”

“Do you think you can even be friends with her again?” Scarlet wondered, biting the side of her finger as she worried about the answer.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. I just kinda need my space from her just now, you know? Which is hard, ‘cuz…obviously we’ve all got the same friends and I don’t want to have to hide away from them just to make things less awkward,” Vanessa frowned, Scarlet nodding sympathetically.

“Well, you’ve always got me.”

Vanessa gave the tiniest genuine smile which made Scarlet want to squeal with joy. “I appreciate you, boo.”

There was a small silence in which Vanessa seemed deep in thought. Finally, she spoke. “Did Brooke say anything to Yvie about it?”

Scarlet wondered if she should tell Vanessa about the “wasn’t sure” comment. She decided that the last thing Vanessa needed right now was any potential false hope. Instead, she sighed. “She hasn’t been very talkative about the whole situation. Just basically told her the same as she told you.”

Vanessa put her palms against her eyes and rubbed harshly. “Well. That’s that then.”

Just then, Scarlet heard a small scream of delight. Looking up and over Vanjie’s shoulder, she spotted Monet with two of her flatmates heading towards them. Monique, the girl whose hair was previously lilac, now had a mane of huge pink chopstick curls, and Cracker’s blonde hair was loose over her shoulders. Anxiously looking to Vanessa, she wondered if this was the right time for more people joining them. Before she could make a decision, Monet had reached them and was leaning over Scarlet making to hug her.

“Oh my God, hey! Fancy seeing you both here,” she smiled, giving Scarlet a hug and moving to hug Vanessa. “V, how are you, baby? Nina told me. Oh, not in a bad way, just…so I knew.”

Monet held the hug with Vanessa longer than she had with Scarlet, the other girl smiling gratefully as she pulled away. “I’m alright, bitch. Not great but not the worst I’ve been.”

Scarlet watched as Monet’s flatmates hovered awkwardly. She gave them both a smile. “Hey! Cracker and Monique, right? We met at the flat party. You’re welcome to grab a couple seats! We were going to get drinks, but we got sidetracked chatting.”

Cracker gave a smile of gratitude and pulled over two chairs for her and Monique, then a third chair for Monet.

“Hey,” Vanessa greeted the pair of them, looking down at her outfit awkwardly. “Well shit, this is embarrassin’. I look like a bag of trash.”

“A cute bag of trash,” Monique replied casually, Vanessa blinking a little in response, taken aback by the compliment. Moving on as if she hadn’t said anything, Monique gave a curious gaze at Monet and Vanessa. “So wait, what happened?”

Monet gave an awkward grimace, but Vanessa filled in the silence for her. “I got broken up with the other day.”

Monique’s face dropped in shock. “That girl broke up with _you_? Girl, that’s a fuckin’ gag, what? You’re so stunning! An’ she’s like…a slice of white bread.”

Vanessa let out the first genuine laugh Scarlet had heard her emit that day. “Bitch, no, stop it. She’s beautiful too. She just didn’t want a girlfriend. People want different things.”

“Yeah, that’s true. My ex wanted somethin’ different too. Apparently that somethin’ different was Naomi with a model body an’ an onlyfans account. Stupid fuckin’ man, thinkin’ I wasn’t gonna find that shit out,” Monique reeled off, Scarlet barely able to keep up with the pace she was talking at. “But anyway, that was, like, six months ago now. Anyway the point I’m makin’ is that it didn’t take me long to feel better, baby, so don’t worry.”

“The ten rebounds probably helped,” Cracker quipped from beside her, Monique shoving her as Scarlet, Monet and Vanessa all let out a laugh.

“Seven, actually! Come correct, whore. Anyway, we can’t all be as loved up as Miss Monet over there,” Monique raised her eyebrows, Monet rolling her eyes in response. Cracker excitedly turned to Scarlet.

“Oh my God, do you guys know what she’s doing?”

“Cracker,” Monet warned, her voice tinged with caution. Scarlet was interested.

“What’s she doing?” she asked, Monique’s face lighting up excitedly. Monet waved a dismissive hand.

“Guys, this is _not_ the time or the place to be talking about sappy, cheesy, Valentine’s Day bullshit,” Monet said exasperatedly, with a glance Vanessa’s way. The girl in question was leaning forward with interest, resting her elbows on the small table in front of her.

“Well yeah, Valentine’s Day can suck a dick, but if this is stuff about you and Nina then I’m listenin’,” Vanessa smiled calmly, Monet going slightly red at the thought of having to explain.

“It’s really no big deal-”

“Oh my God, it IS,” Cracker jumped in, hitting Monique excitedly.

“Will you two fuckin’ chipmunks go and find Alvin and stop molesting us! It ain’t anything big, I’m just…maybe…gonna ask Neens if she wants to be my girlfriend.”

Scarlet’s mouth dropped open, unable to contain her excitement. She gave a little squeal and clapped her hands. “On Valentine’s Day?”

“On Valentine’s Day! With a treasure hunt!” Monique continued, gushing with excitement. Monet rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, bitch, can you date me instead?!” Vanessa chimed in, her mouth wide open in shock. “A treasure hunt?”

“It’s honestly no big deal!”

“It IS a big deal, fuck off Monet!” Cracker snapped, clearly fed up with her flatmate downplaying the situation. “So she’s getting all these pictures of Wills…Will Schuester from Glee, Will from The Inbetweeners, Will Young…then she’s getting loads of umbrellas and putting them in a pile- ‘cause obviously they all start with a ‘U’,”

“- then -” Monique cut in.

“Why do I feel like I’m no longer in charge of anything in my life?” Monet interrupted dryly.

“- then she’s getting loads of bee-themed things, like honey, yellow stuff, Burt’s Bees lip balm-”

“They know what fucking bees entails, Monique!” Monet exclaimed, Vanessa snorting and Scarlet suddenly so glad of these three girls for the distraction they were providing from her friend’s shitty situation.

“- then she’s putting loads of stuff in a pile that belong to her, so obviously if I was Monet, it would all be ‘MY’ stuff,” Monique continued, ignoring her embarrassed flatmate’s interruptions.

“What’re you doing for ‘girlfriend’?” Scarlet asked excitedly, on complete tenterhooks. Monet opened her mouth to speak, but Cracker got there first.

“She’s made a playlist. A _playlist_ ,” she repeated, full of glee. “Of songs with the title ‘girlfriend’. Which there are surprisingly many of.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Monet, I hate you. It’s amazing. She’s gonna love it,” Vanessa smiled, seemingly genuinely enthused about her plan. Monet was now incredibly flushed in the face.

“I mean, she might misinterpret the whole thing. She might go ‘Will umbrella yellow objects songs’ or some shit.”

“Which knowing Nina, she probably will,” Scarlet offered, eliciting a laugh from Monet. “But it’s cute. ‘Ness is right, she will love it.”

“Thanks, girls. But no telling her, okay? Shit, I’m already so fuckin’ nervous and it’s still ages away,” Monet wiped her (presumably sweaty) hands on her jeans.

“Are you two doing anythin’ cute and vomit-inducin’ for Valentine’s Day?” Vanessa asked Cracker and Monique. The pink-haired girl tilted her head and gave a little smile.

"Damn, you tryna ask me somethin’? You move on fast,” she winked, Vanessa covering her cheeks with her sleeves.

“Shut up, bitch! You got some amount of nerve, tell you that,” she rolled her eyes, trying to look annoyed. Scarlet could tell she was secretly flattered.

“Well, I’m just going on a date with a girl I’m seeing. We’re trying to downplay it, but I’m highkey freaking out,” Cracker smiled bashfully, Monet sticking her tongue out at her.

“Kaaaameron,” she mocked, batting her eyelids. Cracker swatted at her.

“At least I have a date, bitch! What’re you doing, sitting on Tinder all night offering your services to every person you swipe?”

“Ouch,” Monet half-gasped, half-laughed. Unfazed, Monique shrugged.

“Hmm, prolly. Well, unless something comes up out of nowhere,” she said nonchalantly, checking her nails. Scarlet cast a quick gaze between her and Vanessa. Cracker snapped her out of her rapidly snowballing thoughts.

“What about you and your girlfriend, Scarlet? You doing anything nice?”

“We’ve booked a nice restaurant. It’s a horrifically overpriced set menu, but neither of us have ever really spent Valentine’s with anyone before, so we don’t really mind paying for the experience,” Scarlet smiled, feeling herself grow excited at the thought of getting to sit at a fancy table with candles and prosecco and seafood and chocolate desserts and just celebrate the fact that the pair of them were in love-

Well fuck. Scarlet hadn’t seen that coming. Cracker was replying to her, but she couldn’t hear her. Scarlet was only consumed by the one thought in her mind. She was in love with Yvie. Really properly in love with her. Of course she was, it was so fucking obvious! Why hadn’t she realised it before? Scarlet wanted nothing more than to find her girlfriend and tell her, but with a pang she remembered the hurt Vanessa sitting in front of her and knew where she was needed the most. Although she didn’t seem too hurt at the moment. Monique was telling a story and the heartbroken girl was leaning in, listening intently, her eyes sparkling.

“Hey, were we not getting a drink? My mouth’s drier than Ghandi’s flip-flop here,” Monet said suddenly, cutting Monique off mid-story. She rolled her eyes and took her purse out of her bag, promising to buy everyone’s round.

“Uh, leave me out actually. I think I’d better head off,” Scarlet excused herself, the thought of having to tell Yvie that she was in love with her becoming her number one priority. Feeling guilty, she looked to her friend. “If that’s alright, Vanj?”

“Yeah, boo, don’t worry about it! I’m actually havin’ fun for the first time in days,” Vanessa smiled up at her, casting a gaze to Monet who smiled back.

“Yeah, we’re way better than your other friends,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Scarlet who did the same back.

“We’ll look after her, Scarlet, don’t worry,” Monique smiled, taking Vanessa’s hand and giving it a little squeeze, then letting go again almost as if the interaction had never happened. The only evidence to suggest otherwise was a small blush on Vanjie’s face. Scarlet was intrigued by that whole dynamic. On one hand, she wondered if harmless flirting with Monet’s friend might do Vanessa the world of good, especially if Monique kept showering Vanjie with compliments the way she was doing. On the other, she wondered if Vanessa was altogether ready for a potential rebound. Not allowing herself time to think it over too much, Scarlet said her goodbyes, blew a kiss in Vanjie’s direction, and headed out of the pub and down the stairs of the multi-floored union, immediately messaging Yvie.

_S: Are you on campus???_

A reply came back within seconds.

_Y: yeah my lecture just ended babe! Want to meet?_

_S: I’ll come to you_

Scarlet raced to Yvie’s building, the crowds bustling about in the square that separated the union and the lecture buildings blurring into the background as Scarlet half-walked half-ran to get to where she knew Yvie would be. At that moment she saw her- dressed in her ripped blue jeans and her enormous black puffa jacket, her hair swept up into two wild, untameable space buns. As soon as Yvie saw her her entire face lit up in a smile and if Scarlet had been in any way unsure of how she felt before that, she knew without a shadow of a doubt now.

“Hey, baby! How are you?” Yvie greeted, going for a hug. Scarlet instead took both of Yvie’s hands in hers, gripping them tightly. Yvie’s face was instantly awash with shock.

“I need to tell you something important,” Scarlet insisted, pausing for a moment before she could say it. Yvie blinked at her, confused.

“Right, so…you’re pregnant?” Yvie deadpanned, her face still concerned. Scarlet was unable to help herself letting out a laugh. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“Yvie, I’m in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you, and I don’t know how I didn’t realise it until now. I’m ready, and I’m saying it, and I mean it. And I really hope that-”

Scarlet was shut up by Yvie pulling her close and kissing her gently in one swift movement. In that moment, it seemed as if it was their first kiss all over again, but so much better- the two girls fit together like pieces of a jigsaw, the way Yvie kissed and tasted so comfortingly familiar to Scarlet now as if she’d known Yvie’s lips her whole life. When they pulled away, Yvie instantly pulled Scarlet back in for a cuddle. With her head against Yvie’s chest, Scarlet could hear her heartbeat racing.

“Scarlet, fuck…I’ve been in love with you for so long. Since, like. The Christmas dinner.”

“Let’s never break up, okay? To go through what Vanjie’s going through, or to put you through that…ugh, it’s all so horrible,” Scarlet sighed heavily, tightening her grip around Yvie’s waist. Yvie gave a soft chuckle.

“So this is us, then, is it?” Scarlet could hear the smile in her voice, and she squeezed her eyes shut and willed this moment to stay as bright and clear in her mind as a memory as it felt right now living it.

“This is us, baby. You’re stuck with me.”

Yvie pulled away, and at once Scarlet could see the love painted on her face as she looked at her. “Well, I think being stuck with each other sounds pretty good to me.”

As they both walked away and Yvie held Scarlet’s hand in her own and spoke about what to have for lunch, Scarlet thought about how good she had it and how lucky she was.

She had to agree that being stuck with Yvie sounded pretty good to her too.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s Valentine’s Day, Brooke is a living flip flop, and something happens that nobody saw coming.

“Ayo. We’ve got a mouse.”

Brooke finally got her jacket off that she’d been struggling with and faced Yvie, who was lounging on the sofa in their little living room in front of the TV. “Well isn’t that a romantic Valentine’s Day greeting.”

“Well we do,” Yvie shrugged, Brooke leaving her bag on the kitchen table and joining Yvie in front of Coronation Street. “This storyline has been going for about a year, I swear to God.”

“Should you not be out doing romantic shit with Scarlet?” Brooke asked, hearing how monotone her voice was but unable to take it back now. Yvie looked across at her and raised an eyebrow.

“She’s got uni. I’m picking her up from her flat at five, we’re going for drinks and then out to the restaurant.”

“Picking her up with what, your bare hands?” Brooke let out a small laugh, Yvie chucking a couch cushion at her and snorting.

“Shut up. I’ll get an uber. I might even get an uber exec, really push the boat out,” she quipped, Brooke laughing again. As her laughter died down, Yvie tilted her head. “So what’re your plans for tonight?”

Brooke groaned and tilted her head to the ceiling. “I’ll be fine. I’ll stick on some films, eat some chocolate. Maybe skype my parents. I’ll be fine.”

“You said that twice.”

“Well I will be.”

Yvie made a click with her tongue. “And we all know the hallmark of a person who’s fine is if they have to repeat it about twenty billion times.”

“Yvie Oddly, ladies and gentlemen, queen of exaggeration,” Brooke said sarcastically, Yvie giving a sarcastic flourish of her hand right back at her.

In the conversational lull, Brooke checked her phone. All over her Instagram page there were couples; disgusting, happy couples who really were just making an embarrassment of themselves with their totally cringeworthy captions. “ _Happy Valentine’s Day to my number one,_ ” with every heart emoji under the sun, “ _happy vday baby i love u_ ,” beneath a picture of someone’s boyfriend pulling a silly face, and the worst, “ _he’s ok_ ,”, the understated caption contrasted by the horrendously soppy picture of a couple that Brooke knew from back home kissing for the camera.

Brooke had a cheek, she supposed. She’d made her bed- breaking up with Vanessa, as difficult as it was, was supposed to make her happier and make everything go back to normal. But it hadn’t. Knowing how much she’d hurt Vanessa brought no happiness to her at all, nor did it make her life any easier. Seeing her post sad, slow R&B song after sad, slow R&B song to her instagram story didn’t alleviate her guilt, nor did her radio silence on the group chat. Brooke had seen her only once since the breakup- across the square on campus when Vanessa didn’t realise Brooke could see her, flanked by Silky and Akeria, wearing baggy clothes and not a scrap of makeup, her face and eyes puffy and red. There was nothing about Brooke that was relieved; she desperately wanted to be there for Vanessa, to dry her tears and talk shit about herself. She had the deepest desire to be a friend to her through the breakup she had been the cause of, because ultimately she still cared about her. Brooke didn’t know if that was normal or not. She was past caring or trying to figure it out.

What was she going to do tonight? Yvie was out with Scarlet, Nina was at Monet’s right that minute. Plastique had told her in the library the other day that she was going for drinks with Ariel (“the most casual of drinks”, she’d said, although Brooke knew it would be anything but casual). She didn’t know what the others would be doing. Akeria would probably drag Vanessa on a night out and Silky wouldn’t need much encouragement to go either. It looked like Brooke was in for a night by herself after all.

Mid-scroll, one of the uploads caught Brooke’s eye- a photo from months back at Vanessa’s birthday night out of all eight of them together, dressed up and smiling with their arms around each other. It was only a few seconds later that Brooke realised she was smiling at it, completely unaware that her facial expression had changed. She wished they could all go back to October. She would exchange all the hurt and the guilt and the sadness that she’d caused in exchange for pining for Vanessa for the rest of her days. Her eyes drifted down to the caption, and her stomach plummeted when she realised who it was posted by.

 **missvanjiemissvanjie** Happy Valentine’s Day to my day ones! Best bitches I could ask for in my life. Love you!! 💓

Brooke scanned the photo again. She hadn’t been cropped out, even though she was on the edge of the photo- the curse of being tall, Nina had called it. Her heart began to spring to life. This was a good sign. Vanessa clearly didn’t hate her, and somewhere deep inside her was a want to be friends again and go back to how things used to be. Injected with optimism, Brooke clicked on Vanessa’s messages. She paused for a moment, looking back at the last ones they’d sent- the day of the breakup, Brooke asking to talk, Vanessa wondering if everything was alright. It felt like a harpoon to her stomach.

Trying to stay positive, Brooke typed out a message.

_B: Hey. Hope you’re doing okay. I know we said we still wanted to try and be friends so I was wondering if you wanted to maybe hang out tonight? Just as friends obviously. Since everyone else will be busy. Let me know._

Brooke’s finger hovered over the “x”. She decided against it. Hitting send, she found herself waiting anxiously for a reply.

“How do you know we have a mouse anyway?” Brooke asked Yvie, her words suddenly registering. Yvie shrugged.

“Ran across the worktop about five minutes before you came in.”

“What the hell are we going to do about it, then? I don’t want to even imagine what Nina’s reaction’s going to be if she sees it,” Brooke shuddered.

Yvie laughed. “No, Scarlet’s going to be the same. I don’t know, she looked like a nice lil’ fucker. I think we should get a cage. Put a block of cheese in it and then keep her as a pet.“

Brooke felt her phone vibrate twice. Picking it up to check it and seeing that both the messages were from Vanessa, she nonchalantly carried on the conversation. "So Scarlet would be fine with that, would she?”

“Scarlet isn’t here all the time.”

“No, just 99% of it,” Brooke raised her eyebrows, opening Vanessa’s messages.

_V: lmao_

_V: Are you on crack. You broke my heart two weeks ago and now you’re trying to be my friend already. Have you never heard of a thing called a healing process?_

Brooke felt her stomach tense. She hovered her thumbs over her screen to reply, but nothing she thought of seemed to make sense or be the slightest bit appropriate. Despondent, she was about to close her phone when another message shot through.

_V: And I’m busy anyway. So it still would have been a no._

Well, that was that. Vanessa was out with Silky and Akeria, and clearly she wasn’t invited. That was fine. Brooke could have kicked herself. She instantly wished she’d never been so tone-deaf. It had been a stupid suggestion. Of course Vanessa wasn’t going to be best friends with her a fortnight after they’d broken up.

Brooke couldn’t help the fact that she missed her, though. Even just as a friend.

“Hey, panini head? Are you listening to me?” Yvie suddenly yelled, her best Gordon Ramsay impersonation catching Brooke off-guard.

“What?”

“I said, would you look after Mrs Tibbs if I went home for the weekend?”

Brooke rubbed her temples in confusion. “Who’s Mrs-”

“The mouse! Jesus, Brooke, have you been on this earth for the past five minutes?” Yvie laughed, then gradually a frown spread onto her face. “What’s wrong?”

Brooke hadn’t realised she’d been showing her guilt and disappointment on her face. She sighed. “It’s nothing. I just still feel bad. About Vanessa, you know.”

Yvie furrowed her brow. “Listen, girl, I know dumping someone is hard and it’s unpleasant. Shit, I would know, I’ve had to do it enough times. But there comes a point where you’ve got to stop beating yourself up about it. I mean you ultimately did what was best for the pair of you. It wasn’t fair to string her along if you didn’t want to be with her. It hurts her now, but it’s better in the long run.”

Brooke nodded. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder…

…it didn’t matter.

Brooke’s phone vibrated again. She hoped and prayed it wasn’t another text from Vanessa to berate her for her shitty idea. What was to come would actually make her feel a hundred times worse.

_Okay Then: happy valentines day fuckers!!!!!!! even though im out being soppy tonight i still want u all to know that ur my main bitches and number ones and i love u all sm 💖💖💖_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: You’re disgusting. Love you too hoe xxxxxx_

_Yvie’s Bitch: Awwwwwww Plastique!!!!! We love you too!!!!_

_Yvie’s Bitch: What’re everyone’s plans for Valentine’s Day?????_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: i don’t know i’ve got plans with this weird girl called……Scarface? idki’ll probs cancel on her_

_Yvie’s Bitch: Suck my clit x_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag For Life: Children PLEASE_

_incongruous silkworm spiced praline: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL DAY OF FUCKING_

_incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ME N KIKI GOING OUT ON THE TOWN LOOKING FOR THIRD DIVISION FOOTBALL PLAYERS_

_Okay Then: oh bitch aim high? second division xo_

Brooke’s heart dropped twenty storeys when she saw who was typing. Their names on the chat had been quietly changed back, but Brooke still knew who it was.

_cursed SatNav voice: Happy Valentine’s Day hoes 💓💓💓_

_cursed SatNav voice: Even though all you couples can suck a bag of dicks_

_Scarlet’s bitch: gladly, bitch 💜_

_Okay Then: Vanj are u not going out with Silk n Kiki?? bc if not ur welcome to join me n Ariel!! it’s just casual!!_

_incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YES PLASTIQUE IM SURE SHED LOVE TO THIRD WHEEL U AND UR HONEYMOON PHASE FLATMATE_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: anna ou_

_cursed SatNav voice: 💓 That’s sweet but I’m busy tonight!! Thanks though boo_

_incongruous silkworm spiced praline: SHE GOT A DATE ANYWAY_

Time seemed to freeze. Brooke couldn’t move. Couldn’t even breathe. All she was able to do was blink at her phone screen as the chat blew up around her. It was only after a few moments that she realised Yvie was looking at her.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Um. Yeah, no, I’m fine,” Brooke stammered, nodding and putting her phone down in a futile effort to seem relaxed. Yvie gave a laugh.

“Brooke, you can’t break up with her and then get mad she’s going on a date with someone else.”

Brooke bristled. “No, that’s not it, that’s not it at all.”

There was a small silence as Yvie typed away at her screen, her eyebrows raised in a defiant show of disbelief. In the silence, Brooke gathered her thoughts.

“I’m just kinda…I don’t know. Not hurt, but…I mean I thought she cared about me a bit more than to be over me in the space of two weeks.”

Yvie gave a gasp, clutching at her heart. “Oh! The fragile ego of Miss Brooke Lynn Hytes. The wings of a moth cannot compare, nor the web of a spider!”

“You know, you can be a really shit friend when you want to be,” Brooke spat, getting up without a second thought and storming through to her bedroom. She threw herself down on her bed and curled up into a small ball, wishing the world would give her a break.

Her ego was hurt. Her pride was battered and bruised. She supposed she’d been so used to being revered and cared for in the eyes of Vanessa that she found it odd for that to no longer be the case. Brooke sighed. Yvie was right- she wasn’t supposed to care this much, she was supposed to be happy. Fuck, shouldn’t this have been the ideal outcome? Vanessa had moved on already.

So why did Brooke feel absolutely gutted?

She sat on her bed in the cold of her room, stewing in her thoughts, trying to figure them out and failing. She didn’t know how long she’d been there for but it had clearly been enough time for Yvie to make a cup of tea, as Brooke found when her flatmate gave a gentle knock on her door and shuffled in with the Sports Direct mug in her hand.

“Hey,” Yvie began, crossing the room and putting the mug down on Brooke’s cluttered bedside table. She sighed and lay down on top of Brooke in what could have been a cuddle or an attempt at smothering her to death. “Brooky, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t. She used to call me that and…” Brooke began, sighing when she couldn’t figure out why she had an issue with it. “I don’t know.”

Brooke wrestled an arm free from under Yvie’s stomach and brought it to rest over her back. It felt more like a cuddle now.

“I knew she was going on a date, by the way. Scarlet told me the other day. I just didn’t think you’d give a fuck,” Yvie said quietly. Brooke exhaled and felt her ribcage deflate.

“I didn’t think I would either,” she said, feeling small. There was a pause. “What’s her name?”

“Monique. The girl from Monet’s party with the purple hair,” Yvie said. It felt like a stab through Brooke’s chest. She remembered Monique, she remembered the way Vanessa had laughed at her stories and the way Monique had looked at her and the obvious chemistry between them. “If it helps, Brooke, I don’t think it’s going to be anything serious. Scarlet said that apparently she literally gave Vanjie her number and was like ‘In case you ever want a rebound’. They’ve been messaging all week. Tonight’s more of a ‘fuck Valentine’s Day’ drink than anything else.”

Brooke thought about Vanessa’s perfect body, about her touching Monique the way she used to touch Brooke, talking to her like she used to talk to Brooke, someone else making her come apart the way Brooke used to. Brooke rolled out from under Yvie, grabbed her pillow, and buried her face in it, letting out a long, loud groan.

“Do you feel like you fucked it?” Brooke heard Yvie’s voice ask matter-of-factly. Brooke brought the pillow off her face and whined.

“No! No, I made the right decision. I didn’t want to be Vanessa’s girlfriend. It’s just fucking…weird. It doesn’t exactly fill me with glee thinking of her with somebody else, you know?”

Yvie smirked. “Because you know Monique’s going to fuck her better?”

Brooke launched the pillow at her flatmate, Yvie giggling. “Sorry! Sorry! Fuck, okay, point taken. Inappropriate.”

There was a silence. Yvie’s joke still hung in the air.

“Well, as long as you feel like your decision was correct,” Yvie smiled gently, patting Brooke’s thigh. “Then that’s the main thing. And it’s natural to get a little jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure, Jan,” Yvie raised her eyebrows and began to slide off Brooke’s bed. “Look, I’ve got to go get ready for dinner. You sure you’ll be fine?”

“Well I said it about twenty billion times, remember?” Brooke deadpanned, earning her a laugh from Yvie. “Just go. Go have fun. Have the best night, baby. You two deserve it.”

Yvie leant down and gave Brooke one last little squeeze before leaving her bedroom and going back into her own. Now she was alone with her thoughts Brooke wanted desperately to silence them so she grabbed her laptop and shoved on the least romantic film she could think of- Kingsman. As she sipped her tea and watched a man get completely sliced in half from skull to anus, she thought that would only be slightly less painful than what her emotions were currently putting her through.

As Taron Egerton refused to kill his dog, Yvie shouted a goodbye to Brooke.

As Colin Firth went absolutely mental in a church and killed everybody single-handedly, Brooke grabbed her phone and deleted all of her messages with Vanessa.

As the end credits rolled, Brooke wondered what the fuck she’d done. Two and a half years of friendship gone and deleted in the blink of an eye. But maybe it was for the best.

Brooke had been scrolling Netflix searching for something else to watch for what could have been an entire hour when she heard four things in rapid succession- the heavy bang of the front door, a scurry of hurried footsteps across the hall, the bang of Nina’s fire door and then a rapid sobbing that poured out of whoever was in the room and through Brooke’s wall. Brooke’s previously lethargic body sprang to life and she shot off her bed, took three quick steps to her door and hurried out into the hallway where she knocked on Nina’s.

“Nina? What’s happened?”

The sobbing continued from inside, Brooke unsure if the girl had even heard anything. Hesitantly, she pushed on the door.

“I’m coming in, okay?”

With no response other than more sobbing and a snuffle, Brooke entered Nina’s room. There was her usual organised dressing table with her makeup strewn all over it, indicative of a rushed getting-ready process. On her usually tidy floor was a mess of tried-on-and-rejected clothes, and there on the Aristocats-patterned duvet curled up with her stuffed teddy was Nina, absolutely crying her eyes out. Brooke practically vaulted the end of her bed to get to her flatmate who was squashed in between her pillows and the wall in the foetal position.

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s wrong?” Brooke asked her, pulling her close and wrapping her arms around her. Nina batted her away weakly.

“Don’t, Brooke, don’t, fuck, getting held is just going to remind me of her and I don’t-” Nina descended into another burst of sobs, Brooke completely and utterly confused.

“Monet? I thought you guys were fine? Oh my God, Nina, she didn’t break up with you?!” Brooke asked, scared and trying to fight the sinking feeling taking root in her chest. Nina elegantly wiped her nose on her teddy and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, rubbing harshly and leaving her looking like a human panda.

“She didn’t break up with me,” Nina sniffed, finally seeming to calm down.

“Oh, thank fuck.”

“I broke up with her.”

This was at least twenty times worse than what Brooke had feared. Pulling away, she fixed Nina with a look of complete incredulity. “You did what?!”

Nina rubbed at her eyes again, this time with her fingers. “Yeah, because obviously I can’t have anything fucking half-decent in my life without completely sabotaging it or making it go to shit, can I? I broke up with her, I’m a fucking idiot. Happy?”

Brooke could only blink in response as Nina leaned back and let her head hit the pillow, her stare boring into the ceiling. Her thoughts were all colliding. This was the most sudden and unexpected event, and it had completely knocked her for six. “Rewind. I thought you and Monet were fine?”

“We were fine,” Nina sighed so deeply that Brooke wasn’t sure she would have any air left in her lungs. “I was so fucking happy, Jesus. But there’s always a catch, right? Nobody can stay that happy forever, it’s always got to come to an end at some point.”

She stopped and sat up, propping her head against the headboard. Not looking Brooke in the eye, Nina continued. “She started being really distant with me. Not replying to texts for ages, being really deep in thought when we were together. I’d ask her what was wrong, but…she’d just always say nothing was. I was over at her flat the other night, we’d had a nap together and I woke up and she wasn’t there. I went into her living room and she was there with two of her flatmates. They stopped talking the second I got in, honestly I might as well have caught them all in the middle of a massive fucking orgy,” Nina laughed humourlessly. “And then it clicked. It all started after I told Monet about you and Vanessa. Nothing bad…just about how you weren’t sure, and how it’s better to just break up with somebody if you’re having second thoughts about them. It all made sense. Her being distant, always seeming off, obviously talking to her flatmates about it and having to stop because I came in. She didn’t fucking want me anymore, Brooke.”

Shocked, Brooke could only put her arms around her friend as she leaned into her chest and began to cry again. Nothing about it seemed to fit. Monet was absolutely head over heels for Nina, anyone could have seen it. It all seemed so out of the blue and sudden. Brooke tried to think about the last time Monet had been over at the flat. It had been about a week ago and Monet had seemed fine- although, now that Brooke thought about it, Monet had seemed a little quiet. Almost nervous, Brooke considered. But she was still cuddling Nina and giving her small kisses and paying her attention. It didn’t make any sense. Brooke frowned. “Nina, are you sure she actually wanted to break up with you?”

“I wondered it too. Because I didn’t want to believe it, of course. But then yesterday we were just lying in bed doing nothing. She was on her phone and my head was on her chest. I saw what was on her screen just for a second and she’d fucking-” Nina sighed, cutting herself off. “- typed this guy’s name into Google. Obviously some guy she’s met and she’s trying to find him on social media. I actually felt like I’d been stabbed, Brooke. Obviously she saw me, because she only got as far as the first name and then closed her phone. But I know what I saw, you know?”

Brooke’s frown only got deeper. “But that makes no sense. Why would she look someone up on Google, what is this, the fucking 90’s?”

“Brooke, you weren’t there. You should have seen how quickly she shut her phone off, and she was instantly all over me and telling me how lucky she was and-” Nina’s speech was interrupted by a bubble of a sob. “Oh fuck, it hurt so much. And today she woke up with me and was all "Happy Valentine’s Day!” and all that shit. I couldn’t do it, Brooke. I couldn’t make myself look like an idiot any longer. I suggested going for coffee and while we were out I just…I just fucking did it. Oh my God, it was so so bad, Brooke. She looked so fucking destroyed and she was so pissed off with me that I thought it was all a mistake but…fuck, I didn’t know what to believe. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’ve done.“

Brooke sighed, desperately not wanting to believe it was over between the two girls. "But didn’t she explain herself? I mean what did you actually say to her? Did you confront her?”

“Jesus, no! No, I didn’t want to make it look like I was this poor, lovesick, pining idiot who was making a fool of herself over her! I jumped before I was pushed. I pretended I was the one whose feelings had changed, that it wasn’t working for me anymore. It was all a crock of shit, but she obviously believed it.”

Brooke bit the skin at the side of her thumb. There was a silence. “But didn’t she try to make you stay? Didn’t she fight for you?”

“She-” Nina cut herself off. Brooke looked down and saw tears pouring down her face, and her heart broke. “- she just sat and looked at me. Something in her eyes just…shut down. They just went all glassy, like those black marbles you got as a kid, remember? Anyway I said my piece and she just…ugh, she just nodded. She just nodded and went "Right. Got it.” in the most cold voice and then she got up, put on her coat and left. And I let her.“

With that, Nina swept her hands under her eyes and heaved a gut-wrenching shudder of a sigh. Brooke was at a loss of what to say. She had thought Nina and Monet were made for each other, and the fact that Nina had thrown it away for the sake of what Brooke was sure had to be a misunderstanding was gutting. She heaved a similar sigh to Nina’s.

"Look at us. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’re both single, we’re both here regretting breaking up with someone-”

“Wait what?” Nina asked suddenly, eyeing Brooke with suspicion. It was only then that Brooke had realised what she’d said. Startled, she backtracked.

“Well, I mean, not regretting breaking up with her, just regretting causing her hurt,” she said, Nina nodding quietly. Although Brooke was still spooked. Why had that thought popped into her head, let alone out of her mouth? She didn’t regret breaking up with Vanessa. It was the ick, just like Plastique had said. She had changed her mind. She couldn’t exactly change it back.

Could she?

“Why don’t we watch a film? I’ll bring my laptop through, get snacks from the kitchen. You don’t even need to move from this room. Or this bed,” Brooke suggested, ignoring the dangerous thoughts swirling round her mind. Nina gave a sniff and a silent nod.

“21 Jump Street?” she offered hopefully, Brooke unable to help the small laugh that escaped her mouth at the suggestion.

“This from the queen of Disney?”

“Disney’s too happy for me right now,” Nina moped, wiggling underneath her duvet cover. Brooke screwed up her face.

“Too happy? C’mon, you’ve seen Bambi. And Lion King. And Big Hero 6. And-”

“Brooke I swear to God if you don’t go get your laptop and stick on 21 Jump Street,” Nina warned, not finishing the empty threat. Laughing, Brooke did as she was told. She could only hope that the film would be enough of a distraction to her and to Nina for the next two hours.

She had no idea what they’d do once those two hours were up.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for Scarlet’s birthday she is gifted: a lie in, Yvie acting incredibly suspiciously, and a girlfriend-serenading plan worthy of a rom-com.

Scarlet woke up with an excited tingle in her tummy, a rush of adrenaline forcing her eyes open. She blinked one, twice, had the ever-familiar confusion ( _Am I waking up in my flat or Yvie’s?…Mine._ ) and then chastised herself for still feeling like a child on Christmas Eve on the 26th of February each year. Laughing to herself as she rubbed her eyes, she supposed she couldn’t help it. Scarlet loved her birthday- as vain as it sounded, it was a day all about her, and as someone with the friendship anxiety she had it was always nice to see how much her friends cared for her. Sitting up and stretching, she remembered all the birthdays that had come before- being little and tearing down the stairs at home, her feet skiting over the Mr Sheen-ed floorboards and running into the kitchen to see all her presents piled up on the table and her Mums there ready to greet her with a cuddle and a ridiculously big birthday badge. With a twinge of pain, Scarlet remembered the birthday she’d celebrated in her first year of uni- no night out, she hadn’t had enough friends to assemble for that, just her and another girl she’d befriended who later dropped out of uni altogether watching films in her room. That was all behind her now, though. She had the girls, her second family, and they’d made every birthday since as special as the ones she’d had when she was a kid.

Grabbing her phone, she smiled to see that it was already blowing up with messages. She supposed she wasn’t surprised- it was already 11 o’clock in the morning, and most of the world had woken up. Scarlet had been lucky enough to have her birthday fall on a Sunday, and that meant no uni, no obligations, and no alarms. She read over the two texts she’d got from her Mums, both of them crying over how they couldn’t believe she was 21 already. Scarlet supposed it was easy to lose perspective at uni- she was the last in their group to hit that big milestone, save Yvie of course, and it had seemed like she’d been waiting for ages. But to her Mum and her Mam, she was their little baby that had somehow grown into an adult without much time seeming to pass at all. Pausing, Scarlet texted them both back with a similar number of crying face emojis and kisses. She would go visit them next weekend.

On the group chat, celebrations had already kicked off. The group dynamics were weird these days, Scarlet supposed. Nina was unusually quiet, not her jokey and upbeat self. Still, Scarlet could understand that given what had happened with her and Monet. She was one of the rare few that had actually been able to hear both sides of the story- Vanessa explaining the situation to her after lectures one day having heard it all from Monique and Yvie telling her everything that Nina had told her- but Scarlet still couldn’t seem to get her head around it. How could it be, she wondered, that two people could have been less on the same page? Monet ready to make things official with Nina and Nina, scared and paranoid and convinced of Monet’s infidelity, ending things to protect her own feelings. Except nobody’s feelings had been protected at all, Scarlet had sighed to Yvie one day, as both girls were heartbroken and pining for each other but neither were sure as to how to go about mending things. With a pang of sympathy, Scarlet realised it had been two weeks to the day since they had ended things. She knew it would have made the poor girl feel worse if she’d revealed what she knew- that Monet had been about to ask her to be her girlfriend- so Scarlet had kept quiet, figuring that Nina was probably heartbroken enough for now.

Vanessa, on the other hand, couldn’t have been in a more different position to Nina. Every time Scarlet saw her she would be ready with a new story about something hilarious Monique had done, or something funny she’d messaged her, or something she’d done that had made Vanessa “go all heart eyes” (to quote her directly). Scarlet was happy for Vanessa- she knew that the two girls were spending time together and getting to know each other (and, thanks to what Vanessa told her in completely unnecessary detail, knew they were at it like rabbits), and it was exactly what Vanessa needed after all the drama with Brooke.

Before Scarlet could think about Brooke’s situation though, another message came through on the group chat that distracted her enough to scroll up and read all the others.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: IT’S INTERNATIONAL SCARLET ENVY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BDAY HOE!!!!!!_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Woooooo!!!!! Happy Birthday Scarlet we love you!!!_

_cursed satnav voice: BITCH HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! Hope you have the best day, love you so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_okay then: aaaaaaaaah happy birthday Scarlet!!! 21 at last!!!!!_

_cursed satnav voice: Why is she not ANSWERING??????_

_Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Yvie’s offline too……_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ENJOY THE SEX BITCHES_

_Maple Syrup: Can confirm they’re not fucking_

_Maple Syrup: Yvie has an essay due she’s not started so Scarlet never stayed over_

_okay then: thank u to our reporter in the field, Ms Brooke Lynn Hytes_

_Maple Syrup: I’m here to help_

_Maple Syrup: also Happy Birthday Scarlet!! Hope Yvie spoils you rotten xxxxx_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: ur all filthy animals i was getting a coffee_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: ready for crying breakdown number 2 of the day_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: i would absolutely not rather be with my incredibly fit, funny, gorgeous girlfriend_

_okay then: keep that gay shit off the chat_

_cursed satnav voice: Yvie!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are so cute i s2g_

_okay then: vanj don’t encourage them_

_cursed satnav voice: Allow it hoe!! I got dumped, I’m allowed to be mushy_

_Scarlet’s Bitch: oh, did Monique end things?_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ASDFGHJKL YVIE I LOVE U_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH_

_okay then: omg_

_cursed satnav voice: On God I will leave this chat again!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Scarlet allowed the crazy replies from her friends to pour in, Brooke notable by her absence in the melee. Despite everything, Scarlet had to feel sorry for her. Yvie had told her in complete pain-of-death secrecy that it sort of, maybe, might have been the case that Brooke regretted breaking up with Vanessa. Brooke hadn’t exactly said that to Yvie, but she knew it was heavily implied, and even if Brooke didn’t know herself then Yvie sure as hell did. Scarlet had rolled her eyes at first and complained about how idiotic Brooke was being but when she actually really thought about it, she could see Brooke for what she really was- scared, unsure and full of doubt, unaware of what her feelings even were. In all the time Scarlet had known Brooke, she’d never been in a relationship, which made Scarlet wonder if she’d ever had one in her life. It was strange how people could be so different. Back in High School Scarlet always thought relationships were as simple as two people liking each other, kissing and then deciding to be together. But nothing was ever as simple as that. Sometimes they started out as friends and had to jump that platonic hurdle, like her and Yvie. Maybe everything started out great but ended up getting messy even though the two people probably loved each other, a la Monet and Nina. Sometimes the two people just never put a label on it (Plastique and Ariel). And other times it was a complete clusterfuck. Like Brooke and Vanjie.

Watching as the girls all teased Vanjie and Brooke’s silence became louder and louder, Scarlet decided that now was probably the time for her to break the ice.

_Yvie’s Bitch: AAH sorry i just woke up!!!!! Thank you guys, I love you all sososo much!! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_cursed satnav voice: xxxxxxxxxxx i wish we were all going out tonight :(_

_Yvie’s Bitch: I know, downside of a Sunday birthday!! We could do something else if anyone’s free during the day though?? Snacks and movie?_

_cursed satnav voice: Sorry bae I’m gonna be in the lib :(_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: SORRY ANGEL MY FAMILY’S DOWN TO VISIT_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: Sorry baby I’ve got dance class_

Scarlet frowned, trying her best not to be disappointed. Yvie was still making her a nice dinner at her flat tonight, and they were going to go and see a film even though they hadn’t decided which one yet. It would still be a good day. Even if Yvie had been acting a little weird recently- shielding her phone, closing her laptop quickly if Scarlet came into her room, seeming secretive. It was probably nothing. Scarlet was probably being paranoid as a result of everything that had happened to their friends recently. Yvie still told her how much she loved her every day, and made her laugh, and smiled at her in a way that made Scarlet feel like she was the most beautiful creature on earth.

As if on cue, her phone lit up as the selfie she and Yvie had taken on top of the big wheel at Christmas filled the screen. Smiling as she swiped across the screen, Scarlet held the phone to her ear. “Hey, you.”

Yvie’s voice had a hint of playfulness to it as she answered. “ _Hey. Y’know, I feel like there was something important today that I totally forgot, can you help me out?_ ”

Scarlet laughed, leaning back in bed and keeping up the charade. “Oh shit, is it not that essay you have due in about 40 minutes?”

“ _No, that’s pretty much all I’ve been able to think about all day. And it’s definitely going to be handed in late_.”

“Meh. Better late than never. Is it, uh…some sort of Saint’s Day? There’s fucking hundreds of those.”

“ _No, see I don’t think this has anything at all to do with Saints_.”

Scarlet laughed, giving a gasp on mock-irritation. “The fuck’s that meant to mean, you bitch?”

“ _Well for one, I don’t think Saints squirt when they-_ ”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Yvie!” Scarlet screamed, giggling as she cut her girlfriend off. “Where the hell are you?!”

Scarlet could practically hear the nonchalant shrug Yvie gave. “ _Library cafe_.”

“You’re such a tit.”

“ _Mh. Prefer yours. Happy Birthday, by the way._ ”

Scarlet caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, smiling like an idiot at nothing. “Thanks, baby. I love you.”

“ _I love you too. So what’s your plan for your big day_?”

“Shit all, to be honest, although I’ve been stressed out my mind all week about that group project I had on Friday so that’s probably for the best,” Scarlet blew air through her cheeks, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“ _Sounds good_ ,” Yvie replied, Scarlet only the slightest bit let down by the fact her girlfriend didn’t pick up on her mood at all. “ _Hey, I’ve got a plan for you if you want it?_ ”

Scarlet’s ears pricked up as she absent-mindedly fiddled with the studs she had in her ears. “Okay?”

“ _Well, I’ll probably be back at the flat around…one-ish? So you can come see me then. But can you do me a favour, girl? Phone Nina?_ ”

Scarlet crinkled her nose up in confusion. “Uh, sure, I can do that. How, uh. How come?”

“ _Because I’m getting more and more worried about her with every passing day and if she kills herself in the flat we won’t get our deposit back. That’s a joke of course, but in all seriousness I am worried about her._ ” Yvie reeled off in her own deadpan way, then lowered her voice. “ _I just got the weirdest look from this boy that just walked by me.”_

“He probably thinks you’re fit.”

“ _He probably thinks I’m criminally insane after that sentence. Does that sound okay, though?_ ”

Scarlet was a little confused by the whole request. “So you want me to just phone Nina? What do I say it’s about?”

“ _I don’t know, say you want to do something for your birthday and ask if she’s free. Just something to get her out of the flat for something that isn’t a lecture._ ”

Scarlet shrugged. “Okay, I can do that.”

“ _Thanks, baby. I’ll see you later, okay? Come by about one. I love you_.”

“Love you too. See you later,” Scarlet replied, Yvie hanging up the phone first. Scarlet frowned, blinking. There was something entirely weird about the whole conversation, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She rubbed her forehead. She didn’t want to entertain any thoughts of Yvie acting suspiciously, not after the breakdown of two relationships now in the friendship group, so without stopping to let the dam break in her head and for all those thoughts to flood in, she dialled Nina’s number. It rang twice before she picked up.

“ _Hello?_ ”

Scarlet raised her eyebrows in surprise. Nina’s voice was a lot chirpier than she’d expected. “Uh, hey Nina. It’s just me.”

“ _Hey, Scarlet! Happy Birthday!_ ” the girl’s voice came down the line again, Scarlet starting to wonder if it actually was Nina or not. “ _Just the girl, actually. I was wondering if you wanted to help me with something today?_ ”

Scarlet stretched out in bed. This was an odd day. “Sure, sure. I was actually phoning to ask if you wanted to hang out, so that works. What do you need?”

“ _So basically I’ve decided that I’m going to cut my losses and go and stand outside Monet’s flat on the street with a speaker blasting a romantic song in a bid to win her back._ ”

Scarlet felt like going back to sleep. She couldn’t believe any of this was happening. “You’re…you’re what, sorry?”

“ _Yeah, I know, I know. It’s absolutely batshit crazy and probably won’t even work. But that’s two weeks I’ve been feeling like utter shit about the entire thing, and last night I just had this shock of motivation and clarity and I kind of told myself that if I really wanted her back that much I would have to just eat a concrete mixer of humble pie and just go and tell her what she means to me_.”

In the list of things Scarlet never imagined Nina doing, publically putting herself out there in what could be an incredibly humiliating apology was probably at the top spot. Scarlet supposed it had to be seen to be believed. “Well, I’d love to come and be your moral support. You’re brave as shit, girl.”

“ _Ugh, you’re an angel. Can we meet halfway and then walk up to her flat together? Maybe outside the Sainsbury’s near me? In like, half an hour?_ ”

Scarlet looked at the clock, then looked again in the mirror. “Forty-five minutes?”

“ _Perfect. See ya then. Bye, Scarlet!_ ”

“Bye,” Scarlet replied, bemused beyond belief. Giving herself a kick up the bum, she launched herself out of bed, grabbed a towel, and made her way to the shower. Forty-five minutes was a challenge, but she would make it work.

She was only ten minutes late when she met Nina outside the shop, which for the always-running-late-Scarlet was quite good. She saw with a pleasant surprise that Nina had changed out of the grotty black Primark leggings and huge oversized pyjama top she’d been wearing like a heartbroken uniform around the flat for the past two weeks, and had put on a pair of clean jeans and a red jumper. The two greasy plaits that Brooke had put her hair into last Friday were gone too, and she’d washed her hair and straightened it so it was all sleek and glossy. There wasn’t any makeup on her face, but Scarlet would allow it. This was already more than she’d expected.

“Hey, girl,” Scarlet greeted her, Nina bouncing a little in surprise as Scarlet appeared beside her. “You look so good!”

“Aw, thanks! Jesus Christ I’m so nervous it’s like I can’t even think. Oh, shit, happy birthday!” Nina said, almost in one breath as she hugged Scarlet tightly, clinging to her like an anchor and in turn illustrating how nervous she was. “How’s it going so far?”

“Yeah, okay. Well, no. A bit weird actually,” Scarlet furrowed her brow, sweeping a hand through her hair as she thought about the phone call from Yvie. “Has Yvie seemed off to you at all?”

Nina shrugged, shaking her head. “No.”

“Right. It’s just…ugh, she phoned me this morning. Everything was fine, it was just….I don’t know. Something seemed off. She said she was in the Library cafe but…I could actually _hear_ her, you know?”

“That place has all the decibels of a rave combined with the noise level of my placement class,” Nina agreed. Then, frowning, she shook her head. “She was probably just on the way out of it.”

“Yeah…” Scarlet muttered, still puzzled. “She told me to phone you, you know.”

Nina laughed, kicking the bluetooth speakers she’d set down on the pavement, presumably too heavy for her to hold. “Oh, fuck. Checking up on the latest casualty of love, then?”

Scarlet was suddenly embarrassed, unsure as to whether or not she should’ve told Nina that. “Do you not think that’s a bit…odd?”

“Nah. Not in the least. Hey, speaking of, can we get this show on the road before I completely shit myself and/or back out?” Nina asked quickly, taking a deep exhale and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Scarlet nodded quickly, apologizing and offering to help Nina with her speakers.

“No, you’re fine. This is my cross to bear,” Nina insisted, puffing a little as she picked them up and started walking in the direction of Monet’s flat. Scarlet knew it was only a few minutes’ walk away.

“So, uh. I have a lot of questions,” Scarlet laughed a little, pleased to see Nina up and about. Every time she’d been round at Yvie’s the girl had looked an absolute sight, and had only changed her clothes once- one day where she tried to go into uni but came back sobbing as she’d seen Monet and the girl had completely blanked her. “The first one is…do the others know that you’re doing this?”

“No. Only decided last night, and I’ve been psyching myself up ever since. I’m tired of feeling like shit, I’m tired of not knowing what could happen if I just swallowed my pride and told her the truth. I was so happy with Monet, I…” Nina sighed, stopping and hitching the speakers back up. “I want to feel that happy again.”

Scarlet nodded understandingly, and they walked in silence for a moment. Nina spoke after a short pause.

“What’re the others?”

“Huh?”

“The other questions? You said you had a lot.”

“Oh, right. Well, they all kind of combine into one, really, I mean…where did you get this idea from?” Scarlet laughed, her stomach tensing as they turned into Monet’s street. She didn’t know why she was nervous. It’s not as if she was trying to get her girlfriend back.

“Well, one of Monet’s favourite films is Ten Things I Hate About You, and I’m kind of trying to recreate that. She’s a romantic, and…well, I’m shy. I need to at least try putting myself out there, even if it’s only to win her back. It’s been over a week and I’ve been torturing myself with the whole thing day after day after day. I’m grabbing life by the balls, I’m womaning up. I’m making my own happy ending,“ Nina said determinedly, heaving the speakers a final step and planting them outside Monet’s stairwell.

“No I know! It’s very inspiring. Just…I mean, you could’ve texted her first?” Scarlet chewed her lip, watching Nina flick through her phone. “I mean, she might be out.”

“Much more romantic this way, Scarlet, and romance is the order of the day. I mean how many Disney princesses get wooed by a text? None. Monet’s a princess and she deserves a princess attempt at begging her to take me back,” Nina said matter-of-factly. Scarlet watched as Nina looked up at Monet’s window, the confidence she’d possessed earlier now seeming to melt away. Scarlet took a little step forward and squeezed her shoulder.

“Hey. This will work. I know it. Monet still likes you,” Scarlet gave her friend a comforting smile. “I know she does.”

Taking a deep breath and smiling a smile of gratitude, Nina suddenly pressed play on her phone and a loud intro boomed out through the speakers. It was louder than Scarlet had been expecting. Deafening, even. Never mind Monet’s flat, half the street could probably hear it. The first faces were already starting to appear at windows, but Nina began undeterred, staring up at the window that meant the most to her hopefully.

“ _You’re just too good to be true…can’t take my eyes off of you…_ ”

Scarlet jumped as the window above Monet’s suddenly flew open and an outraged bald man yelled an obscenity out of it. Nina continued.

_“I wanna hold you so much…at long last love has arrived…and I thank God I’m-”_

“Turn that fucking racket off!” came a yell from a flat across the road. Annoyed, Scarlet threw them the middle finger. Nina kept going, her face almost pained as her eyes flicked between the three windows at the front of Monet’s flat. She completed another verse and then casually hummed along with the start of the instrumental, and all at once Scarlet saw her face light up as Monet’s curtain was pulled back and Monet, Bob and Monique appeared at the window. Scarlet watched as Monet’s face rapidly displayed confusion, annoyance, and finally affection as she realised where the noise was coming from. As Monet threw her window open, Nina flung her arms out and beamed up at her, in the face of now several angry tenants from both sides of the street who were doing everything from wishing Nina an untimely death to phoning the police.

_“I love you baby, and if it’s quite alright I need you baby, to warm the lonely nights, I love you baby, trust in me when I say-”_

Monet was attempting to inject some form of disapproval into her tone as she shouted down, but her huge smile gave too much away. “Nina, what the hell-”

“ _Oh pretty baby, don’t bring me down I pray, oh pretty baby, now that I found you stay and let me love you, baby, let me love you!_ ” Nina continued, cutting Monet off mid-sentence. Bob had raised an unconvinced eyebrow at the singing Nina but Monique seemed to be loving it, and had her phone out filming it all.

“ _You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off_ -” Nina started again, but stopped abruptly as the music suddenly died. Confused and frowning, Nina ran to the speaker. Dismayed, she looked up at Scarlet. “Shit! It’s out of battery!”

There was a moment where the two girls on the street level looked at each other with panic. For a moment, Scarlet thought about carrying on regardless, and it seemed as if the thought crossed Nina’s mind too. However, seemingly sensing it was over, Monique applauded enthusiastically from the window, cheering for Nina. Unimpressed, Bob turned and left. Monet didn’t go anywhere. She was still rooted to the spot looking at Nina, her face beetroot red. Taking her chance, Nina yelled up at her.

“Monet, I’m so so fucking sorry!” she began, and Scarlet’s heart instantly broke. “This has been the hardest week for me in a long, long time and…fuck, I only broke up with you because I thought you were going to break up with me but I just instantly regretted it because you’re pretty much the best thing to happen to me and…God, I’m just an idiot.”

“Shit, Nina,” Monet replied, her voice a little faint at speaking pitch. She said something that neither Nina or Scarlet could make out.

“What?”

Monet rolled her eyes, amused. Yelling down, she clarified. “I said I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend! You tit!”

Nina’s face dropped in surprise, revealing what Scarlet had managed to keep secret this whole time. She was so glad she’d got to find out from Monet herself and not her or Vanjie or anyone else in their friend group. Just her and Monet. How it should be. How it should have been.

“Oh my God! Monet! I’m a fucking dick!”

“Yeah, you are,” Monet laughed, pausing and leaning her head on her hands as she continued. “So uh…you love me, is that what this is?”

Nina’s eyes awkwardly flickered to Monique. She shrugged. “Don’t stop on my account, this shit’s cute! It’s like Eastenders.”

“Piss off, Monique!” Monet snapped, shoving her out of view. Scarlet shifted from one foot to the next.

“Do you want me to go?” she offered Nina. Nina’s face instantly turned concerned.

“Oh, God no! She’s not forgiven me yet,” she whispered to her, Scarlet nodding understandingly and stepping back. Turning back to the window, Nina shrugged a little and smiled. “Fuck it, I do love you, Monet. At least, I think I do, I’ve never been in love before to figure it out. But if you give me a chance, I’ll try my best to figure it all out with you. I’m so fucking sorry, I…there’s no excuse for it. Maybe people do stupid shit when they’re in love.”

Scarlet watched as Monet’s face broke out into a smile. Nina gazed up at her hopefully. “Can you, uh. Can you forgive me?”

“Well, I don’t know if I’m ready yet. But I guess if you come up here…” a smirk slowly spread across Monet’s face, all at once seeming much more like the fun, flirty girl Scarlet knew her as. “…I might let you persuade me.”

Nina’s face immediately turned completely pink as if someone had flipped a switch, and Scarlet looked up with surprise as muffled cheering came from the window adjacent to Monet’s. Looking up she found Monique watching the entire exchange from her own bedroom window completely unashamedly. Scarlet was distracted, though, by Nina suddenly wrapping her in a hug. Pulling away, she was beaming from ear to ear.

“Thanks so much, Scarlet. I don’t think I could have done any of this without you.”

Heart warmed, Scarlet batted a hand at her. “Hey, any of us would’ve come with you!”

“No, I needed _you_. Yvie would’ve told me the whole thing was a stupid idea, Brooke would’ve just moped around like she’s been doing for days on end. You’re the next reasonable choice,” Nina smiled gratefully, then took a quick look up at Monet’s window and bit her lip. “Fuck, do you think she’ll actually forgive me or-”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Nina, she’s so obviously about to bang your brains out!!” Scarlet cried exasperatedly, laughing at Nina’s instant blush.

“No, of course. You’re right. Fuck, shit, I should’ve worn nicer underwear. Am I even wearing a bra?”

“Just go-” Scarlet gently pushed Nina into the stairwell. “- and get your damn girlfriend back!”

“Right. Yes. Okay,” Nina babbled, turning and walking up the stairwell. Scarlet waited a second before she shouted at her.

“Speakers!”

“Speakers, yes, right,” Nina’s voice came from inside the building, the girl re-emerging from the stairwell, taking the speakers that she’d forgotten off the ground and scuttling inside again. Laughing, Scarlet grinned. She couldn’t wait to tell the girls about it all. Opening the group chat, she paused. Perhaps this was one Nina could do on her own.

Checking the time, Scarlet saw it was half twelve. She had said she’d head round to Yvie’s at one, but she was sure she wouldn’t mind if Scarlet was a bit early. Deciding to start walking, Scarlet began making her way to what was essentially her second home in the city now. It wasn’t a long walk, and Scarlet liked a wander at this time of year anyway. It was beginning to properly look like Springtime now, all the little bulbs poking out of the grass in the park and the air even smelling that little bit more sunshiney. Scarlet knew that didn’t make sense to anyone but her, but it made her happier knowing that better weather was on its way. 

Within ten minutes she was at Yvie’s door and pressing the buzzer. Scarlet stood for a moment and waited, which wasn’t usual. Brooke had once described Yvie reacting to the buzzer as racing to the door like an excited puppy, clamouring to let Scarlet in. Remembering the weird phone call, Scarlet felt a knot appear in her stomach. She buzzed again, waited again. Then there came a crackle.

_“Hello?”_

Scarlet recognised Yvie’s voice instantly. “Hey, it’s me! I’m a little bit early-”

_“No, no, it’s fine- come up.”_

The buzzer went, and Scarlet clicked open the door. She felt a little uneasy as she took the steps two at a time up to Yvie’s top floor flat. As she walked in through the door, Yvie was there to greet her.

“Hey, baby,” she smiled brightly, Scarlet not missing the way her eyes darted back inside just before she kissed her. “Happy birthday! How are you?”

“Uh, good, yeah. I’m good. Had a pretty weird day,” Scarlet admitted, watching as Yvie’s eyes darted back inside. This time, Scarlet followed her gaze.

“Is, uh. Is Nina not with you?” Yvie frowned, seeming worried as Scarlet entered the hallway.

“Nina? No, why would Nina be with me?” Scarlet frowned, taking off her jacket, folding it in half and crossing her arms. Yvie ran a hand through her hair.

“I just thought you two were hanging out- you said you’d phone her-”

Suddenly, there came what sounded like a giggle from the kitchen. Scarlet put two and two together and got a thousand.

“Yvie,” she began, her tone dark and her stomach churning. “Who’s in the kitchen?”

“What? Nobody. Nobody’s in,” Yvie frowned, her eyes darting to the kitchen door once more.

Scarlet paused for a moment. This was all wrong. Her mind was going too fast for her to catch up with. She squeezed her eyes shut. “Are you cheating on me?”

At once, she regretted the question as Yvie’s face dropped. “What?!”

“Are you cheating on me? Hiding your screen, shutting your laptop, being weird with me…it all adds up, fuck, Yvie, is she here? Is she here now?” Scarlet reeled off, feeling herself grow more and more frustrated. In a minute she would start with the angry tears but _fuck_ , she couldn’t give Yvie the satisfaction of crying in front of her. How the fuck could she do this?

Yvie actually started laughing. “Is that what you think? Oh my God, Scarlet, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Confused, Scarlet fought the urge to push her girlfriend away as Yvie stepped forward and wrapped her in a tight cuddle. “I would never, ever, ever do something like that to you, okay? Let’s get that right from the start. You will never have to worry about that with me. Okay? Jesus Christ, I love you so much. You’re so dumb.”

“So you’ve not cheated?” Scarlet muttered quietly against Yvie’s chest. Her blood was still racing in her veins despite Yvie’s words calming her mind down. She felt Yvie pulling away and stepping back.

“Scarlet,” Yvie said simply, walking to the door. “What day is it today?”

“…my birthday?” Scarlet said blankly, watching as her girlfriend put her hand on the door handle.

“Exactly. So when it’s your girlfriend’s birthday, her twenty-first birthday, I should add, what do you do?”

Scarlet felt as if she was watching a murder mystery and couldn’t tie everything together. “You make dinner for them and spend time with them?”

“No…” Yvie laughed a little, turning the handle and cracking the door open a tiny bit. “You make sure she’s out of the house for the day and-”

As Yvie threw the door open, Scarlet almost got the fright of her life as the room was filled with screaming, confetti and party poppers. Blinking and trying to get over her shock, she could see Vanjie, Akeria, Silky, Brooke and Plastique, and they were all running to hug her. Finally, it sank in what was going on.

“Oh my God…you guys…this is a surprise birthday party?!” she squealed, the rollercoaster of emotions she’d been put through in the past five minutes causing tears to spring to her eyes. Akeria, who had found herself in the middle of the hug, laughed and gave her a shake.

“Not just any surprise birthday party! Your fuckin’ surprise twenty-first birthday party!!” she all but yelled into Scarlet’s ear, giving her an extra tight squeeze. As the girls pulled away from her, Scarlet frantically took in her surroundings. There was confetti all over the floor and pink balloons hanging from every possible place they could hang from. Across the wall above the kitchen cupboards, there was a very obviously homemade banner that said “HAPPY 21ST SCARLET WE LOVE U”, and on the kitchen table there were cakes, a selection of all the best beige-coloured party food, and a massive bowl of punch which, if Silky had had any hand in creating, would be absolutely lethal.

“What…but I still don’t get all of this!” Scarlet laughed in delight, feeling Yvie wrap her in a hug from behind. Doubling over laughing, she pointed to her girlfriend. “I just asked her if she was cheating on me!!”

The room exploded with laughter. Three of the girls started speaking at the same time, then one voice began to dominate.

“You seriously believed we weren’t gonna do stuff for your birthday just because it’s a Sunday?!” Vanjie screeched in disbelief. “Fuck outta here! It’s your 21st, bitch, of course we had to do somethin’!!” 

“Yvie messaged us all about two weeks ago making sure we were all free,” Plastique explained, smiling. “And we’ve been planning what to do ever since. If we’d known she’d be that bad at not acting suspicious we’d have organised it all without her.”

“So wait…did you even have an essay to hand in this morning?” Scarlet wondered, turning to her girlfriend. Yvie laughed.

“Nope. It was all LIES, Scarlet, lies! I was to make sure you didn’t stay over so we could make things and set stuff up all morning. And Nina was supposed to hang out with you and bring you back to the flat when we were ready. Which, by the way, where is Nina?”

“She’s, uh. It’s a long story,” Scarlet rubbed her forehead, too exhausted to even get into it. “I’ll let her tell you when she gets here. At least, I’m assuming she’ll be coming.”

“She better had, bitch, it’s your twenty-first!” Silky yelled indignantly. Scarlet wanted to say that the girl would’ve had a pretty good excuse to miss things, but she held her tongue. Still intrigued, she cast her eyes around the room again.

“So, wait, what’s the actual plan for today?”

“Movie afternoon here with all the food. Drinking Silk’s punch and getting day drunk,” Brooke explained with a smile before being cut off by Vanessa.

“Hey, I helped make that punch, gimme credit, bitch!” she flipped her hair, a little twinkle of something in her eye that intrigued Scarlet. Brooke seemed nonplussed and just smirked.

“Fuck, well. That’s even more reason to stay away from it, it’s probably just vodka and food colouring.”

As the other girls laughed, Vanessa leaned over and gave Brooke a small shove in the ribs. Scarlet exchanged quick eye contact with Yvie, and the look her girlfriend gave her seemed to say that there was more she’d be told later.

“Once we finish the movie then we’re gonna do MarioKart or Mario Party, then get ready and go out. Fuck a degree if we can’t have a life,” Akeria explained further. Scarlet felt like crying again. This was the feeling of running downstairs at 9 years old, of her presents in the kitchen and the people she loved happy and excited for her. These girls were truly her second family.

“Fuck, thank you guys. I love you so much,” Scarlet whispered, not trusting herself to speak unless her voice cracked. The girls all fussed over her and went in for a second hug, only pulling away when Silky cried out that it was punch time.

“What’re we watching, babe?” Yvie called over from the punch bowl, as Scarlet sat herself on her and Yvie’s favourite chair and the other girls began getting themselves comfy. Scarlet quickly forgot about what Yvie had asked, however, as she noticed something- Vanessa, Akeria and Silky all sitting on the sofa, but Vanessa positioning herself at the edge next to the other armchair. Brooke was sitting in it, and the two girls were actually talking. Not just talking. Smiling. Bickering playfully about fuck-knows-what.

“Scarlet!” Plastique suddenly shouted, causing her to yell in surprise. The other girls laughed. “Yvie said what’re we watching?”

“Uh, Princess Diaries, duh,” Scarlet rolled her eyes. As Yvie came back and grabbed the remote, she wordlessly tapped Scarlet’s phone. Picking up on the signal, Scarlet grabbed it and unlocked it.

_Y: they’ve been like this all day btw_

_Y: arguing like an old married couple and flirting and shit_

_Y: wtf is going on_

Scarlet’s brow furrowed as she read the messages. That was weird. Weird, weird, weird, and Scarlet didn’t know what to think. She was suddenly distracted by a notification from the group chat before she could speculate any further.

_Kim Kardashian-West: I’m out of the doghouse and my depressive slump. Me and MY GIRLFRIEND will be with u all in an hour xoxoxoxoxoxo_

As the news gradually reached the others in the room, it became filled with shouts and cries of excitement, disbelief and joy at Nina finally having fixed things with Monet.

“Wait, wait, wait a minute,” Plastique said urgently, turning round so quickly to look at Scarlet she was sure it would give her whiplash. “You were with her. What happened?”

Scarlet let out a laugh as she realised all the girls had their eyes on her like trained snipers. Who needed a movie when she could recount the great stairwell serenade she’d witnessed earlier?

“Buckle up, children,” Scarlet began, leaning on her knees. “It’s storytime.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from one birthday to another, the gang heads out to the country to celebrate Brooke and Akeria’s 22nd. everyone seems back on good terms, but will the combination of hide and seek, truth or dare, a hot tub and of course a lil bit of alcohol change anything?

“ _Holiday!_ _._..da-da-da-dum-dum-daaa, _Celebrate!_ ”

Brooke rolled her eyes, unable to help herself laughing as Nina rolled her suitcase towards Monet’s car. “It’s hardly a holiday, is it, girl? Overnighter in an airbnb in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?”

“Listen, I’ll take what I can get, thank you very much,” Nina raised her eyebrows, as Monet lifted the door of the boot up and Nina heaved her case inside.

“Oh, what a compliment,” Monet quipped from beside her, Brooke making a sick noise as Nina slid her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and gave her a squeeze.

“Not with girlfriends, obviously. You’re a Tesco Finest girlfriend. Not a smartprice girlfriend,” Nina explained, Monet smiling proudly and nuzzling their noses together. Brooke already wanted to vomit and she wasn’t even car sick yet.

“Pack it in, bitches, or Monet’s uninvited,” she deadpanned, pushing herself off the wall she was currently leaning against and looking up at her bedroom window, ignoring the girls’ shouts of indignation. “Right, have you got everything, yeah?”

“Have you seen the size of this bitch’s suitcase? I think she has literally managed to pack your kitchen sink,” Monet cocked an eyebrow at Nina, who elbowed her in the ribs. Nina produced her phone from the pocket of her dungaree dress.

“Hey Google, can you divorce your girlfriend?” she asked into the speaker, Monet howling a laugh and shoving her.

“Seriously, guys, I haven’t packed enough anti-sickness tablets for this,” Brooke said dryly, making her way to the passenger door.

“Oh, are you planning on recreating the great rail replacement bus fiasco of ‘18?” came a voice, Brooke turning round and narrowing her eyes at her smug flatmate, emerging through the door with her girlfriend and a small holdall bag.

“I was sat hungover opposite the toilet on a three hour coach journey, what the hell else was I expected to do?” Brooke defended herself. Yvie sat down on the wall outside their building, Scarlet joining her.

“Hmm, all I’ll say, Monet, is that I hope you have at least three empty plastic bags in the back seat with her,” she advised smugly, Brooke wishing she was still leaning against the wall so she could shove her off it.

“When is Plastique coming for you guys? Can I arrange for you to be sitting in the middle of the road when she drives up it?”

“Hey, what the fuck did I say?!” Scarlet yelped, outraged.

“You’re a bystander, Scarlet, and a bystander is worse than a bully,” Nina remarked sagely, Monet nodding along in support.

“Besides, I’m allowed to bully Brooke. It’s part of the lease,” Yvie shrugged, fixing the huge round sunglasses that had been on the top of her head and positioning them so they were right at the bridge of her nose. The March sunshine was welcome; it made Brooke feel happy, optimistic of things to come. Even the small scrub of grass out the front of their stairwell had bright purple, yellow and white bulbs poking through it, bringing a defiant sense of beauty to their surroundings. Brooke had been so pleased with the weather when she’d opened her curtains that morning that she’d packed a bunch of clothes she usually reserved for the summer. It felt odd wearing her denim skirt without the black tights she’d clad herself in for the past three months, but it was a welcome feeling. Yvie hadn’t really seemed to get the Summery memo other than her sunglasses- a huge knitted jumper covered in holes hung off her skinny frame and a pair of thick exercise leggings kept her legs warm.

“You couldn’t spruce yourself up a bit for my birthday, bitch? I feel like any minute now you’re going to start dancing around the street moulting straw singing about how you desperately want a brain,” Brooke smirked, Yvie simpering a fake smile and giving her the finger in response.

“It’s only fifteen degrees, Brooke, it’s hardly time to crack out the Kopparberg and blast T Shirt Weather yet,” Scarlet laughed. It was a bit hypocritical, Brooke thought as she looked Scarlet’s outfit up and down- a floaty, lacey dress and a pair of white Adidas- but of course she would defend her girlfriend. It wasn’t actually fair, contemplated Brooke. Scarlet and Yvie would always team up, so would Monet and Nina. Brooke had to fight all her battles herself.

“Besides, your birthday is over! Move on, hoe,” Yvie smiled, running forward and shaking Brooke’s shoulders relentlessly as the other girls laughed uproariously in the background. Brooke laughed and batted her away, knowing she was just joking. As she shoved her friend off of her, a familiar grey Audi drove up their street and pulled in behind Monet’s car. Plastique gave her horn a little beep, waving and rolling down her window.

“Let’s ride, bitches! I’m so ready for this weekend,” she squealed, as Yvie and Scarlet rushed to shove their bags in the boot of her car.

“I think I’ve been ready since we booked it,” Nina sighed, stretching. “Right, let’s go, girls! _Dun-duun-da-na-na-dun dun_.”

As Nina continued singing Shania Twain and hopped in the passenger seat of Monet’s car, Brooke passed by Plastique’s window and gave her hand a squeeze. “You know how to get there, yeah?”

“Up the motorway then off at junction 4 and then just follow all the signs for the B road. We good,” she nodded, then gave a laugh. “Kiki’ll probably end up in France somehow, you know what her sense of direction is like.”

“Yeah, but she’s got Silky and Vanj to direct her. She’ll be fine,” Brooke shrugged, thumping on Plastique’s door and making for the other car. “Right, see you ladies at the airbnb!”

Monet blasted her horn once, twice, three times as Brooke dashed into the back seat and buckled up. As Nina connected her phone to the aux cord and started blasting typically Nina-ish cheesy music, Brooke felt an excited little smile creep up on her face, slapping her hands against her thighs to the beat. The past almost-a-month had gone by quickly, and Brooke and Akeria’s shared birthday trip away had arrived before Brooke had known it. It had been booked on a whim, an excited message from Akeria on the group chat about a potential birthday night out had grown arms and legs until suddenly the girls were all transferring her money for a night in the country to jointly celebrate her and Brooke’s birthdays. They had turned 22 within ten days of each other, and the girls had all decided that the amount of money they would have spent on two big nights out- Ubers, big bottles of vodka for pres, club entry, club drinks and cheesy chips at the end of the night- probably equated to the same, if not more, than the amount they would drop on a boujie house in the country. The house they had booked was huge- five big bedrooms with floor to ceiling windows, a lounge straight out of a murder mystery drama with plush sofas, towering bookshelves and a massive roaring fire, a kitchen with a table big enough to fit them all round and an aga with what seemed to be a thousand burners- though whether anyone would know how to work the damn thing was anyone’s guess, Brooke thought with a snort. The icing on the cake of the whole place, though, was a huge section of outdoor decking with a hot tub set in the middle of it. To most of the girls it would be like living somebody else’s life for the weekend, but, Brooke thought mischievously, to Plastique it would probably seem the same as a weekend at home.

Brooke was glad they could all do something like this, go away together after what had happened. She didn’t really know what had happened to Vanessa to make her warm up to her so unexpectedly. It had all started when they were preparing for Scarlet’s birthday surprise; Brooke remembered how hard her heart had been beating that morning as she’d known it was the first time she’d be properly seeing Vanessa since they broke up, having to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans as the door to the kitchen had opened and Vanessa, Akeria and Silky had walked in. Akeria and Silky, to their credit, had been fine and normal with Brooke, despite the amount of dragging through the mud they had probably done to her name when they’d heard the news of her and Vanessa’s breakup. Vanessa, (understandably, thought Brooke) had hugged Yvie, Plastique and Nina, but not Brooke, the obviousness of the action lost in the frenetic melee of the girls seeing each other all at once. Brooke had preferred that, though. She wouldn’t have wanted the awkwardness of reminding herself how perfectly her arms seemed to fit around Vanessa, the brief scent of the Aussie shampoo she used in her hair, her head against her chest even for just the tiniest second.

After that, Vanessa had started with the digs. Brooke had thought she’d had malicious intent at first, until she got bored and decided to fire back.

( _Yvie’s voice had yelled from the hallway. “Who’s made the cupcakes yet? Anyone?”_

_“Well if it’s Brooke, we all dyin’ tonight.”_

_“At least I can make something! How much do you drop on Deliveroo in a month, like, half your student loan?”_ )

With each verbal sparring match, Brooke had watched as the small, sardonic snorts Vanessa had given evolved into a full-blown beaming smile, the kind she always used to shoot Brooke’s way with the perfect white teeth and the tiny dimple and the little blush that hit her cheeks. It was almost painful knowing that Brooke had given up that smile. And that had been the moment. The moment that Brooke had finally admitted to herself what she’d been wanting to deny all this time- she deeply wished she hadn’t ended things with Vanessa, that she’d fought through the ick and given it at least more of a shot than she had. Now Vanessa had moved on and she was seeing someone else and she was happy. Happy without Brooke. Why had Brooke broken up with her so quickly?

She was an idiot.

“She was an idiot.”

Brooke snapped out of her trance, blinking and trying to figure out how Monet had managed to get inside her head. “What?”

“That woman. Blue car. Completely cut me off,” Monet rolled her eyes, frowning as she inched forward in the traffic until she was almost bumper to bumper with the car in question.

“Oh M'net, don’t start a fight,” Nina sighed, resting her knees against the glovebox.

“I’m not! I’m just letting a bitch know that her misconduct was noted,” Monet growled.

“ _Her misconduct was noted_? God, you’re such a teacher,” Nina laughed, a big chuckle with loads of heart that made Brooke smile.

“Hey, so are you!”

“Stop fucking bickering or I will take your vocal cords and strangle you with them!” Brooke cried, tiring quickly. She watched Monet smirk in the rear view mirror.

“It’s alright, Neens. Just because Brooke’s jealous of happy couples and regrets breaking it off with Vanjie-”

“Wait what? I don’t…oh, Nina, for fuck’s sake! I told you not to tell anyone!” Brooke snapped, training accusatory eyes on her friend. After Scarlet’s birthday, she’d told Nina what she’d told Yvie, just in a little more detail, and she’d been more sympathetic than her other flatmate, making her tea and nodding understandingly as Brooke vented at her. Nina was usually good with secrets, a reliable and trustworthy friend. Brooke couldn’t understand why she would-

“Ahahaha!!! BITCH! You just totally exposed yourself! Oh my God!!” Monet screeched in time with her tyres, thumping her hand against the steering wheel. Brooke was confused, her heart still thudding. “Nina ain’t told me shit but I got eyes and ears, an’ I saw you two flirting at Scarlet’s. All damn day and night. You don’t act like that with someone you just broke up with.” 

“Yeah I’m afraid you just spilled your own secret, Brooke,” Nina deadpanned from the passenger seat, giving a little laugh.

“Shit,” Brooke sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Great. Well, you probably think I’m a total asshole, Monet.”

“Hey, I’m a very chill person! You do you, girl. You wanna get with Vanessa for 3 months, break up with her for one and then get back with her again, that’s no business of mine,” Monet shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

“Yeah, I know I made a mistake, thanks,” Brooke sighed, biting her lip as she let her thoughts wash over her. Monet had a unique angle on the whole situation. She lived with Monique, of course, and that whole thing was still going on between her and Vanessa, if a message Vanessa had accidentally sent to the group chat last week was anything to go by. Brooke had wondered for days on end whether it had actually been an accident or not, the content of the message sending her crazy with jealousy as it was essentially just Vanessa begging Monique to come round and fuck her into the mattress. She’d considered whether or not it could have been deliberate, but the absolute roasting Vanessa had received afterwards from the other girls couldn’t have been worth it if it had. Brooke considered asking Monet for some inside knowledge, decided against it, and then did a U-turn as she concluded that her pride and dignity were already bruised so she might as well go the whole hog and shatter them.

“So, uh…Vanessa’s still seeing Monique.”

Monet ran her tongue over her teeth. “She’s certainly round at the flat a lot.”

“So is that, uh…I mean, do you think that’s going to turn into anything more, or…?”

“I don’t know, girl, I don’t know if it’s my place to say.”

_This is like pulling teeth._ “Do you think they-”

“They’re having a _lot_ of sex.”

“Monet!” Nina burst out in a shocked laugh.

“What?! They are!”

“Excellent!” Brooke exclaimed sarcastically, staring out the window as the city around them turned into fields and the houses turned into service stations.

“C’mon, Brooke, you have to admit you do kinda deserve this a lil’ bit,” Monet laughed, Brooke rolling her eyes from the back seat.

“Right, both of you shut up. I’m officially banning any conversations about pining or relationships until we get to the house. We sing, we eat snacks, occasionally we play I Spy. That’s it,” Nina scolded them, turning around in her seat and staring Brooke down. Brooke had never felt more like a disgraced teenager in her life.

“Ughhhh, fine, Mom,” Monet groaned, changing up into fifth as they hit the motorway, the weekend becoming more real and making Brooke tingle with excitement despite the news she hadn’t wanted to hear.

Just as Nina had ordered them, the three girls spent the rest of the journey singing at the top of their lungs to Vengaboys, B*Witched and Cascada, Brooke on crisp duty as she passed the cavernous bag of barbecue rib McCoys forward every five minutes or so, Monet making hurried grabs at crinkle cut crisps in between changing gears. Brooke managed to avoid the dreaded travel-sickness that had plagued her since she was about six years old, much to Monet and Nina’s delight. The sun didn’t let up, and it still hung proudly in the sky as the girls pulled up the leafy, tree-lined driveway to the house they’d booked, the branches hanging low and curling around each other signalling they hadn’t been cut in a while. Spying Akeria’s Corsa and Plastique’s Audi already parked, Monet pulled up alongside the huge white house, the little set of three stone chimneys on the roof puffing out smoke and letting the girls know that at least one room wouldn’t be too cold inside. As Monet neatened up her parking, the sound of Silky’s screeching cut through the crunching of wheels against gravel, and the rest of the girls spilled out of the front door shortly afterwards. As soon as the car had stopped, Brooke excitedly hopped out of the passenger seat, hugging any girl she could reach. Before she knew it, she’d found herself pulling out of a quick hug with Vanessa, and the two were in front of each other.

“Hey,” Brooke decided quickly to speak first, setting the tone so there wouldn’t be any awkward pauses.

“Hey! How was your ride? Get here okay?” Vanessa asked politely, tucking a strand of her caramel hair behind one ear. She was dressed in a tiny little cropped black jumper and some faded grey jeans, Brooke trying to ignore her mind reminding her of how right it felt to wrap her arms around Vanessa again, how tiny her waist was and how much she wished she could go back for another hug- _for fuck’s sake, cut that shit out._

“Uh, yeah! It was fine. Traffic wasn’t too bad. How about you?”

Vanessa let out a laugh. “Shit was like Wacky Races. Akeria nearly rammed some old cunt off the road. I’ve never seen road rage like it, we genuinely feared for our lives. Or her license. Oh my God, this house is insane. C’mon, you need to see it!”

There was a split-second where Brooke felt Vanessa tug at her hand, which was quickly dropped as if the action had never happened. It was almost as if Vanessa had been on automatic pilot; the ease with which she used to slip her hand into Brooke’s hadn’t been forgotten by either of them. And then Brooke felt Plastique leap onto her back like a monkey, and the girl was excitedly chattering away to her, and the moment had passed.

Brooke barely had time to take in the huge cream-painted hall with the varnished cream stairs stretching practically up to the ceiling when Plastique steered her down two steps and into the kitchen, grey stone tiles making Brooke’s feet feel cold even through her trainers and the huge wooden table overflowing with assorted snacks. Akeria and Scarlet clung to the rail of the AGA, the two girls clearly feeling the cold in the chilly kitchen.

“Did any of us actually bring a meal between us or are we just going to live off of Twirl Bites and Classic Dip Selections?” Yvie wondered, picking up a four-pack of various dips. Brooke laughed.

“Hey, there’s pizzas in the fridge! Do y’all really think I would let you starve?” Silky piped up, opening the huge fridge to reveal at least ten pizzas, more than they would eat in one night.

“Nobody goes hungry in the presence of Silky Nutmeg Ganache,” Plastique smiled proudly, holding her fist out for Silky to punch. As the girls’ fists connected, Brooke watched as Vanessa scraped a wooden chair out against the stone floor.

“You girls wanna have a munch and then get wrecked?”

“Hmm, if we get drunk too early then there’s no way we’ll be able to work this oven,” Scarlet shrugged, biting her lip and frowning.

“Yeah, we’re gonna struggle to operate this sober,” Monet considered, opening up one of the oven doors and investigating.

“Well how about we snack and then play a game? I wanna play hide and seek in here,” Nina bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. Akeria snorted.

“Hide and seek, you’re such a child. But to be fair, that could be fun. Or sardines.”

“What’s that?” asked Brooke. “I don’t know if we had that but called it something else.”

“That one where one person hides and everyone else seeks,” Yvie explained. “It’s way better. Way more chaotic.”

“Sweet. I’m down,” Brooke shrugged. She was glad that all of the girls she was friends with were happy to dick about and play kids’ games for an afternoon, and it was the kind of thing she’d miss when she graduated and would have to find a job.

The girls were all feeling peckish after their long drive, though, so they all grabbed the nearest snacks they could and headed upstairs to the living room, where Akeria had managed to start the fire which was crackling warmly in the huge marble fireplace. They all dumped their food on the huge glass-topped coffee table and had a little explore around the house before they relaxed. There was a surplus of bedrooms, and it had been agreed that since they were celebrating Brooke and Akeria’s birthdays, the two girls should have a bedroom to themselves each. Brooke’s bedroom had a huge bay window out to the rear of the house where the fields stretched for miles, and an actual four-poster bed.

“I can’t help but feel like you guys should take this room and I should take yours,” Brooke said with a pang of guilt for Yvie and Scarlet, who had dumped their things in the room they were sharing and had come to investigate Brooke’s.

Scarlet made a noise of discouragement. “No, it’s fine! This’ll get cold anyway, it’s so big. Our room’s cosier.”

Brooke watched Scarlet share a smile with her girlfriend and wrap both of her arms around Yvie’s. “Yeah, honestly, Brooke, it’s fine. Scarlet would manage to bump her head and toe and Christ knows what else on all four of the posts anyway.”

Scarlet burst out into offended laughter, letting the girls know that she secretly agreed a little bit.

“How’re the others?” Brooke asked, peering down the little corridor with the exposed wooden beams and hearing chatter and Monet’s deep laughter coming from the other rooms.

“Plastique, Silk and Vanj are all in together. I think V drew the short straw so she’s on the sofa bed,” Scarlet gave a shrug.

“That’s unfortunate,” Yvie commented, raising her eyebrows at Brooke slightly.

“Behave,” Brooke smacked her, not appreciating the implication. Vanessa had only just become friends with her again. They were hardly going to spend the entire night going at it like rabbits just because Vanessa wasn’t looking at her like she wanted to kill her anymore. “Come on, lovebirds. I feel like I haven’t shovelled enough crisps down my throat today.”

The three girls made their way to the living room again, where Nina and Monet were draped over the sofa and snacking on some sort of jelly sweets. Gradually the other girls joined them in drips and drabs and they spent the time chatting and gossiping in their usual way- about anything and everything under the sun. Brooke kept finding her eyes being drawn to Vanessa. It wasn’t entirely her fault- she was sitting opposite her, and often Brooke would find her already looking her way. Although that could have just been Brooke’s imagination. God, she didn’t even know anymore. 

“Right!” Nina cried, as everyone looked dangerously close to slipping into a snack-induced coma. “Sardines time!”

“Kiki should hide first, it’s her birthday!” Silky argued immediately, Brooke only the tiniest bit affronted.

“Hey, hey, it’s Brooke’s birthday too. Also, I feel like y’all are way more enthusiastic than me about this, so I really don’t mind.”

“Brooke hides first!” Nina shouted unnecessarily. Brooke stood up from the sofa and rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so everyone is after me? Christ. This is like that nightmare I had about being on Hunted.”

“Good luck tryna squeeze that Jolly Green Giant-ass body into any of these cupboards, bitch!” Vanessa yelled across the room to uproarious laughter, Brooke turning round in time to see Vanessa stick her tongue out at her.

“Oh, like you can talk! Are you not the same size as an actual Subway sandwich?” Brooke bit back, sticking her tongue out right back and feeling an excited fizz in her stomach as she caught Vanessa blushing slightly as she laughed. As the other girls joined in with the mocking and all piled on each other, Brooke spotted two girls who weren’t laughing- Akeria and Silky were looking at each other knowingly, a look that seemed to convey disapproval. What the hell was their problem? If Vanessa was fine with her, then that meant there was no reason for the two of them to hold a grudge either, right?

Brooke frowned, trying not to read too much into it. She turned around and headed out the door. “Okay, count to 100 then, bitches!”

As she heard the others all start chanting descending numbers like a terrifying cult of mathematicians, Brooke began dashing around the house for a place to hide. She ran past the bedrooms, assuming that the others would check there straight away. Brooke considered going behind the porch door, but then thought that might end up being too obvious. She found herself in the kitchen, and to her delight she noticed a huge wooden door set into the wall that had to be a cupboard. Opening it, she saw what looked to be a pantry- shelves and shelves with only a couple of tins left by other guests at the house. It was good, but Brooke didn’t think it was a particularly great place to hide until she spotted another door at the very end of the pantry- slightly smaller with a little circular handle. As Brooke turned it, she was confronted with a tiny dark room, with only the blinking lights of the boiler that sat inside to illuminate it.

_Perfect._

As Brooke hopped in, she could hear the blood roaring in her ears and her heart thumping. She wanted to giggle. This was exactly how it had felt to play hide and seek when she was little, and she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old still feeling the same way. Hell, she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old playing hide and seek. Gradually, she began to hear the sound of footsteps thundering above her, the old ceiling creaking and letting Brooke know the girls were on their way. Then, it all went silent for a while. Brooke breathed out heavily. Just then, she heard the door to the pantry open and one set of footsteps shuffle through it. They dashed to the end of the room and then seemed to be satisfied that there was nothing more to investigate- until Brooke heard them do what seemed to be a double-take. Keeping her breathing silent, Brooke stood frozen to the spot as she saw the door gradually open with a long, murder-mystery style _creaaak_ …

_Shit._

Vanessa stood at the doorframe to the cupboard, a shit-eating grin on her face. “I’ve been tellin’ Yvie I’m the best at hide and seek, but she ain’t believe me. What’d that take me, two minutes?”

“Yeah, good job, Poirot,” Brooke smirked, although it was hiding a multitude of nerves. Her and Vanessa, stuck in a tight, dark space together until the other girls found them. This was fine. This would be fine. “Right come on then, girl, you need to get in.”

“Fuck no, I ain’t goin’ in there! That’s a straight-up spiders’ nest, fuck that.”

“Just get in!” Brooke grabbed her gently but firmly by the wrist and dragged her inside, closing the door behind them. It was entirely dark except for the small strip of light where the door met the doorframe, which illuminated Vanessa’s hair and collarbones. There was a small beat of silence in which Brooke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness again, and when her vision had settled she could see Vanessa smiling at her cheekily. “What?”

“There’s a spider in your hair.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “No there’s not.”

“There is! A big one. It’s some Harry Potter type shit, I swear.”

“Shut up, Vanessa, I’m not falling for that shit,” Brooke snorted a laugh, squashing the unease that began to creep up on her.

“It’s got, like, a billion eyes.”

“Has it.”

“An’ forty legs,” Vanessa bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck kind of biology classes did you go to? A spider with forty leg- JESUS!” Brooke all at once cut herself off, feeling a movement at her shoulder, her hair flicking against her neck slightly. She gave herself such a jolt that it felt like whiplash, and she watched as Vanessa laughed at her brushing wildly against her shoulder. Brooke was confused when her hand connected with another hand. Vanessa’s hand. How the hell she’d managed to reach up there without Brooke’s notice was anyone’s guess, but she’d certainly done what she’d set out to do. Brooke launched herself forward and squeezed a hand at Vanessa’s waist, laughing as the other girl screeched in response. The two girls descended into giggles, Brooke having to fend off Vanessa’s playful swipes as she berated her.

“Shut up, bitch! You’re going to get us caught!” Brooke laughed, grabbing one of Vanessa’s wrists in each hand. Suddenly, both girls paused, the compromising position they were in dawning on both of them. The memory of when she used to pin Vanessa to the bed with both her wrists and kiss her neck shot through Brooke’s mind like a hot iron, unwanted and welcome all at once. In the darkness, she could see Vanessa’s single raised eyebrow.

“You telling me you don’t wanna get caught?” she murmured, her voice low and making the atmosphere charged and thick with something that hadn’t been there before. Brooke squeezed her thighs together. This couldn’t turn into something else. She couldn’t let it.

“Well, that is the whole point of the game,” Brooke said, trying to inject as much level-headedness into her tone as she was able. To her dismay she watched as Vanessa’s eyes took on a dark twinkle.

“Oh, right, uh-huh. The game. Sure,” she smirked, Brooke only able to laugh in response because that way she wasn’t saying anything. This situation was fucked. It was so weird. Vanessa was flirting with her, unprompted. So what did this mean? That she still liked Brooke? That she wanted to be friends and was just playing? What did this mean for her and Monique? They couldn’t be that serious, then, if Vanessa was doing all this? Or maybe they’d fallen out and Vanessa wanted her to be jealous? But what was the point of making somebody jealous who wasn’t here? What if her and Monique were together and Vanessa was cheating? What if-

“AYYYYYY FUCKIN’ HOES! Yes! I’m shit-hot at this game, Jesus!” Silky threw the door open, screeching her head off and sending every thought that Brooke was overthinking into the stratosphere.

“Stop yellin’ bitch, and get in!” Vanessa laughed. As Silky squeezed into the ever-decreasing-in-space cupboard, Brooke felt her throat almost close up as Vanessa shuffled up against her to make more room, tilting her head up, locking eyes with Brooke and sending her a look that she couldn’t decipher before looking away and whispering to Silky.

They were eventually found by the other girls- namely because there was no space at all once Scarlet arrived so Plastique found half of the girls with one toe in the cupboard and the rest of their bodies outside of it. The game carried on, but Brooke’s head wasn’t properly in it. She would deliberately put in the bare minimum effort when she was looking for the girls because, really, she wouldn’t know what to do if she was stuck in another confined space with Vanessa. Why had it turned so weird before? All flirty and edged with something she couldn’t work out. It wasn’t right- Vanessa was meant to be mad at her, meant to hate her and never want to speak to her again and somehow they’d gone from civil, to nearly-friends, to eye-fucking each other in a boiler cupboard in the space of a month?

The encounter was still playing on Brooke’s mind as she got ready for dinner. The girls had all decided that they would “do a Love Island” (in the words of Akeria) and all get glammed up to sit in the living room and play games after they’d eaten. It felt funny to be putting on a dress, heels and fake lashes without the possibility of going out anywhere, but the methodical process of putting on her makeup was a welcome distraction from the swirling thoughts in Brooke’s head.

“Ayo,” came an unexpected voice, causing Brooke to flinch a little and drop the lipgloss she’d been applying moments before. Looking behind her in the mirror she saw it was just Yvie and Nina. Usually she’d have been happy to see them, but right now she was doing too much overthinking and couldn’t let on what had happened earlier between her and Vanessa. So Brooke just stuck on her best fake smile as she turned around to face them.

“Hey! You guys look so good,” she complimented them, Nina smiling and Yvie giving a little snort.

“Well I didn’t want to be accused of not making an effort for your birthday again,” she poked her tongue out at Brooke and tugged a little at the beads on the hem of her short gold dress.

“If you trip in those heels I hope you know that’s, like, instant paralysis,” Brooke commented, looking at the spikes of Yvie’s six inch stilettos. When the girl did glam, she did glam, Brooke had to give it to her.

“As if Yvie needs to be any taller than she already is,” Nina laughed playfully.

“Awh, she needs to be tall so she can look down on her smol bean uwu girlfriend,” Brooke teased, Nina continuing to giggle and Yvie giving an amused roll of her eyes.

“What’s up with you anyway, bitch? You’ve been, like, extra bitter around all the couples today. It’s supposed to be your birthday, cheer the fuck up,” Yvie gave her a little nudge with her foot. Brooke frowned. She didn’t think she had been being bitter, but maybe Yvie was right. Fuck, what had she even said today? Brooke hoped that Vanessa hadn’t noticed anything.

“No, that’s not true. I’m fine! Just…” Brooke sighed, the bingo-hall-style tombola spinning rapidly in her head to generate an excuse. “…exams are soon, you know, and I’ve not started revising yet-”

“Oh my God, bitch, they’re in May! This is March! Chill the hell out,” Yvie laughed, pulling Brooke up from her position on the floor by the long mirror in the corner of her room. “Let’s go eat pizza. If Monet and Plastique have worked out how to cook them in that 1920s horror oven.”

As Yvie excitedly strutted out of the room and Brooke made to join her, Nina reached out to squeeze her hand.

“You’re a crap liar, Brooke Lynn Hytes,” she hissed quietly, Brooke rolling her eyes and making to protest when Nina spoke again. “But I won’t push it. I just wish you’d open the fuck up more.”

Brooke felt guilty. “I just don’t…it’s something I don’t want to overthink, Nina. So the best way you can help is helping me stuff myself full of carbs then pouring a 24 pack of San Miguel down my throat.”

Nina nodded understandingly as they reached the top of the stairs, Brooke holding back a snort as she watched Yvie cling to the bannister for dear life as she descended. Nina gave her hand another squeeze, then dropped it. “I can do that. You look beautiful, by the way.”

Brooke shyly looked down at her short, black one-shoulder dress and smoothed it down. “Thanks, babe.”

Nina’s smile suddenly turned scheming. “And so does Vanessa.”

Before Brooke could protest, Nina was bounding down the stairs in her bright white Filas that she’d paired with her blue and white checked dress. It wasn’t as formal as Brooke’s or Yvie’s, but that was the beauty of having a glam night in a big house where it was just them- nobody could judge you for being over or underdressed.

As Brooke followed her flatmates into the kitchen, she was met with the sight of her friends all happy, chatting, and in their best outfits. Annoyed at herself, she found her eyes darting around to find Vanessa. She wanted to know why Nina had said what she’d said, wanted to know if she was just winding her up.

And then her eyes came to rest on the most gorgeous version of Vanessa she’d ever seen, and her anxiety dipped, did a loop, then spiked. They were both in black- some dumb coincidence that the earth had sent her way, no doubt- but Vanessa’s was shiny, a vinyl dress that clung to her as if it was made of latex and painfully highlighted every curve of her body. She’d paired it with red heels, which had straps that snaked their way up her calves and showcased her perfect skin. Her dark hair had been blow-dried out (probably by Akeria, Brooke guessed) and fell in perfect waves down her back and over her shoulders ( _had she fucking highlighted her collarbones?_ ). Her makeup was, as usual, perfect, a dark shock of eyeshadow and an indecent red on her lips causing Brooke’s heart to race. The worst part, though, about the whole outfit, was the silver zip that ran from the top of the dress to the bottom, right in the middle at the front, and either Vanessa (or someone mucking about with her…probably Silky) had unzipped it just the tiniest amount. For about the hundredth time that month, Brooke cursed herself for breaking things off with Vanessa. It wasn’t just about her looks though, or her body, or how much she missed the sex. Their interaction in the cupboard made Brooke remember how funny Vanessa was, how much of an endearing goofball, how she was just a cheerful person whose only real wish in life was to be properly happy. And Brooke had hurt her, made her the exact opposite of that. Vanessa loved everything and everyone so deeply, was the most open of books, and was so unafraid of feeling. Meanwhile there was Brooke not even able to tell her own flatmates, the two girls that knew her best in the world, about her own feelings.

As she watched Vanessa’s eyes drift from Scarlet and Monet, who she’d been talking to, across the room to rest on her, Brooke felt her heart stop. Not giving a single thing away, Vanessa smiled, gave a little wave, and crossed the room to where Brooke stood.

“Hey!” she began, so confident and self-assured and making Brooke feel more like a trashbag than she already did. “Nice dress.”

“Thanks!” Brooke smiled, uncharacteristically flustered at the tiny compliment. “You look so beaud!”

_Fuck_ _._ Brooke kicked herself for getting tongue tied, badly hoping Vanessa wouldn’t have noticed. As she watched a confused smile appear on her face, Brooke realised she’d have to explain herself. “I was going to say beautiful, then I changed it to good and they just sort of…mushed together.”

Brooke felt her face grow hot as Vanessa simply raised an eyebrow in a smirk. “I’ll take both. Beautiful and good.”

Just as Brooke was about to defend herself, Silky announced to the girls in her own Silky-esque way that the pizzas were ready, and, giving a cry of delight, Vanessa had dashed across the room and left Brooke forgotten about.

As they all ate, Brooke fought an internal battle. She had absolutely no right to feel sorry for herself, this mess was entirely of her own making. Besides, she had to put everything out of her head now; she had made her decision, Vanessa had moved on, and she had to let the whole thing drop. But despite all this, it didn’t stop her brain constantly pestering her with what-ifs.

It was still pestering her once they’d all finished their dinner and moved upstairs into the huge living room for drinks and games, so she was glad when Nina popped herself down beside her with two ice cold bottles of beer from the fridge.

“One for each hand,” she explained. Brooke burst out laughing. She fucking loved Nina so much.

“Where’s yours?”

“Monet’s making mojitos for me and her. I love having a girlfriend, it’s like a sexy butler that you get to have sex with and cuddle any time you want,” Nina mused wistfully, giving Brooke her second belly-laugh in the space of two minutes. As she composed herself, Monet came into the room with two huge tall glasses overflowing with crushed ice and garnished with lime and mint.

“Where the fuck did you get mint and limes?” Brooke asked, screwing her face up in confusion then scrambling to pull a slightly more attractive one as Vanessa came in flanked by Silky and Akeria.

“I brought them, bitch! Anyway what did I miss?”

“Nina called you a sexy butler,” Brooke said casually, sipping one of her two beers and smiling as she watched Nina grow flustered.

“Jesus Christ, I’m getting all the compliments today! First I was a Tesco Finest girlfriend, now I’m a sexy butler. You know how to treat a lady, Neens,” Monet teased, pulling her girlfriend in and smothering her with kisses on the cheek.

“Ugh, get that couple shit outta here,” Vanessa yelled from the other sofa, throwing a leftover crisp at them. Monet instantly snapped back.

“Uh, like you can talk, Vanj.”

“What the shit hell is that meant to mean?” Vanessa laughed, amused.

Akeria grew outraged as she turned around to face Vanessa, her long, straight hair swinging wildly as she flipped it over her shoulder. “NEED we remind you what you sent to the group chat last week?!”

Silky began yelling, mirroring the cries of woe and dismay that were circling through Brooke’s brain at being reminded that Monique was still very much in the picture. “NO we do NOT need reminded! I can’t go through that again, dear Jesus God…”

“ _Fuck babygirl, I need that mouth on me_ -” Akeria began reading dramatically from her screen, the girls cringing and laughing and every word feeling like a kick to Brooke’s gut as Vanessa, face bright red, wrestled with Akeria to get the phone out of her hands. “- _I’m touching myself but you know it’s not the same_ \- aw, V! Give it back!”

“I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ phone, Akeria Chanel Davenport, I swear,” Vanessa chided her furiously, holding the phone out of her reach then relenting, giving it back to her. Silky fanned herself dramatically, making the others laugh. As Brooke did her best fake laugh and joined in, she tried not to make eye contact with Vanessa’s embarrassed face.

“Aw, are we talking about the unfortunate dirty text incident?” Plastique’s voice came from the hall, everyone laughing again as she sat down in the armchair beside the fire. “Seriously, V, you should be a songwriter. I swear that whole thing could’ve been from a Kamille song or some shit-”

“Well, all sexts are a little bit cringey, aren’t they?” Nina offered kindly, attempting to cheer Vanjie up. In doing this, she only succeeded in earning herself an exasperated cry from Monet.

“V, do you wanna go out? I can’t stand this bitch any more, she just keeps insulting me.”

As everyone howled with laughter and Nina frantically smothered her girlfriend in kisses trying to get her back onside, Brooke sneaked a look at Vanessa. She was laughing, but her face was still a little red. Christ, she looked so cute. _Idiot, idiot, idiot._

“Speaking of sex, I’m assuming Yvie and Scarlet went off to bang?” Plastique shrugged, everyone finally realising who was missing.

“Oh, fuck this! Save that shit for later!” Silky protested, Akeria laughing and whacking her.

“Hey, let them be happy! It’s my birthday so I’m sayin’ if they want to fuck, let ‘em. In the meantime I have an empty wine bottle and a room full of girls with secrets that need spilled,” Akeria announced. Plastique clapped excitedly, Silky cheered and Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“For Christ’s sake, Kiki, do we not already know all there is to know about each other?” she complained. Interesting. So Vanessa didn’t want to play truth or dare, a game she was usually always down for.

“Excuse the fuck outta me, we played that stupid tuna game earlier!”

“Sardines,” Brooke deadpanned, earning herself a laugh from the room.

“It was some type of fish, I got that much right.”

“How are you through a whole bottle of wine already?” Silky asked, impressed.

“Can I live? It’s my birthday! Now will you hoes stop pissing in my cereal and let’s play!” Akeria implored, setting the wine bottle down against the red carpet and spinning it so violently Brooke worried that it would smash on the marble grate. It slowed, turning round and round and finally resting right back at where Akeria leant down from the sofa. She let out a giggle. “Oops. Guess it’s me.”

“Keeks, truth or dare!” Plastique asked excitedly. Akeria tilted her head, deep in thought.

“Hmm. I ain’t drunk enough for dares yet, so let’s go truth.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone racked their brains to think of something. Monet was first with an idea.

“Fuck, marry, kill: Silk, Vanj or…uh…”

“Asia,” Vanessa said simply, sipping some coke and spirit concoction through a straw as Silky let out a screech. Brooke was confused. She met her eyes with Nina’s, who looked equally baffled.

“Wait, who’s Asia?” Nina asked. Akeria, to her credit, looked composed. To be fair, Brooke had hardly ever seen her look anything but.

“She’s a friend from my course. We did a paired project together an’ she came over to the flat to work on it the other week,” Vanessa shrugged. “Her an’ Kiki seemed to hit it off.”

“I don’t have a fuckin’ crush on the girl, Jesus. Don’t make it weird,” Akeria rolled her eyes, blinking slowly. If Brooke squinted she might’ve spotted a flush to Akeria’s face, but perhaps that came from the glow of the fire.

Monet muttered under her breath to Brooke and Nina as the three flatmates bickered away. “Is Akeria gay?”

Brooke blew out a bunch of air. “Fuck, I don’t even know who’s what anymore.”

“She’s never classed herself as straight,” Nina elaborated cautiously. “She talks about getting dicked down by guys a lot. Then again, it’s really only Silky that does that and Keeks just joins in.”

“Silk and Vanj know something we don’t,” Brooke reasoned, watching as the two girls laughed and Akeria sat, poised and smirking at them indulgently as if they were kids.

“Right, enough! ‘Keria, fuck marry kill: Vanjie, Silk or Asia, then,” Monet shrugged, sipping her mojito.

Akeria flipped some hair over her shoulder and tilted her head to the sky thoughtfully. “I honestly can’t decide who I’d rather kill, Silk or Vanj.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna fuck or marry Asia, correct?” Vanessa quipped, a little fire igniting in Brooke’s heart as she watched a wicked smile spread across her scheming face.

“No, I don’t know her well enough to have any strong feelings towards her either way. You and Silk, however…” Akeria raised her eyebrows long-sufferingly, coaxing a laugh out of the other girls. “Uhh, right, marry Asia, or whatever. Kill Silky.”

“Bitch! I’ll kill you for real,” Silky objected, pummeling Akeria’s arm with a cushion.

“Fuck Vanj because she likes girls anyway and if she’s going down on me it means she’s not talking with that fuckin’ gritter-truck voice of hers,” Akeria shrugged as she concluded, the room cheering and Vanessa doing a little celebratory bow. As she flipped her head up she caught Brooke’s eye, giving her a little wink. Brooke crossed her legs and tried not to think about Vanessa going down on anyone. Least of all her.

“Aight!” Akeria said, indicating to everyone that her turn was well and truly over. “We move.”

The bottle was spun once more, Brooke taking a long drink out of her bottle and draining it. She needed to be tipsier than this. Everyone else seemed a little more drunk than she was, apart from Vanessa who she noted was sipping her drink sparingly. Brooke shook her head a little, trying to stop bringing her focus to Vanessa every five minutes. She’d taken her heels off and tucked her legs up underneath her on the sofa, and her thighs looked good for it.

“Plastique, truth or dare!”

Plastique tucked her hair behind her ears. “Uhh, dare.”

Brooke knew what to do for this one. Plastique had taken Ariel on a couple of dates, but the girls were emotionally stunted and neither of them had properly articulated their feelings to the other yet. “Call Ariel and tell her how you feel about her. Properly.”

As the other girls “oooh"ed in appreciation, Plastique fixed Brooke with an unimpressed glare. “I’m not doing that.”

“Pussy,” Brooke shrugged, sipping her other beer. Vanessa let out a laugh from the other side of the room.

“Brooke Lynn’s telling someone else they’re a pussy for not being open about their feelings? Are we in the correct universe?”

As the other girls gave a laugh that was only the slightest bit uncomfortable, Brooke rolled her eyes. “Okay, well at the very least send her a heartfelt text.”

“Why are you pushing this so much, ma?” Plastique pouted as she relented and reached for her phone.

“Because I’m bored of sitting in lectures hearing you moan about how you can’t tell her how you feel because it would make it weird or how you don’t want to come across too intense!”

“We all had to listen to you pine after Vanjie for two and a half years but we never forced you into admitting anything,” Plastique shrugged, the room erupting into shrieks. Brooke gave a choke of a laugh, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her. She knew her face was bright red without having to look in a mirror and, as much as her brain was imploring her not to, she found her eyes darting quickly to Vanessa to catch a glimpse of her face.

Calm, smiling tight-lipped and smug. As if she’d won something.

“No, but you did start a sweepstake about us so get off the high horse, thanks!” Brooke sing-songed back, the slight hint of irritation to her voice letting Plastique know she was to drop it. _Us._ The word felt weird in Brooke’s mouth, it hadn’t been used in so long. Two and a half years. Had she really liked Vanessa for that long before everything had happened between them? Brooke had actually thrown away two and a half years of feelings for the sake of one feeling of indecision, a feeling that maybe they shouldn’t have been a _they_ any more?

_For Christ’s sake don’t look at Vanessa._

“Fine. I’ve put _tonight’s really fun but I miss you, I always miss you when you’re not with me, hope you know how much I care about you_. That heartfelt enough for you bitches?” Plastique muttered, embarrassed. Nina let out an “aaw”, Akeria made a sick noise.

“Acceptable,” Brooke shrugged, sipping on her beer again. Suddenly, a cheer went up from Akeria, Vanessa and Silky who could see who was coming through the living room door first. Yvie and Scarlet were walking close, holding a glass of red wine each and wearing matching poker faces.

“Oh, here they are! Nice of you to finally join us!” Nina cheered, Scarlet giving a small smile and smoothing her dress down, sitting beside Yvie on the last remaining couch.

“All the best people are fashionably late!” she shrugged. Yvie gave a snort and swept some hair over her shoulder to cover her neck. Brooke saw the action and jumped on it.

“Nice neckwear.”

Yvie turned only slightly red. “Thanks. Gucci.”

“Hear that? Yvie’s girlfriend is _Gucci._ Not Tesco Finest. _Gucci_ ,” Monet nudged Nina, setting another laugh off amongst the girls.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Brooke explained to the two girls, as Plastique gave the glass bottle a bit of a pathetic spin.

“Vanjie!”

Vanessa shook her head. “Nah that spin was shit, it don’t count.”

“Like hell it don’t! Truth or dare, bitch?” Silky all but interrogated her. Vanessa thought about it for a moment, then decided.

“Truth.”

Brooke’ heart hammered in her chest. She hoped to God they wouldn’t ask Vanessa anything about her, anything about them.

“What’s going on with you and Monique, Vanjie?” Monet asked dramatically, Akeria giving a cry of delight and thumping her hands against her thighs.

_Great._

As the room broke out into eager laughter, Vanessa just smiled.

“Well, Monique and I are good friends, and…we get on well. We both been, y'know, unlucky in love a lil’, so…” Vanessa trailed off, the room giving little chokes of anticipation and Brooke’s stomach twisting. “…if it’s one in the morning and one of us is maybe still up…y'know…”

Monet gave a tiny squeal through her teeth. Brooke wanted to wedge herself in between the sofa cushions and not emerge again til May of next year.

“Y'know, Monique’s very confident, very sure of herself, an’ that's…y'know, it’s attractive…” Vanessa trailed off, running her tongue over her teeth. Brooke knew that face, remembered the time when that face used to get directed at her before they’d fall into bed together, frantic kisses planted along collarbones and clothes discarded over the uneven floorboards of Vanessa’s room.

“But what’s actually going on? You’ve said so much but not actually said anything,” Yvie let out an unimpressed laugh. Vanessa composed herself and sat up straight, taking a rare sip of her drink.

“Well, we get on well. She’s a good person. And we’re friends,” Vanessa smiled coyly, causing the girls to laugh uproariously.

“Okay, okay, we all see it! We all get it!” Monet laughed, the knife twisting in Brooke’s stomach. Could it have been more obvious that they were obviously having each other in every type of position imaginable with any chance they got, or was it just Brooke being paranoid? She thought back to what Monet had said in the car earlier and concluded that, occasional hits of the bong aside, she was not being paranoid by any stretch of the imagination.

The game rolled along. Nina was made to do something vague and embarrassing with Monet that Brooke forgot quickly (or perhaps blocked out), Scarlet was forced to admit (rather proudly, Brooke thought) that her and Yvie had quickly fucked upstairs in the time they’d been away, and a few other of the girls did a couple of bland truths. As much as the bottle spun and spun, it never seemed to point Brooke’s way. Brooke was glad. She didn’t want to admit or say anything, and she also didn’t want to do anything remotely risky. However, when the bottle landed on Vanessa a second time, Brooke began to reconsider her thought process.

“Dare,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of danger in her eye flashing quickly as she darted her eyes quickly to Brooke.

Brooke tried not to look at Nina as she spoke. “Vanjie. Kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Plastique whispered quietly. It seemed as if the whole room held its breath. Brooke didn’t know if she was grateful to Nina for the setup or whether she wanted to descend into the earth’s core. She knew Vanessa had answered this question before with this group of girls, she knew that Vanessa thought the answer was her. But that was before everything had changed. Brooke felt her pulse race as Vanessa looked to the ceiling, deep in thought.

Slowly, she turned her gaze to Yvie and Scarlet.

“Yvie,” she began, a small sinking feeling lodging itself in Brooke’s chest. “Can I kiss your girlfriend?”

Yvie smiled at Scarlet proudly, happy for the compliment. “Dare’s a dare. Bring her back.”

“Scarlet, can I get a lil’ smooch?” Vanessa laughed, Scarlet laughing back and motioning for her to sit beside them on the sofa.

“C'mere, friend,” she laughed easily, Vanessa crossing the room and joining them. Brooke remembered when Vanessa had kissed Scarlet before- in the nightclub, before they were together and before Yvie and Scarlet were together. She remembered how it made her feel- a little irritated and sad all in one. Looking back, she realised it was plain and simple jealousy, and she knew her feelings weren’t going to change this time.

Quickly, Vanessa leaned in and met Scarlet’s lips, kissing her gently but slowly, her hand resting on Scarlet’s hip easily. It could only have been about three seconds long, but each one seemed to tick by agonisingly slowly, and Brooke hoped she wasn’t showing any of her fucked-up emotions on her face. As the two girls pulled away and the others whooped and whistled, Scarlet made a face.

“Bitch, all I tasted there was pepperoni. That was the least sexy kiss I’ve ever had.”

“You loved it, hoe!” Vanessa laughed, retreating back to her seat. Desperate to look at anything but Vanessa’s face, Brooke watched Yvie and Scarlet. Yvie had the satisfied grin of a mafia mob boss as Scarlet whispered something in her ear, then smiled seductively, kissing her once, twice, three times, red lipstick meeting purple.

“Well if I wasn’t bi before, I sure as hell am now,” Plastique fanned herself.

“We are the cornerstone of Plastique’s sexual identity. That’s a fucking compliment!” Scarlet cheered, Yvie laughing and wrapping her arms around her.

“Nah, you and Yvie are my parents. The Mums of the group,” Plastique explained.

“Fuck off, we’re not the Mums!” Yvie laughed, outraged. “Nina and Monet are literally right there!”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Nina cried, outraged at the perceived injustice.

“Yeah, don’t lump me in with this dork!” Monet yelled, laughing with the other girls as Nina swatted her on the arm.

“Right! Spin, Vanj,” Yvie ordered, the girl spinning the bottle round obediently. Brooke watched as the top of the bottle whizzed by her once, twice, three times, past Yvie, Scarlet, the Antigua Road girls, slowed down as it reached Plastique, edged past Monet and Nina and then came to rest on Brooke.

“All RIGHT! About time this bitch spilt some tea,” Silky clapped in delight.

“Brooke,” Akeria said with the threat level of an MI5 employee. “Truth or dare?”

Brooke paused. Her go-to was usually a truth, however there was no way she was going for that this time, not while she was still a concrete mixer of feelings for Vanessa and not while there was a room full of people wanting to know exactly what was going on with them. She shrugged. “Dare.”

“Okay-” Akeria tailed off, making to stop and think. A practically evil smile spread across her face as realisation dawned on her. “Same dare. Kiss the hottest person in the room. Ten seconds.”

Silky let out a scream, growing so excitable on the sofa that Vanessa was almost sent through the ceiling. Scarlet whispered something to Yvie on the sofa, both of the girls looking at Brooke intently. Plastique shouted over something to Akeria that Brooke couldn’t hear. All she could focus on was how Vanessa had grabbed Silky and was laughing, but somewhat nervously. Her face had gone bright red. Brooke bit her lip. She thought back to their flirting in the cupboard earlier, how they were almost back to square one again, the weird bid Vanessa had made to make Brooke jealous. She could always kiss Yvie or Nina, take the easy way out. But the more she looked at Vanessa, the more drawn she became to her until before she knew what she was doing, Brooke had stood up from her place on the carpet and taken one, two, three steps to sit on the couch and look Vanessa in the eyes.

Brooke could hear everyone in the room screaming, and she knew Silky had run out of the room shouting incoherently, but all she seemed to hear was her blood roaring in her ears as Vanessa leaned in. Before she knew it, Brooke’s hand was resting on Vanessa’s bare thigh and they were kissing each other, slow and deep and lazy and in a way that Brooke never wanted to end. She felt Vanessa’s tongue licking at hers gently and immediately felt a throb of heat between her legs as she remembered 3ams spent between her sheets and Vanessa’s head buried between her thighs.

_Christ, this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea-_

“ZERO! And y’all can officially cut that shit out,” Brooke suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Vanessa, Akeria’s voice cutting through her hazy thoughts and bringing her back down to earth with a bump. 

“Well, I feel like on that note,” Monet clapped her hands together decisively. “I’m away out to drink in the hot tub. Anyone else?”

One by one the girls agreed, dashing out of the room excitedly, and it was obvious to Brooke that everyone would be talking about what had just happened. Vanessa had run off quickly, her hand in Silky’s as the two dashed upstairs to get their swimwear on. The only girl that was left in the room as Brooke made to do the same was Akeria. She frowned at Brooke as they both left the room, a warning in her eyes which sent a chill down Brooke’s spine. Trying to ignore it, Brooke dashed upstairs, changed into her pink bikini and then ran outside to join the others. They wouldn’t talk about her and Vanessa’s kiss if she was there, so the less time she was away the better. Brooke grabbed a third beer from the fridge on her way out to the garden, and as she stepped outside she noticed how the moon already hung huge and bright in the sky, how the grass already had a shine of cold wet on it, and how everything looked almost a little bit magic. Joining the others and sitting between Yvie and Plastique, she tried to ignore Vanessa sitting opposite her in a black bikini that looked equally sinful as the outfit she’d been wearing before. Luckily the rest of the girls had no further desire to play drinking games, and talk instead turned to movies. Brooke didn’t join in. She couldn’t- too much was swirling around her mind, namely how good the kiss had felt. Scarlet had probably lied to make Yvie laugh- Vanessa had tasted like sugary coke, and the all too familiar scent of her perfume was still inexplicably clinging to Brooke. It had been weird to kiss after months of no contact at all. It had been a bad decision. Brooke had done yet another wrong thing.

So why did it feel somehow correct?

“Right!” Akeria said after a while, almost toppling over as she stood up. “I think I’m gettin’ a touch of the hypothermias. Who’s comin’ inside to watch Sister Act?”

“Bitch! That’s like, my favourite movie. Hell yes,” Monet sprang up, knocking Nina off her lap and into the middle of the hot tub. The girls erupted in a laugh, Brooke almost dropping her beer into the water. One by one, they all filed out of the water. Brooke was the last one left. Admittedly she didn’t want to leave- she was now tipsy enough to not feel the cold, and she could have lain back and stared at the white light of the full moon in the inky sky forever. Just as she was about to follow the others, she noticed that the second-to-last girl out of the hot tub was Vanessa. Brooke swallowed thickly, trying her best not to stare at how the small droplets of water clung to her thick thighs or how her tiny bikini barely covered her firm ass, or how her slick, wet hair cascaded down her back. Almost as if she could read Brooke’s mind, Vanessa slowly, tortuously turned around. She had a little wicked smile on her face, the kind she always used to wear when she flirted with Brooke. It made Brooke cross her legs and squeeze her thighs together.

“You got a good enough view from there?” she asked, playfulness coating her words as she spread both her arms out to lean against the back of the hot tub.

This was bad. This was not good. Brooke couldn’t flirt back. It would only lead to another really horrendous, catastrophic decision. Her mind was hot-wiring, and to her dismay she couldn’t come up with any form of quick-witted comeback. Noticing how long it was taking her to reply, Vanessa gave a throaty laugh.

“Hmm. I’ll take that as a yes, then,” she purred, crossing the water and sitting down close next to Brooke. Brooke tried her best not to choke as she took a sip from the bottle in her hand.

“Thought you were going to watch Sister Act?” she asked, trying to sound casual but cringing at how nervous she sounded as the words left her mouth. Her blood pressure dialled up a notch as Vanessa laced her fingers together, placed her hands on Brooke’s bare shoulder, then rested her head against her fingers. 

“I don’t know. Think I’d rather see what’s so special about this view you love so much,” Vanessa murmured softly, Brooke not missing the way she rushed out the word ‘love’ as if to distil any awkwardness. She didn’t need to worry, though, because right now all Brooke could focus on was how good Vanessa looked in that black bikini, and how her red lipstick still clung to her plump lips as if it had just been applied, and her beautiful dark gaze from under her fake lashes.

“Hmm. It’s a pretty good view. Pretty beautiful,” Brooke found herself whispering, eliciting a sparkle from Vanessa’s eyes. _Fuck. Shit._ She shouldn’t have said that, it just seemed to have happened, but with Vanessa sitting pressed up so close to her how else could she have possibly reacted? There was a small silence in which Vanessa gave a small giggle, looking down at the constantly popping bubbles. The jet stream pummeled Brooke’s back to bits.

“What’s funny?” she smiled cautiously. Vanessa looked at her, something nostalgic on her face.

“Your pickup lines are still cringey as fuck,” she smirked, Brooke rolling her eyes a little. She had to steer this conversation back to normality. Whatever the fuck normality was as far as her and Vanessa were concerned.

“That wasn’t a pickup line. If I was trying to pick you up, you’d know about it.”

“Oh, I know about it, baby. Don’ worry,” Vanessa hit back instantly, Brooke taking the pet name like a fatal shot. Brooke knew that Vanessa knew what that word did to her in the right context with the right tone. _Fuck. Bad idea, bad idea._ She was determined not to lose whatever game this was. She would not do anything stupid. She would not ruin the tiny, small beginnings of this foundation of their friendship that they were gradually re-building. She would stand up and go inside and watch Whoopi fucking Goldberg dance about in a fucking habit and all would be right with the world again.

“Two and a half years, huh? You had it bad, bitch, I never knew I had that kind of effect on you,” Vanessa laughed suddenly, Brooke trying not to blush as she remembered Plastique’s words from earlier.

“Not that you’re letting it go to your head,” Brooke shrugged, taking a sip.

Vanessa giggled again. Brooke wished she wouldn’t. “Never.”

“Good compliment for you, I guess.”

“Better than beaud,” Vanessa smirked, snorting a laugh as Brooke tipped her head back and cringed. As she quietly stopped laughing, Vanessa shrugged lightly. “An’ I mean, nice to know I’m the hottest girl in the room too.”

Brooke let out a small sigh at having to confront her decision. “I mean just because we’re not dating any more doesn’t mean it’s not objectively true. By Western beauty standards you probably are the hottest girl in the room.”

Vanessa laughed again. “Western beauty standards, my God. I’m not even white, you dumb bitch.”

“Yeah, but…you’ve got this gorgeous skin, and all your shiny hair. And your eyes that go all twinkly when you’re happy,” Brooke explained. _Where was all this coming from?_ “And you have perfect white teeth, and the best smile. I feel like you light up the whole room when you laugh.”

Brooke’s heart gave a twinge as Vanessa’s face broke out into a smile, tilting her face to the side a little inquisitively. Brooke gave a little cough, aware of all the compliments she’d given her. “And you have a really good figure as well, so, yeah.”

“Oh, obviously. Well, we all know how much you like that,” Vanessa smirked cheekily, Brooke suddenly snapping her neck round to face her properly.

“What?”

“Liked that. Like, liked. Whatever. We’re friends now, we can laugh about it,” Vanessa shrugged, the words coming out of her mouth confirming their status at once relieving Brooke and putting her on edge. They were back to being friends. This was what Brooke wanted, right? Vanessa still had the little cheeky grin on her face as she spoke again. “Friends who still kiss each other, apparently.”

“Well, you kissed Scarlet,” Brooke said, trying to make it as nonchalant as possible. Judging by Vanessa’s smug reaction, she hadn’t succeeded.

“You seem pressed.”

“Not pressed! Just saying,” Brooke tried to protest gently but felt she came on way too heavy.

“Mhm. There’s just one problem about all this, though…” Vanessa murmured, her tone charged with something that immediately made the hairs on Brooke’s arm stand on end, giving her goosebumps.

And then, with one fluid movement, Vanessa moved to straddle her.

_Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit._

Brooke’s heart almost flatlined as Vanessa spoke, her face still wearing the tiniest cocky smile that Brooke so badly wanted to kiss off of her. “It’s kinda hard to try an’ be friends with you when I know what you look like with no clothes on.”

Brooke tried her best to keep her voice level. “Well, it’s also kind of hard to try and be friends with you when you’re flirting with me.”

“It’s also hard to be friends with you when I know what your kinks are…” Vanessa brought her arms around Brooke’s neck and barely concealed a smile as she bucked her hips ever so slightly. “… _Mami_.”

Brooke felt the tiniest hiss escape her lips, glad it wasn’t the _fuck_ that had immediately popped into her head.

“It’s kind of hard to be friends with you when you’re riding my thigh…or when you’re coming on to me like this,” Brooke replied, keeping one hand firmly on the side of the hot tub and the other wrapped around the glass bottle in her hand so tight she thought it would smash.

“Coming on to you?” Vanessa suddenly tipped her head back and laughed, Brooke immediately realising what she’d said. “That can be arranged, you want face, tongue or fingers?”

“Fuck’s sake, Vanessa,” Brooke laughed softly, letting one of her hands drop down under the water and rest against Vanessa’s thigh. As Brooke’s thumb rubbed at her skin softly, she tried to reason with herself. Just because she was stroking Vanessa’s skin, and had her on top of her, and was basically talking dirty to her, didn’t mean that anything was actually going to happen.

“I know you miss me, Brooke,” Vanessa said, her tone matter-of-fact as she straightened up a little in Brooke’s lap, Brooke eyeing the way her breasts were pushed up.

Brooke had to think carefully about her response. She knew she’d hurt Vanessa, so she had to keep things light. “I mean, it kind of looks like you miss me, baby.”

Oh fuck, that pet name was a mistake. Vanessa’s smile was sultry as she pushed one of her hands into Brooke’s hair. “Me? Nah, I’m just doin’ this because it’s fun. Monique’s treatin’ me _very_ well.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Vanessa knew how to hit Brooke where it hurt. Brooke pursed her lips. She wanted to fight dirty, she would give as good as she got. “And that’s why you’re cheating on her?”

Vanessa burst out laughing. “Oh, bitch, please! Me and her aren’t exclusive! We ain’t even a thing! She vents to me about her ex, I vent to her about you, and then we fuck away our frustrations!”

A part of Brooke’s heart soared up into the black sky like a helium balloon. She didn’t think she’d shown her relief on her face until Vanessa gave a laugh. “So. You ain’t denied it.”

“Denied what?”

“That you miss me,” she shrugged, giving a little look down at Brooke’s hands on her thighs. Brooke couldn’t pinpoint when she’d brought the other one down under the water but apparently she had done. Her throat was dry as she considered her response. Before she could get there, Vanessa threw her mind into chaos as she brought her hands back behind her head, fidgeted for a moment, then suddenly threw her bikini top across the decking. As Brooke’s gaze flicked down to Vanessa’s full breasts, the other girl brought one finger up and tilted her chin up to face her. The heat between Brooke’s legs was unbearable, and she felt her paper-thin resolve rapidly melting away. Vanessa smirked. “You wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you? Like you kissed me earlier. You can’t even stay away.“

Vanessa seemed to edge closer to Brooke, although they were already so close that seemed an impossible feat. Brooke raised an eyebrow. “See, I feel like if Monique fucked you as good as you say she does, you wouldn’t be in my lap right now.”

Vanessa blinked slowly, mockingly. “Oh, baby. You don’t want to know the things I let her do to me.”

Brooke bristled. The tension between them and Vanessa’s teasing was getting her riled. “You’re right, I don’t.”

“Aww. You jealous, baby?” Vanessa pouted. This was going to drive Brooke insane. Her mind constantly swung between this being a bad idea and a good idea, and she had no idea which it would settle on.

Brooke locked eyes with Vanessa, the other girl’s gaze a challenge. “No.”

“You sure? You seemed jealous when I kissed Scarlet earlier, I saw your face.”

“I don’t get jealous,” Brooke repeated, holding her gaze with Vanessa. Their faces weren’t too close but their bodies were, and Brooke felt as if she was a ticking time bomb.

“So you ain’t jealous of Monique?” Vanessa murmured inquisitively. Brooke shook her head, now unable to tear her gaze away from her lips which had felt so perfect against her own earlier. “You ain’t jealous of the fact she gets to ride my face and get my pretty lil’ tongue working her clit? You ain’t jealous of the fact that it’s her name I’m crying out when I cum on her fingers? You ain’t-”

Frustrated, tense, and out of willpower, Brooke let out a low growl as she finally brought her hands up to Vanessa’s jaw and crashed their lips together, kissing her wildly and deeply and running her hands over every inch of Vanessa’s skin she was able to touch. She didn’t even care that she’d proven Vanessa right, because she _had_ missed this, missed her, missed the way they just seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and dear sweet fucking Jesus she’d been an idiot to give up this sex. Brooke whined needily as she felt Vanessa pull away, the other girl laughing against her lips.

“You don’t kiss like a girl who ain’t jealous,” Vanessa tutted, a satisfied smirk on her face. "Or one that don’t miss me.”

Brooke ran her hands up and down her back and pouted. “Shut up.”

“Hmm. That ain’t no way to talk to me if you’re planning on getting what you want, lil’ brat,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, bringing one of her hands down to rub at Brooke’s hipbone. Brooke let out a whimper and bucked her hips. She needed Vanessa so badly, and her words were only making things worse. Or better.

“Fuck, please, Vanessa, shit,” Brooke hissed, not caring about how pathetic and needy she looked now as she brought one of her hands up and rubbed a thumb over one of Vanessa’s nipples. Brooke felt her clit throb as Vanessa gave a little hum of delight at the contact. Her fingers had only been there for a second before Vanessa grabbed her wrist and held it down under the water, the sudden force causing Brooke’s eyes to grow wide.

“You broke my fuckin’ heart an’ now you really think I’m gonna make it that easy for you?” she barked a laugh, a guilty twinge tugging at Brooke’s rapid heart. “Fuck that. I want to hear you beg me to fuck you. You’re gonna have to work for me, baby. Shit’s on my terms.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I really don’t give a shit how desperate I sound,” Brooke sighed, the shock of the prospect of Vanessa changing her mind about all this lighting a fire in Brooke. “Please, please, please, please, baby, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything you want, just fucking touch me, please-”

Brooke cut herself off with her own moan as Vanessa ran a hand down her body and lightly pressed two fingers against her, rubbing gently and making Brooke want to sob.

“Good girl,” Vanessa purred, Brooke writhing underneath her and completely past the point of thinking about any of the consequences of any of this. “You miss me, don’t you?”

“Fuck, so much.”

“You been missin’ this?”

“Shit yes, so much.”

Vanessa’s eyes were dark as Brooke looked up at her. “Nobody’s gonna fuck you like me, are they?”

Brooke’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head, thinking that at this point if Vanessa asked her to get married she probably would’ve booked the damn venue. “No, only you, baby, fuck.”

“Mm, such a good girl,” Vanessa smirked, Brooke’s clit giving a spasm as she thought now was really not the time to realise she had a praise kink. “I don’t know, though. You seemed pretty sure you wouldn’t miss me when you ended things.”

“I do miss you, ‘Ness, I promise, I’m sorry, I’ll beg on my knees if you want me to, I don’t give a fuck, you’ve been driving me crazy all night…so fucking perfect, shit…”

“Mm…you would look so pretty on your knees,” Vanessa leaned in and murmured into Brooke’s ear, pressing the lightest little kiss to her neck and almost sending Brooke over the edge before anything had even happened yet.

“I’ll do whatever you want, baby, fuck, I want you to feel like you’re the most gorgeous fucking goddess in the world,” Brooke gasped as Vanessa brought her other hand down to touch herself, the sight of her working Brooke and herself into a frenzy the hottest thing she’d seen in months. Her mind short-circuited, and she struggled to know if anything she said made any sense. “Jesus Christ, Vanessa, please fuck me, I can’t take much more-”

Pride glinted in Vanessa’s eyes before she leaned in and kissed Brooke, hot and wet with her fingers still rubbing and teasing her through the material. Pulling away, she motioned to the decking around the hot tub. “Lie back then, baby.”

As Brooke almost drove her face into the decking in her haste to scramble out of the hot tub she ignored the little voice in the back of her head that told her everything about this was a bad idea, and instead focused on the one that screamed it was the best decision she’d made in months.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the girls have to pick up the pieces for the 195th time. but karaoke and gin solve everything, right?

Scarlet lay back in bed, panting and looking up at the ceiling as Yvie emerged from the covers underneath her, her cheeks red. Holding her arms out for a cuddle, Scarlet’s heart swelled up as Yvie, exhausted, threw her head down against Scarlet’s chest. Scarlet knew Yvie would be able to hear her heart beat. She liked that. She liked being intimate with Yvie in ways like they just had been, when Yvie’s tongue was between her legs and Scarlet was crying out into the silence of the house without a care for who heard them, but she also loved the intimacy of Yvie knowing parts of her that nobody else knew, like a secret they both shared.

“I love you,” Scarlet sighed, pressing a kiss to Yvie’s chaos of curls as the other girl wrapped her arms around her waist and squeezed.

“I love you too, baby. So much,” Yvie replied, Scarlet able to feel how she smiled against her skin and unable to stop herself from smiling too.

They lay there for a moment in the foreign room, Scarlet taking in their surroundings. A green carpet, scuffed and worn. A white ceiling with endless cracks snaking across it like a map. An inexplicably out of context painting of a hunt in the countryside, and a window with no curtains where the bright sunshine of the new day shone in unrelentingly through the unpolished glass.

“How are you this morning, you hanging?” Yvie asked her, Scarlet frowning.

“Nah. I never drank that much. You?” she asked, sitting up a little and causing Yvie to shift.

“I’ve got a little headache but I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or just this bed.”

“We were drinking red wine, to be fair. That was a bad call,” Scarlet rubbed her temples, concluding that she’d had a lucky escape. They’d bought it when Plastique had stopped at the small Co-Op in the village nearest the house to stock up, and they’d giggled in the wine aisle as they had decided to buy something civilised to pretend they were characters in an Agatha Christie novel and swan around the big house dressed to the nines. Although when Scarlet had seen Yvie last night she’d immediately wanted to rip her dress off. It had turned out Yvie had thought the same, and a little smile spread across Scarlet’s face as she remembered them, pressed up against the bedroom wall, messy and passionate as they hitched their dresses up and touched each other frantically and came apart. Scarlet wriggled, crossing her legs and squeezing them together.

“Jesus, what is with you this weekend? You’re so horny, like, all the time,” Yvie laughed, noticing her reaction. Scarlet gave a guilty smile.

“I can’t help it that I have the sexiest girlfriend here,” she shrugged, Yvie rolling herself onto her back and throwing her fists in the air into a triumphant stretch.

“ _Actually_ I think you’ll find _I_ have the official hottest girl in the room as a girlfriend, so. Check and mate, princess.“

Scarlet gave a snort. "Hey, I was merely a pawn in the huge game of fucking chess that is Vanjie and Brooke at the moment, I don’t think I was anything more than a jealousy crash test dummy.”

“Hmm, well. You got dummy right,” Yvie said playfully, laughing as Scarlet pushed her slightly off the bed, then pulled her back again. Scarlet pulled her close, unease forming in the pit of her stomach.

“You know I’m just yours, right? I only-”

“Oh my God Scarlet, relax!” Yvie laughed, squeezing her. “I know there was nothing to that kiss at all, shut up. I trust you. I love you. It was a dare, these girls are our friends, and Vanjie’s about as harmless as an actual cucumber. Chill.”

Scarlet obediently relaxed, glad to have reassured Yvie even if she didn’t need reassured in the first place. She paused, then spoke again. “I don’t know, you could do a bit of damage to someone with a cucumber.”

“I’d do a bit of damage to you with a cucumber,” Yvie wiggled her eyebrows, Scarlet screeching a laugh and swatting at her.

“You’re disgusting. I hate you.”

“You wish you hated me,” Yvie stuck her tongue out at her, and Scarlet sighed.

“It would make my life a lot easier if I did,” she replied playfully, a loud rumble from her stomach cutting her off. She frowned. “Hungry.”

Yvie gave another stretch, her ankles cracking loudly. “Do you want to go down, get the glasses from the living room and stick some bacon on a pan or some shit?”

“ _Stick some bacon on a pan or some shit_ _._ Gordon Ramsay, love your work!”

The two girls continued to bicker as they threw their pyjamas back on, bounced down the stairs and collected the glasses left in the living room from last night. Scarlet was glad to see that there were no rings left from any drinks on tables, her airbnb account safe from a scathing review from whoever even owned this place. Looking at the sofa her and Yvie had sat on last night, she laughed as she remembered her and Vanjie’s ridiculous kiss. The girl got no points for subtlety.

“How did Brooke get more jealous than you when me and Vanj got with each other? You’re my actual girlfriend and you gave less of a shit,” Scarlet mused, walking into the kitchen behind Yvie and setting the glasses down beside the sink.

“Because I know that I’m yours and you’re mine and Brooke knows that she fucked it with Vanjie so she can’t kiss her whenever she wants to like I can with you. I got to have you back in my arms after that kiss and have you reassure me, she didn’t get that,” Yvie shrugged, getting the bacon out of the fridge. She ran her tongue over her teeth as she locked eyes with Scarlet. “Plus it was hot, not gonna lie.”

“Fuck, are we going to have a threesome now, is that what this is?” Scarlet asked dryly, secretly flattered.

“Bad enough having to throw your fuckin’ teddy across the room whenever I’m dicking you down at yours.”

“Just once I’d love to talk about sex with you and not want to blow my own brains out,” Scarlet continued deadpanning, snorting as Yvie began to laugh in her own goofy way. Scarlet loved the old married couple bickering that they always seemed to fall into, having absorbed so much of Yvie’s humour the longer she spent with her. It was one of just so many things she loved about her. “Did something go on between them last night, by the way?”

“Oh, hundred percent,” Yvie rolled her eyes as she wrenched a frying pan from a cupboard. “Yay, another Brooke Lynn shaped mess me and Nina are gonna have to pick up the pieces of! Can’t wait!”

“Yves,” Scarlet warned, dunking the glasses into the hot, soapy water she’d filled the sink with. “Be nice. She’s your best friend, we all make mistakes.”

“I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her like a fucking maraca. It’s like she’s been challenged to make as many bad decisions that she can and if she gets to a certain amount she wins a prize. What do you think her target is? Two hundred? Five hundred?”

“Stop,” Scarlet laughed, her smile almost cracking her face as she turned around, hearing a set of footsteps pad softly down the steps to the kitchen. Akeria emerged, her makeup from the night before smeared across her face like a child’s painting and her long, blonde hair twirled up into a bun. “Morning, Kiki. You sleep okay?”

“The sleep was fine. It’s the awake part I’m strugglin’ with,” she groaned, sliding into one of the wooden chairs and resting her head in her hands. “Is this what a hangover’s like when you turn twenty two? I don’t want it.”

“No, that’s what a hangover’s like when you drink three bottles of six pound Shiraz,” Yvie raised an eyebrow at the suffering girl, Scarlet feeling guilty as she laughed.

“Leave me alone, it’s my birthday,” Akeria whined, Scarlet’s stomach rumbling again as the smell of bacon began to waft through the kitchen.

“Are you gonna use that excuse for the entirety of March?” Yvie chuckled, turning around from the aga. Scarlet took the rolls they’d bought out of the cupboard and got the butter out of the fridge.

“Yes,” Akeria rubbed her eyes so hard Scarlet worried for her eyelash extensions. “Tell me I didn’t do anythin’ embarrassing?”

“You honestly didn’t,” Scarlet said kindly, her heart going out to Akeria. “I don’t think you have any bad decisions to worry about.”

“Apart from the whole drinking three bottles of wine thing,” Yvie shrugged.

“Vanjie, on the other hand…” Akeria sighed, Yvie growing animated at the stove.

“Right? We were just talking about this. Do you know what happened?”

“Not yet. She better be in that fucking room with Silk and Plastique or I’ll personally whoop her ass,” Akeria narrowed her eyes.

“She’s not,” came Plastique’s voice from the stairs, Silky following after.

“Good morning campers! How are we?” Silky’s voice boomed cheerfully into the echoing kitchen, making Scarlet flinch even though she wasn’t all that hungover.

“Silky, I’m honestly going to murder you in your sleep,” Akeria said flatly.

“You think this is bad! The bitch decided to give me a full one-woman show of The Bodyguard last night before bed!” Plastique cried in outrage, filling the kettle up and flicking on the switch.

“It was BEAUTIFUL and EMOTIONAL and GROUNDBREAKING!” Silky yelled, throwing herself down into the chair next to her flatmate dramatically.

“Please someone kill me,” Akeria sighed.

“Were you guys talking about Brooke and Vanjie?” Plastique steered the conversation back as the kettle bubbled. “They’re in Brooke’s room. She didn’t sleep in ours.”

“I’m losing the will to live with her, I swear to Jesus,” Akeria sighed woefully, shaking her head like a long-suffering mother.

“So wait, what exactly is going on between them? Like, we can build quite a unique perspective here. We got me and we got Yvie to tell you what Brooke’s thinking, and we got you three to give us Vanjie’s perspective,” Plastique said, with all the energy of a detective solving a mystery. Yvie snorted.

“Yeah, good luck with that, we all know Brooke’s mind is like fucking Alcatraz,” she rolled her eyes, distributing the bacon between the rolls Scarlet had sliced open and buttered.

“And Monet can give us the Monique tea. Once she stops banging Nina,” Plastique shrugged. “Who wants tea, who wants coffee?”

“I want the sweet embrace of death,” Akeria murmured.

“TEA!” Silky ordered at top volume.

“Or failing that, to _be_ deaf.”

Scarlet helped Plastique dish up teas and coffees. She remembered Monet and Nina were both tea people, and how they both took it (she’d spent enough time round at Yvie’s to be a tea-making expert for everyone that lived or was frequently round at the flat) so she made one up for each of the girls in case they emerged within the next five minutes or so.

“We should set up a charity. Flatmates Living with Absolute Pisstakers,” Yvie laughed humourlessly, Scarlet laughing as she realised something.

“FLAPS,” she abbreviated, causing the girls round the table to snort out a few giggles.

“Okay so what do you know?” Silky pointed a finger at Scarlet, the girl jumping a little in surprise. “We wanna see if it matches what we know.”

Scarlet shrugged. She’d had lectures with Vanessa and hung out like she always did, but if she was honest Vanessa hadn’t given away much about how she was feeling about Brooke. Scarlet had tried to prise something out of her, mentioning how it was good they had seemed to get along at her birthday party, but Vanessa had just shrugged and said she had to grow up and be civil eventually. She relayed this to the girls, Silky sighing deeply.

“Okay, good. So we know about as much as you,” she said, voice full of regret.

“She’s treating the whole thing as a massive joke, but we know different. We were there when she cried herself to sleep in the flat, we made her food when she couldn’t get out of bed. None of which she fuckin’ ate, but still. We know how much Brooke affected her, even if Brooke doesn’t,” Akeria explained. Scarlet’s heart hurt remembering how badly Vanessa took the breakup.

“She’s pretending that she’s over her and fuckin’ around with Monique ain’t helping,” Silky hissed.

Plastique made a face. “I think Brooke knew how much Vanessa liked her. She felt really bad about the breakup, but she was just doing what she thought was best.”

“Which is okay if that’s the decision that she’s sticking to! But it’s not! The bitch got up last night, kissed her in front of all of us and then probably slept with her!” Akeria sighed irritably, tearing into her bacon roll with aggression. Scarlet mirrored her sigh. That was the thing, she did have to agree with Akeria- Brooke breaking things off with Vanjie was fine, but changing her mind so violently? It had to mess with Vanjie’s head.

“Well, basically,” Yvie began, exhaling a little as she presumably knew what she was about to say would cause tension. “I get the impression from Brooke that she has changed her decision.”

Silky laughed harshly in disbelief. “What?!”

Yvie raised her hands in the air. “I mean, don’t shoot the messenger, but yeah. She was _big_ pressed when V started sleeping with Monique. I think she feels like she fucked it.”

“Well, she did,” Akeria said venomously, just as footsteps came from the little steps to the kitchen. The girls held their breath, Scarlet’s eyes growing wide as she craned her neck to see who was coming.

“Morning!” Nina’s sing-song voice cut through the silence happily, pausing abruptly when she felt the atmosphere in the room. Scarlet felt sorry for her; she had no idea what she was walking into.

“Hey, girl. We made you both tea,” she smiled, addressing Monet who had traipsed in behind Nina in her huge baggy pyjamas, looking every inch still half-asleep.

“Okay, and what _is_ the tea? Because you’re all suspicious as fuck right now. In the time I’ve known these girls, they’re never silent,” Monet raised an eyebrow, taking her cup and leaning against the counters. Silky leant forward, her face conspiratorial.

“We’re talking Brooke and Vanjie.”

“Oh, good,” Monet flared her nostrils as she celebrated sarcastically.

“Good, so you’re about as done with them as we are,” Akeria rolled her eyes. “V didn’t sleep in her own bed last night. We think she slept with Brooke.”

“Well, that was obvious enough when they never came to watch the film.”

Scarlet pulled a face, eager not to jump to conclusions. “Maybe they talked everything out? We can’t assume.”

“Scarlet, come on. If there was talking involved, it wasn’t gonna be U rated,” Yvie smiled indulgently at her. Scarlet had to concede.

“You’re Monique’s flatmate, girl, where does she come into all of this?” Plastique asked Monet, bringing her knees up to her chest and balancing her coffee cup on top.

“It’s none of my business,” Monet threw her hands up in the air. Akeria rolled her eyes.

“Come on, bitch, give us a crumb.”

Monet sighed, relenting. “Aight, well. Monique is well aware how much Vanjie still seems into Brooke, because from what she’s said Vanessa has made that perfectly clear to her.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ on a crucifix,” Silky exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

“So Vanjie’s still hung up on Brooke?” Scarlet asked, trying to clarify the situation.

“And Brooke’s still into Vanjie,” Nina said casually, some of Yvie’s coffee splashing onto her pyjamas as she whirled around to face Nina.

“What?!”

“She told me after Scarlet’s birthday. Shit, I wasn’t meant to tell you guys that,” Nina clamped a hand over her mouth involuntarily, worry etched onto her face. “Guys, fuck, you can’t tell her I told you.”

“Nice of her to let me know, Jesus!” Yvie snarled, Scarlet reaching a hand out and stroking her knuckles soothingly.

“I wouldn’t take it personally, babe. You know it’s like trying to get blood from a stone with her and her feelings. I guess it’s good she at least told one of us?” Nina gave a sympathetic shrug, clearly feeling bad.

Plastique tore a hand through her hair. “So wait, Brooke likes Vanjie and Vanjie likes Brooke? Why don’t they just get back together then?”

“Because like fuck is my girl getting hurt again when Brooke changes her mind for a third time,” Akeria scowled up at Plastique. “And anyone who thinks they’re gonna be good together after everything that’s happened is trash, sorry.”

“Kiki, c'mon. That’s harsh,” Nina frowned, disapproving. Akeria shot her a nasty look.

“Nobody wants to see Brooke or Vanjie get hurt. They’re both our friends,” Scarlet cut in, trying to play peacemaker.

“I’m just sayin’, Vanj would do well to just focus on Monique, who from what I’ve heard actually treats her right. She certainly doesn’t use her like a fucking sex doll whenever she wants,” Akeria spat. Scarlet grew tense as she saw Yvie bristling.

“Actually that’s exactly what their entire friendship is built on,” Monet cut in with a laugh, keen to ease the tension.

“Akeria, come on, we both know that’s bullshit. If Brooke and Vanj did sleep with each other last night it was one messy fuck after a bit of drinking, they weren’t thinking straight.”

“Did you see V top up her drink once last night?” Akeria shot back instantly, the lawyer jumping out. “Yeah, exactly. And Brooke had what, three, four beers? I was sinking more than that in parks when I was fifteen, that’s fucking children’s numbers. Weren’t thinking straight my ass. They both knew exactly what they were doing.”

“Brooke doesn’t exactly know that V still likes her back, does she? For all she knows this is just a bit of fun to her. Let’s not be too quick to judge,” Nina soothed. Silky snorted with derision.

“Nina, I love you, but the blind man’s fuckin’ guide dog can see Vanjie’s still got feelings.”

“Ah, but you have to remember Brooke’s got the emotional intelligence of a Build-A-Bear,” Plastique pointed out, Akeria shrugging slowly and nodding.

“I guess.”

“I have a great plan for you all,” Monet said suddenly, frowning ever so slightly. “Why don’t you just let the pair of them make their own fuckin’ decisions and mind your own damn business? This has nothing to do with any of us.”

“Sorry Monet, but if it involves our best friend getting her heart broke again then it damn right does have something to do with me!” Akeria objected, Plastique breaking out into awkward laughter at the tense trajectory of the conversation.

Monet calmed down, taking a deep breath. “Look, Kiki, it’s hard for me too watching one of my best friends sleeping with someone that’s clearly still hung up on someone else. But it’s their lives, not ours. We can’t make them do anything. You just have to be the good friends I know you bitches are and be there for them if it all falls down.”

“ _When_ it all falls down.” Yvie raised her eyebrows and took a long sip of her drink.

“Yvie, you’re not helping!” Scarlet hissed.

As Monet’s words sank in, the girls had a small moment of silence to reflect on their conversation. Before Scarlet had time to generate any new thoughts, however, there came a sharp thud of footsteps down the stairs and Vanessa emerged, her hair brushed, her makeup removed, and wearing plain jeans and the orange jumper Scarlet had seen her wear so often. Her face was grave, and she pulled her trainers onto her white socked feet as she spoke.

“Kiki. I’m packed. Ready to leave when you are.”

The room was silent as she haphazardly tied her laces, stood up, and left as quickly as she had come in.

The rest of the day was decidedly tense. Vanjie hardly spoke a word to anyone that morning, and when Brooke emerged she was similarly silent. Nobody ripped into them about the obvious- usually they would, but this time was different. Feelings were on the line, and people were getting hurt. Scarlet and Yvie spoke about the situation with Plastique all the way home, and by the time they both got back to the flat Brooke had already barricaded herself in her room. Yvie would usually try to talk to her, but not today. Today, Brooke was best left alone.

It took her three days to say something.

Scarlet was round at the flat and she and Yvie were in the living room with Nina, watching Coronation Street (Yvie’s choice, of course) when Brooke came into the kitchen, walked calmly through to the sofa, threw herself down on it and let out a small sigh.

“Hey, babe! How’re you- oh shit. Oh, girl, what’s wrong?” Nina sighed, seeing two tears fall from Brooke’s face that she quickly hid in the sleeves of her black hoodie.

“I’m a fucking terrible person,” she cried quietly, still burying her face in her hands as Nina launched herself into the armchair Brooke occupied and wrapped her arms around her in a hug.

“No, Brooke, you’re not. You’re not, honey,” Nina sighed, shaking her head and murmuring into Brooke’s hair.

“Everything’s ruined. Vanessa hates me…and you guys probably all do too,” Brooke sniffed. Scarlet sighed.

“Brooke, nobody hates you. Least of all us! You’ll always have us!” she smiled comfortingly. Brooke brought her head up to face her, resentment in her eyes.

“Oh, Scarlet, come on, I know your loyalties lie with Vanessa.”

Scarlet let out a displeased laugh, appealing to Yvie. “Fuck me, right!”

Brooke let out a sob as if she’d immediately regretted snapping. “I’m sorry Scarlet, that was unfair. Shit, fuck, there I go again. All I do is just push people away and bottle up my problems and never tell anybody anything. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you! And you can always tell us anything. You know that!” Nina shushed her, tucking her hair behind her ears. Brooke smiled gently at her.

Yvie piped up, leaning towards Brooke. “Yeah. And you could start by telling us what went down between you two the other night when we were away, because I don’t understand what’s happened.”

Brooke took a long, deep breath and sighed. “We got carried away…she’d been joking with me all day. Like she was flirting and being touchy…anyway, we were in the hot tub and we were talking about us. Kind of. How long I’d liked her for before we got together, and the fact we’d kissed. And then everything just sort of happened. You know we slept with each other, I know you all know. You’ve all got brains. Things were said…and I don’t think she believes any of it. Even though it was all true. And even if she wanted to speak to me, I wouldn’t even know where to begin…fuck-”

“What did you say to her?” Scarlet asked gently, holding her breath a little.

“That I missed her. That I was sorry. But I feel like she thinks I was saying it because I just wanted her so badly. I mean, I did. I do…fuck,” Brooke sighed, rubbing her face with her hands.

“What happened when you woke up? That morning. You were both obviously…not yourselves,” Nina said, trying to word things tactically. Brooke let out a huge exhale.

“I woke up and she wasn’t even in bed with me. She just pulled on her bikini from the night before, had a face on like she wanted to kill me. I tried to talk things out, but she just told me there was nothing to say. She didn’t want to speak to me…” Brooke hung her head. “And that night, after we’d slept together, we’d just…lain there and held each other. We never said anything, she didn’t leave to go back to her own room. She put her head on my chest and I put my arms around her and just felt her breathing. It was like everything was back to normal, back to how it was. Jesus, I’ve absolutely fucked it.” 

This time it was Yvie that fell forward and hugged her as Brooke sobbed, quiet and resigned. Scarlet felt her heart hurt for her. As much as Brooke had behaved inconsiderately and rashly, she’d clearly recognised the mistake she’d made. Scarlet believed that she did genuinely care about Vanjie, that she wanted to make things right with her. The only issue was how to try and make Vanessa see that.

“Right,” Nina said decisively, slapping her thighs. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s go out. Let’s put all of this out of your mind and just remember what it feels like to have fun being silly and drinking with friends before all this drama happened.”

Brooke, to her credit, let out a genuinely humoured laugh. “Nina, I was silly and drinking with friends three nights ago. That’s exactly what got me into this mess.” 

“No,” Nina said firmly. She was going to make such a good teacher, Scarlet thought, as she watched the girl’s face snap into a frown. “This time you’re not going to think about V. If she turns up, you don’t interact. If Akeria makes a fucking nippy as shit comment, you blank her. This is going to be a fun night, with no drama. I promise.”

Nina was clearly some level of convincing, because Brooke rubbed her eyes and sighed. “I mean…getting drunk and turning our speakers up so loud I can no longer hear my thoughts sounds pretty good.”

The three flatmates shared an indulgent grin with each other. Brooke laughed, letting out a resigned groan.

“Yves, Scar. You down?“

Scarlet smiled at Brooke so hard she felt her face hurt. Reaching out and squeezing Yvie’s hand, she knew what her answer would be. “Always, angel.”

Impromptu nights out were always the best ones, Scarlet thought, and she hoped tonight would be no exception. To be fair to Nina, it seemed as if it had been a good idea. Brooke had smiled and laughed as she helped the other girls decide what to wear, cobbled together pre-drinks from the random assortment of spirits and mixers they had around their flat, ordered Nina to either skip or turn up songs on the playlist. Nina, seemingly the one in charge, had heard about this karaoke bar from Monet which seemed to simply be a karaoke machine in the middle of a quintessential old man’s pub named The Swan, but Monet had posed it to Nina as one of the best nights out she’d ever had so of course her word was gospel. Secretly Scarlet kind of hoped Vanessa wouldn’t turn up, which was harsh but Scarlet was as much Brooke’s friend as she was Vanjie’s and she just wanted Brooke to have a good night after so much upset.

“We don’t have to message the others, you know,” Scarlet shrugged as she emerged from Yvie’s room in a borrowed red cropped jumper and the jeans she’d worn to the flat in the first place. She got the vibe that this night out was not a fancy one.

“Noo, I wanna see Plastique. And Silk’s always fun,” Brooke pouted, apparently a little tipsy already.

“If we have a night out without at least offering it to Antigua Road it’ll only start more drama,” Yvie rolled her eyes. “Besides, they’re still our friends. Also I would live to see Plastique doing karaoke.”

Scarlet laughed, agreeing as she typed out a message to their group.

_Yvie’s Bitch: Ladies, we are thinking karaoke tonight??? Anyone down? Xxxxxxxxxx_

_okay then: omg yesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!_

_okay then: can Ariel come too???_

Scarlet was glad of the prospect of a new addition to their night. Ariel’s presence would hopefully diffuse a bit of the drama, nobody could exactly kick off when someone new was there.

_Yvie’s Bitch: Yes absolutely!!!_

There was a pause. Scarlet flicked her eyes over to Brooke, who had an insincere smile on her face as Yvie and Nina did every horrific TikTok dance imaginable. Scarlet saw her turning her phone over in her hand, looking at it anxiously. When Scarlet’s phone buzzed, so did Brooke’s, and she watched as the girl practically pounced on the message.

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: KARAOKE BITCH????? OH LAWD WE COMIN_

Pres that evening were divided up between the three flats, a mutual and unspoken understanding that it was probably for the best if they met at the bar. Scarlet was glad that Brooke seemed to loosen up as the evening went on, and by the time they were in the taxi she was chatty and giggly, her words spilling out of her like liquid. When they arrived the pub was packed, and they nearly couldn’t see the girls sitting cramped around a small table that was clearly only meant for four people but was also the best they were going to get in the crowds. Scarlet didn’t miss the way Vanjie blanked Brooke as if she wasn’t there, going for a hug with Yvie and then with Nina who were on either side of her. Scarlet vowed to speak to her about things at lectures on Monday. They only had a week of classes until the Easter break began, and then they would all start basically living in the library as dissertation hand-ins and exams would start looming over them like a huge stress boulder. Scarlet tried to focus her energy into chatting politely with Ariel, who was sitting beside an already very drunk Plastique. Scarlet had met her only a few times before when she’d been with Plastique on campus, but she’d never come to any big group nights out with the girls and Scarlet wanted to make her feel welcome. Although that was currently hard with the tension between Vanessa and Brooke, and by proxy Akeria, who had a protective arm slung around Vanjie like a mother lioness. Scarlet was distracted from the scene for a moment by Yvie, who had bought her a gin and lemonade. Scarlet thanked her and squeezed up on the chair she was sitting on to accommodate her girlfriend. She felt herself smile involuntarily as Yvie kissed her cheek. Yvie, the drink in her hand, and somebody new to get to know. Those were the three things Scarlet would focus on.

And that worked out. For a while. But Brooke had wanted to drown her feelings and it looked as if she was giving that a pretty good attempt. She’d returned from a simple drinks round with Jagerbombs for everyone (even Vanessa, although as peace offerings went it was one of the worst Scarlet had ever seen) and had been quite happy to sink the ones that some of the girls had refused. Then she’d dragged Nina up to sing a duet of Beyonce and Shakira’s _Beautiful Liar_ which Brooke was essentially making into soft porn judging by the way she was flipping her hair and grinding on Nina, who was dying of laughter as she tried to get her notes out. Scarlet was nudged by Yvie who nodded to Akeria and Vanjie. The two were frowning at the girls on stage and muttering disapprovingly.

“I’m going to say something. This is a joke, they’re acting like they’re in high school,” Yvie rolled her eyes, as the girls got up from their seats and moved in the direction of the bar where Silky was in the queue for drinks.

“Don’t, Yves. Kiki’s only looking out for V, and she’s still upset. Brooke’s taking it a bit too far, to be fair,” Scarlet winced as Brooke hit a note that definitely wasn’t written anywhere in the song.

“She’s trying to have a fun night, Scarlet. But she can’t, because Judge fuckin’ Judy’s giving her death stares any time she so much as breathes,” Yvie seethed, whipping her head around and trying to find the girls in the crowd. It appeared they weren’t in the queue any more.

“They’ve probably gone to smoke. Yvie, leave it, baby. Brooke _is_ having a good time, look!” Scarlet insisted, as the song came to an end and the girls laughed and hugged each other. Brooke almost took a tumble going down the steps from the podium the stage was on, and flopped back onto her chair.

“I’m the next Beyonce. I’ll take autographs later,” she murmured, Scarlet laughing at her ridiculousness. “I also need to pee. Anyone else?”

Scarlet indulged her and went with her. She didn’t actually need, but she also needed to make sure that Brooke wasn’t about to pass out on a toilet floor, so the two of them crammed into the only cubicle that wasn’t out of order or already in use.

“You’re having a good night, then?” she asked, looking at the grubby floor as Brooke pulled her jeans down.

“I’m actually having…the best time,” Brooke nodded emphatically, carelessly ripping bits of toilet paper out of the dispenser. Scarlet watched it fall like gigantic blossoms as Brooke rambled on. “This was the best idea, Nina is…Nina’s just so good with ideas, she’s going to be a primary teacher…and she’s going to be so good at it…they’ll probably make her a headteacher within the year…”

Brooke finished, stood up, flipped the lid of the toilet seat down unnecessarily loudly, yanked up her jeans, then fell back onto the lid. Scarlet sighed.

“Jesus. This is like babysitting. Come on, zip up your jeans.”

Brooke obeyed, her limbs moving as if she was made of jelly. As she did up her zipper and the button at the top, she kept speaking. “I’m having such a good time, oh my God, Nina just has the best ideas ever…you know this whole thing was her idea? She’s going to make the best teacher ever…I wish I had a teacher like her when I was little…”

Suddenly, Scarlet froze as she heard quiet sobs come from the cubicle next to them, and judging from the way Brooke had stopped talking, she’d heard them too. The two girls were still and silent, and Scarlet could see the same hope dawning on Brooke’s face that she felt in her gut.

_Please don’t let this be Vanjie, please let it be some random drunk girl instead…_

“Shhh, shhh, babe, c’mon. It’s gonna be alright,” Akeria’s voice was soft, lilting through the wall, and Scarlet felt her heart sink. _Fuck_. She snuck a quick look at Brooke, whose face was blank and expressionless, just blinking slowly with glazed eyes as she looked in the direction of the voices.

“But it ain’t alright, is it? None of it’s alright,” Vanessa’s voice came, thick with emotion and sadness in a way that made Scarlet’s heart crack.

“Vanjie, the goddess herself Miss Whitney Houston told us that it’s not right, but it’s okay,” Scarlet was unsure who spoke next until she realised that it was Silky, her voice softer and more gentle than she’d ever heard it before. She’d coaxed a blessed laugh out of Vanessa, and Scarlet was glad she was there for her. “You’re here, you’re doing the hard part. It’s gonna get less hard every day.”

Vanessa’s sobs quietened, and a huge sigh came through the wall instead. The next time her voice came it was quiet, nothing more than resigned and sincere. “I miss her…so fucking much, girls.”

“I know you do, angel. I know you do.”

There was a pause, a sniff, and a small stifled sob.

“It just hurts that…I’m still in love with her, and I never got the chance to tell her in the first place.”

Scarlet felt as if she’d just been launched out of a plane on a parachute jump with no goggles, safety gear, or parachute. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_. This was bad, this was so bad. She looked frantically to Brooke, who had a single mascara tear rolling quickly down her face, her eyes threatening to overflow.

Akeria’s voice was strict. “Who do you love more, Brooke or yourself?”

There was a pause as Vanessa let out a breath. “Myself.”

“Correct answer. Come on, girl, look at you. This ain’t how you spend a night out.”

Another small laugh from Vanjie, meanwhile Brooke looked more broken than Scarlet had ever seen her. Back in the bar, whoever had been singing had finished, and the host’s voice was now booming over the speakers. The loud noise was muffled as it came through the bathroom wall.

_“Alright, up next we have the dreamgirls! Do we have the dreamgirls?”_

Silky let out a screech. “BITCH! It’s us!”

A little pause, then Akeria’s voice. “Your call, V. Home or stay, what do you want?”

There was a small sniff, a pause, then a scramble from the cubicle. Silky let out a cheer, and Scarlet heard the bathroom door swing open then shut again. Scarlet and Brooke were silent and frozen. Scarlet didn’t know what to say- didn’t know what she could say, so she simply held out her arms for a hug. Brooke stood up, shuffling forward and wrapping her arms around her, Scarlet trying to convey how sorry she was through squeezing her tight. The ditzy, drunk girl from before had been replaced with this quiet statue, and Scarlet didn’t know if she was imagining it or if it had been the confession they’d both just heard but Brooke seemed to have managed to sober up slightly. There was silence, and then Brooke gave a murmur against her shoulder.

“I’m in love with her too.”

Absolutely nothing about Brooke’s admission came as a shock to Scarlet. She sighed, rubbing the taller girl’s back. “Then tell her.”

She felt Brooke shake her head and let out a breath, her ribcage shrinking in Scarlet’s arms then blowing slowly up like a balloon as she took a shuddery, verge-of-tears intake of breath. “No. It’s…no.”

Scarlet nodded understandingly, then stepped back, tilted Brooke’s face up to look at her and swept two fingers underneath each of her eyes, catching her tears before they fell. “Hey. We’re not gonna let this ruin your night, okay?”

Brooke nodded silently. Scarlet knew the words were bullshit as soon as they’d left her mouth but she had to say something vaguely positive, she had to at least offer a speck of hope. She took Brooke’s hand and squeezed it, forcing a grin. “Besides, Silky singing is going to be a mess that we need to experience.”

Brooke let out a snort, a smile gradually creeping onto her face as Scarlet led her out of the cubicle. They washed their hands rapidly then grabbed fistfuls of scratchy paper towels before re-emerging into the bar and sitting down at their table. Plastique, three sheets to the wind, put her hands on either side of Brooke’s face.

“Where were you, bitch?! The girls are doing a song!”

Almost on cue, the lights began to flash purple and pink and a dance bassline blew out through the speakers. Silky’s voice cut through it loudly, the three girls already assembled on stage and holding microphones.

“Good evening, Swan! We are your Dreamgirls, show us some love!”

Scarlet couldn’t help but laugh as she whooped along with the rest of the bar, Akeria launching into her verse in a moderately tuneful voice.

_“So you think that you can play around,_

_And that she will simply stay around,_

_Did you think that she’d just wait around for you?_

_Wait ‘til you get the news, wait ‘til you get the news that she’s,_

_‘Bout to do the same thing, ‘bout to play the same game!”_

Scarlet risked a look at Brooke before the girls launched into the chorus. She was sure the song choice had been a coincidence. Maybe not. Scarlet always tried to be optimistic, but Brooke was smiling tightly as Plastique clung to her arm and screeched with excitement. The three girls hit the chorus, attempting and half-succeeding at a harmony.

_“When ya good girl’s gone bad, whatcha gonna do,_

_When she’s out there doin’ the things that you do?_

_When ya good girl’s gone bad, whatcha gonna say,_

_When she’s out there playin’ the games that you play?_

_Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do when she hurts you,_

_Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do?”_

Scarlet’s attention was pulled from the song as Yvie sat down next to her with two drinks, sliding one across to her. “This is like cats being strangled.”

Scarlet bellowed a laugh. “Aww, come on! They’re not that bad. Plus everyone seems to be loving them.”

She watched Yvie looking around the bar. There were a group of five middle-aged women in front of the stage, dancing around and cheering them on. In the corner, a big stag night group were shouting approvingly during Silky’s current verse, Silky of course winking and waving at them mid-solo. The rest of the bar was either punching the air for the girls or singing along incoherently. Yvie laughed, kissing Scarlet’s temple lovingly. “Babe. Everyone’s pissed.”

Scarlet laughed, shrugging as the three girls launched into the ever-so slightly cutting chorus again. She didn’t look at Brooke, even though she wanted to. Plastique would be looking after her, she hoped anyway. Suddenly Vanessa launched into the breakdown, her voice loud as she sang out into the microphone.

_“She’s been watchin’ everything you do,_

_She’s been learnin’ everything from you,_

_And it won’t be too long before she shows you just how it feels…”_

Silky and Akeria grabbed Vanjie by the waist as they backed her up, making their flatmate laugh as they belted out the last chorus together. Scarlet felt her heart swell up. As much as the whole situation was messy and people were getting hurt, Scarlet supposed it had brought out the love everyone had for their friends. Akeria had said she was done with Vanessa, but she wasn’t, not really. Scarlet could see that as she twerked against her on stage, making Vanessa laugh through her final lines.

_“Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do when she hurts you,_

_Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do?”_

As the pub roared their approval, Silky yelled into the microphone. “Thank you, Swan! Gentlemen…I will be at the bar.”

Scarlet grabbed Yvie’s arm as they both burst out laughing at Silky’s no-fucks-given approach to finding her men. As Scarlet turned to Brooke in the hope that Silky’s comment would’ve made her laugh, she saw with a small flash of panic that her chair was completely empty- no jacket, no bag, and no Brooke.

“Plastique! Where’s-” Scarlet shouted over to her, then realised that she’d had her back to Brooke’s chair and had been talking to Ariel. As the girl turned to face her, Scarlet shook her head. Casting her eyes to Nina’s chair, she found it equally empty. She knew they’d both gone home, and Nina would make her tea as Brooke got upset over the confession she’d overheard earlier. Casting an eye over her friends that remained in the bar, Scarlet did a small calculation in her head. Just over three months until graduation.

Scarlet hoped to God they would all get their shit together soon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a month on from the events of last chapter and with final exams and dissertations looming, Brooke thinks she can avoid Vanessa until graduation without having to confront anything that’s happened between them. this proves difficult when she’s trapped in the library with her.

Brooke was fine. She was more than fine, actually, she was good. She was calm, serene, fucking zen. If it wasn’t for the dissertation she had to hand in a week from now she would have ascended to Buddha-like status, doling out study tips to her friends like proverbs.

Brooke had always been good at exams. She’d been a straight-A student back in Canada, the whole process of revision coming naturally to her. She’d bought designated ringbinders for every subject, poring over textbooks and copying information out in messy cursive until she’d filled her whole refill pad. When she’d walked into the big assembly hall on exam day, she didn’t get the usual churning of her stomach or shaky hands that her friends had always described. It was almost as if the hall reminded her of taking ballet exams when she was a girl- she knew what to do, she had all the information in her head somewhere, and all that was required of her was to think and write.

Essays, however, had never come easy, which was a shame as they essentially formed the basis of Brooke’s degree. There wasn’t the fast-paced element to essays as there were to exams, and lengthy deadlines gave Brooke time to overthink, redraft, panic, delete, then do the whole process over again. She’d never fully got the hang of them; add in the fact a different tutor marked what she’d written every time and her grades were practically a lottery. She knew this element would follow her throughout her career- writing, fashion design, God even her ballet exams from years ago- it was all a form of art, and art was subjective. She knew there were designers out there that were universally respected, but none were universally liked. Nothing was universally liked. In an exam, there was a set of right or wrong answers, but essays were open to interpretation. An interpretation that her degree classification depended on.

Stretching and feeling her spine bump against the hard plastic chair, Brooke let out a huge breath. She could still see her Mum’s face if she remembered hard enough, when she’d told her her very first mark on her very first uni assignment back in first year; the way the woman’s face had faltered a little but forced a smile and a congratulations. It was the first mark below 70% Brooke could remember in a long time, and her Mum’s disappointment still stung. Brooke was currently sitting on a 2:1, but only just. Her dissertation was going to cement what degree she received and Christ, Brooke would be lying if she said the pressure wasn’t getting to her ever so slightly. It was at the stage where she was taking a beta blocker each morning before spending most of the day in the library. Sometimes she’d take another in the afternoon if she felt herself starting to panic. Maybe that was the reason she was so chill.

Looking at her laptop and the block of black text against white digital paper, she rubbed her eyes and glanced through the huge floor-to-ceiling pane of glass to her left. Her own sleepy face gazed back at her, the view rendered invisible due to the pitch black outside. Brooke didn’t dare look at the time, but she knew it had to be late if it was this dark at the end of April. Casting her eyes to Nina, she couldn’t help but give a snort of a laugh.

“What the hell are you doing?” Brooke asked, looking at the exploded rainbow of colour-coded flash cards that were strewn across the girl’s desk and spilling out onto the floor. There were scribbly neon post-it notes stuck all over her laptop screen and Nina probably had half the library stacked up in high-rise tower blocks on her desk. A quick glance at her screen showed Brooke that Nina had roughly sixty tabs open.

“My goddamn best.”

Brooke let out another laugh as Nina gestured helplessly at the mess in front of her. “Jesus Christ, Brooke, how the hell am I going to be a teacher if I’m this disorganised?”

Brooke gave a little shrug and raised her eyebrows. “I dread to think what your classroom desk is going to be like.”

“Probably going to accidentally kill a child on my first day. Nudge over a big pile of papers on my desk, boof. Dead,” Nina giggled, then let out a huge laugh and instantly clamped her hands over her mouth in embarrassment. The action made Brooke laugh out loud too until the pair were having a silent laughing fit in the exact place they weren’t supposed to be making any noise.

To be fair, the top floor was pretty empty given the late hour they were there. The few people that were left were already packing up their things and leaving, laptops shut in a manner of resignation. The yellow strobe lights that hung above gave the whole place a clinical glow, and the patterns on the fuzzy green carpet all seemed to merge into one. As Brooke ran a hand through her hair and was about to check the time on her phone, loud chimes rang out over the speakers built into the ceiling.

_“Would all students please be aware that the library will be closing in ten minutes, that’s ten minutes. Thank you.”_

Brooke almost jumped out of her skin. She blinked, then looked at the four numbers in the bottom right-hand corner of her screen. “Nina. No way is it almost midnight.”

“God. I’m not even surprised anymore. At this point it feels like we live here,” Nina groaned, cracking her back in a way that made Brooke wince then rolling her shoulders. “I guess we should head back to the flat.”

Brooke’s ears pricked as she heard a commotion from the other end of the floor. It sounded like a thunder of footsteps and a hissed argument. Turning slowly, Brooke’s heart sank as she saw exactly who she’d hoped she’d be able to avoid until graduation day.

Silky and Vanessa were standing at the printer a mere two sets of desks away from her and Nina. Silky seemed to be printing something out and insisting she wouldn’t be long as Vanessa tapped her heel against the carpeted floor impatiently, her Converse almost wearing a hole in the floor. Despite the late hour her makeup was still perfectly applied, and her hair was half hanging loose over her shoulders and half swept up into a haphazard topknot. Brooke pictured Vanessa growing frustrated at her desk, fretting over some form of past paper and tearing her hands through her hair, tugging her brown locks up and securing them with a hair tie. Brooke hoped she wasn’t too stressed about her finals. She remembered that when they were together Vanessa had had some form of big essay due, and she’d sat up in bed exhaling and worrying, typing furiously with her long nails crashing against the keyboard of her laptop like angry waves. Brooke had quietly brought her tea, wordlessly pressed a kiss to her temple, and Vanessa had cast her a soft smile that had made Brooke’s heart set alight.

Just then Silky looked across the room, saw her, and began to wave. _Fuck_. Brooke watched as Vanessa cast her gaze over to where she sat. Her eyes widened when she laid them on Brooke and she tilted her head to the sky, barely hiding a gigantic roll of her eyes as she followed Silky over to Brooke and Nina. Brooke had in the time it took for the girls to reach their desk to decide how she wanted to play this. It was a tough decision. Because in the month-and-a-bit since their dalliance in the hot tub, and an even shorter time since her crying meltdown to Scarlet in the Swan toilets, Brooke had developed a hard, harsh exoskeleton for herself that involved channeling all the love and regret she felt for Vanessa into venom, poison and dislike. If Vanessa wanted to be petty and unkind and rude to her, then fuck it. Brooke would be the exact same back. She’d tried it out already- responding to thinly-veiled barbs in the groupchat, ignoring her if they saw each other. Brooke didn’t want to act that way, didn’t want to do any of it, but she forced herself to do it in the way a small child had to be forced to eat vegetables; it was what was good for her. Good for them both. It was better that Vanessa hated her. She’d tried loving her and look where the fuck that had ended up.

The issue was, the frosty behaviour she’d return to Vanessa was uncontrollable. She knew it was causing vibes and tension in the group, splitting them all up and causing cracks and fractures in a time where they were meant to be closer than ever. Yvie had had words with her, as had Nina. It hadn’t got them anywhere. Brooke had tried to reach out to Vanessa, offered her so many olive branches that Vanessa had just started beating Brooke black and blue with them. Brooke knew it was for the best if she acted like the complete bitch that Vanessa thought she was.

“Hey, sisters! What you both doin’ here so late?” Silky asked cheerfully as she reached the girls. Brooke stuck a smile on her face, tried not to look at Vanessa and then failed. Her thick eyelashes were cast to the floor as she scuffed the carpet with her shoe. Brooke felt a stab at her heart. Luckily, Nina took over.

“Christ, I was just saying to Brooke it feels like we’ve moved in here. My diss is due on Friday and I’m stressed out of my mind. What’re you guys up to?”

Silky waved a thick stack of paper at Nina as if she was showing her evidence. “We were down on floor one but the janitor’s chucking people out. I needed some readings and figured he’d get up here last, so I just came to the top floor to use the printer.”

“Yeah, and we’re done now, so let’s go. I need to pee before we leave,” Vanessa muttered to her flatmate, her voice dull as she still didn’t tear her gaze from the floor.

Nina’s cheerful smile faltered. Silky, to her credit, looked embarrassed by Vanessa’s sulky behaviour. To Brooke’s dismay, Nina shoved all of her index cards onto her laptop keyboard and slammed it closed. “Well, hey! We were just leaving. We’ll come with you.”

Vanessa’s face twisted into one of discomfort. “Nah, Nina, really, it’s fine. I’m gonna head to the bathroom anyway-”

“We can wait for you! It’s no big deal!”

Brooke’s heart sank. _Great_. An excruciating walk back outside with the girl that hated her most in the world. Just as she was about to bullshit a reason why they couldn’t, Silky enthusiastically agreed. Brooke watched Vanessa bite her lip in frustration, give a forced fake smile and nod. They were both united in the fact that it was a situation neither of them wanted to be in. It was the closest Brooke had felt to Vanessa in a while.

Nina and Silky filled the silence on their way to the library toilets. They were only beside the lifts so not that far away, but every step felt as if it lasted a million years. Finally, mercifully, the girls came to the toilets and Vanessa ducked inside. As they waited, Brooke just wished and hoped she’d be quick so the awkward situation would be over sooner rather than later. One minute turned into two, and Silky became impatient. Brooke watched as she wrenched open the door and yelled inside.

“VANJ, C’MON! THE PLACE IS CLOSING SOON!” she shouted into the room, muttering under her breath something about Vanessa having a bladder like the Hindenburg. Brooke tried to be patient and cast her eyes up to the ceiling. Looking back into the floor of the library, she was alarmed to find it completely empty, void of people. It could have been that she was startled, but she gave a shout into the bathroom too.

“Vanjie, hurry up! Jesus!”

At this point Vanessa was standing blasting her hands with air from the dryer. She shouted something back at Brooke that Brooke couldn’t hear over the air jets, but she could hazard a guess as to what it was. Finally, Vanessa stormed out.

“Fuck me, will you girls hop off my dick? Can I not pee in peace without you rushing me along? We’ve got ages! It’s fine!”

And then everything was suddenly plunged into darkness.

Brooke gave an involuntary cry of fear, felt someone grab her hand. Looking down at her interlocked fingers and then up to who it was connected to, she was shocked to see Vanessa, her face illuminated in the green fire escape sign and completely petrified. All at once she seemed to realise what she’d done and dropped Brooke’s hand like it was made of hot metal. Nina had fallen silent, her expression one of shock, and Silky was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Fuck,” Brooke found herself saying. Her mouth had gone completely dry.

“It’s fine. It’s fine, they’ll just be turning off the lights before they lock up. Let’s just hurry up and get the lift,” Silky reassured them, but Brooke didn’t miss the worried frown that was set on her face as the four of them walked quickly. Vanessa reached the button first, scrabbled at it with her fingers. The little white light that usually illuminated the panel didn’t turn on.

“Oh my God this can’t be happening,” Nina whispered, her voice panicked and fast. Silky rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but the frown on her face was deepening. Reaching out, she pressed the same button firmly, jamming it into its little metal pad. Nothing. The girls stood in silence for only a few seconds, listening for the metal whirrs and clunks that the lift usually made on its way up or down the building. Nothing came.

“Stairs,” Vanessa said simply, her voice full of worry as she suddenly dashed in the direction of the stairwell. The three other girls followed and all pretence of remaining calm and walking was truly out the window as their trainers squeaked over the linoleum, feet thumping harshly against the steps as they tore down flight after flight. Brooke’s pulse was speeding so fast she thought she would have a heart attack, and the bones of her feet began to hurt more with every step she launched herself down two-at-a-time. Breathless and frantic, they finally reached the bottom floor, Vanessa crashing through the double doors at the bottom of the stairwell and speeding across the lobby to the main entrance. Brooke was hot on her heels, her heart now painful in her chest and her breath coming in thick, uncomfortable wheezes. Any hope she’d had sank to the floor with her gut as Vanessa pounded the automatic doors and almost wrenched the fire door off its hinges in an attempt to get out. It was to no avail.

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Nina repeated, her hands flying to her face as it blanched in fear.

“Fucking shit- HELLO? HELLO? WE’RE STILL IN HERE!” Silky yelled at the top of her lungs to nobody in particular.

“Guys, I don’t like this,” Brooke said, hearing the shake in her own voice as her eyes darted around the huge, dark building frantically.

“No shit, really? I’m having a fuckin’ whale of a time, personally,” Vanessa hissed, casting a glare her way before going back to shaking the doorhandles in a futile attempt to open them. Brooke felt her face curl up in a sneer, all the fear she’d felt previously moved into a convenient little box and replaced with all-consuming anger.

“Ugh, JESUS, Vanessa, of course, of fucking _course_ , we’re literally locked in a uni building with no way out and you choose to start picking a fight with me. Big fucking-”

“ENOUGH!” Nina shouted, Brooke taken aback. She had known Nina for almost three years now, and in that time she’d never heard her shout. Well, she’d heard her shout with happiness or joy or fear, but never anger like this. She felt like one of her primary school kids as Nina continued. “Both of you just shut the fuck up for one fucking minute! Can we at least just find a way out of here before you start a fucking domestic?”

“I’ll take the cafe,” Silky said decisively, shouting to the others as she ran in the opposite direction. “Nina go right, Brooke and Vanjie go left.”

Brooke narrowed her eyes, looking again at Vanessa whose gaze mirrored Brooke’s. Relenting and not wanting to risk another telling-off from Nina, Brooke obediently tore off in the direction Silky had told her to go. She weaved her way through desks and bookshelves, checking every window only to find them all locked. As she was losing hope, the dull, green light of a fire escape sign caught her eye. Brooke sighed with relief as she tore towards it. This was surely a guaranteed way out. Reaching the tall door, Brooke slammed her hands on the cold, metal bar that lay across it, pushed down, and waited for the cold night air to hit her face and calm down her panic.

Nothing.

Brooke frowned, trying again and pushing harder at the bar. This time she got her shoulder involved, leaning all her weight against it. It didn’t so much as budge.

“We’re outta luck. They’re all locked from the outside.”

Brooke turned to see Vanessa walking purposefully towards her. Her tone was frustrated, but not towards her at least. Brooke felt relieved. She was beginning to regret snapping at Vanessa earlier, even if she was meant to dislike her. She wondered if she felt as scared as she did. Brooke thought about how Vanessa always hid her fear, remembered the time they watched some shit, gory horror movie at hers when they were together. Brooke had flinched and squealed and buried her face in Vanessa’s hoodie every two seconds while Vanessa had laughed at her, told her it was all fine and fake, but Brooke could feel Vanessa’s heart beat fast in her chest and her stomach muscles tensing every time a new horrific sight appeared on screen.

Vanessa leant against the bar that Brooke had tried, punctuating it with an angry kick of her foot. “That shit’s illegal, you know. Locking a fire door. We could sue fuck outta them.”

Brooke couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Yeah I’m sure we, twentysomething students with collectively hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt, have both the resources and the influence to sue the university. They’d shit themselves.”

She watched as Vanessa looked at her, a glare about to appear in her dark eyes, then disappearing as she allowed herself a small smile and a single snort of laughter. There was a pause of silence. Brooke decided to fill it. “Let’s find the girls, maybe they found a way out.”

As they passed by the floor-to-ceiling windows again, Vanessa suddenly gasped and tore off to bang on the glass. Brooke followed her eyeline and was overjoyed to find what looked to be a janitor, finishing up and walking away from the building. She joined Vanessa and pounded her fists against the window, shouting randomly if only just to make a noise. Her hope began to die, however, when instead of noticing the absolute cacophony of noise the girls created, the man simply got further and further away. Brooke watched as he got his phone out, a long earphone cord attached to it. She slumped against the glass and let out a helpless moan.

“Fucking shit bitch ass motherfucker!” Vanessa hissed in anger, pounding on the glass with her knuckles one last time. Brooke watched as she took a step back from the window, flexed her fingers and gave a hiss.

“You okay?” Brooke found herself asking. She could already feel herself frowning in concern as Vanessa nodded briskly, shaking her hand out and sticking the knuckle of one finger in her mouth.

“Fine. Just got a lil’ over-enthusiastic, cut my finger,” she spoke around her knuckle. Brooke felt a pang at her heart. She took a step towards Vanessa.

“Let’s see?”

Vanessa gave another laugh, harsher and more sardonic than her first had been. “It’s fine, Brooke, I don’t need you to kiss it better.”

Brooke held her hands up, unable to help the way her eyebrows flew up her face. “Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself!“

“Yeah, do that,” Vanessa muttered quietly, sitting on a desk beside the window and pulling her legs up to cross them. Brooke, in lieu of snapping back at the girl she’d once called her friend but had never called her girlfriend, did the same. They sat in a hostile silence, thoughts running around Brooke’s mind as to what she could do or say. So many options flooded her head that it was hard to see any of them clearly for what they were. It turned out she didn’t need to give any of them that much thought, however, as Nina and Silky soon appeared from the other end of the building.

“Oh, good! You’ve not killed each other,” Nina said brightly upon her return. Brooke snuck a quick look at Vanessa, then rolled her eyes.

“Guess you’re as shit out of luck as we are?” Silky asked, her voice quieter than usual by at least a few dozen decibels.

“Can you believe they locked the fire doors? Fuck them, man, imagine there was a real fire?” Vanessa spat bitterly. Nina sighed heavily and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“We could try calling someone?”

Brooke frowned. “Who could we call?”

“The police?” Nina said immediately, her naivety causing the others to burst out laughing.

“And say what?! Hey listen, we know you’ve got murderers to catch but we’re locked in a uni building, could you bring round a big battering ram and knock the door down?” Brooke laughed, not missing the way Vanessa laughed in response and feeling a twinkle of pride light up in her heart.

“Well, could the fire brigade get us out?” Nina suggested, Silky groaning and pulling her hands down her face.

“Nina, you need to lower your expectations of what an emergency is. Four dumb uni students trapped in the library is not gonna be considered an emergency. We’re not in danger, we’re all breathing, and none of us have been set alight. That counts the big three out immediately.”

“What about a locksmith?” Vanessa shrugged. Brooke screwed up her face.

“Ah, for those locks that automatic doors have on them,” Silky deadpanned. Brooke laughed at the comment, clearly a little too loudly because Vanessa was back scowling at her again.

“Hey, they do so have locks, bitch.”

“I don’t think you can ask a locksmith to open a house that isn’t yours,” Nina frowned. Brooke raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her.

“I love my house, the university library.”

“Shut up! You knew what I meant,” Nina protested, as the other girls gave a laugh again.

“Surely there’ll be some phone number online for the janitor or something?” Brooke thought suddenly, Silky quickly taking out her phone to check. There was a moment of silence as the girls held their breath in hope. Finally, Silky let out an overjoyed cry.

“ _Cleaning supervisor main area- based in central library_! Yes ladies! We’re fucking outta here!”

Brooke smiled so hard that her face hurt as Silky held her phone to her ear. Thank God. The nightmare was over, she could go back to her flat and not be literally trapped in a building with her ex. She would soon be-

The four girls jumped as a faint ringing of a phone could be heard from out in the lobby. For the hundredth time that night, Brooke felt her heart sink.

“I don’t really know what we expected from that,” Vanessa sighed, looking every inch the kicked puppy. 

It was quickly decided that their last hope were the girls who weren’t in the library, although this went down the drain fast as it was discovered that Yvie was over at Scarlet’s flat and they were both asleep, neither Akeria nor Monet were picking up, and Plastique had gone home to revise.

“What about Monique, Vanj? Could we try her?” Nina asked. Brooke was confused at the way Vanessa’s face twisted in discomfort, a little line setting deep on her forehead.

“Nah, she, uh…she won’t pick up,” she said simply, Nina nodding quickly and neglecting to ask any more about it. It didn’t stop Brooke from being intrigued.

“What the fuck are we gonna do, then? We can’t just spend the night here,” Silky’s voice was disbelieving. Brooke gave a resigned shrug.

“Silk, I don’t think there’s any alternative. It’s only a few hours, the place’ll open up again at six. We can go upstairs and sleep in those little pods they have for group projects. Then by the time we wake up again, it’ll be morning and we can all go back to the flat,” Brooke explained calmly, although inside she still had a lot of anxiety rattling about and the dark of the library wasn’t helping.

The girls reluctantly agreed that it was probably the only thing that was left for them to do. In nervous silence they climbed the stairs to the first floor, where Silky immediately set up camp in one of the pods, stretching herself out along the seats that had once been cushioned but had been flattened by hundreds and thousands of sets of bums over the years. Nina took one and set her laptop back up again, arguing that she’d actually been on a pretty good streak before she’d had to pack up and wanted to see if she could churn out another thousand words before she went to sleep. Brooke peeled off from the girls and took her own pod, her tall body unable to fully fit along the seats. As she attempted to sleep, one thing kept stopping her as it usually seemed to around this time of day. She sighed, tossed and turned as she thought about Vanessa. It had all gone so badly wrong. The more she tried to get her off her mind, the more memories she was reminded of. Hurting Vanessa was easier than loving her; snapping at her and being snarky made Brooke feel bad and a bit of a bitch, but loving her and torturing herself for what an idiot she’d been made her feel ten times worse, as if her heart had been removed from its sheath in her ribcage and been stomped on, kicked about, stabbed with a blunt knife and dragged through broken glass. Any attempt to sleep was futile. Brooke’s eyes hurt with fatigue as she sat up, rubbed them and stretched. She would go and see if Nina was still awake, maybe sit up and annoy her for a while.

As she crossed the floor she noticed a small movement out of the corner of her eye. Vanessa was sitting on the floor by the window, her legs crossed and eating a packet of crisps she’d managed to procure from somewhere. Brooke thought she looked so tiny compared to the huge pane of glass and the world that sat outside of it. Now that the lights were off, Brooke could see every detail that lay beyond the window- the soft yellow glow of the streetlights that faintly illuminated the park beside the library, the pink and white marshmallow cherry blossom trees that lined each path. A memory shot through Brooke’s mind like a lightning bolt- the eight of them in second year after their exams had all finished, having a barbecue in the park as the sun beat down and frazzled them all to a crisp, the smell of sausages and weed carried on the light breeze and the warmth in Brooke’s heart as Vanessa had teased her about something, the girls all laughing at Brooke’s embarrassment and protests.

God, they’d all been so happy.

Without really knowing what her plan was, Brooke walked over to where Vanessa was sitting and sat down cautiously beside her. The other girl looked at her, as if she was deciding whether to glare or smile. She ended up doing neither.

“Can’t sleep either?” Brooke chose as her opener, immediately regretting it for the cheesy line from a film it was. Vanessa gave a sarcastic chuckle, gestured around her.

“Apparently,” she said simply, Brooke looking at the carpet and kicking herself. There was a moment where the cogs in her brain whirred quickly, trying to come up with something else to say. Vanessa surprised her by speaking again. “I ain’t been sleeping too good lately anyway, though, so. I guess it don’t matter.”

“Me neither,” Brooke felt something click inside her, a surge of adrenaline coursing through her veins as she spoke again. “Vanessa, we need to talk.”

Vanessa kept her eyes trained on the pane of glass in front of her. “We are talking.”

“God, Ness, please don’t make this harder than it already is,” Brooke sighed, her face pleading. Vanessa’s head snapped round to face her and her eyes were what could only be described as murderous.

“Hard? Don’t fucking dare talk to me about hard,” she said, slowly and carefully and causing Brooke’s heart to frost over in fear. “This year has been shit, absolute shit, the shittest year of my life. You broke my heart- no, fuck that. You broke _me_. I had to take my goddamn feelings and put them all back together again, start from scratch while you swanned about absolutely fine. I am having to fight to get my average up because of the days I spent in my flat crying instead of going to lectures. Do you have any idea, Brooke, what this has been like for me?”

Brooke was silent as Vanessa continued relentlessly. “And then I finally got myself to a place where, hey, maybe I could be friends with you again! Then what happened? All the old feelings came back, didn’t they, and then we fucking…slept with each other and-”

“Hey, no,” Brooke jumped in, frowning and unable to listen to what was to come. “Don’t try to pin that on me, Vanessa, that was all you. It wasn’t me that fucking…straddled you in the hot tub and stripped off and talked about the sex I was having with other girls, was it?”

“Oh, no! You’re right. You’re correct,” Vanessa smiled sarcastically, soon getting replaced with a scowl. “You only got with me _incredibly_ intensely in front of seven of our closest friends, who knew all the shit that’s gone down between us and watched like a fucking soap opera.”

“Well I didn’t hear you complaining at the time!” Brooke bit back, causing Vanessa to fall silent and play with a thread of her ripped jeans. Brooke let out a breath she’d been holding, took in a huge gulp of air. “Look, this is…this is off to a bad start.”

Brooke watched Vanessa’s throat move as she swallowed, her eyes cast downwards. Brooke was good at holding in her feelings, bottling them up like her life depended on it. She was terrified of feeling too much. She had no idea how this conversation was meant to start, but she knew she had to have it.

“Vanessa, I _am_ sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much to you, but for what it’s worth, I am. I’m sorry for going about everything the wrong way. I’d never…done anything like this before, never properly seen anyone like I was seeing you, so I didn’t know how to behave. And fuck, maybe I was leading you on, and I’m sorry for that too. I just didn’t know what I wanted. Well, I thought I knew what I wanted but then I just…didn’t any more. I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t realise how much you liked me until it was too late,” Brooke cut herself off, sighing and feeling a bubble of sadness rise up in her throat. “Fuck, I’m trying to put it all the way I want it but nothing’s coming out right.”

Vanessa was looking at her, she knew it, but Brooke’s gaze had dropped to the floor. She brought her knees up to her chest. There was so much she wanted to say to Vanessa but none of the sentences she constructed in her head seemed to be sufficient.

“That night. You said that you missed me,” Vanessa’s voice was soft and small as she spoke, stripped from all the venom it had held before. “Did you mean it?”

Brooke jumped in instantly. “Yes.”

Vanessa was now looking at the floor, picking at her shoelace. “And did you mean…as a friend, or…just the sex, or…”

Brooke took a deep breath. _I love you I love you IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_. The words were so close to coming out, but she stopped them. Now wasn’t the right time, nowhere near the right time. She tried to think about what the perfect response would be, sighed, scrapped it, and decided to just simply speak. “I miss you as…everything. I miss you as whatever you want to be to me. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. I just miss you for all that you are, the person you are. I miss us,” Brooke paused, realised her last remark was slightly risky. “Interpret that…however you want.”

Brooke snuck a gaze at Vanessa. A thought struck her as memories ran round her mind, and now she had started talking it seemed she couldn’t stop. “Do you remember after we…after lazerquest. Yvie’s birthday. We met up and we spoke about things and you said something. That whatever happens, we’d be friends always. Do you remember?”

Vanessa gave a little laugh. “You can wear a set of armbands in a current, don’t mean you won’t drown.”

She saw Brooke’s confused look, shot her a bashful smile. “I never expected to…end up feeling so strongly for you at the start. Didn’t expect to get as crazy about you as I got. Man…I wish you could turn feelings off.”

Brooke felt herself frown, a deep regret settling in the pit of her stomach. “I wish that too.”

She didn’t miss the brief look of surprise that flashed across Vanessa’s face. In the lull in conversation that followed, Vanessa wordlessly pushed the packet of crisps towards Brooke. She took one. Chilli heatwave wasn’t her favourite flavour, but it was a peace offering, and she’d take what she could get.

“So I stopped sleeping with Monique,” Vanessa commented, shrugging a little. Brooke blinked, almost choked on her crisp as she raced to get a reply out.

“Uh, yeah, I did notice you were a bit weird about things when Nina said you should call her.”

Vanessa pushed some hair out of her face, puffed her cheeks up with air and blew out harshly. “Monet kinda told me…she was catching feelings, and obviously I wasn’t there for that. So I said to her we shouldn’t keep going.”

Brooke felt a little twinge of pain for Monique. The poor girl had a crush and was just caught in the crossfire. “And how did she take it?”

Vanessa stared through the glass, her gaze steadfast. “I could tell she was sad. Disappointed. She didn’t start cryin’ or nothing, but…God, I still felt bad. I liked her, you know, she was a great girl. Maybe there’s a parallel universe where she took my heart and patched it all up again and we ended up together but…that’s not what it was for me. And the more she said she understood and that she hoped I’d find happiness, the worse I felt for having to tell her I wanted something different.”

Brooke nodded. She wanted to tell Vanessa that she knew the feeling all too well, but she didn’t want to interrupt her. Vanessa turned her head slowly, finally making eye contact with Brooke, and her eyes were the softest they’d been in a while. “I guess what I’m sayin’ is…I know now what it must have been like for you to break it off with me. And yeah, it completely fuckin’ wrecked me but…you did what you had to do. So…I forgive you, Brooke Lynn.”

Brooke couldn’t quite believe Vanessa was in front of her saying all this. Instinctively she wanted to launch herself forward and hug her, thanking her for her change of heart. Just as she’d convinced herself she was almost going to do it, Vanessa spoke again. Her voice held a slightly more steely note to it now. “But I don’t forgive you for kissing me or for that night in the hot tub. That really fucked with me.”

Brooke fought the urge to snap a childish _you started it_ at her and instead said a soft _okay_. She also fought the urge to reach out and place a hand on top of Vanessa’s. The building was still pitch black and silent and the girls had reached a conversational purgatory. Vanessa had forgiven her for some of her mistakes at least. This was the closure Brooke had wanted. Despite herself, she found herself opening her mouth. There was so much still unresolved.

“You must kind of hate me for that.”

Vanessa snorted, tilted her head to the sky. “I do and I don’t.”

A small silence. Brooke knew what she wanted to say, knew what topic she wanted to breach, but it meant plunging head first into the icy chill of the great unknown, and as much as she wanted to talk about it she was terrified of doing so.

“Is that because part of you loves me?”

It was out before Brooke knew it. Vanessa had frozen, her body unmoving with her head still positioned towards the ceiling like a terrifying Exorcist yoga pose. Brooke could immediately predict it, could practically hear it- Vanessa’s quick, sarcastic response, _don’t flatter yourself_ , her getting up and thundering away to another part of the building in some angry game of hide and seek. She couldn’t face any of those options, so Brooke continued talking. “I was in the bathroom at the same time. In the next stall along from you and the girls. I heard you say that you never got to tell me. Did you mean it?”

“Why are you asking me this, Brooke? Is it to add insult to injury? Is it not enough knowing that the girl you broke it off with can still come crawling back into bed with you so easily, you have to rub salt into the wound by getting me to fucking…” Brooke heard Vanessa take a big deep, shaky breath, felt the tears prick at the corners of her own eyes. “…admit that I’m in love with you, yes, okay? I love you. What’s the reason?”

“Because I…fuck,” Brooke jumped in then immediately stopped. She felt her jaw wire itself shut, almost paralysed with fear. She didn’t know if she could verbalise everything she was feeling. “I’m not good at talking about this stuff.”

“No shit, Miss Marple,” Vanessa quipped bitterly, her eyes back looking at the carpet and avoiding Brooke’s gaze. The lack of eye contact helped Brooke. She carried on.

“You know, I used to lie in bed before I went to sleep and rehearse what I would say to you to tell you I liked you,” Brooke gave a laugh, remembering when things were more simple. “Except none of it worked out that way. And now I’ve actually got a second chance at it, I’m almost too frightened to say it. I completely fucked it with you, Vanessa. You’re an absolute one of a kind person. Your smile just makes me happy whether or not it’s directed at me. The love and loyalty you have for your friends makes me proud of you. You’re so determined and hard working and you’re smashing your degree. And you’re kind. You see the good in everyone and you’re not afraid to feel and tell the world all about it. All these things that I just…love about you. It took me being away from you and making the biggest mistake of my life, and that night when we were together like everything was back to normal, it took all of that to make me realise that I’m…fuck..”

Brooke almost hadn’t realised she was crying until a sob bubbled up in her throat, almost choking her. It was almost like her body’s survival mechanism, trying to save her from the potential rejection she might face once the words were out.

_Fuck it_.

“I’m in love with you. I love you so much that it scares me. It scares me more than being fucking…trapped in the library in the pitch black with no way out,” Brooke let out a hybrid of a laugh and a sob. By now, Vanessa had lifted her gaze to look at Brooke, and Brooke had shifted hers so she could protect herself from Vanessa’s reaction. “Because I don’t want to hurt you again, and you deserve better than someone like me.”

“Then don’t,” Vanessa said quietly.

“What?” Brooke whispered, confused. She tugged the sleeves of her jumper over her hands and jammed them under her eyes, used them to stop the tears from escaping.

“You said you don’t want to hurt me again. Then don’t,” Vanessa repeated patiently. Brooke blinked. She had no idea what that meant, so she went with the knowledge she had at hand.

“I love you, and you love me,” Brooke said softly, finally meeting Vanessa’s eyes. “Can we…do something with that information?”

Vanessa let out a loud blast of a laugh, making Brooke giggle even though she didn’t know what was funny. “God, that’s the most Brooke Lynn Hytes way of asking me out ever. _Can we do something with that information_.”

Vanessa’s smile was infectious. It lit up Brooke’s heart and she wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss her gently, to make Vanessa hers properly this time. As her smile faded though, Brooke felt her hope fade too. Vanessa let out a world-weary sigh. “Brooke, I don’t…I don’t know if I can do this all over again.”

Brooke’s heart dropped to the floor and shattered. She wanted to say something, fill the silence and reassure her, but nothing came out. She had opened up, and it had all been for nothing. This was her karma- she had broken Vanessa’s heart and now here was Vanessa breaking hers. She felt crushed. Lacking the energy to do it properly, she nodded her head once, the action small and probably barely noticeable.

It was so quiet that Brooke could hear Vanessa swallow beside her, hear her breathing deeply to calm herself down before she spoke. “You never hear it in the movies but sometimes…sometimes love isn’t enough, you know, sometimes you need to put yourself first, and sometimes the person you love ain’t necessarily the one who ends up making you happiest.”

Brooke felt her chest grow tight, felt ashamed as her head hung to the floor. She saw two tears fall from her eyes and drop onto the carpet, making identical, miniscule ponds.

“But then also,” Vanessa continued, the _but_ aspect causing Brooke’s heart to dip and soar upwards as if it was on a rollercoaster. “I love you for a reason, don’t I? The way that you say shit that’s all sarcastic and funny. The way you make me laugh. The way you’re always blunt and truthful, and when you say nice things to me it feels like you’re just saying a fact. The way you got this childish, immature streak to you that makes everything feel like an adventure when I’m with you. You listen in the best way, ‘cause you never try an’ force advice down anyone’s throat. You’re always so concerned about everyone you care for and want them to be happy…and even though you ain’t good at expressin’ it, I know you have feelings and I know they scare you. You’re like a fuckin…model, you’re so beautiful and perfect. So that’s as simple as it has to be, right?”

Brooke looked up and saw tears in Vanessa’s own eyes. All the honesty was so raw and painful, like burnt or grazed skin, and it hurt and stung as if it was real. It _was_ real. Brooke hid a sob, took a deep breath. “I don’t, uh. I don’t know where we take this.”

“I want to be with you. I want to love and be loved, feel my heart fuckin’…burst like it’s made of confetti,” Vanessa continued, letting out what could have been a sob or a laugh. “But I want to be happy. I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m scared.”

“I’m scared too,” Brooke nodded, feeling the tracks the tears were making down her face. She sighed, the pain in her heart too heavy for her to carry. “Fuck, maybe we’re just not meant for each other, maybe we got our chance already. Maybe nothing should come of this-”

“But, fuck, I love you, Brooke! And you love me,” Vanessa sighed in exasperation, her mascara collecting under her eyes as her own tears continued to fall. “And that…that means something.”

“I love you,” Brooke repeated, in case it counted for anything. It meant the world to her. Vanessa gave a sad smile, reached out and took Brooke’s hand and laced their fingers together. She squeezed Brooke’s hand twice, and the simple gesture made Brooke hopeful that everything was going to be okay.

“Shit, I waited so long to hear you say that and now it’s like…” Vanessa began sadly, trailing off. Brooke didn’t push her to finish her sentence. Instead, she squeezed her hand like Vanessa had done with hers. The action seemed to work as a prompt, because she spoke again, tilting her head with curiosity. “What do you want outta all this?”

Brooke knew immediately. “I want you. I want us to be us again.”

Vanessa let out a soft sigh, paused. “Okay, well. I don’t know what I want right now, Brooke. An’ it’s gonna be hard to start again. So you’re gonna need to give me time to decide.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait for you. You can take all the time you need,” Brooke reassured her instantly. “I’ll still be here.”

Vanessa’s hand shifted in her own. Brooke watched as she frowned a little, cast her gaze her way again. "You mean that?”

“I mean it. Whatever you decide. Whether we’re worth an extra chance or not. I’ll wait for you.”

A small smile crept onto Vanessa’s face as Brooke waited for her reply. “That’s the most romantic shit anyone ever said to me.”

“Well, it’s just the truth,” Brooke muttered, feeling her cheeks grow hot and glad that the dark room would hide her pink blush. Then, getting an idea and feeling a little spark of that childishness and immaturity Vanessa seemed to love so much, Brooke let go of Vanessa’s hand and held out her other one for her to shake. The other girl looked at her, a funny, confused smile on her face as she took her hand and shook it obediently.

“Hey. I’m Brooke Lynn,” she began, trying to suppress her smile as she spoke. Vanessa giggled, falling back a little then leaning forward.

“What are you…”

“Starting again. What’s your name, beautiful?” Brooke teased, all the darkness somehow bursting into colour as Vanessa laughed beside her, swatting her on her arm with her hand. She hadn’t seen this Vanessa in so long; happy, laughing, cheerful and playful. Brooke could’ve cried with how much she’d missed her.

“This is some dumbass shit, you know that?” Vanessa giggled, but Brooke could see the blush on her own cheeks illuminated by the streetlamps outside. Vanessa appeared to see her expectant face, laughed a resigned laugh and indulged her. “Nice to meet you, Brooke. I’m Vanjie. Well, Vanessa, but everyone calls me Vanjie.”

“Can I call you Vanessa? It’s pretty. It suits you.”

Vanessa laughed again, making Brooke give a chuckle too. “Bitch! You never flirted with me this hard the first time.”

“Well the first time we were friends, so I couldn’t flirt with you. Not properly like I wanted to anyway,” Brooke laughed, taking a Dorito and throwing it at her playfully. Vanessa squealed, toppling herself out of the way. “You, on the other hand, flirted all the time.”

“I’m a flirtatious person! You shouldn’t have taken that shit personal,” Vanessa protested, attempting to look offended but unable to wipe the smile off her face.

“So Vanessa,” Brooke carried on, trying to stop herself smiling as she carried on with the charade. “What are you studying?”

They carried on like that all through the night, being silly and getting to know each other again right from the very beginning. They had missed out on so much conversation over the past few months that it was actually nice to catch up, to re-establish herself in Vanessa’s life. She was looking at graduate jobs in events management for after uni and thinking of moving home to save money. For a fleeting moment Brooke almost suggested that they move in together but she was glad she had the sense not to verbalise that, a thought that was perhaps better bottled up and saved for another time. After all, Vanessa hadn’t even decided if she wanted to be with Brooke or not yet. Brooke had to cling on to the hope that maybe she would, because she had nothing else. Well, that was a lie. She had Vanessa’s smile and her laugh, the twinkle in her eyes when Brooke made a deadpan comment. She had the way Vanessa opened up to her, told her how scared she was of trying to navigate the world on her own after she graduated. She had the way that Vanessa shuffled close to her when the sun eventually began to rise, its glow a burnt orange ombre into a soft yellow which faded into the gentle blue of the morning sky. She had the way Vanessa’s head fit perfectly into the crook of her neck as, worn out and exhausted, she closed her eyes and dozed off in Brooke’s tentative arms.

Most of all, she had the fact that Vanessa loved her, and Brooke loved her back. And even though it hadn’t been the movie scene confession Brooke had been expecting, that fact, the sunrise, and Vanessa sleeping softly against her chest was enough for her for the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exams are over, dissertations are submitted, degree classifications are being allocated and the girls are nervously waiting for adult life to hit them like a freight train. what better way to avoid thinking about responsibilities than to go to the beach?

The day had started, as most of Scarlet’s days often do, with a message to the group chat.

Well, no, that was a bit of a lie. Scarlet’s day had started with her making breakfast, talking to her Mums over facetime as she ate it, and reassuring them that no, she hadn’t found out her degree classification yet and when she did they’d be the first to know. It was hard beginning each day with her heart in her mouth, frantically checking her phone to see if the website had been updated and then trying to relax when she found out it hadn’t been. Scarlet tried not to think too much about it, post-Uni life that is, but with each passing day it became an unignorable fact that she had to face. Graduation season was a mere month away and Scarlet didn’t want to face it but she had to, because the reality was that Scarlet didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. Not a single clue. Gone were the days of six-year-old Scarlet, who spent the mornings being an actress with a short break at lunchtime to develop her career in the veterinary sector and finishing the day off creating new play-dough recipes for her Michelin-star restaurant. High school had been so good at pushing everyone into a university-shaped mold but now that Scarlet had completed her three years there she felt a little like the aquarium fish in Finding Nemo once they had escaped their glass box: stuck in a plastic bag bubble, thrown out into the vast, unexplored ocean, and simply asking herself _now what_? Really, what could she do with a Philosophy degree? Everyone asked her the same question when she’d been making her UCAS choices and now here she was asking herself the same thing. She wished she could remember what 18-year-old Scarlet had replied. Her Mums had been surprisingly supportive of the whole endeavour, but then again they had probably been happy to have their pouty, whining teenage daughter out of the house. Funny how times change, Scarlet thought to herself as she squeezed a generous dollop of washing-up liquid onto the sponge and dunked her empty plate into the hot water she’d filled the sink with. Her Mums had just been on the phone encouraging Scarlet to move back home while she decided on what to do next. It was tempting, but the prospect of being back in the country all isolated and away from her friends and Yvie and the exciting busy-ness of the city didn’t exactly fill Scarlet with glee.

Hearing her phone buzz against the counter, Scarlet almost smashed her newly-dried plate in her haste to read the notification just in case it was an email about her classification. It wasn’t. It was, however, a message from the girls. Nina, to be precise.

_Kim Kardashian-West: GUYS it’s meant to be the SUNNIEST day today and Monet’s flat are all going to the beach!!! we should all go too!_

Scarlet frowned, looking at the decidedly grey sky. It didn’t exactly inspire much hope.

_Yvie’s bitch: Are you sure you’re reading the forecast for today? It looks a bit grey outside xxxx_

_Kim Kardashian-West: Scarlet I’m a primary teacher. A basic knowledge of the days of the week are kind of an entry level requirement_

_cursed SatNav voice: Am I FUCK going to sit freezing my ass off on the sand watching the rain piss down all around me!!_

_cursed SatNav voice: If i wanted to get soaked I would just call Brooke xoxo_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: No._

_cursed SatNav voice: Ain’t that right @Brooke Lynn Hytes_

_Maple Syrup: you know it bby xoxo_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: Hell. I’m in hell._

Scarlet snorted a laugh. Akeria could well have been joking or deadly serious. Looking up and out of the tiny little window that was positioned beside the sink, Scarlet swore she could see a small ray of sunshine fighting through the clouds. She tilted her head, considering Nina’s offer.

_Okay Then: yes i am absolutely down to get blackout day drunk today_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: Bitch it’s 11am who hurt you_

_Okay Then: listen this is perhaps the only time of our lives where we have literally no responsibilities at all. i’m getting drunk_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: I sent off nine masters’ applications yesterday._

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: No responsibilities my ass_

_Okay Then: well as huge as it is, i’m sure even it could use a little sun xo_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: WHY ARE YOU HOES ALL SO SENSIBLE AND GLOOMY? I’M WITH PLASTIQUE LET’S GO GET DRUNK_

_Maple Syrup: Ooooh now you mention it a fruity cider would go down so well right now_

_Yvie’s bitch: Yeah go on then, I’m down!! Xxxxxxx_

_Scarlet’s bitch: Scarlet it’s literally 13 degrees outside you’re insane_

_Scarlet’s bitch: but admittedly you are also my girlfriend who i love very much_

_large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: EW_

_Scarlet’s bitch: so if you’re down i’m down_

_Akeria Sainsbury’s Bag for Life: UGH fine i’ll go if all you idiots are too_

_Kim Kardashian-West: AAAH you guys this makes me so HAPPY!!!_

_Kim Kardashian-West: We only need Vanjie for a full house_

_Maple Syrup: Vanjie if you come I’ll let you suck my dick_

_cursed SatNav voice: How big is it_

_Maple Syrup: 2.75 inches when fully erect_

_Maple Syrup: Invisible to the human eye when flaccid_

_cursed SatNav voice: Hard pass_

_Scarlet’s bitch: Jesus Harvey Christ_

_cursed SatNav voice: But you bitches convinced me so i’m in_

It turned out that most of the girls were still in their pyjamas, much like Scarlet, so they were given an hour to shower and make their way there. They were lucky that the city sat on the coast, and although much of the coastline was dedicated to harbours and pebble beaches there was one little beautiful strip of sand that lay about a half-hour bus ride out to the suburbs. Yvie and Brooke were getting a lift from Plastique and so they offered the last seat to Scarlet, but Scarlet didn’t want to take the girls out of their way. Besides, the sun was peeking out a little stronger now, and if it was to fully appear then it would be perfect weather for earphones, a summer playlist, and looking out of a bus window pretending she was in a music video.

Stepping outside of her flat, Scarlet was glad she’d ended up choosing dungaree shorts and a plain white t-shirt. It was definitely warmer than it looked, and she had to sweep her hair up into a ponytail to stop her neck getting too hot. She stopped off at the corner shop for a four-pack of cider (Brooke’s message had made her want some) and then walked over to the bus stop, where she managed to get one after not too long of a wait and sat on the top deck, letting the growing rays of sun fry her through the window. Once she was off the bus, she checked her phone for the meetup point. Nina, Monet and her flatmates were sat on the sand “ _around 10 metres in front of the chippy. But Monet has no concept of measurement so it’s anyone’s guess, really_ _._ ”. Scarlet didn’t mind a small walk to find them. The promenade was packed with people all dressed in Summer clothes, the pavement giving off that smell of hot gravel which always reminded Scarlet of hot days and happy memories. The platinum-white sun cast its rays over the deep blue of the sea so that little diamonds sparkled against the waves, all tumbling over each other lazily and every so often giving a satisfying crash which mingled with the sounds of dogs barking and children giving happy cries. Scarlet found the chip shop but couldn’t see the girls amongst the mass of bodies laid out on the golden sand, so she shot Nina a text. As she waited for a reply, Scarlet took a deep breath and was hit with the unmistakable smell of the sea and chippy batter combining at once. She was a Winter person- she preferred frosty mornings and dark twinkly nights and getting cosy with a searing hot coffee and her duvet, but she loved how happy Summer seemed to make everyone, the sense of community that came with a hot, sunny day. Once Nina had given the other landmark of “ _there’s a guy with an inflatable sofa to our immediate right_ ”, Scarlet managed to find the girls with no trouble and she was soon dashing towards them excitedly and letting out an embarrassingly childish squeal as she reached Nina and crashed into her in a hug.

“Scarlet!” she greeted her cheerfully, much of her face obscured by a huge floppy woven sunhat. Breaking out of the hug, she turned to address Monet’s flatmates. “Guys, you remember Scarlet, right?”

There was a chorus of welcoming noises as the other girls greeted her, some more distractedly than others. Cracker was busy rubbing her arm with a thick streak of white sunblock which seemed to have the same consistency as double cream, Bob was laid out against a bright pink beach towel with a set of huge sunglasses over her eyes, and Monique was trying her best to remove the cork from a bottle of cava. Monet was by Nina’s side, her head resting against her girlfriend’s shoulder as she stretched her legs out and buried her feet in the sand.

“Hey, congrats for finishing uni, Miss Scarlet,” Monet smiled at her, Scarlet smiling back despite the fact she was being reminded of adult life hurtling towards her like a bullet train.

“Thanks! Congrats to you both too. How does it feel to have an actual certified genius for a girlfriend?”

“Like I’m horrifically inferior and will never amount to anything.”

“Shut up!” Nina battered her on the arm, outraged as Monet and Scarlet shared a laugh. Nina had received a mark of 95 on her dissertation, a number that the girls had considered impossible to attain at university, but Nina had managed it. It was quite revolutionary as far as undergrad research went; a study into how well-prepared teachers felt to support transgender children in schools, with recommendations as to how to do just that within its conclusion and a call for councils to give further money and resources to the cause. “Your diss was amazing as well.”

“Yeah, what do you mean that _more_ research into ability groupings in maths isn’t groundbreaking?” Monet rolled her eyes, laughing again as Nina protested.

“Who knew so much effort went into a primary teaching degree? I always thought your dissertation would be to…I don’t know, write a children’s book, or make a picture out of pasta spirals and glitter, or create a nursery rhyme or something,” Cracker piped up, Bob giving a snort beside her. Monet looked ready to defend her degree angrily when Nina sat up straight and fixed Cracker with an intrigued look.

“Oh, a nursery rhyme? Like… _there was a young girl named Cracker, who was an incredible slacker. Her degree was dumb, so she tried to make fun, of her friends who decided to smack her_.” 

Scarlet let out a screech, as did Monique and Bob. Cracker could only burst out laughing and throw her hands up in defeat as Monet grabbed Nina’s face and pressed an emphatic kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek.

“Oh my fucking God, babe, I love you so much,” she laughed, wiping away a tear of mirth from her eye.

“Love you too!” Nina smiled happily, just as Monique finally got the cork out of the bottle with a satisfying, hollow pop.

“Aw, you hoes got champagne on arrival? How fancy.” 

The girls turned around at the familiar voice to find Silky, Akeria and Vanjie all making their way towards them from the promenade. Excited again, Scarlet ran to hug them, namely Vanjie who she hadn’t seen since their final exam. They hadn’t spent too much time together but it had been enough time for Vanessa to elaborate on the story she’d told the girls in the group chat of how she, Silky, Brooke and Nina had all somehow been locked in the library overnight. Scarlet knew that had had something to do with the fact that she and Brooke were friends again. She didn’t know whether they’d fucked their frustrations out or actually talked like adults, but whatever they’d done Scarlet was glad about it. Whether or not they were reconnecting with a view to getting back together or not, Vanessa and Brooke were back to flirting on the group chat like high schoolers, and all was back to normal.

“Right, who’s wanting some of this? I’m not sure I got enough for everyone, though,” Monique asked loudly. Scarlet didn’t miss the way Vanessa stayed silent as the other girls clamoured for some fizz. She knew Vanjie had broken things off with Monique, whatever “things” were, and Scarlet somehow didn’t think she was enjoying being on the other side of a breakup much either.

“Did you even bring cups?” Bob asked, sitting up and quirking an eyebrow at her flatmate. Monique groaned.

“Ah, fuck, _cups_.”

“You absolute idiot sandwich,” Cracker rolled her eyes at her. Her eyes darted quickly to Vanessa before she stood up and grabbed her purse from her backpack. “C’mon. I’ll come to the shops with you and we can get some.”

The two girls walked away as Silky, Akeria and Vanessa all laid out what looked to be a duvet cover that they’d brought with them in lieu of a towel or blanket. Scarlet didn’t even think to question it. She knew it had been Silky’s idea without needing to ask.

“I feel like a dick,” Vanessa jerked a thumb towards Monique’s retreating frame.

“Don’t,” Monet and Bob said in unison, Nina letting out a small laugh.

“Y’all are The Shining levels of creepy,” Akeria frowned, digging out three huge bottles of beer from a shopping bag and giving one to each of her flatmates.

“Well, we’re right! You were friends with benefits, everyone knew that. It’s not Monique’s fault she caught feels but it sure as hell ain’t yours either,” Bob shrugged, ever the blunt but honest friend.

“So what _is_ going on with you and Brooke now?” Monet asked, leaning forward and propping herself up on her elbows. Vanessa fixed her with an unimpressed look.

“Gee Monet, whatever happened to _so how’ve you guys been_ , or _how was exams_ , or literally any other small talk?”

“Yeah, and whatever happened to _it’s none of our business_?” Nina side-eyed her girlfriend disapprovingly.

“Well, girl! We’ve been in dissertation hell for a month and a half. Shit kinda got boring,” Monet shrugged semi-apologetically. “Anyway Vanjie, Monique’s away and Brooke’s not here yet and I doubt you want to talk about it when either of those two are here in front of you? And I’ve been trying to grill Neens about it but she keeps using lame excuses like _we shouldn’t be getting involved_ and _shouldn’t you be thinking about your classroom_ , so c’mon, bitch, spill.”

Vanessa smiled slightly, gesturing as if it was obvious. “Well, she knows I love her. And she loves me.”

Monet let out an “aaw!” at the same time Akeria let out an “ugh”. Vanjie ignored them both and continued.

“But she hurt me, so I ain’t lettin’ her get back in my good books that easy. Of course I wanna be with her, more than anything else in the world, but we need to get that trust back before I even entertain the idea.”

“So have you…y’know…had any kinky, passionate reunion sex yet?” Monet winked at her. Vanessa looked at her flatmates, a humoured smile playing on her lips.

“Akeria’s threatened to kick me out the flat if I even so much as think about it.”

The girls howled with laughter as Akeria tried to suppress a smile. “She thinks I’m joking.”

“I really don’t,” Vanjie raised her eyebrows at her, Akeria playfully shoving her onto the fluffy sand beside her and causing her to get it all up her side. “God fucking damnit, now I don’t even get to look nice when she arrives.”

“Oh, here she comes now, actually,” Silky said, nonplussed. Vanessa scowled at her.

“Quit playin’.”

Scarlet followed Silky’s gaze. “No, Vanj, she actually is.”

As Vanessa muttered a _shit_ , Scarlet waved excitedly at Plastique, Brooke and Yvie, smiling when the latter pulled a goofy face and waved back. Plastique seemed to be carrying something huge and wooden underneath her arm.

“Lord Jesus, what the hell is she doing,” Silky shook her head as the girls came closer into view. Scarlet jumped up happily to hug her girlfriend, Brooke muttered a soft _hey_ as she sat down next to Vanjie and hugged her, and Plastique, after she’d greeted the others, unfolded a multicoloured striped deckchair.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Scarlet let out a laugh, unsure whether to be impressed or exasperated by Plastique’s levels of extra.

“What?! It’s a sunny day, we’re at the beach, this is literally what deckchairs are for! Have fun getting sand in every possible orifice, losers,” she stuck out her tongue at them as she sat back and gave a happy sigh.

“Ariel not joining us today?” Nina asked.

“Nah, she’s gone home to see her parents. Why the hell you’d want to go home now when you could be dragging out your last month of uni life is totally beyond me, but hey.”

Yvie gave a deep laugh. “Plastique, your family have a townhouse in London, a chalet in Chamonix with membership to a private ski resort, and a literal penthouse in Dubai with an outdoor pool on a balcony. Why the fuck are you _here_?”

The girls all exploded with laughter, even Plastique conceding with a smile and a self-aware shrug that she was a rich bitch.

“Hey, I’m moving back in after graduation and won’t see you guys for ages, let me enjoy your shitty company.”

“You could fly us all out,” Brooke smiled hopefully, cracking the top off her bottle of cider with her keys.

“Yeah, lemme borrow twenty grand off my Mum real quick,” Plastique snorted sardonically.

Bob reached across to Monique’s cava, giving a small sip. “I’m moving home too. Gotta save money.”

“At least you both know what you’re doing,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, trying not to sound too bitter and accidentally just coming out with the verbal equivalent of black coffee. Luckily, Brooke held out her bottle and nodded emphatically.

“We can’t all have Akeria’s serial-killer levels of ambition or just walk into a job like Monet and Nina.”

“Hey! It’s a probationary year that we could literally fail if we screw up, stop thinking we have things easy,” Nina protested.

“How could you possibly fail being a teacher unless you literally boot a child in the face?” Yvie laughed in disbelief. Seeing Monet and Nina gearing themselves up for a verbal sparring match, she gesticulated wildly. “I’m kidding, ladies, I’m kidding! You work very hard and kids are little shits and you don’t get paid enough. Happy?”

“Very,” Monet rolled her eyes, accepting the cava that Bob held out to her and taking a swig before passing it to Nina.

“What’re you guys doing after uni?” Bob asked, then instantly cringed hearing the groans she got in response. “Sorry, sorry, I forgot that question is basically Satan incarnate.”

“Well, I applied to a bunch of newspapers. But the journalism industry is a shitshow anyway, so fuck knows what I’m doing or if they’ll even accept me,” Silky sighed. Her mood was decidedly flat. It was rare for her to be anything other than high-energy, volume turned all the way up to 100.

“Well, your classification might help!” Bob said comfortingly. Scarlet looked at Silky to gauge her reaction. She didn’t know if she’d been given hers yet, but the girl’s embarrassed face soon gave her an answer.

“Well I got a 2:2, so. Probably not,” she shrugged, Bob trying to backtrack apologetically. Scarlet felt bad for Silky. There was nothing wrong with a 2:2 and a degree was still a degree, but she knew how much Silky believed that despite her grades not being great, she’d still pull it out of the bag in the end, maybe manage one essay that pulled her marks up. Even though the girls were all still proud of her, it was another thing for her to let herself down.

“We’re still proud of you, Silky. You worked fucking hard and you got your degree, and that’s something to celebrate,” Nina smiled affirmingly, holding the cava out for Silky to drink. She smiled gratefully at the girls around her before accepting.

“Thanks, ladies,” she said quietly, before taking a swig. The cava seemed to return Silky back to normal, and she cried out after drinking. “An’ besides! 2:1s are boring anyway. Go hard or go home, bitch, and I’m goin’ the fuck home!”

The girls indulged Silky in a laugh. They sat for a while, chatting easily and passing the bottle of cava around, the lack of cups now not so much of a problem as it had seemed previously.

“Hey, anyone want a paddle?” Brooke asked suddenly. Scarlet gave a snort of outrage.

“You’re insane. That water’s got to be minus five.”

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun! Vanj?” Brooke asked, her voice hopeful. Vanessa shrugged easily, casting the girl a quick smile and then dragging Akeria and Silky to their feet.

“To be fair, I am getting really warm. Getting my feet cold might be nice,” Nina reasoned out loud. Monet jumped up with her cheerfully. “Yvie, you coming?”

“Nah. Think I’ll stay here with my girl,” Yvie squeezed Scarlet’s hand, Scarlet smiling back at her happily.

“Awww, Yvie! You’re too cute,” Plastique cried sarcastically from her deckchair, the other girls laughing. She was too busy sunbathing to paddle, but Bob decided she’d follow Monet’s lead and join the others in the water. Scarlet laughed as she watched her friends tear down to the sea like children, the white spray flying into the air as they all hit the water at once.

“We’re friends with actual kids,” Yvie laughed, Scarlet nodding in agreement.

“God, we really are,” she smiled affectionately, watching Akeria take a step into the sea then jump back as if it was made of molten lava and not freezing cold water. Just as the girls had left, Scarlet became aware of two sets of footsteps approaching behind them. It was Cracker and Monique, back from the shops with a plastic bag twirling around Monique’s hand.

“Hey,” Scarlet greeted them cheerfully, then added, by way of explanation, “They’ve gone into the sea.”

“Oh, fun!” Cracker beamed. Monique picked up the bottle of cava and rolled her eyes. There was a shot-sized dribble at the bottom.

“You sons of bitches are nothing if not predictable,” she laughed, fishing a brand new bottle out of the plastic bag along with a set of cups. Yvie held her hands out apologetically and Monique shook her head, letting her know all was forgiven. Scarlet looked out to the water again. Bob had Monet on her back and Vanessa was leaping on Brooke’s, Brooke unable to catch her from the amount she was laughing. It looked as if they were about to do some sort of race or fight. Vanessa finally got onto Brooke’s back, her arms looping around her shoulders like a bush baby.

“So. That’s that then,” Monique gave a little sigh as she looked out to sea. Scarlet did a double-take as she looked at her. Her expression was mostly hidden behind her huge mirrored sunglasses, but Scarlet could see the small frown on her face. She knew who her gaze had fallen on. Scarlet felt bad for the girl.

“Hey, don’t take it personally. Vanjie thought you were great, she really did. She told me all the time,” Scarlet said reassuringly, Monique giving her a little smile of gratitude. “You know that way when you’re still hung up on someone you love. That’s all it is.”

Monique rubbed her arms, wrapping them around herself in a hug. “My own damn fault for catchin’ feelings.”

“Happens to the best of us, girl,” Yvie piped up. Cracker smiled at the pair of them gratefully, squeezing Monique’s shoulder supportively.

“We’ve been trying to tell her that.”

Monique laughed suddenly as she saw Silky chasing the girls with a huge, slimy-looking clump of seaweed she’d fished out of the water. The smile remained on her face as her laughter died down and she looked at Scarlet and Yvie inquisitively. “Brooke’s gonna treat her nice, right?”

Scarlet thought about Brooke’s helplessness after her and Akeria’s birthday weekend, her heartbroken confession of love in the toilets of the grubby karaoke bar. She watched how tightly Brooke was holding Vanessa on her back, as if to let go of her would be a crime. Scarlet smiled at Monique. “She will. I know she will.”

Seemingly satisfied, Monique kicked her sandals off and turned to Cracker. “You wanna go paddle?”

“Girl, I thought you’d never ask.”

Scarlet was satisfied staying with Yvie on the sand. They turned to Plastique only to find her napping in her deckchair, her skin beginning to take on an ever-so-slightly pink hue. Deciding to avoid Plastique’s potential wrath if they woke her up, Monique and Cracker dashed down to the ocean to join the other girls. Scarlet sat quietly with Yvie for a moment, taking in the scene of their friends all clowning around in the water.

“You still looking for jobs?” Yvie asked her. Scarlet sighed. She didn’t mind talking about post-uni life with Yvie, didn’t mind being honest about how scared and unsure she was with the person who loved her and she loved back.

“Yeah. It’s hard applying without my classification, though. And, I guess, even harder when you’ve got no idea what the hell you want to do with your life.”

Scarlet gave a self-deprecating laugh which Yvie gently joined in with. Yvie laced her fingers around Scarlet’s and gave her hand a squeeze. “You’ll figure it out, babe. There’s no time pressure on these things.”

“I know. It’s just hard when…hell, you’ve got Monet and Nina about to start their entire careers. I mean they’ll be in charge of a whole class of kids. Akeria knows what she wants to do and she’ll get there. Hell, even if Silky’s classification wasn’t as good as she wanted it, journalism is at least something she wants to go into. And Vanjie’s decided on events management. You know you want to at least do something with criminology,” Scarlet sighed, suddenly feeling so small. “It’s so hard trying to figure out what you want to do with your life when everyone around you seems to know. How the hell are _you_ meant to know yourself?”

“Listen,” Yvie brought her thumb up to stroke Scarlet’s knuckle, calming her instantly by about 80%. “The great thing about your life is that…it’s yours. Nobody else’s. Just yours. Say you decide on a job and you hate it. Do you think you have to stay because the pay’s good and it’s something steady? No! You leave, because you can get another job. You don’t like it? You change. You want to go back to uni to doss about for another year? Do it! There is no rule to life that says you need to live it a certain way. And fuck yes, it’s scary! I’m scared! I don’t know if I’ll like any of the jobs I’m applying for, they could be so different in reality to what they are on paper. But you know I’ll support you whatever you decide.”

Scarlet’s voice was quiet as she watched the waves crash around her friends. “I just don’t want to disappoint my parents.”

“Scarlet, your parents love you unconditionally. And I’ll say it again- it’s _your_ life. Yours. Not theirs. You can do whatever the hell you want to.”

Scarlet nodded, Yvie’s words a small comfort to her in the world that now seemed so big and scary. Yvie’s voice was quieter as she spoke again. “So…you’re going to live back home once all this is over?”

“I guess so. I don’t really want to, but I don’t want to live alone either. And it’ll help me save money, although if I don’t have a job I guess there’s not much money to save,” Scarlet snorted a laugh. She didn’t want to think about any of this, but Yvie was asking her so she gave an honest answer. Scarlet didn’t miss the way her girlfriend fell silent, nodding her head, a sad little frown on her face. She didn’t want to move away from Yvie. She didn’t want to return home. Yvie _was_ her home.

Suddenly there came a splash from the water and Scarlet’s gaze was jolted away from her girlfriend and down to the sea. Silky had somehow fallen into the water and the girls were all howling with mirth as she screeched and tried to splash them all. Scarlet couldn’t help but join in with the laughter as she watched Akeria help fish Silky out of the water, the girl sitting in the wet sand and laughing so loudly that Scarlet could hear it even from farther up the beach. As Scarlet composed herself and her laughter died down, she turned to see Yvie looking at her, a dopey little smile on her face.

“What?” Scarlet laughed, touching her hair self-consciously. Yvie looked down at the sand, then back up to meet her eyes.

“Move in with me. After we graduate.”

Scarlet’s eyes grew suddenly wide in shock. Yvie was still holding her hand and Scarlet’s grip on hers had tightened. “Really?”

Yvie’s face was earnest, and Scarlet could see her gulp as she nodded quickly. She took a little gasp of air before explaining herself. “I mean, we both already basically live together. You’re at mine so often anyway, we know what we’re like to live with. We’ve not spent more than a full week apart since…fuck, I don’t know. I would do long distance for you, Scarlet, but I don’t want to. I want to go to IKEA and build flat pack furniture and make slow cooker casseroles and fucking…pay council tax with you. I hope you don’t…think I’m being too intense. Jesus, we’ve not even been together a year, fuck, sorry, this was a shit idea-”

“Well when you know, you know, right?” Scarlet smiled at her girlfriend, squeezing her hand. Yvie smiled back at her, reassured and happy, and Scarlet could hear the seagulls in the air and the crash of the waves and the laughter of their friends. She wouldn’t have had any other soundtrack to accompany the moment. “Yes. I’m in. Let’s get a flat together. Just the two of us. I don’t know what the fuck I want to do with my life, but I know it’s going to be a lot easier if I’m doing it with you.”

Relieved, Yvie leaned in and met Scarlet’s lips, kissing her once, twice, three times before pulling away and squeezing her hand. They met each other’s eyes and smiled, breathlessly giggling a little. Deciding to move in together didn’t seem to be the huge, relationship-changing milestone that society had hyped it up to be. It made sense to Scarlet: they loved each other, enjoyed the other’s company, they’d practically lived together for the past however-many-months. Okay, they hadn’t really hit any real speed bumps in their relationship really, but Scarlet trusted Yvie and she trusted herself. They were a team, two puzzle pieces that fit together. Whatever the crazy, scary, mixed-up adult world had in store for them after graduation, they would face it together.

Just then, Scarlet’s phone vibrated. She picked it up from its place underneath a carefully-folded corner of her towel. Opening it and reading the email, her heart dropped.

“Oh my God,” she said, her heart thudding uncontrollably.

“What’s the matter?”

“My classification’s through.”

Scarlet’s fingers were shaking and her palms were sweating as she frantically logged onto the uni’s intranet.

“Breathe. Just breathe. It’ll be fine,” Yvie reassured her, but Scarlet could feel her blood racing in her veins. She didn’t want to look. She did want to look. As the page loaded, she squeezed her eyes shut. Nothing had ever seemed so catastrophically life-defining before. The page loaded, Scarlet blinked, then she screamed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Plastique flinch in her deckchair. Yvie’s face was expectant. Scarlet could hardly get the words out.

“A FIRST, I GOT A FUCKING FIRST!” she screeched, Yvie practically tackling her into the sand as she hugged her. Scarlet felt like her heart was about to burst. The three years had all been worth it and she felt like the biggest weight and worry in the world was finally lifted off of her. This was, admittedly, contrasted with the feeling of Plastique piling herself on top of the two girls, screaming excitedly the whole time. Scarlet suddenly batted them off of her, grabbing their hands and tugging them towards the shore.

“I wanna run into the sea! Can we run into the sea and tell the girls?”

Nodding excitedly, the three friends tore towards the coastline screeching like banshees. Scarlet could feel the wind in her hair, the sun beating down on her, and the sand shifting underneath her feet with every step she took.

She had never felt so conscious of her own mortality and yet as if she could live forever all at once.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s Brooke’s graduation day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fam thank u all SO MUCH for reading, i'm aware it's taken me a while to put this on ao3 and the s11 hype has died down so to get this much love still is so so nice! i HAVE got a sequel planned and in the works and that should get written eventually so if u want to chat/theorise/get hyped about it my tumblr is artificialortega! thank u again for riding the rollercoaster with me, without further ado: chapter 21!

Brooke looked around at the chaos that was their kitchen. The kitchen utensils (which were all Nina’s that she and Yvie had shamelessly used as if they were their own over the 2 years they’d lived together) were wrapped up in bubble wrap and packed neatly into cardboard boxes which sat on top of the dining table. Yvie’s kitchenware- a blue bowl with a chip out of it, a huge white plate, a Tigger mug, and a mismatched fork, knife and spoon- had been inelegantly packed into an orange Sainsbury’s bag and left on the counter. Brooke had already packed up her own belongings and had moved them into a corner of her room so they wouldn’t take up space in the already-tiny kitchen. All their store cupboard food was in the process of being packed up for the foodbank, which was inevitably going to be flooded with the discarded super noodles, tinned soups and flavoured teas of the migrating tenants of student flats.

Yvie let out a snort from her position in front of their food cupboards, and Brooke’s heart gave a twinge at seeing them so empty. Top shelf had been hers: pasta, rice, stock cubes, and emergency maple syrup tin. The middle shelf was Nina’s: loaf of white bread, tins of tuna, ryvita, breadsticks, crisps. And Yvie’s food had occupied the bottom shelf: chocolate digestives, Ainsely Harriott cous cous, peanut butter, and sour patch kids. All gone. Except, Brooke noticed, for a jar of Marmite which had sat on the middle shelf and that Yvie was holding in her hand.

“Whose was the Marmite?” she asked, an amused tone to her voice. Nina shrugged from her position on the sofa.

“I’ve never once eaten Marmite.”

“It’s on your shelf, girl,” Yvie shrugged, her eyebrows questioning. Nina gave another shrug.

“I know. It’s always lived there. I swear to God it just turned up one day and I left it there. Thought it was one of yours because Christ knows you’re both too lazy to put it on your own damn shelves,” Nina reprimanded them both. Brooke laughed.

“You know you’re going to regret being so mean to us when you don’t live with us any more and we’re adults and it takes 9 months to clear our schedules for one singular coffee,” she raised her eyebrows at her flatmate as Nina pouted and let out a groan, held out her arms for a hug which Brooke fell into.

“Don’t! This is already too heartbreaking, I can’t believe we only have two days left here.”

“I can’t believe we’re actually organised with this moving out process.”

“I can’t believe we have a phantom jar of Marmite that nobody’s claiming,” Yvie piped up, peering at the jar with interest. “Brooke, you like this shit, right?”

“Marmite is Satan’s black fecal matter and I’m offended you think I eat it,” she deadpanned, shifting to get comfy in Nina’s lap whilst attempting to be as inconvenient as possible to her friend.

“Get the hell off me. Only my girlfriend is allowed to sit on me for so long that I lose feeling in my legs,” Nina huffed, shoving at Brooke until she relented and sat beside her. It didn’t stop her from putting her cold feet on her bare thigh though, and Nina hissed and jumped away. “I take it all back. I’m not going to miss either of you idiots at all.”

“You’re a crap liar,” Yvie smiled smugly, binning the Marmite and joining the two girls on the sofa, squeezing in between them both. “Awh, guys…it’s the end of an era.”

Brooke suddenly felt tears prick at her eyes out of nowhere. “Shut up. We’ve still got tomorrow and the next day.”

“Yeah, but tomorrow you’re gonna be doing graduation-y shit and then it’s moving day!” Nina protested. Her voice grew small, dropping to a murmur. “It’s kind of like it’s our last day.”

The girls fell silent. Yvie let out a huge puff of air from her lungs. “Don’t tell anyone I said this but I’m gonna miss you girls so fucking much.”

“Awh, Yves. I’ll miss you too,” Nina sighed, burying her face into Yvie’s shoulder and curling her arms around one of Yvie’s. “But this is good! Change is good, even if it’s scary and different. And you’re gonna be living with Scarlet! That’s exciting!”

“How’s the flat hunting going?” Brooke asked Yvie, who had a little smile on her face. Brooke didn’t know if Yvie knew that she always began to smile a little whenever Scarlet was mentioned. She wasn’t going to mention it to her. She would maybe mention it to Scarlet.

“Like I’d rather shit in my hands and clap,” Yvie groaned, running her hands down her face. “It’ll be fine, though. We’ve got a while. Her lease isn’t up until August so we’ve got a few weeks to keep looking and in the meantime I’ll just stay with her in that Dickensian death trap she calls a flat.”

The girls let out a laugh, Brooke resting her head on Yvie’s shoulder too. There was a small silence.

“At least you and Monet are sorted,” Yvie spoke again, Nina nodding in agreement. Buoyed by how well Yvie’s suggestion to Scarlet had been received, Nina had been determined not to fuck up another relationship milestone with Monet and had asked her to move in with her as well. The answer had been an emphatic yes, and the pair of them had used their terrifying teacher-levels of organisation skills to find a cute two-bed flat in a nicer, only slightly more expensive part of the city. They both knew their relationship was still new and fragile, so they’d agreed a room each was a good idea to give them their space when they each needed to work or wanted a bit of time on their own to simply do nothing. Brooke knew the two girls were joined at the hip though so they probably didn’t need that sort of contingency plan, but it was a sensible decision nonetheless.

“I can’t wait to get the keys and just vomit up a bunch of fairy lights and candles in every possible room,” she beamed, excitement radiating out of every pore. “It’s going to be so fun- we’re going to take turns cooking, and build pillow forts, and blast our songs on a Sunday morning and clean the whole place-”

“Fuck. Adulthood’s fully got you. Brooke, quick, if we run we can still save ourselves,” Yvie deadpanned, Nina giving her a whack as Brooke laughed.

“I personally can’t wait to go round and visit at every available opportunity. I’m going to move in,” Brooke smiled, and Nina gave another sad kicked-puppy pout.

“I wish. Canada is so far away,” she sighed, a little knife going through Brooke’s heart at the thought of moving back. She didn’t want to think about it, but it was just inevitable. It was happening, and it was fact. She was going back to Canada. She didn’t really know what she was doing, she hadn’t found herself a flat, and she didn’t have a job to earn money and pay the rent with even if she had, so she was flying home.

She really didn’t want to think about leaving. She didn’t want to think about leaving the city, constantly busy with tourists and families and drunk students and Very Important Working Adults. She didn’t want to think about leaving the park, with the cherry blossom trees that lined every path and fond memories of barbecues and picnics and drinking in the sun with the girls. She didn’t want to think about leaving uni- because as stressful as all hell her degree had been, she’d loved studying fashion design, loved making prototypes, loved learning about something she loved, even though her degree was fuck all use to her trying to get an actual job. She didn’t want to think about leaving the flat: the shower with its drippy head, the hob with the one gas burner that didn’t work, the carpet in her room with the incongruous red faded stain, the fucking Sports Direct mug. The girls that she loved so much her heart felt sore if she thought too much about it: Nina singing obnoxiously early as she got ready for placement, Yvie making the kitchen into a war zone trying new recipes, the ridiculous squabbles they got into about the washing up, pre-pre-drinks where they shared a bottle of pink Gordon’s and splashed mixers into their mismatched glasses and sang along to Ariana Grande at the top of their lungs.

Tears stung at her eyes again, and she swallowed the big lump in her throat to shoo them away. It was too late though, as Nina had seen her glassy eyes and reached over to hug her. Her own voice was thick with tears as she spoke.

“Oh, girls,” she let out a shaky breath, Brooke giving up the fight as she felt her own tears drop down onto her hoodie. “Change is good…but it’s shit.”

“Fuck you both, I’m not crying,” Yvie said, her breathing all shuddery and letting them both know that was a lie. The girls all sat and held each other as they wept quietly, mourning the death of their student careers and this life they’d lived for three years that they’d all too often taken for granted.

Brooke was the first to dry her tears, giving one decisive sniff and sweeping under both her eyes with determination. “Right. I’m putting a stop to this, we’re not spending our kind-of last night in the flat sitting crying like a bunch of babies. We’re going to order food, get high as St Peter’s balls and watch shitty game shows that make us yell at the TV. Okay?”

She was happy that Yvie and Nina both snorted a weepy laugh and nodded at her. “Okay.”

And the three girls did just what Brooke had suggested. There was, however, bickering about where they should order from. Yvie wanted sushi from the tiny little place tucked away in a back street that did bento boxes with prawn katsu and salmon maki which were like little rice parcels of heaven. Nina wanted Chinese from their favourite takeaway that delivered from out in the suburbs and where, for about fifteen points all in, you could get a banquet of sweet and sour chicken in sticky red sauce, crispy golden salt and chilli chips with huge red jewels of chilli and slices of garlic, chicken fried rice in a rich Cantonese gravy which bound everything together and chow mein with soft spring onion slices and huge chunks of onions all tossed in soy sauce. Brooke’s selection won in the end though as her argument was the strongest- “I might not taste any of this again, Canada is a long fucking journey, okay?!”- so they ordered burritos and chips and salsa from the incredibly-overpriced-but-worth-it burrito bar on campus. They finished the last of the weed that had been wrapped in tin foil and cling film and shoved to the back of the broom cupboard along with the bong, and they made horrifying cocktails from the dregs of their leftover spirits and mixers. The burritos arrived and they stuck Challenge TV on and shouted at the Catchphrase contestants who couldn’t get the most obvious fucking catchphrases Brooke had ever seen in her life.

The evening was perfect.

They talked about Brooke’s graduation tomorrow, Nina and Yvie both saying how proud they were of her. Brooke was glad she had the girls, since her Mum’s flight over to see her graduate had been cancelled because of freak winds back in Canada. Brooke had already cried to her over facetime about it, but Yvie had managed to find the link to the livestream that was only meant to be shown on campus, and she’d sent Brooke’s Mum the link so Brooke knew she would be watching even if she couldn’t properly be there. As soon as they’d heard the news, the girls had all agreed on the group chat to set up camp in the union and watch the livestream (as Brooke and Plastique would be graduating at the same ceremony) and then take photos with them both afterwards outside the great hall as if they were a gaggle of proud Mums. Even though it wouldn’t be what she’d planned, Brooke was still looking forward to it.

It was around midnight before Brooke took herself off to bed, and just as she got cosy underneath the duvet her phone lit up with a notification. She couldn’t help the smile that involuntarily shot to her face when she realised it was Vanessa.

_V: hey what’s ya fav Kanye West album mine is GRADUATION!!!!!!! How you feelin about tomorrow boo? xxxxxx_

Brooke let out a laugh, muffling it too late with her hand when it came out louder than expected. Christ, she loved the girl so much.

_B: Kanye West is a misogynist pig and i won’t stand for him xxxxxx_

_B: Stronger is a bop though xxxxxx_

_V: You got that one right xxxxxx_

_B: And I’m good! Big jumble of feelings. Big happy/sad vibes xxxxxx_

_V: I know it’s bittersweet af xxxxxx_

_V: Me n Scar just held each other and cried once the ceremony was over xxxxxx_

Vanessa and Scarlet had graduated last week, as had their other friends. Brooke and Plastique’s graduation date was the latest and so they were graduating last. She didn’t mind that, though. The longer she could stay being a student the better.

_B: Lol we just had a big cry as a full flat xxxxxx_

_V: Don’t lmao idk what we gonna be like when our lease is up xxxxxx_

Brooke scrolled up and looked at all the texts they’d exchanged from the past two months, the same signature of six kisses at the end of them all. They hadn’t really spoken about where they were relationship-wise since the night in the library. Maybe Vanessa didn’t want to. Maybe it was for the best. Brooke’s heart hurt as she realised she was going to be on the other side of the world in a matter of days, and maybe Vanessa didn’t want to see her ever again. She frowned at her own thoughts before tears had a chance to start welling in her eyes again. It had been good to truly get back to where she’d been before with Vanessa- just texting random garbage, having deep chats about the future, being ever-so-slightly flirty with each other. She thought about confronting the issue head on over text, but it wasn’t the medium through which to have that kind of conversation.

As if Vanessa could read her mind, however, another text came through.

_V: When do you fly back again? 20th? xxxxxx_

Brooke’s heart felt sore.

_B: 12th xxxxxx_

_V: oh right_

Brooke’s pulse froze at the lack of kisses. Her fingers ghosted over her screen, trying to figure out what to type. Vanessa sorted the problem for her.

_V: fuck I wish you weren’t leaving xxxxxx_

Brooke’s heart swelled up then popped. Was this the time? No. But their time was running out, she knew that much. Maybe she could see her before she left. She’d see her after her graduation anyway.

_B: I wish I wasn’t either xxxxxx_

_B: But you’re coming tomorrow yeah? Xxxxxx_

_V: Wouldn’t miss it for the world baby xxxxxx_

Fuck, she would miss her so much. She’d already told Vanessa how much she meant to her, just how fucking incredible she was in every way, and yet Brooke felt like doing it again.

She didn’t, because it would be too weird. But she wanted to more than anything.

_V: You gonna look so beautiful and clever tomorrow I just know it xxxxxx_

Brooke smiled to herself, blushing on her own at the compliment. Vanessa seemed to be firing risky texts to her left right and centre, so Brooke took a risk of her own.

_B: Not as beautiful as you xxxxxx_

She almost threw her phone away once she’d sent it. A reply came back almost instantly.

_V: Stop with the lies xxxxxx_

She was leaving in two days so she sent another risky one, caution truly pissed into the wind.

_B: You’re honestly the most beautiful girl in the world xxxxxx_

At that point Brooke put her phone face down on her bedside table and decided to sleep, her heart full of butterflies and her thoughts filled with the ridiculously massive crush she had on the girl she’d been idiotic enough to let go the first time.

When Brooke woke up, her phone was blowing up with messages. The one she checked first was from Vanessa in reply to the one she’d sent last night, and was simply a series of heart eye emojis. The next one she opened was a text from her Mum, paragraphs of pride and love for her daughter that made Brooke want to cry already. The others were all from the chat- Silky, Akeria, Vanessa, Scarlet, Yvie and Nina all spamming it with messages of luck and love for her and Plastique, and promising they’d be watching the screen and waiting outside for them when the ceremony was done.

Brooke got ready in a dream-like haze. She took her smart black tailored dress out of the cupboard where it had been hanging for the past month, the garment more ready for graduating than she was. She showered then dried her hair, curling it and brushing out so it made waves down her back. She put on her makeup- browns and nudes with only the tiniest bit of highlight. When she stepped into her dress and heels and looked at herself in front of the mirror, she hardly recognised herself.

She looked like an adult. A woman with her life stretching out in front of her, ready to be whatever she made of it.

Brooke phoned a taxi- it was raining just a little, even though it was already July- and pulled on a smart black coat when she saw it pull up outside, dashing carefully down the steps of the stairwell and out into the new day.

Graduation wasn’t til 11, but Brooke had arranged to meet up with Plastique beforehand anyway, just so they could be excited together. When Brooke pulled up at the taxi rank outside the square and the huge ceremony hall, she could see Plastique and her Mum there already, standing bickering amongst the growing gaggle of students and families. The sight only hurt Brooke a bit, until she remembered the girls would all be watching, and her Mum would be watching too no matter how far away. It would, after all, be about one and a half hours of waiting for Brooke to walk across the stage, take a scroll and shake a hand, and then it would all be over.

It was scary to think that that was all that was separating her and the adult world.

Trying not to get too deep and to instead just enjoy the day, Brooke excitedly paid the driver and dashed out of the taxi, Plastique spotting her running towards her and giving an excited squeal. She opened her arms out for a hug which Brooke crashed into.

“Bitch! How are you!” Plastique cried, Brooke only squeezing her tightly in response. “I’m so excited! And sad. And excited! And emotional.”

“Yeah, I can tell!” Brooke teased, Plastique laughing as she stepped out of the hug and gestured to her Mum, dressed very glamorously in a blue dress, blue heels and a pink fascinator. The occasion didn’t really call for it but Plastique’s Mum was always one to embrace the potential glamour in every situation, and so she had gone all out.

“You’ve met my Mum, right?” Plastique smiled. Brooke nodded and waved her a hello. She’d met her once at their second year showcase, the woman keeping her in stitches with her hilarious stories.

“I have! Nice to see you again, Alyssa.”

Alyssa, throwing formalities out of the window, instead pulled Brooke into a crushing hug. “And you too, my angel! Awh, Lord, ‘Tique told me all about your Mama’s flight. My heart is absolutely breakin’ for you, honey. I would’ve sent a plane over for her but nobody’s flying out of there come hell or high water.”

Brooke suppressed a laugh, finding it unbelievable that “I’ll just get her a plane” was on Alyssa’s list of options. “It’s okay Alyssa. Thank you, though. She’s going to watch the live stream, Yvie hooked her up with a link.”

“Well I’ll be your Mama just for today, girl. I am so proud of you both!” Alyssa cried, putting both her hands on Plastique’s shoulders and sighing. “Look at my intelligent daughter, out here gettin’ degrees and lookin’ so beautiful at the same time.”

Plastique smiled at her Mum lovingly, the two of them sharing one last hug before she and Brooke took themselves off to pick up their robes. It was surreal actually wearing the gown, all billowing and black, and helping each other fix their hoods, light blue with fringes of pink. They went to get their graduation photos taken, Brooke surprised that they were given a prop degree to hold as she’d always thought it was her actual degree she’d be holding. She laughed as Plastique moaned to her about not being able to see the photo until it got mailed to her, and the fact that her Mum ordered about twenty four copies so even if it was horrible she wouldn’t ever be able to escape it. Alyssa texted Plastique to tell her she’d gone into the hall to get a good seat, so her and Brooke decided to just go and sit ready anyway. They had to say goodbye to each other briefly until the end of the ceremony, as everyone had to sit in alphabetical order. As she waited for the ceremony to begin, Brooke scanned the huge crowds all seated in the hall’s three tiered levels. Her eyes fell on each empty seat and her heart broke a little more each time she saw one.

Nobody she truly loved would see her graduate in person. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t absolutely gutted. But at least she had Plastique, and of course, Alyssa.

Before she knew it, the ceremony had begun. She tried to pay attention to the Dean’s address and the chamber choir singing in Latin but she couldn’t help feeling like a 16-year-old in her school assembly, bored and just full of anticipation. Eventually, the awards began. Brooke clapped for all the other students crossing the stage, her eyes trained on the way they walked. She swallowed down the panic she felt, banished the thought of tripping over to the back of her mind. It reached Plastique’s turn, and she gave a huge cheer as her friend walked across the stage with all the grace and poise of a supermodel. She could hear Alyssa’s voice shouting from the balcony- “That’s my baby! That’s my girl!”- and, for a moment, she thought she heard the yell of a voice she knew all too well.

No. That was crazy. She must have imagined it.

E in the alphabet turned to F, then G, and eventually, H. Brooke didn’t have many others to sit through, and eventually there was only one girl separating her and her degree. The moment these three years had led up to, finally being lived out.

“Brooke Lynn Hytes.”

She heard her name and smiled as she walked carefully across the stage, shaking the Dean’s hand tightly and collecting her scroll all wrapped up in its little embossed tube. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she walked to the other side, heard the claps, heard the cheers, and heard…

“Love you, Brooke Lynn!”

_Stop_.

“Go Brooke! Love you, girl!”

It was her. It was actually her. Vanessa’s voice, soaring above the crowd and reaching Brooke like an arrow.

What the fuck was she doing here, at her actual graduation ceremony? As Brooke dismounted the stage she scanned the room like a meerkat, the place far too packed to distinguish Vanessa from any other of the little blobs of people sitting in each row. But she knew it was her. Vanessa had seen her graduate, had seen her collect her degree and had cheered for her.

Brooke didn’t know how she’d managed to get a ticket - they were all reserved for families- but she suddenly couldn’t wait for the ceremony to end.

She didn’t have long to wait, as time flew by and everything was over before it could all sink in. Brooke and Plastique emerged from the hall to the crowds outside and, just as they had promised, the girls all rushed forward to crush them in ridiculously tight hugs, Silky yelling at the top of her lungs how proud she was of them both and Akeria shaking a bottle of five pound cava until the cork opened easily and sprayed the fizz all over the two girls. Brooke clung to Plastique and laughed, unable to stop the smile that was plastered on her face.

“I can’t believe it! You both did it, congratulations!” Scarlet cried cheerfully, Brooke pulling her into another hug.

“Did you see me shaking when I walked across the stage? I thought I was going to trip and fall off the damn thing!” Brooke laughed, the other girls all laughing too.

“You looked like a confident, graceful, successful queen,” Nina told her, Brooke wanting to cry at her friend’s compliment. “And you _are_ all of those things! Fuck, I can’t believe we’ve all graduated now. What the hell are we going to do?!”

“Aw, let’s not think about that,” Akeria shushed her, a proud smile on her face. “Well done, ladies. We’re all proud of you. You did that shit.”

Plastique hugged and thanked them all again before making her excuses, saying she’d be right back, and dashing off to Alyssa. As she left, Yvie took Brooke’s hand and squeezed it.

“So, have you not got some big, teen-movie speech to make, or something?” she quipped. Brooke frowned, looking at her with confusion. The rest of the girls all waited for the penny to drop excitedly, and Brooke saw Akeria’s eyes land on someone just over her shoulder. Brooke turned around and, through the crowd, saw Vanessa waiting beside the hall. Their eyes met, and Brooke could see her try and then fail to suppress the smile on her face. Brooke turned back to the girls, pointing over her shoulder at the girl waiting for her.

“How did…you were all-”

Akeria rolled her eyes, gave her a gentle shove. “Go get your fuckin’ girl, idiot.”

Brooke hardly had to be told twice. She turned around, took two steps, then three, then four, until she realised she was almost jogging over to where Vanessa stood. And suddenly she was in front of her- her hair wavy and falling over her shoulders, her outfit exactly what any graduation guest would be wearing- a smart red dress that accentuated Vanessa’s collarbones and dark eyes and the bright white of the smile she was flashing Brooke’s way.

“Hey,” Brooke began, faltering slightly. She didn’t know where to start, so she chose the obvious. “You were there.”

“Yep!” Vanessa smiled at her proudly.

“How did…how?” Brooke stuttered out, still completely at a loss. Vanessa let out a laugh, charming beyond anything Brooke had heard before.

“I messaged your Mama. Got her number off Yvie after she sent her the link for the livestream. Basically said “hey Ms Hytes…can I grab your ticket and see your daughter graduate so I can surprise her”?” Vanessa grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Brooke couldn’t believe it. Her own Mum had been in on the whole thing and hadn’t let on. She was going to kill the woman the moment she touched down in Toronto.

“Oh my God. You’re amazing,” Brooke gasped, taking a little step forward so they were closer. She felt like crying. Vanessa was here, in front of her for what was maybe the last time. She had to do something. She couldn’t lose her. Not again.

“Amazing, huh?” Vanessa asked shyly, looking to the ground. They both knew the question meant so much more than simply what it was, and Brooke, without knowing where her confidence had emerged from, took both of Vanessa’s hands in hers. Vanessa’s gaze shot up, and their eyes met.

“Can I kiss you?”

“God, please.”

Without waiting a second longer, Brooke tipped her head down and met Vanessa’s lips. It was somehow just like the first time, even though in many ways it wasn’t at all. This time, Brooke knew every single inch of Vanessa’s body, she knew her ambitions, her fears, she knew what it was like to have almost lost her and be lucky enough to have her come back again. But most of all, Brooke knew that she was in love with her, so fucking in love with her, this one of a kind girl who she was desperate to keep in her life no matter if Vanessa chose her to be hers or not. Their kiss was gentle and urgent and passionate all at once, and Brooke wanted to hold onto the moment forever. When Vanessa’s lips were gone and Brooke was all at once looking at her again, she had tears in her eyes.

“Hey, hey, ‘Ness. Come on, this isn’t…don’t be upset.”

“I am, though! I’m an idiot. These past two months we could’ve been kissing like that and going on cute dates and planning the future and having fuckin’ insane levels of sex but I left you hanging like boo boo the fuckin’ fool when I knew what my decision was the moment we had that conversation in the library, because it’s you, Brooke, fuck, it’s always been you. I love you so much,” Vanessa sniffed, frantically wiping her tears away as Brooke pulled her against her chest. Vanessa’s voice murmured against her, the most hopeful, plaintive question. “Do you still love me?”

“Fuck, Vanessa, of course I love you. You’re just…the person I was meant to meet, you’re the person I’m meant to have in my life. I love you so much.”

Brooke felt like an idiot as tears began to well up in her own eyes. She looked down at Vanessa and she looked back up at her.

“You’re leaving,” Vanessa let out a tiny sob, her forehead hitting Brooke’s chest again.

“I’ll come back,” Brooke said immediately, meaning it. “Honestly, I will. I’ll book my flights as soon as I’m home. I’ll look for flats and jobs and we can start again. We’ll make it work. I want to be with you.”

Vanessa looked up at her, her happy, grateful smile at Brooke’s words all she needed. She let out a tearful laugh. “Brooke Lynn, will you be my girlfriend?”

Brooke laughed too, taking her both her hands and squeezing them. “Hey, fuck you, I wanted to ask first!”

They both laughed then leaned in for another kiss. Brooke didn’t need to answer. Vanessa hadn’t needed to ask.

As they broke away and wrapped their arms around each other, Brooke felt the tears spring up in her eyes as she looked over at the girls. There was Akeria, making some quip about something, and Silky howling at whatever it was she’d said. Monet had joined them all and was swigging the cava out of the bottle, an arm around Nina who was looking at her with adoration. Scarlet and Yvie were telling them both a story, their hands intertwined and their bodies close. Plastique had dragged her Mum over to meet them all and her face was animated as she spoke to her, so full of happiness and excitement.

“Fuck, Vanessa, I can’t believe it’s all over,” Brooke let out a small sob. Vanessa reached up, swept her tears away with a gentle finger.

“Hey. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Brooke smiled down at her girlfriend. Her girlfriend. There was nobody she’d rather have spent the past three years with.

“You wanna go steal that cava back from Monet?”

Brooke giggled and nodded. Joining their hands together and giving them a little squeeze, they walked back over to be with their family.


End file.
